Friday, March 3, 2005        Edition: #2982
100% Canada #1 Grade A Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the latest spin-off series in the “Law & Order” franchise debuts on NBC-TV, “Law & Order: Trial by Jury”, co-starring Jerry Orbach as ‘Detective Lennie Briscoe’ (from the original “L & A”) who ended up whispering his lines due to weakness from dying of cancer (a fact the producers have made sure is well-publicized) . . . “Friends” alum David Schwimmer is directing the pilot episode of the FOX-TV comedy “New Car Smell”, starring pseudo-actress Brooke Shields (now there’s a show with 2 strikes against it already!) . . . “Newsweek” magazine is defending putting Martha Stewart’s head on a model’s body for its current cover by saying it’s a ‘photo illustration’ of how she’ll likely appear after reportedly shedding 20 lbs in prison (covered in tattoos?) . . . It seems Mel Gibson has used $15 million of his “The Passion of the Christ” motherload to buy the entire Pacific island of Mago in northern Fiji, but now he faces a legal challenge from villagers who claim their ancestors were forced off the island, so they should own it (hey, once you’re kicked off the island, the decision is final – don’t these people watch “Survivor”?) . . . NBC is putting together a TV movie about Robin Williams’ classic 1970s comedy to be called “Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of ‘Mork & Mindy’”(yet further proof television has finally run out of ideas!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• BB King – The 79-year-old blues legend will begin work on a new duets album later THIS MONTH, which will feature collaborations with U2, Sting, Van Morrison & Elton John.
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s the executive producer (the money) behind a drama pilot called “South Beach” that will air on UPN.
• Maroon 5 – They say they’ve only revealed the origin of the band’s name to one person, Billy Joel.
• Sloan – Their 1994 album “Twice Removed” tops “Chart” magazine’s new listing of the ‘Top 50 Canadian Albums of All-Time’, followed by Neil Young’s “Harvest” and Joni Mitchell’s “Blue”.
• Toby Keith – TODAY he’ll help announce the nominations for the 40th “Academy of Country Music Awards” at a press conference in Nashville. The “ACMs” will be handed out MAY 17 at the Mandalay Bay Resort & Casino in Las Vegas.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A movie called “Villeneuve”, based on the biography “Villeneuve: The Life of The Legendary Driver”, will be set 15 years after the death of Grand Prix racer Gilles Villeneuve as his son Jacques prepares to race for his first Formula 1 title . . . Actor Vin Diesel is determined to star in and direct a movie about “Hannibal” (not the cannibal but the 3rd-century Carthaginian general who led his army & elephants across the Alps to attack Rome) but what’s holding up the idea is – his treatment would cost an estimated $200-million-plus to shoot (he wants to build actual Alps or what?) . . . Aussie director Baz Luhrmann’s scrapped “Alexander the Great” movie may be made after all, thanks to Oliver Stone’s “Alexander” bombing at the box office (Luhrmann’s version was to star Leonardo DiCaprio & Nicole Kidman) . . . Robin Williams will star in “RV”, a vacation comedy about a dysfunctional family that becomes immersed in the ‘campground community’ en route to the Rockies . . . Meantime, Williams has reportedly agreed to a minimal $65,000 fee to play a gay radio host in the movie adaptation of Armistead Maupin’s novel “The Night Listener” due to begin shooting later THIS MONTH (“Sideways” actress Sandra Oh of Nepean ON will co-star) . . . Ben Affleck has also waived his usual fee to co-star with Adrien Brody in “Truth, Justice & the American Way”, a low-budget drama in which he’ll play actor George Reeves, early TV’s “Superman”, who mysteriously died from a gunshot wound in 1959 . . . Mel Gibson is set to return to the bigscreen in “Under & Alone”, about an undercover ATF agent who joins the Mongols motorcycle club (Mel on a hog – can you picture it?) . . . And Keri Russell (formerly TV’s “Felicity”) has signed up to star in “Butterfly, a Grimm Love Story”, an indie flick about ‘Internet Cannibals’ who seek out suicidal Web surfers that are willing to be – killed and eaten! (oh, so it’s a romantic comedy then?).

FIT OR FAT?
A new survey commissioned by the trade group International Health, Racquet & Sportsclub Association finds there are 6 basic fitness profiles. So which are you?
• Abracadabras – These people are fat and out of shape and would like nothing better than a magic pill to help them slim down.
• Sit-com Skeptics – They take pride in not falling for the ‘fitness craze’.
• Woulda-Shouldas – They understand exercise is important but still don’t do it as often as they should.
• Social Competitors – They think physical activity is fun as long as it’s done in a group.
• Conscientious Preventors – This group exercises regularly to prevent health problems.
• Balanced Holistics – These people exercise for their good health and psychological well-being.
– MSNBC

THE FUR FLIES:
Heather Mills (Mrs Paul McCartney) and former rock star Rick Wakeman of Yes have joined an international campaign to ban the sale of – cat and dog fur. They claim that some 2 million cats and dogs are killed each year, mostly in China, so their fur can be used in figurines and fashions with either false labels or no labels identifying it at all. Many countries have bans on the trade, but the campaigners want the ban to be extended to all 25 European Union nations. (What a sick world – who’d actually wanna wear a coat made from a coot widdle puppy?)
– AP

