Friday, March 25, 2005        Edition: #2998
Sweet Sheet!

TONIGHT an updated version of the classic TV series “Kojak” debuts on USA Network, starring Ving Rhames (Telly Savalas starred in the original CBS-TV series 1973-78) . . . TONIGHT  Chris Tucker hosts the 36th annual “NAACP Image Awards” on FOX-TV, at which Oprah Winfrey will be inducted into the ‘Hall of Fame‘ (because the show was prerecorded, we already know the movie “Ray” wins 4 awards including ‘Outstanding Actor’ for Jamie Foxx; and Alicia Keys wins 2 awards: ‘Outstanding Song’ and ‘Outstanding Music Video’ for “If I Ain’t Got You”) . . . SUNDAY ABC-TV’s new medical drama “Grey’s Anatomy” debuts, starring Nepean ON-born “Sideways” actress Sandra Oh as a surgical intern (this show could have a shot thanks to a strong lead-in from the hit series “Desperate Housewives”) . . . ABC-TV’s adaptation of BBC-TV’s “Strictly Come Dancing” reality show will feature a new title but the same format – celebrities will be paired with professional dancers who’ll train them, then they’ll compete in a live ballroom dancing competition (sounds dumb, but it’s a big hit in England!) . . . Former “American Idol” contestant Kimberley Locke is filming a pilot for the reality series “Aren’t You That Girl?”, all about her life as she prepares her 2nd album and plans her upcoming wedding . . .  “In Touch Weekly” claims Martha Stewart is undergoing hypnosis in order to cope with intense nightmares since returning home from prison (she’s been heard in the middle of the night screaming, “Agh! I can’t stand it … these uniforms clash!!!”)

• Alanis Morissette – Movie star Tom Hanks has signed on to produce “We’re With the Band”, a reality-based sitcom she’ll shoot for Comedy Central THIS SUMMER. The show follows her life both on and offstage.
• Dolly Parton – She says when it came time for her to kiss Sandra Bullock in “Miss Congeniality 2″, she tried to make the infamous lip-lock between Britney Spears and Madonna ‘look tame’.
• Korn – Frontman Jonathan Davis has joined the weird baby-name club. He and his porn-star wife Deven Davis have named their unfortunate new baby boy … ‘Pirate’.
• LeAnn Rimes – TONIGHT she kicks off the 3rd season of USA Network’s “Nashville Star”. She’s getting $200,000 to host 9 episodes … or roughly $22,222.22 an hour.
• Lifehouse – TONIGHT they’re on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Miranda Lambert – She’s 1 of only 5 country artists in Soundscan history to have a #1 debut album (“Kerosene”).
• Queens Of The Stone Age – TONIGHT they’re on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Sting – TONIGHT he does ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• Sum 41 – TODAY they’re on TV’s syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Whitney Houston – There’s no confirmation yet on why she’s back in rehab. She has previously received treatment for abuse of cocaine, marijuana and prescription pills.
• Who – Pete Townshend says he’s delaying a new album by the rock veterans, but not canceling it. He was hoping for a Spring or Summer release.

• “Guess Who?” (PG-13 Romantic Comedy): A retooling of the Sidney Poitier-Katharine Hepburn film, making it into a comedy with the ethnic tables turned. Ashton Kutcher plays a young man meeting his fiancée’s father (Bernie Mac), who is less-than-thrilled to discover his daughter is set to marry a white guy. The 1967 original was nominated for 10 Oscars and won  ‘Best Actress’ and ‘Best Screenplay’. (Can you tamper with a classic without getting burned? Will they remake “Gone With the Wind” as a comedy and call it “Gone”?)
• DEBS (PG-13 Limited-Release Action Comedy): No name stars appear in this comedy about a group of high-school hotties recruited by the FBI to become secret agents. The storyline includes a ‘steamy but romantic lesbian romance’, meaning this flick’s aimed directly at … teenage boys. (Sort of a 12th-Grade version of “Charlie’s Angels”.)

