Wednesday, March 24, 2004        Edition: #2752
100% Canada #1 Grade A Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT movie actress Glenn Close guest-stars on NBC/CTV’s “The West Wing” as a socially conscious judge being considered by ‘President Bartlet’ for a vacancy on the Supreme Court . . . A ‘special’ “Survivor: All Stars” episode airs on CBS/Global-TV TONIGHT (thanks to NCAA basketball) that includes footage taken while contestants thought they were off-camera . . . ‘Queen of Soul’ Aretha Franklin, who turns 62 TOMORROW, is said to be in stable condition after being admitted to a Detroit hospital SATURDAY with an undisclosed illness . . . Designer Edwin Atkins is hawking a handbag called ‘The Janet’ on eBay, made of black lambskin molded around a 34C bra, complete with soft foam breast, sunburst nipple shield and stud – starting at $150 . . . Tom Cruise, who fired his PR person LAST WEEK, now has a new spokeswoman, Lee Anne DeVette – his sister . . . Actor Paul Reubens (Pee-Wee Herman) has agreed to register as a sex offender for 3 years as part of the plea bargain to remove child porn charges from his record . . . Singer Deborah Cox’s performance in the musical “Aida” has been so well received that Broadway is buzzing she may next be tapped for the revival of “Dreamgirls” . . . Word is “Playboy’s” first openly lesbian ‘Playmate’, Stephanie Adams, has broken up with her girlfriend and been spotted out & about with rock icon Joan Jett . . . And a skanky photo of Courtney Love pulling down her top and allowing a passerby to suckle like a newborn baby outside a NYC Wendy’s restaurant LAST WEEK is now burning up the Internet and rumored to have been bought by the “National Enquirer”.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Madonna – She’ll kick off her ‘Re-Invention World Tour’ in Los Angeles MAY 24th.
• Alanis Morissette – She says she’s a ‘leave-the-bathroom-door-open nudist’ who likes to walk around the house naked.
• Christina Aguilera – She’s gone classy with her latest look by wearing business suits and dying her hair brown.
• P Diddy – He’s suing NYC interior designer Jennifer Post, accusing her of conning him out of wads of cash after he hired her to spruce up his TriBeCa pad.

NEW ENGLISH 101:
New terms leaking into the lingo –
• ‘Vice Investing’ – A new investment strategy in which one only buys stock in companies that specialize in human vices … alcohol, tobacco, gambling, weapons, etc. Be sure to ask your stockbroker for vice advice.
• ‘Sloops’ – Pants for guys with no ass. The Hold Up Suspender Company of Southfield MI has just patented the jeans, tailored to fit men with a flat butt and designed to eliminate ‘tenting’.
• ‘Sucking Mud’ – A computer, network or Web server that has crashed or simply isn’t working. The term originated in the oil-drilling industry. (“I can’t get you that presentation until tomorrow, the entire office network is sucking mud.”)

SAY WHAT?
• The US Food & Drug Administration is asking the makers of several antidepressants (Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Effexor, Celexa, Remeron, Lexapro, Luvox, Serzone & Wellbutrin) to add a warning to their labels that the drugs may cause agitation, anxiety and hostility. (You know … depression.)
• If you drive a 2004 Pontiac Grand Prix you may have noticed your computer display is now showing the wrong day of the week. You can expect a vehicle recall to fix the computer glitch caused by engineers who forgot – 2004 is a leap year. (So much for that degree from MIT.)
• NEXT MONTH Tiger Woods is planning to spend a week in – boot camp. The day after The Masters golf tournament is over, he’ll report to Army Special Forces HQ at Fort Bragg NC for military training. (He’ll likely take no prisoners there either.)

SCIENTISTS SAY:
A compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … Teens with high levels of the ‘novelty-seeking’ trait are more than twice as susceptible to tobacco advertising. University of Pennsylvania scientists say ‘novelty-seeking’ involves excitement over new experiences, sensation-seeking, impulsive and risk-taking behavior. (In other words … being a teenager.)
• Scientists say … People who habitually bite their fingernails are more at risk from lead poisoning. Russian researchers say that lead in the body accumulates in the fingernails and can cause illness in those who often chew on them. (Look at [co-host’s] nails … lead would have to stand in line to have a go at him!)
• Scientists say … Tai Chi really does seem to have health benefits. A review of some 47 independent studies by Tufts-New England Medical Center finds the traditional Chinese slow-motion martial art appears to improve memory, concentration, digestion, balance and flexibility, and is thought to improve anxiety and depression. (Also helps you lose weight and quit biting your nails!)

WEAPON OF MASS TRANSPORTATION:
You’ve likely seen those odd-looking 2-wheeled ‘Segway Human Transporters’, right? Well now Off Roads Adventure of Oxford MS has launched a whole line of ‘Extreme Segs’, customized for various activities. There’s even an off-road version (M-167 Stealthy Ground Attack Vehicle) with camo paint-job, a protective metal skid plate and carbide-studded, extra-traction tires. (Can you see an entire regiment attacking on these? The enemy would immediately fall down … laughing.)
NET: http://www.off-roadsadventure.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
Maple syrup producers say they can see the effects of global warming in their own backyards – they’re tapping trees about a month earlier than their ancestors did. The maple syrup season began changing about 20 years ago.
– “Boston Globe”

AND WE QUOTE:
“No more Hollywood toy boys or bad boys, I want a man who’s mature.” – Nicole Kidman on the type of man she’s now seeking.

