Tuesday, March 9, 2004        Edition: #2741
Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

TODAY we find out if Colin Farrell can sing as the soundtrack to the new Irish film “Intermission” is released, featuring the bad-boy actor’s version of “I Fought The Law And The Law Won” . . . A gold Rolex watch that screen goddess Marilyn Monroe gave to President John F Kennedy for his 40th birthday is up for sale at the “Moments In Time” memorabilia Website – for $4.75 million (an inscription on the gift box ends with the eerily prophetic line: “And let me love or let me die”) . . . Producers say not to expect a “Sex & the City” movie after all, claiming there simply aren’t enough leftover storylines from the series to warrant it . . . Other sources are saying the movie idea is being killed by huge salary demands from stars Sarah Jessica Parker & Kim Cattrall . . . “The Passion of the Christ” has now nailed down over $212 million at the box office in just 13 days . . . Meantime the movie’s star, James Caviezel, is being protected 24/7 by a security team in case of attack by religious fanatics . . . 29-year-old actress Drew Barrymore has been spotted shopping for baby clothes, prompting speculation she’s pregnant with Strokes drummer-boyfriend Fabrizio Moretti’s child . . . 36-year-old “Friends” star Matt LeBlanc is under strict orders to lose extra pounds before shooting begins on his spinoff sitcom “Joey” (his big weakness is said to be donuts) . . . CBS-TV is reportedly pursuing actor Gary Sinise (the guy who’s legs were digitally removed in “Forrest Gump“) for the lead role in the upcoming spinoff series “CSI: New York” . . . And NBC-TV edited the final scene of LAST NIGHT’s “Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Charlie’s Angels” TV movie after Farrah Fawcett’s former manager Jay Bernstein threatened legal action for being portrayed as an opportunistic hustler (the ending was changed so he was more of a bloodsucking hustler).

• Jennifer Lopez – Reportedly planning to move to Florida’s secluded Fisher Island, in a bid to gain more privacy. The exclusive neighborhood is also where her rumored new beau Marc Anthony lives.
• 3 Doors Down – Bassist Todd Harrell has been charged with assault after he allegedly hit a man who accused him of stealing newspapers from a coin-operated box.
• Missy Elliott – Word has it she’s asked a clothing company to supply her with biodegradable underwear while on tour, so her tighty whiteys don’t become a collector item.
• Shania Twain – Has won ‘Best International Female Artist’ at the German music industry’s “Echo Awards”.

• “Mike Bullard Show” (Global): The Proclaimers
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS): Bette Midler
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC): Snoop Dogg
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC): Norah Jones
• “Late Late Show With Craig Kilborn” (CBS): Elvis Costello and Five For Fighting

• “Mona Lisa Smile” (Drama – DVD): Julia Roberts plays a novice art history professor who begins teaching at snooty, all-female Wellesley College in 1953, and quickly causes a stir by encouraging her students to strive for a more enlightened and self-fulfilled future than just marrying well. Co-stars Kirsten Dunst, Julia Stiles & Maggie Gyllenhaal.
• “Prey for Rock & Roll” (Rock Drama – DVD): Actress Gina Gershon is said to be outstanding playing the leader of struggling LA rock band The Clam Dandys who’s pushing 40 and having difficulty reconciling middle age with her rock ‘n roll lifestyle. The film received critical acclaim at several film festivals but didn’t do much at the box office.
• DVD collectors may also be interested in a new release of Steven Spielberg’s Oscar-winning “Schindler’s List”, and a new special edition of the Charlton Heston classic “The Ten Commandments”.

• Dutch company Cobeco claims to have developed a sex pill that combats so-called ‘brewer’s droop’ – the inability for men to ‘perform’ after consuming alcohol. The pill called Paraxine purportedly rids the bloodstream of alcohol 55% faster than normal and is also touted as a way to get over hangovers quickly. (It might put you in the mood – but you’ll be making 87 visits to the can instead.)
• In Jamaica, a high fiber breakfast cereal made by Dorset Cereals is being hailed as the ‘natural Viagra’. The cereal’s muesli nut mix is being credited for putting the zing back into the sex lives of Jamaican men, and so many are believing it – stores keep running out of stock! (In related news, a lot of people have been calling this show ‘Audio Viagra ‘ …)
– “The Sun”

LAST YEAR Canadians reported a record 673 UFO sightings, a 350% increase over 1998. Only 17% of the sightings remain unexplained as the rest were found to be either stars or aircraft. Top cities for sightings – Vancouver (41 reports), Toronto (34) and Winnipeg (13). New Brunswick may be the hot spot THIS YEAR – it has already had 8 sightings reported.
– “Globe & Mail”

News that Mars was likely once wet enough to sustain life has prompted the British bookmaking firm Ladbrokes to stop taking bets on whether there was ever life on the planet. The latest odds in favor of Martian past life were 16 to 1. In the 1970s, when the first bets were placed, the odds were 1,000 to 1. A Ladbrokes official said he expects that scientists will find evidence of past life on Mars within the coming years.
– “Globe & Mail”

The infamous and oh-so-exclusive ‘Skull and Bones’ secret society at Yale University has very strict rules regarding discussion of the club. Even if its name is mentioned in mixed company, members of the society are required immediately to leave the room. So that brings up this quandary – as Yale alumni George W Bush and John Kerry were both invited to become Bonesmen during their university careers, how will they handle mention of the name when it comes up during presidential debates? And you know it will!
– “NY Post”

A newly-released study from the University of Texas Health Science Center suggests that teens who don’t manage their anger often get fat. How so? These kids develop unhealthy ways of dealing with emotions and tend to isolate themselves, watching TV or reading rather than connecting with friends. Failure to manage anger can translate into eating disorders and increased weight, particularly among girls. Healthier teens tend to either suppress their feelings of anger or, in the other extreme, lose their tempers. (Thanks. Just what we need around our house – more screaming and foot-stamping!)


