Tuesday, March 8, 2005        Edition: #2985
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

TONIGHT comedian Martin Short guest-stars on NBC-TV’s “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” as a devious psychic who tries to complicate the search for a missing girl (an odd turn of stunt-casting?) . . . Actress Gwyneth Paltrow has listed her $7.85-million townhouse in NYC’s Greenwich Village but is demanding that prospective buyers sign a confidentiality agreement, agreeing not to take photos or talk to the press after viewing the joint (even home-hunting actor Jude Law & his fiancé Sienna Miller had to sign zee papers) . . . “NY Times” has declared Mary-Kate Olsen a fashion icon for creating the ‘homeless look’, accessorized by a cashmere muffler, a Balenciaga lariat bag and her signature Starbucks take-out latté . . . The new must-have toy in Hollywood is said to be your own photo booth – directors Quentin Tarantino (“Kill Bill”) and Brett Ratner (“Rush Hour”) have one (and useful for blackmailing party guests after drunken orgies!) . . . Jennifer Lopez & hubby Marc Anthony have snapped up a 5-bedroom, Tuscan-style villa in the Bel Air section of LA for circa $7 million, to add to their homes in Miami & NYC (one so hates hotel linens, doesn’t one?) . . . “Fat Actress” Kirstie Alley donates $100 to her favorite Scientology charity each time she strays from her diet, according to “In Touch Weekly”, which reports that so far the church has netted $1,500 from her moments of weakness . . . And organizers of the “Cannes Film Festival” (MAY 11-22nd) are hoping to entice George Lucas to open this year’s 58th competition with the 6th and final “Star Wars” installment, “Revenge of the Sith”.

• Alanis Morissette – She’s decided to re-release “Jagged Little Pill” exactly 10 years after its debut, only she is going to re-record it acoustically. The new CD will be out JUNE 13th.
• Barenaked Ladies – THIS WEEK singer/guitarist Ed Robertson makes a guest appearance in the special 50th episode of the animated online comedy series “Red vs Blue”, portraying ill-fated Blue army leader ‘Captain Flowers’.
• Britney Spears – She says once she becomes a mother she wants to perform in Las Vegas long-term à la Celine Dion. Meantime, she’s decided to drop some weight after being shocked by how pudgy she looks in tabloid photos lately.
• Michael Buble – TONIGHT he appears on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Nickelback – They’ve just added former 3 Doors Down drummer Daniel Adair to replace Nik Vikedal, who is now working full-time with his former side-project, the Corb Lund Band. New music from Nickelback should be out sometime THIS SUMMER.
• Pink – She’s reportedly split with motocross star fiancé Carey Hart after a heated argument in a cab on the way to LAX where they were to board a flight for Australia. She went on ahead without him.
• Tears for Fears – TODAY they perform on “Live with Regis and Kelly”.
• U2 – SEPTEMBER 12th they’ll kick off the fall North American leg of the “2005 Vertigo” tour at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto and include about 40 dates before wrapping in Portland OR. Meantime, Bono reportedly has an outside shot at making the short-list of candidates to take over the reins of the World Bank.

• “Ladder 49″ (Action Drama – DVD/VHS): Joaquin Phoenix plays a Baltimore firefighter who grows from inexperienced rookie to seasoned veteran under the watchful eye of his mentor and captain (John Travolta). The special FX are said to be spectacular. Phoenix was so afraid of heights before shooting the film he couldn’t even slide down the 20-ft fire pole. After he finished training, he hung off the side of a 20-story building by a single repelling rope.
• “WMD: Weapons of Mass Deception” (Documentary – DVD): Danny Schechter’s award-winning documentary paints a meticulous portrait of the US media’s lopsided coverage of the Iraq War and details how the rest of the world saw a very different story.

One of several ideas researchers have for robots on display at Microsoft Corp’s annual gadget showcase is – a kids’ teddy bear. But this isn’t your average bear! The head on the plush prototype swivels to follow its owner, using a face-recognition program. The hi-tech teddy also allows parents to talk to their child through a special phone, or monitor activity via a camera and wireless Internet connection. (Beware! Big Bear is watching you!)
– “Social Studies”

A bridge in Scotland has been nicknamed “Rover’s Leap” because at least 5 pet dogs have died by jumping off it since OCTOBER. Animal psychiatrists say they have no explanation for the lemming-like behavior on the 40-foot-high span in Dunbarton. (Wait a sec … isn’t that a prime rib bone at the bottom of the river?)
– “NY Post”

YESTERDAY Norwegian homeowner Odin Viken had a rude awakening about 5:30 am – a 26-ton army tank slammed into his house in Vassbotna, tearing clean through a wall and lodging partway in the bathroom. It apparently went out of control on a patch of ice while participating in the 15-country ‘Battle Griffin’ military exercise in northwest Norway. LAST WEEK during the same exercise, a 40-ton tank flattened a Mercedes-Benz. Fortunately, there were no injuries in either incident. ‘Battle Griffin‘, with 14,000 NATO and other troops, lasts through this FRIDAY. (Giving Norway time to attempt a comeback from 2-0.)