AND NOW PLASTIC SURGERY – AFTER DEATH:
Controversial German artist Gunther von Hagens, whose exhibitions made from human and animal remains have attracted millions of visitors around-the-world, wants to build a factory to mass-produce his art. He’s already bought land and industrial buildings in a western Polish town to house his so-called ‘plastination process’, a method of preserving human and animal bodies by replacing natural body fluids with solid plastic. The process both preserves tissues and gives rigidity, enabling the corpse and its organs to be displayed in exhibitions. (Okay, a little bacon for breakfast this morning … anyone?)
– UK Reuters

FELONS IN DIAPERS:
It seems unbelievable, but 4 Bangladeshi infants have been forced to appear in court in their parents’ arms accused of – looting and causing criminal damage. The little ones, aged 3 months to 2 years, have been released on bail after a brief hearing. The magistrate in the southern city of Chittagong says the case obviously appears to have no merit but the truth will have to be uncovered in court. How can this happen? In Bangladesh, anyone can file a criminal case and the procedure is often used simply to harass people. (One place you don’t want to tick off your neighbors!.)
– BBC World News

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 82% of us say that seeing another person’s smile puts us in a better mood.
• 67% of us worry about losing our jobs on a daily basis.
• 52% of all shoplifters are men.
• 39% of house guests snoop through the host’s medicine cabinet.
• 17% of us have gone through someone else’s trash.
• 7% of us like to drink wine … in the bathtub.

SEXIEST JOBS:
According to a new poll, here’s the occupations that have the most ‘sex appeal’ …
1. Firefighter … selected by 16% of respondents
2. Flight Attendant … 13%
3. CEO … 11%
4. [TIE] Reporter/Interior Designer/Event Planner … 10%
5. Nurse … 9%
– Salary.com
    
THE SAFEST CAR COLOR?
According to a new study by researchers at the University of Auckland in New Zealand that assesses the effect of car colors on the risk of serious injury in accidents, silver cars are 50% less likely to be involved in a crash resulting in serious injury compared to white cars, perhaps because silver is a reflective color. The risk factor for white, yellow, grey, red and blue cars is in the mid-range. The least safe car colors are brown, black and green. Globally, about 3,000 people die in car accidents – every day!
– “British Medical Journal”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Among the list of 1,121 ‘naughty words’ NOT allowed on personalized football jerseys purchased at the online NFL Shop are ‘gay’ and … ‘axing the weasel’ (we dunno … you tell us!)
– Outsports.com

THE BULL SHEET 03.03.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1920 [85] James Doohan, Vancouver BC [raised Sarnia ON], retired actor (‘Cmdr Montgomery [Scotty] Scott’ on the original “Star Trek” TV series 1966-69 and in 4 “Star Trek” movies)

1958 [47] Miranda Richardson, Southport UK, movie actress (“The Phantom of the Opera”, “The Hours”)

1971 [34] Brett Warren, Tampa FL, country singer (Warren Brothers-“She Wants To Rock”, w/ Sara Evans-“That’s The Beat Of A Heart”)

1982 [23] Jessica Biel, Ely MN, movie actress (“Blade: Trinity”, “Cellular”)/former TV actress (“7th Heaven” 1996-2001)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY through Saturday is “Canadian Music Week” during which hundreds of musicians take over the clubs of downtown Toronto. The festival is highlighted by TONIGHT’s 5th annual “Canadian Independent Music Awards” (Trews and Sum 41 are among this year’s nominees) and SATURDAY’s 8th annual “Canadian Radio Music Awards”.
NET: http://www.cmw.net

TODAY is “National Anthem Day” in observance of the bill designating “The Star Spangled Banner” as the American National Anthem being passed by US Congress and signed into law by President Hoover on this date in 1931.

TODAY is “I Want You To Be Happy Day”, a day to show love, care and concern for others. (Tomorrow is  “Back to the Same Ol’ Crapola Day”.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1985 [20] Cybill Shepherd’s tongue-in-cheek detective show “Moonlighting” debuts on ABC-TV in which she’s eventually upstaged by her co-star, a previously unknown actor by the name of – Bruce Willis

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1990 [15] “Escapade” by Janet Jackson hits #1 on pop singles charts

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1875 [130] By some accounts, the 1st recorded ‘Hockey Game’ is played in Montréal

1919 [86] 1st ‘International Air Mail Service’ (Seattle WA-Victoria BC)

1939 [66] 1st live ‘goldfish swallowing’ sets off a popular fad (Lothrup Withington Jr at Harvard University)  FACTOID: The world record is 199!

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] International Scrapbooking Day
[Sat] Unique Names Day
[Sat-Mar 13] The Brier (Edmonton AB)
[Sun] Australian Grand Prix (F-1 season opener)
[Mon] Commonwealth Day
[Tues] International Women’s Day
This Week Is . . . Save Your Vision Week / Human Resources Week
This Month Is . . . Music in Our Schools Month / Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WAYS TO AMUSE YOURSELF:

• Buy a TV exactly like your neighbors’. Then you can annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control.
• Walk up to a store employee and tell him/her in an official tone, ‘Code 3 in Aisle 4′ and see what happens.
• Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes’ eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
• When your money comes out of the ATM, scream “I won! I won! Third time this week!”
• Drill a 1-inch hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If you could communicate with any type of animal, which animal would you chose?
• Name the grossest thing you have ever put in your mouth.

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Oh my God, look at you this morning! Anyone else hurt in the accident?
• Don’t be so humble … you’re not that great.
• I have told you like a MILLION TIMES to quit exaggerating …
• It’s obvious you’re very open-minded … you can feel the draft from here.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you’re average, you will spend a total of 6 months of your life doing THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Waiting for red traffic lights to change.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The older I get, the better I was.

 


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