Wednesday, March 2, 2005        Edition: #2981
Sheet For Brains!

Actor Jude Law’s 22-year-old actress-fiancée Sienna Miller has lost 1 of the 9 diamonds on her $38,000 engagement ring after it apparently – came off in a mitten and the mitten is gone (her mommy should have put a string on her mitts and fed them through her sleeves) . . . Engaged couple Seal & Heidi Klum recently bought a Bel Air CA estate for $4.3 million and now they’ve been spotted buying his & hers wedding rings in NYC (the point-of-no-return is quickly approaching) . . . Actress Gwyneth Paltrow is refuting reports her marriage to Chris Martin is in trouble after she failed to show up with him at the Oscars, saying they’re just keeping their relationship out of the limelight (famous last words) . . . TBS has just purchased rerun rights for lame TV sitcom “According to Jim” for about $250,000 per episode (a spokesman failed to reveal why ever why) . . . The odds at for a conviction/acquittal for Robert Blake are currently even (are there ‘Daily Double’ odds on Blake-Jackson?) . . . “Hitch” actor Will Smith claims he turned down the role of ‘Neo’ in “The Matrix” trilogy, but says he has no regrets whatsoever because Keanu Reeves was ‘born to play the part’ . . . 31-year-old “American Pie” actress Shannon Elizabeth reveals her unusual birthday tradition – an annual treasure hunt throughout LA in which she and friends take nude pics of themselves at specified landmarks in order to score points (can we make this into a radio contest – please?).

• Coldplay – Their highly-anticipated 3rd album will be released in JUNE, followed by their biggest world tour so far.
• Jennifer Lopez – She says she has no regrets over her choice of films and she won’t stop singing in order to be a more respected actress like Meryl Streep.
• Prince – His private post-Oscars bash was perhaps the most exclusive. Only 50 celebs were allowed in as he and his full band played in his living room until the crack of dawn.
• 3 Doors Down – TONIGHT they’re on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• U2 – In the new book “Bono In Conversation” due in APRIL, Bono describes his own fantasy funeral as having ‘lots of weeping and wailing’ and music by Bob Dylan and Pavarotti.

Cutting edge vocab ….
• ‘Covenant Marriage’ – A new form of ‘extreme wedding’ said to be based on biblical teachings that’s spreading among evangelical Christians. Couples must undergo premarital counseling, sign an affidavit, and promise to seek more counseling if trouble arises in the marriage. Divorce is allowed only in cases of ‘cruel and barbarous treatment’ and requires a waiting period of at least 2 years. (Sounds more like a sentence than a romantic union.)
• ‘Vanity Sizing’ – The practice of putting a smaller size label on a larger size garment in order to flatter the prospective buyer. (“Oh look, I must have lost weight … I squeezed into an 18!”)
• ‘Fictomercial’ – A work of fiction in which a company pays the writer to incorporate the company’s products into the story. (Sort of the print version of ‘product placement’.)

Electronic engineers at the University of Pennsylvania are researching a device they say could make objects ‘nearly invisible to an observer’. The contrivance works by preventing light from bouncing off the surface of an object, causing the object to appear so small it all but disappears. (In announcing the new technology a naked researcher asked, “And how do you like my new clothes?”)
– “National Geographic News”

Peter Walsh, author of “How to Organize (Just About) Everything”, suggests you ask yourself the following questions when trying to decide whether to keep or toss out something …
• Have I used this in the past 2 years?
• Is it a duplicate? Can I replace it easily if it’s not?
• Does it need repair and is it worth repairing?
• Will I use it in the next year?
• Am I only keeping it for sentimental reasons?
• Does it belong elsewhere or to someone else?
• Do I love it?
(Try answering the same questions about your relationship.)
– “Social Studies”

• A new synthetic tooth enamel can repair early tooth decay without drillings or fillings. Japanese researchers at the FAP Dental Institute in Tokyo have found that a fine paste of a material that mimics natural enamel can be used to repair small cavities in just 15 minutes. The downside – the acidic mix can cause painful injury if it touches the gums. (OK so there’s still pain … but it’s a different pain.)
• Home sound systems as we know them may soon become a thing of the past. The new Sonos Digital Music System lets you wirelessly tap into music stored in your computer. Using an iPod-like remote control and a pair of wireless hubs called ‘ZonePlayers’ with built-in amplifiers that channel music to speakers, you can put together playlists from whatever’s downloaded in your computer … for about $1,200. (Great idea … another remote to lose.)
• If you think marriage vows are not enough to bind people together, rings made of your spouse’s bone cells may be the ultimate gesture. The idea has been hatched by Nikki Stott, a jewelry designer at the Royal College of Art in London, who’s collaborating with Ian Thomson, a bio-engineer at King’s College. The painful part of the idea – the lucky couple has to provide bone cell samples. Stott says it’s for people who ‘want to give a bit of their body to each other’. (Aren’t there easier … and more fun … ways?)

