Monday, March 8, 2004        Edition: #2740
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

TRASHY TABLOID BS:
• 62-year-old dinosaur rocker David Crosby was arrested on marijuana and gun possession charges early SATURDAY after leaving a piece of luggage at the DoubleTree Suites Hotel in NYC. Police were contacted after a maid found the bag contained marijuana, a .45-caliber handgun and 2 knives. Crosby was released on $3,500 bail and told to return for a hearing MAY 19th.
– “NY Daily News”
• 22-year-old tennis babe Anna Kournikova insists she’s still in fantastic shape even though she’s been off the court recently due to injury. She boasts: “If you saw me with my clothes off you’d see that my body is in great shape and ready to take on the world. I could snap my fingers and have any man I wanted.”
– “News of the World”
• 42-year-old “Bruce Almighty” star Jim Carrey has been studying Taoism, the ancient Chinese philosophy that emphasizes simplistic, frugal living. Carrey now eats no wheat, dairy, sugar or processed food, and doesn’t indulge in caffeine, cigarettes or pot. He’s also reportedly been giving away his possessions, little by little … but that could take a while for guy who commands $25-million per flick!
Source: “National Enquirer”
• Hollywood couple Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher have reportedly agreed on an unlikely best man for their rumored wedding – her ex-husband Bruce Willis. A pal says Ashton has gone with Demi, Bruce and their kids on several trips and they all get along well, so Willis is the obvious candidate for best man at their wedding.
– “Daily Dish”
• 40-year-old actor “Pirates of the Caribbean” star Johnny Depp is reportedly now looking for his very own Caribbean island. A local real estate agent says Depp recently chartered a yacht to look at a few uninhabited places near St Vincent. Seems Depp fell in love with the area while filming “The Curse of the Black Pearl” there.
– “Us Weekly”
• Word has it actor Colin Farrell’s antics have infuriated movie director Oliver Stone during the filming on his epic “Alexander”. Seems Stone has had to delay shooting because his hellraising star broke a hand and a foot in a fall after a boozy night out while on location in Bangkok.
– “UK Sun”
• The model daughters of Rolling Stones Mick Jagger & Keith Richards, 20-year-old Elizabeth Jagger & 19-year-old Theodora Richards, were recently spotted lapping up lap-dances at NYC’s Chelsea’s Privilege strip club. Word has it they were with a group of about 9 guys, and the girls were really getting into it. Then the girls started making out, and the guys went nuts!
– “NY Post”
• Michael Jackson has apparently been doing more than just shopping in Colorado – he’s reportedly being treated for addiction by Honduran herbalist Alfredo Bowman (aka ‘Dr Sebi’), who in the past has claimed he can cure cancer.
– “Daily Mail”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• U2 – Plans to release a full-color biography NEXT YEAR to celebrate the 25th anniversary of their first album release, “Boy”, in 1980. The band’s now working on its 11th studio album.
• Britney Spears – Is looking to buy Cher’s palatial Italian-style home in Malibu CA, which is valued at over $8 million. Britney recently made 2 trips to tour the 7-bedroom mansion that boasts unobstructed views of the ocean and mountains.
• Celine Dion – Has been dumped as ad spokesperson for Daimler Chrysler even though she still has a year left on her 3-year, $14 million contract. She’ll now appear only in a PSA promoting child safety in vehicles.
• Snoop Dogg – Is thinking about marketing his own line of haircare products, because his own hair is ‘so pretty’.
• Jennifer Lopez – Did not show up for the premiere of her new movie “Jersey Girl” in NYC. Former fiancé Ben Affleck was instead accompanied by co-star Liv Tyler. The film opens MARCH 26th.

WHAT’S IN A NAME?
What’s the oddest given name you’ve heard of parents burdening a kid with? A German court has just ruled that parents do not have the right to give their child a silly name after a woman tried to tag her son ‘Chenekwahow Tecumseh Migiskau Kioma Ernesto Inti Prithibi Pathar Chajara Majim Henriko Alessandro’. Offbeat baby names were really popular 30 years ago – rocker David Bowie’s son ‘Zowie’ now calls himself ‘Joe’. Actors David Carradine & Barbara Hershey anointed their son ‘Free’, but he now goes by the name ‘Tom’. And then there’s actor Elliot Gould – he named his son ‘Bazooka Sam’ … after the bubble gum.
– “Independent on Sunday”

GET RID OF BRISTLE GRISTLE:
Tossing out your toothbrush every few weeks could spare you exposure to an endless array of infectious microbes, according to Oklahoma State University professor Dr Tom Glass, who specializes in oral medicine. He says toothbrushes act as reservoirs and actually cause bacterial or viral-induced disorders such as ulcers, respiratory infections, kidney ailments and even cardiovascular disease. (Finally, someone who’s not blaming everything on carbs!)
– CBC News Online