1. Angelina Jolie
2. Jennifer Garner
3. Paris Hilton
4. Charlize Theron
5. Halle Berry
6. Alyssa Milano
7. Teri Hatcher
8. Pamela Anderson
9. Scarlett Johansson
10. Lindsay Lohan
– “FHM” magazine poll in MAY issue.

TODAY a 17-member Canadian expedition to Mt Everest is scheduled to begin which will attempt to set 2 records. Team members will attempt to play what will likely be the world’s highest hockey game on Everest’s Khumbu glacier. And 62-year-old team leader Dr Sean Egan of Almonte ON will attempt to become the oldest Canadian to scale the world’s tallest peak. The team will also be testing cellphone and satellite communication technology, as well as raising funds for orphans in Nepal and teens in Canada.

At least 7 European countries now challenge the United States in size – at least around the waistline. In Cyprus, the Czech Republic, Finland, Germany, Greece, Malta and Slovakia, a higher percentage of men are obese or overweight than the estimated 67% of men in the United States, according to a report from the International Obesity Task Force.
– “Social Studies”

THIS WEEK planning sessions are underway to create a brand new town  just west of Sioux Falls SD in which the main language would be – sign language. The entire town is to be designed to make life easier and more practical for deaf and hard-of-hearing residents. It would be named ‘Laurent’ after Laurent Clerc, the French educator who pioneered what’s known as ‘American Sign Language’. It’s hoped the town will be ready to welcome both deaf and hearing residents as early as NEXT YEAR. (If a kid swears in ASN, does his mommy wash out his hands with soap?)

These days, before your résumé ever gets eyeballed by a personnel manager, it’s often fed through a high-speed ‘Résumé Scanner’ that flags the best candidates for the interviewer to review, based on search requirements that often include keywords. Among the buzzwords often searched ….
• Job Titles/Departments (manager, supervisor, human resources, accounting)
• Computer Program Proficiencies (CAD, Oracle, Excel)
• Degrees/Certifications (MBA, LPN, CPA)
• Skill-Based Descriptions (managed, supervised, team player, independent worker)
• General Business Terms (budget, sales quota, information services)
Most job postings are loaded with buzzwords the company deems important. So perhaps the best advice is to take your cues straight from the source and include those very same words in your résumé.

• A 53-year-old Woodley UK husband has repaid his wife off 33 years, the woman who donated a kidney to save his life – by dumping her for her sister-in-law! After successfully revering from the organ transplant, the ungrateful sod wasted no time in moving in with her brother’s wife.
• After her groom failed to show up for the ceremony, an Indian bride has been married off to – a clay pot. It seems the groom had cold feet – literally: An officer with the Indo-Tibetan Border Police, he became stranded due to heavy snowfall. So resourceful relatives suggested the show go on without him, although a photo of the groom was placed behind the pot.
• A man who has won over $26 million, Germany’s biggest-ever lottery prize, is planning to use it to build – the world’s largest pigeon loft. Yep, that’s his dream – a house in the country where he can breed birds without disturbing neighbors.

Odd facts from collected behavioral studies in “The Book of You” by Bernard Asbell …
• The less eye contact you and your spouse make when talking, the happier you are with your marriage. (Hey, to be totally ecstatic, make it a long distance call.)
• You will allow a short stranger to stand twice as close to you as a tall one in an elevator. (Because they only come up to here … hey, wait a minute!)