A new AC Nielsen poll on the sleep habits of over 14,000 people in 28 countries finds that people worldwide seem to be getting to bed later, due to more and more distractions such as the Internet, late-night entertainment and all-night shopping. Highlights of the poll …
• In general, Asians not only get to sleep later than most North Americans and Europeans but also wake-up earlier.
• Portugal boasts the most night owls, with 75% regularly staying up past midnight.
• Indonesia has the most early-risers – 91% roll out of bed by 7 am.
• Japanese get the least sleep. 41% say they get 6 hours or less per night.
• Australians get the most Zs, with 31% averaging more than 9 hours a night.
– Reuters

• Cheyenne Mountain Air Force Station – Built 2,000 feet underground, it serves as the control  center for NORAD (North American Air Defense Command).
• HavenCo – A data-protection company 6 miles off Britain at Sealand in the North Sea, it has a very short list of people who are allowed access.
• ADX-Florence Prison – This Colorado maximum security prison uses highly sophisticated technology so that a single prison guard can control several cell blocks.
• Saddam Hussein’s Baghdad Bunker – Designed so its occupants could survive a direct hit from an atomic bomb and then remain inside for 6 months.
• Mormon Church Records Vaults –  Metal gates bar the tunnel entrance to vaults that are encased in rock at Granite Mountains UT.
• Fort Knox – The bank vault that houses the USA’s gold is lined with granite walls and protected by a door that weighs 24.6 tons. No one person is entrusted with the combination.
• The 1960s Bar – A radiation-proof British pub located deep underground in the Burlington Bunker in Wiltshire UK. It’s part of the British government’s emergency government HQ.
• Air Force One: The US presidential aircraft is a modified Boeing jet that features the most recent safety technology. The communications system includes 85 telephones, as well as multi-frequency radios for air-to-air, air-to-ground, and satellite communications.
• Area 51 – This top-secret US military facility 90 miles north of Las Vegas was originally used to test the U2 spy plane. The area is also associated with UFOs and various conspiracy stories.
• Bold Lane Parking Garage – The most secure parking garage on Earth is located near a shopping center in Derby UK.
– “Focus”

A Chinese man can blow up balloons and blow out candles – with his ears! 55-year-old Wei Mingtang, a factory worker from Guilin city, discovered his ears leaked air over 30 years ago. He then came up with the idea of using them to inflate balloons with the aid of a pipe. At a recent city festival, he also managed to blow out 20 candles within 20 seconds using a hose leading from his ears. (And you oughta see him play the tuba!)
– “Nanguo Morning News”

According to cognitive neuro-scientists, we are conscious of only about 5% of our thinking activity. Most of our decisions, actions, emotions and behavior are conducted by the 95% of brain activity that is subconscious. (This entire show, for instance.)
– “US News & World Report”


1961 [44] Camryn Manheim, Caldwell NJ, TV actress (“The Practice” 1997-2004)

1976 [29] Freddie Prinze Jr, LA CA, movie actor (“Scooby-Doo 1 & 2″, “She’s All That”)/Mr Sarah Michelle Gellar since 2002

1977 [28] James Van Der Beek, Cheshire CT, movie actor (“The Rules of Attraction”, “Scary Movie”)/former TV actor (“Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)

1984 [21] Bob, Clint & Dave Moffatt, Victoria BC, has-been pop singers (The Moffatts-“Bang Bang Boom”, “Until You Loved Me”)

TODAY is “International Women’s Day”, kicking off “Universal Women’s Week”, which honors all women, especially working women. It was first proclaimed at a 1910 women’s conference in Helsinki, Finland by activist Clara Zetkin. In 1977, the observance was endorsed by the UN and is a national holiday in China and Russia, where female workers are presented with flowers and gifts. The 2005 IWD theme in Canada is – “You Are Here: Women, Canada and the World” (snappy, ain’t it?)
NET: http://www.swc-cfc.gc.ca/dates/iwd/index_e.html
NET: http://www.internationalwomensday.com

TODAY is “Aunts Day”, recognizing those special people who make long-lasting impressions throughout our lives. (Another Hallmark moment.)

TODAY is “Healthy Office Day”, focusing on the many types of pollutants that effect office workers: environmental, equipment or stress-related. (Not to mention co-worker-related.)

1997 [08] Paul McCartney is knighted by Queen Elizabeth II in a ceremony at Buckingham Palace

1855 [150] 1st train passes over 1st ‘Railway Suspension Bridge’ (Niagara Falls ON/NY)

1913 [92] 1st US ‘Income Tax’ levied (next day, the 1st income tax cheat)

1990 [15] 1st Canadian to defend World Figure Skating title (Kurt Browning, in Halifax)

[Wed] Dan Rather retires as “CBS Evening News” anchor
[Wed] Barbie’s Birthday
[Wed] Employee Appreciation Day
[Wed] “Canadian Idol” auditions (London ON)
[Thurs] Salvation Army Day
[Fri] Worship of Tools Day
This Week Is . . . Art Week / Celebrate Your Name Week
This Month Is . . . Peanut Month / Professional Social Work Month


Your contestant must strive to get all the answers WRONG … much harder than it seems! You decide if their answers are correct or outlandish enough to qualify as incorrect.
• He’s the hunky Hollywood actor who recently split with his wife Jennifer Aniston.
• What you should do when you see a yellow traffic light.
• The all-time best-looking Prime Minister of Canada.
• The most innovative show on TV.
• A conservative outfit you might wear to a funeral.
• The best movie you’ve ever seen.
• What Martha Stewart might be doing right now.
• The best cure for the common cold.
• The most exciting place to spend Spring Break.
• The most romantic love song you’ve ever heard.

• How to get the boss to quit reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder ‘Instruction Manuals’.
• She’s just a trellis for varicose veins.
• During March Break he plans to do a lot of exercise on the beach … by sucking in his stomach every time he sees a bikini.

• If your life was a TV sit-com (reality show), what would the title be?
• What’s your theme song?

Today’s Question: According to a recent survey, THIS is the #1 fear men have.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Being sexually inadequate.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.


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