Thursday, March 25, 2004        Edition: #2753
Nothin’ Like a Bull in Your Radio Shop!!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY grand jury candidates report for selection in the Michael Jackson child molestation case at the Santa Barbara County courthouse, and DA Tom Sneddon plans at least 2 weeks of testimony in an attempt to show a ‘pattern of seduction’ . . . Meantime, Jackson, with his kids and members of the Nation of Islam, is on vacation at a private villa in Hawaii, Mikey reportedly arriving on Kauai ‘dressed like a beekeeper’ . . . Word has it actor Bruce Willis had to be escorted to his room at the Ritz-Carlton in Paris – one employee under each arm – after getting wasted in the hotel’s Hemingway Bar, passing his hat around demanding tips, and banging on the glass bar . . . With “The Passion of the Christ” doing so well at the box office ($300 million and counting), the Monty Python crew will re-release a 25th anniversary edition of their 1979 comedy “The Life of Brian”, the story of a guy named ‘Brian of Nazareth’ who’s mistaken for the Messiah . . . Jay-Z has decided to double the size of his popular 40/40 nightclub in NYC, adding another VIP area on the 2nd floor to go along with the existing 2 VIP rooms . . . He may be the main man in media right now but it seems Ryan Seacrest couldn’t handle frisky former model Janice Dickinson (an “America’s Top Model” judge) on his TV show THIS WEEK, so he went to a commercial, then asked her to leave (apparently he didn’t like her on his lap).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Norah Jones – She’s been swamped with offers to use her music in commercials but will never allow it, saying she doesn’t want to hear one her tunes in the background of a tampon ad.
• Alan Jackson – He’ll co-headline a concert with Jimmy Buffett & George Strait MAY 29th at Texas Stadium. There’s no word on whether the collaboration will develop into a tour.
• Usher – He admits his addiction to sex has ruined all his long-term relationships but says if he ever meets the ‘right girl’ he’ll get treatment.
• Clay Aiken – TONIGHT he’s on “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Whitney Houston – She’s checked out of rehab after just 5 days and is reportedly holed up in a rental near her Atlanta home.
• Christina Aguilera – Pals say her 6-month boyfriend Jordan Bratman has presented her with a stunning diamond engagement ring but no wedding date has yet been set.
• Britney Spears – After creating forgettable movies, she reportedly now has her sights set on Broadway and is considering the role of ‘Eliza Doolittle’ in a revival of “My Fair Lady”.

FUTURE FLICKS:
29-year-old “Titanic” actress Kate Winslet is in talks to star in the 4th ‘Harry Potter’ movie, “Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire”, playing French wizard ‘Fleur Delacour’ . . . Word is everyone on the set broke out in tears when Julie Andrews sang in the new movie “Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement”, something thought impossible after throat surgery permanently damaged her singing voice 7 years ago . . . Movie director Ridley Scott is being guarded by soldiers while on location in Morocco after receiving death threats from Islamic extremists offended by battle scenes in his new movie about the Crusades, “Kingdom of Heaven” . . . Hollywood has-been Burt Reynolds & model Rachel Hunter will co-star in “Cloud Nine”, an indie feature about a has-been coach who starts a women’s volleyball team – for strippers . . . 24-year-old Aussie actor Heath Ledger has been ordered to bulk up for his role as a gay cowboy in the Ang Lee movie “Brokeback Mountain”, then he’ll go from a man’s man to a ladies’ man in the romantic comedy “Casanova”, shooting THIS SUMMER in Venice . . . And “The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie” coming THIS NOVEMBER will include a couple of big names, actor Alec Baldwin, and “Lost in Translation” star Scarlett Johansson voicing a new character called ‘Mindy’.

THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T SAY:
The Plain English Campaign has compiled its 25th annual list of annoying phrases and tired expressions that should be banned from the language, ranked by a survey of 5,000 people in more than 70 countries. Among them …
1. ‘At the end of the day …’
2. [TIE] ‘At this moment in time …’ / ‘Like …’
4. ‘With all due respect …’
Others receiving bad marks – ‘24/7′, ‘it’s not rocket science’, ‘thinking outside the box’, ‘to be perfectly honest’, ‘pushing the envelope’ and ‘bottom line’. Formed in 1979, the Plain English Campaign is an independent group that rails against cliches, jargon and obfuscation, particularly in official and public documents.
NET: http://www.plainenglish.co.uk

NEW BS GIZMOS & GADGETS:
• THIS WEEK at a wireless industry show in Atlanta, Motorola unveiled the first mobile phone that will be usable worldwide, even when roaming between networks that use incompatible standards. (So what took ya?)
• THIS MONTH at a bar beverage conference in Vegas, a New York tech company unveiled a system that will project holographic images of beer over a bar. The technology could come to real bars soon, according to “New Scientist”. (Because most guys slumped over a bar need more encouragement to order another round.)
• University of Nebraska scientist Yiqi Yang has made a sweater from – 3 lbs of corn-husks. He’s developed a process to convert husks into fabric in order to increase the value of corn crops to farmers. (Oh please! [Co-host] doesn’t need any help finding corny outfits!)

FREE OJ GLOVE WITH EVERY PURCHASE!
Now you can own furniture from the hotel room NBA star Kobe Bryant made famous! A Denver furniture store claims to have a wrought-iron desk chair from Room 35 of the Lodge & Spa at Cordillera, where Kobe had his encounter with a 19-year-old hotel clerk that led to a sexual-assault charge. The spa has apparently cleared house while it undergoes a $5 million renovation. Bryant is accused of bending her over a chair in the room, although it remains unclear whether the chair being sold is that actual chair. It may soon be auctioned on eBay.
PHONER: 800.807.3787/303.733.2100 (Steve Farland, The Chairman)

MOUSE ENHANCEMENT:
According to a report in the journal “Nature”, researchers at the Whitehead Institute for Biomedical Research in Boston have succeeded in transplanting human breast tissue – into mice. Why? They hope to discover how breast cancer develops. Scientists commonly use genetically engineered mice to study cancer, but the animal disease differs slightly from the human one.

E-MAIL FROM HELL:
After just 3 months, more than 7,000 people have signed up with an online service that delivers e-mail goodbyes to loved ones after the customer dies. The company stores the e-mail message, which can include photos and videos, until a designated survivor lets them know it’s time to hit the ‘send’ button. Once you’ve signed up for the service, you can update the info as often as you want. (With my luck, my immortal last words would be blocked by a spam filter.)
NET: http://lastwishes.com

WORLDWIDE BULL ROAR:
• An 18-year-old British drug smuggler caught trying to leave Jamaica with 16 kg of marijuana has avoided jail because he’s … er … she’s a – hermaphrodite. Seems Jamaica’s penal system has no provisions for someone with both male and female ‘characteristics’.
• West Virginia governor Bob Wise has sent a letter to clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch demanding it stop selling T-shirts with the slogan – “It’s All Relative in West Virginia”. (He claims the slogan presents a negative stereotype of his cousin … er … uh wife.)
• Carrying on a century-old tradition, dozens of singles in Bali, Indonesia staged a group kiss THIS WEEK to ensure good health and to ward off bad luck. But it only lasted 15 seconds before local priests doused them with cold water. (And we want to be able to see those hands at all times!)
• A man in Gorj, Romania has filed with the consumer affairs ministry, complaining of bad service – from a hooker. Among his beefs – she didn’t do her best, she scratched him, and – she was missing a lot of her teeth. (Oh stop, you’re getting me all hot!)
• Avant garde German artist Karl Lentze has written to several zoos asking if they’ll feed his body to their piranhas when he dies. So far, no takers. (One wrote back, “Why wait? Come on down!”)

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• The average cost to make and market a major Hollywood studio movie is now $102 million.
• Paintball has become the 3rd-most-popular ‘extreme sport’ in the world (behind inline skating and skateboarding) and now boasts some 12 million devotees.