What he says [what he could mean] ….
• “My home phone isn’t working, so call me on my cell.” [“I don’t want you calling my house.”]
• “My marriage is essentially over.” [“I want to have an affair.”]
• “I’ll have to check my schedule for next Saturday.” [“I’m waiting to see if a better offer comes along.”]
• “I’m afraid of commitment.” [“I’d like to continue sleeping with you, but not if it means I have to stop seeing other women.”]
• “It’s not you, it’s me.” [“It’s you.”]
• “I’d like to cook you dinner at my place.” [“I’d like to dazzle you with what a caring, nurturing renaissance man I am so that you’ll have sex with me.”]
• “You’re not a feminist, are you?” [“I’m threatened by the fact that you don’t act like a complete doormat.”]
• “I just want to be friends.” [“I don’t find you attractive anymore.”]
• “You look great in that dress.” [“The party started half an hour ago, can we please leave already?”]
– “Ladies’ Home Journal”

It’s amazing some people are afraid to make an online purchase with a credit card, considering using one in a restaurant is far more risky. According to a new survey conducted by Javelin Research and the Better Business Bureau, the top sources of identity theft are …
• Lost or stolen wallet … 29%
• Fraud that occurs during an in-store or phone transaction … 12.9%
• Corrupt employees … 9%
• Stolen mail … 8%
• Spyware on the computer … 5%
• Sifting through garbage … 2.6%
• Computer viruses … 2.2%
• ‘Phishing’ through fraudulent e-mail … 1.7%
– MarketWatch

About 700 new products are introduced every day. LAST YEAR, 26,893 new food and household products went on the market, including 115 deodorants, 187 breakfast cereals and 303 women’s fragrances.
– “LA Times”

 “I want to be in Jamie Foxx’s speed dial because he likes big booties and I’ve got a big boot.”
– Has-been teen idol Deborah Gibson telling “National Enquirer” why she decided to bare all in “Playboy”.
• “The French will never come to help us with the Iraq War after that.”
– “The View” co-host Joy Behar observing that Beyoncé’s singing in French at the Oscars was a wee bit fractured.


1942 [63] Lou Reed, Freeport NY, ground-breaking classic rock musician (“Walk on the Wild Side”, “Sweet Jane”)

1962 [43] Jon Bon Jovi (John Francis Bongiovi), Sayreville NJ, pop singer (Bon Jovi-“It’s My Life”, “Always”)/movie actor (“U-571″, “Pay It Forward”)

1977 [28] Chris Martin, Exeter UK, pop singer (Coldplay-“Clocks”, “In My Place”)/Mr Gwyneth Paltrow since 2003

1985 [20] Robert Iler, NYC, TV actor (‘AJ Soprano Jr’ on “The Sopranos” since 1999)

TODAY is “National Salesperson’s Day”, honoring those gifted and creative individuals whose big kick in life is persuading others to spend a buck.

THIS WEEK is officially “Working Dog Week”, to honor dogs working for humanity. Ask listeners about unusual jobs for dogs they’ve come across.

THIS MONTH is “National Talk With Your Teen About Sex Month” as declared by the group “Parenting Without Pressure”, who somehow have the notion your teen knows less than you.

1977 [28] Jay Leno makes his 1st appearance on “The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson”

1923 [82] 1st issue of “Time” magazine

1951 [54] 1st NBA ‘All-Star Game’

1962 [43] Wilt Chamberlain sets NBA scoring record of 100 points in a game while playing for the Philadelphia Warriors, who beat the NY Knicks 169-147 (“Hey Wilt, like would it kill you to pass the ball off once in a while?”)

[Thurs] I Want You To Be Happy Day
[Thurs] 40th Academy of Country Music Awards nominations announced
[Fri] International Scrapbooking Day
[Sat] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Sudbury ON)
[Sat-Mar 13] The Brier (Edmonton AB)
[Sat] Multiple Personalities Day
[Sat] Unique Names Day
[Sun] Frozen Food Day
[Mon] “The Contender” premieres on NBC-TV
This Week Is . . . Professional Pet Sitters Week / Drug & Alcohol Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Cataract Awareness Month / Frozen Food Month

A few innovative money-saving tips for you to pass along …
• You can cancel your gym membership and still lose weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. The subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea will enable you to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days!
• Save on electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner’s hat.
• Save on gasoline by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you’ve broken down and help you out.
• Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don’t know.
• Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers turned to ‘fast wipe’ whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
• Quit paying to heat up all that bath water. Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove dirt by simply peeling it off.
• Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road.

Get some kids, any kids (your own will do) and bring ‘em into the studio to record dialogue from famous movies (kids reading adult dialogue is always good for a laugh). Play the recordings back on-air and have contestants try to guess the movie, its stars, etc. Here are a few scripts to get you going …
• “Casablanca”
• “Finding Nemo”
• “The Matrix”
• “Spider-Man”
• “Titanic”
• “Bambi”

• Which singer-turned-actor once said, “I don’t know anything about music. In my line, you don’t have to.”?
a. Madonna
b. Elvis Presley [CORRECT]
c. Frank Sinatra

• How many of the 88 keys on a standard piano are white?
a. 44
b. 52 [CORRECT]
c. 93

Today’s Question: North American hospitals treat about 100 patients a year who are injured by THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Toilet seat.

A close friend can become a close enemy.
– Ethiopian proverb


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