1943 [61] Charles Gibson, Evanston IL, TV host (“Good Morning America” since 1987, “20/20″ since 1998)

1964 [40] Juliette Binoche, Paris FRA, movie actress (“Chocolat”, Oscar-“The English Patient”)

1980 [24] Chingy (Howard Bailey Jr), St Louis MO, rapper (f/Ludacris & Snoop Dogg-“Holidae In”, “Right Thurr”)

1986 [18] Brittany Snow, Tampa FL, TV actress (‘Meg Pryor’ on “American Dreams” since 2002)

1987 [17] Bow Wow (Shad Gregory Moss), Columbus OH, rap protege of Snoop Dogg (“My Baby”, “That’s My Name”)/movie actor (“Like Mike”)

TODAY is “Panic Day”, when you’re encouraged to run around all day telling people you just can’t handle it anymore. (In other words, a regular day.)

TODAY, March 9th, is considered “Barbie Doll’s Birthday” by toymaker Mattel because it’s the day they first trotted her out at the “New York International Toy Fair” in 1959. More than 800 million have since been sold. A special “45th Anniversary Barbie” is now available, draped in a sensational black metallic brocade gown by designer Bob Mackie, accented with a black & white embroidered swirl, matching gloves and dangling rhinestone earrings – for about 50 bucks. This summer, fans will get to vote on a range of new boyfriends on Barbie’s Website (such as ‘Blaine’, the Aussie boogie-boarder) with the winner possibly going into production.
NET: http://barbie.everythinggirl.com

TODAY is “Amerigo Vespucci Day” commemorating the Italian’s 1451 birth in Florence. He’s the marginally successful explorer that a European mapmaker chose as namesake for the ‘New World’ – as in ‘North Amerigo’. Had he used the last name ‘Vespucci’ instead, we’d have …
• North Vespucci and South Vespucci.
• The United States of Vespucci. (USV! USV!)
• A song called “Vespucci the Beautiful”.
• A TV show called “Vespuccian Idol”.
• And you’d be hunted down for illegally downloading music by the Recording Industry Association of Vespucci.

TODAY is “St Frances of Rome Day”, the patron saint of motorists and housewives, who is said to have never argued with her husband in 40 years of marriage. (This woman really was a saint!)

TODAY is “Employee Appreciation Day”. Cool! Free lunch?

1997 [07] Alanis Morissette, Shania Twain and Céline Dion become the 1st recipients of the new ‘International Achievement Award’ at the “Juno Awards”

1997 [07] Notorious BIG (Christopher Wallace) dies at age 24 after LA drive-by shooting

1964 [40] 1st Ford ‘Mustang’ produced

[Wed] Salvation Army Day
[Wed] Mario Day
[Wed] Osama Bin Laden’s birthday
[Thurs] Worship of Tools Day
[Fri] Middle Name Pride Day
This Week Is . . . Help Someone See Week / Universal Women’s Week
This Month Is . . . Women’s History Month / Poison Prevention Awareness Month


• From a dental hygienist – “Y’know, I think you’re flossing too much.”
• From a contractor – “Whoever worked on this before sure knew what he was doing.”
• From an auto mechanic – “You could get that done more cheaply at the garage down the street.”
• From your son’s preschool teacher – “Everyone misbehaved today except your little Rob.”
• From a store clerk – “We’re sorry we sold you defective merchandise. We’ll pick it up at your home and bring you a new one or give you a complete refund, whichever you prefer.”
• From a restaurant server – “I was slow and inattentive. I cannot accept any tip.”
• From a wife – “Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?”
• From a husband – “Screw the game, let’s go shopping!”
• From a program director – “That was a perfect show. Here, have a raise.”
Ask listeners to contribute more!

What’s the best movie ever made from a TV show? (A new Fandango poll is topped by “The Fugitive”, followed by “Mission: Impossible” and “Charlie’s Angels”. Should “Starsky & Hutch” make the top 5?)

Many of these are actual headlines from supermarket tabloids, but some are total made-up BS. Ask a contestant to decide which is which while you run down the list …
• “Relieve Arthritis Pain With Fresh Manure!”
• “Mona Lisa Had a Mustache!”
• “New Alternative to Cosmetic Surgery – Velcro Boobs!” [BS]
• “Granny Biker Gang Destroys Town!”
• “Bull Lives in China Shop as Mascot!” [BS]
• “Two-Headed Dog Chases Tail – And Catches It!” [BS]
• “Women More Attractive When They Keep Their Mouths Shut!”
• “Epidemic Caused By Lack of Carbohydrates!” [BS]
• “Peeping Tom Sentenced to Stare at Ugly Naked People”
• “Fish Chat by Farting!”

Take any song on your playlist and edit in the word ‘lunch’ for the word ‘love’ …
• “I Want To Know What LUNCH Is”
• “LUNCH’s Divine”
• “This LUNCH”
• “The Trouble With LUNCH Is”
• “I Believe in a Thing Called LUNCH”
• “Where is the LUNCH?”

You know it is springtime in Vancouver when the rain gets warmer.

Today’s Question: What dirty little secret do 61% of us have that would embarrass us and our moms?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Holes in our underwear.

College is the fountain of knowledge … and the students are there to drink.

Tell a colleague in another market about “BS”. We’ll bonus your subscription with ONE FREE MONTH for each and every new subscriber you refer.


Printer Friendly Version