1942 [63] Aretha Franklin, Memphis TN, ‘Queen of Soul’ with 15 Grammys (“Respect”, “Chain of Fools”)/first woman in Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame (1987)

1947 [58] Elton John (Sir Reginald Dwight), Pinner UK, pop singer (“Something About the Way You Look Tonight”, “Candle in the Wind”)

1962 [43] Marcia Cross, Marlborough MA, absolutely NOT a lesbian TV actress (‘Bree Van De Kamp’ on “Desperate Housewives”)

1965 [40] Sarah Jessica Parker, Nelsonville OH, ex-TV actress (‘Carrie Bradshaw’ on “Sex & the City” 1998-2004)/ad huckster (The Gap, Nutrisse Hair Products, etc)

1966 [39] Jeff Healey, Toronto ON, blues singer/guitarist (Jeff Healey Band-“Angel Eyes”) who began playing guitar at age 3

Former “Star Trek” actor Leonard Nimoy is 74; “Las Vegas” actor James Caan is 65; Legendary Motown diva Diana Ross is 61; Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler is 57; Comedic actor Martin Short is 55; TV/radio personality Leeza Gibbons (“Leeza at Night”) is 48; “Sopranos” actor Michael Imperioli is 39; Country star Kenny Chesney is 37; “Pirates of the Caribbean” actress Keira Knightley is 20; Rapper J-Kwon (“Tipsy”) is 19.

Movie director Quentin Tarantino is 42; Pop diva Mariah Carey is 35; Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie (Stacy Ferguson) is 30.

TODAY “Expo 2005″ opens in Aichi, Japan. The world’s fair features exhibits from 125 countries and runs through September 25th. Canada’s designated ‘national day’ will be April 5th.

TODAY is also –
• “Good Friday”, the Christian observance of the crucifixion.
• “Greek Independence Day”, the anniversary of the country’s proclamation of independence in 1821.
• “International Sing-Out Day”, a day to break out in song just like they do in the musicals. (“Won’t you excuse me, I’ve got to go to the john …”)

SUNDAY is “National Joe Day”, when people who hate their names are to be called ‘Joe’. Ask listeners for the most horrific given names they’ve come across.

1954 [51] RCA begins marketing ‘Color TV’ for a MSRP of $1,295 (yes kids, TV used to come in only black & white)

2002 [03] “The Bachelor” premieres on ABC-TV (paving the way for “The Bachelorette”, “Joe Millionaire”, “Average Joe”, “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé”, etc)

0031 [1974] 1st ‘Easter’, according to calendar-maker Dionysius Exiguus (who also made it big with his ‘Girls Gone Wild in Togas’ calendar)

1934 [71] 1st ‘Masters’ golf tournament held in Augusta GA

1982 [23] 1st NHL player to amass ‘200 Points in a Season’ (Wayne Gretzky)

1986 [19] 1st figure skater to land a ‘Quadruple Jump’ in competition (Canada’s Kurt Browning)

[Sun] Easter Sunday
[Sun] Photography Day
[Sun] Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day
[Sun] Summer Time begins in Europe
[Mon] U2 “Vertigo Tour” begins (San Diego CA)
[Mon] Easter Monday
[Mon] Something On a Stick Day
This Week Is . . . RV Lifestyle Week
This Month Is . . . Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Month


• On the way to the boss’s office, your co-workers start stripping your cubicle of office supplies.
• They ask for a blood sample.
• There’s barbed wire between you and the boss.
• The first thing they do is give you a Breathalyzer.
• The company asks you to consider taking a 100% pay cut.
• Your desk and stapler are sold for scrap.
• Boss begins by saying “Nice work, Robinson” … but your name ain’t Robinson.

The week’s most requested music files online …
1. Usher – “Caught Up”
2. Jennifer Lopez – “Get Right”
3. Mario – “Let Me Love You”
4. 50 Cent – “Candy Shop”
5. The Killers – “Mr Brightside”
– Big Champagne Online Media Measurement

• Ontario premier Dalton McGuinty is urging people to boycott a controversial new Hollywood movie about schoolgirl killers Paul Bernardo & Karla Homolka. Are we over-sensitive because it happened here? Why didn’t Canadians protest over other true-crime movies such as “Monster”?
• What’s the one thing you can’t seem to get your significant other to understand?
• What was the one food that you hated but that your parents made you eat?

Today’s Question: THESE wore pimples before changing to dimples.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Golf balls.

Statistics can be used to support anything, especially statisticians.


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