THE BULL SHEET 03.24.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [68] Dr David Suzuki, Vancouver BC, scientist/environmentalist/broadcaster (3 Gemini Awards-“The Nature of Things” on CBC-TV)/author of 34 books/founder & chair of the charitable David Suzuki Foundation

1940 [64] Bob Mackie, Monterey Park CA, fashion/costume designer with 6 Emmy Awards & 3 Academy Award nominations (clients have included Cher, Madonna and RuPaul)

1951 [53] Tommy Hilfiger, Elmira NY, fashion designer (‘Tommy Girl’) who’s name on anything jacks the price up about 200%

1962 [42] Star (Starlet Marie) Jones, Badin NC, TV co-cost (“The View” since 1997)

1970 [34] Lara Flynn Boyle, Davenport IA, movie actress (“Men in Black II”)/TV actress (“The Practice” 1997-2003)

1974 [30] Alyson Hannigan, Washington DC, movie actress (“American Wedding”, “American Pie 1 & 2″)/TV actress (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” 1997-2003)

1976 [28] Peyton Manning, New Orleans LA, NFL QB (Indianapolis Colts) with the league’s richest contract (a 7-year, $98-million deal that included a record $34.5 million signing bonus)/4-time Pro Bowl QB

1990 [14] Keisha Castle-Hughes, Donnybrook AUS, movie actress (2004 Oscar nomination-”Whale Rider”)  UPCOMING: Plays ‘Queen of Naboo’ in “Star Wars: Episode III”, coming in 2005.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “St Gabriel’s Day”, the patron saint of RADIO, postal and telephone workers.

TODAY is “Inspect Your Cat’s Tongue Day”. You know you’ve always wanted to see what makes your cat’s tongue feel like sandpaper – today’s the day to find out!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2002 [02] At the Academy Awards, “A Beautiful Mind” wins 4 Oscars, including ‘Best Picture’ and ‘Best Director’ for Ron Howard

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1911 [93] 1st ‘Venetian blind’, patented by Warburton Davis (next day, the 1st peeping Tom)

1930 [72] The recently discovered 9th planet is given the name ‘Pluto’

1971 [33] 1st ‘pine tree air freshener’ is introduced (my Uncle Wally still has it on his rearview mirror)

1975 [29] ‘Beaver’ 1st becomes an official Canadian symbol

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1936 [68] NHL’s ‘longest playoff game’ lasts 176 minutes, 30 seconds and includes 6 overtime periods (Detroit Red Wings finally beat Montréal Maroons 1-0)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] National Family Day
[Thurs] International Sing Out Day
[Fri] Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
[Fri] Legal Assistants Day
[Sat] National Joe Day
[Sun] Something On a Stick Day
[Sun] International Day of the Seal
This Week Is . . . National Cleaning Week (yep, time for that annual toilet cleaning, guys)
This Month Is . . . Music In Our Schools Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS BATHROOM FACTS:

• The odds of being injured by a toilet seat in your lifetime are 1 in 6,500.

• The Scott Brothers marketed the first successful toilet paper roll in 1867.
• Those little bumpers on the underside of your toilet seat are called ‘buculets‘.
• Most toilets flush in the key of E-flat, while most electric razors buzz in B-flat.
• The average toilet will last about 50 years before it has to be replaced.
• North Americans use about 5 billion gallons of water flushing toilets each day.
• The average water temperature for showers is 105 F (41 C).
• 7% of us have a radio in the bathroom.
• If you took an average shower this morning, you used about 30 gallons of water (114 liters).
• On average, males spend 11.4 minutes taking a shower. Females take 13 minutes.
• 3% of pet owners wash their pets by showering with them.
• Over 500 North Americans are injured in their bathtubs each day.
– “Bathroom Readers Institute”

BS Q & A:
Q: What gas causes Uranus to appear green?
A: Methane gas.
– “Trivia Quest”

COLLECTIVELY SPEAKING:
Herd of cows? Sure we’ve heard of cows. But how about …
• A group of jellyfish – are they called a ‘smack’, a ‘smock’, or a ‘smuck’? [SMUCK]
• A bunch of trout – are they a ‘haver’, a ‘hover’, or a ‘hoover’? [HOVER]
• A gathering of goldfish – a ‘bubbling, a ‘troubling’, or a ‘doubling’? [TROUBLING]
• A group of unicorns is known as a ‘blessing’, a ‘prayer’, or a ‘benediction’? [BLESSING]
• Twelve or more cows are known as – a ‘flink’, a ‘flank’, or a ‘flunk’? [FLINK]
• A whole mess of kangaroos – are they called a ‘mafia’, a ‘mob’, or a ‘gang’? [MOB]
– “Old Farmers Almanac”, Collective Noun Page

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
1. Maroon 5 – “This Love”
2. Eamon – “F**k It”
3. Britney Spears – “Toxic”
4. Chingy – “One Call Away”
5. Ludacris – “Splash Waterfalls”
– Big Champagne Online Media Measurement

BUZZ INDEX:
The week’s most-searched terms on the Internet …
1. Britney Spears (thanks to her knee injury while on tour)
2. NCAA Basketball (seems like it’s on TV 24/7)
3. Usher (word is he has a love child)
– Yahoo!

BS BLATANT JOKE:
I asked the boss what I could do to improve my show. When I left he was still talking.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS typically travels at 600 feet-per-minute or about 7 mph.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A raindrop.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

 


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