AND WE QUOTE:
“I like to decorate. I love to read ‘Better Homes & Gardens’. I like to make the dinner table look nice. I’m a neat freak.” – Kid Rock telling “Blender” magazine what a tough guy he is.

THE BULL SHEET 03.25.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [62] Aretha Franklin, Memphis TN, ‘Queen of Soul’ with 15 Grammys (“Respect”, “Chain of Fools”)/first woman in Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame (1987)/her voice has been designated a ‘natural resource’ of the state of Michigan  FACTOID: She’s been hospitalized since SATURDAY due to an ‘allergic reaction to antibiotics’ which isn’t expected to have any long-term effects.

1943 [61] Paul Michael Glaser, Cambridge MA, movie director/former TV actor (the original ‘Starsky’ on “Starsky & Hutch”) who has a cameo in the movie version

1947 [57] Elton John (Sir Reginald Dwight), Pinner UK, pop singer (“Something About the Way You Look Tonight”, “Candle in the Wind”)

1965 [39] Sarah Jessica Parker, Nelsonville OH, TV actress (‘Carrie Bradshaw’ on “Sex and the City” 1998-2004 [finale airs FRIDAY on Canada’s Bravo channel])/movie actress (“State & Main”, “Dudley Do-Right”)  UP NEXT: She & acting hubby Matthew Broderick are set to co-star in the movie “Strangers with Candy”, based on Comedy Central’s satire of moralistic after-school specials.

1966 [38] Jeff Healey, Toronto ON, blues singer/guitarist (Jeff Healey Band-“Angel Eyes”) who began playing guitar at age 3

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Sing-Out Day”, a day to break out in song just like they do in the musicals. (“Won’t you excuse me, I’ve got to go to the john …”)

TODAY Greek communities around-the-world are celebrating “Greek Independence Day”, the anniversary of the country’s proclamation of independence in 1821 after 4 centuries of Turkish occupation. The largest independence day parade is held in Athens. (Cool, it’s ‘My Big Fat Greek Party’!)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1954 [50] RCA markets 1st ‘color TV’ set … for $1,295

2002 [02] “The Bachelor” premieres on ABC-TV (paving the way for “The Bachelorette”, “Joe Millionaire”, “Average Joe”, “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé”, etc)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
0031 [1973] 1st ‘Easter’, according to calendar-maker Dionysius Exiguus (who also made it big with his ‘Girls Gone Wild in Togas’ calendar)

1934 [70] 1st ‘Masters’ golf tournament held in Augusta GA

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1982 [22] 1st NHL player to amass ‘200 points in a season’ (Wayne Gretzky)

1986 [18] 1st figure skater to land a ‘quadruple jump’ in competition (Canada’s Kurt Browning)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
[Fri] No Homework Day
[Fri] Legal Assistants Day
[Sat] Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day
[Sun] Something On a Stick Day
[Mon] Mom & Pop Business Owners Day
This Week Is . . . Bubble Blowers Week
This Month Is . . . Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:

• If you have to push a button, is it really ‘automatic’?
• Do masochists enjoy dying?
• Do dyslexics have normal QIs?
• Would anyone die in horror movies if the characters walked forward?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, do the other trees laugh?
• Where do baby storks come from?
• When will New Jersey get new jerseys?
• Can a woman be a jerk?
• When cars are solar-powered, how will car chases end?

BS Q & A:
Q: What wore pimples before changing to dimples?
A: The golf ball.
– “Coffee News”

GRASS ROOTS PROMOTION:
Lawnmower maker Briggs & Stratton is running a promotion that will award a $10,000 ‘lawn makeover’ to the entrant with the worst grass. Who needs B&S? Run your own spring promotion with a local landscaping company. Post pics of lousy lawns on your Website and have people vote.

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• My last job was working at a Tim Horton’s but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
• [Co-host] has a college degree? Wow, I didn’t know you could go to university on an air guitar scholarship.
• My wife says I started to lose that ‘new husband smell’ right after the vows.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average woman has 7 of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pairs of jeans.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nobody is perfect … until you fall in love with them.

 


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