IF WE COULD TALK TO THE ANIMALS:
For $500 a Swiss woman says she can teach you to talk to animals. 38-year-old Paloma Baertschi claims instructions on how to communicate telepathically with animals were given to  her – by her pet rabbit ‘Spot’. She says she can now teach anyone to find a level of communication with their pets in only a few days. Seminars for beginner, advanced and professional communicators last 2 to 3 days each. (Wait a minute, I think I can make out what little ‘Puffy’ is saying … she’s saying goodbye to your money!)
– “Daily Times”

HOT WAYS TO BE COOL:
Trend trackers say that former Eastern Bloc countries, Hungary in particular, are creating a fashion stir with retro sportswear. Also predicted to be hot in ‘04 – the ‘rockabilly’ look, so throw out those trucker hats and get ready to dress like a kitschy cowboy. (Yeah, we all know the fashion center of the universe is Oktoks, Alberta.)
– “Sunday Mail“

WHAT ABOUT PLASTICS?
A new list of careers with a good future and some of those without …
HOT: 3-D animators, contract nurses, maintenance electricians, intelligence analysts, software designers.
NOT: Traditional pen & paper cartoonists, radiologists, clothing & furniture makers, generic computer programmers. These jobs are either being phased out or moving to Asia.
– “US News & World Report”

FOR THE RECORD:
37-year-old Mianne Bagger has become the first transsexual to play in a pro golf tournament, teeing up at the “Women’s Australian Open”. Bagger was born a boy in Denmark and first picked up the sport at age 8. She … er he … er whatever had a sex-change operation in 1995.

BS AMAZING FACT:
10% of speeding tickets are issued to drivers going 90 mph … or faster!
Source: “USA Today”

THE BULL SHEET 03.08.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1961 [43] Camryn Manheim, Caldwell NJ, TV actress (‘Ellenor Frutt’ on “The Practice” since 1997)

1976 [28] Freddie Prinze Jr, LA CA, movie actor (“Scooby-Doo”, “She’s All That”)/Mr Sarah Michelle Gellar since 2002  UP NEXT: “Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed”, opening MARCH 26th.

1977 [27] James Van Der Beek, Cheshire CT, movie actor (“Scary Movie”, “Varsity Blues”)/former TV actor (‘Dawson Leery’ on “Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)

1984 [20] Bob, Clint & Dave Moffatt, Victoria BC, sibling pop singers (The Moffatts-“Bang Bang Boom”, “Until You Loved Me”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Women’s Day”, kicking off “Universal Women’s Week”, which honors all women, especially working women. It was first proclaimed at a 1910 women’s conference in Helsinki, Finland by activist Clara Zetkin. In 1977, the observance was endorsed by the UN and is a national holiday in China and Russia, where female workers are presented with flowers and gifts. It’s also celebrated as “Uppity Women’s Day”, celebrating the ability to be one’s self no matter what, and encouraging women to pass on stories of ‘sheroes’, women who’ve led lives that are out of the ordinary. The 2004 IWD theme in Canada is – “She’s on a Role!”
NET: http://www.swc-cfc.gc.ca/dates/iwd/index_e.html

TODAY is “Aunts Day”, recognizing those special people who make long-lasting impressions throughout our lives. (Another Hallmark moment.)

TODAY, the 2nd Monday in March, is “Commonwealth Day”, an annual event when the 54 member countries of the Commonwealth supposedly celebrate their links with one another (pip pip old chap, it was formerly known as “Empire Day”). In Canada, the day is celebrated with – nothing.

TODAY is “Healthy Office Day”, focusing on the many types of pollutants that effect office workers: environmental, equipment or stress-related. (Not to mention co-worker-related.)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1997 [07] Sir Paul McCartney is knighted by Queen Elizabeth II in a ceremony at Buckingham Palace

2003 [01] The Police reunite for 1st concert in 18 years at their Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1855 [149] 1st train passes over 1st ‘railway suspension bridge’ (Niagara Falls ON/NY)

1990 [14] 1st Canadian to defend World Figure Skating title (Kurt Browning, in Halifax)

1913 [91] 1st US ‘income tax’ levied (next day, the 1st income tax cheat)

1999 [05] 1st ‘live plastic surgery’ on the Internet (comedian John Byner)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Panic Day
[Tues] Employee Appreciation Day
[Wed] Mario Day
[Wed] Osama Bin Laden’s birthday
[Thurs] Worship of Tools Day
[Fri] Middle Name Pride Day
This Week Is . . . Art Week / Celebrate Your Name Week
This Month Is . . . Peanut Month / Professional Social Work Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
TELL-TALE SIGNS YOUR KIDS ARE TRYING TO KILL YOU:

According to Dr Sylvia Barnstrom, a psychiatrist who specializes in dysfunctional families, children who are thinking about snuffing out a parent often give themselves away by …
• Getting snippy over the least little thing, or treating you like dirt for no good reason.
• Suddenly deciding you have a ‘mouse or rat problem’ and bringing poisons into the house.
• Purchasing a high-powered rifle or handgun ‘for protection’.
• Tucking you into bed at night. If you get used to the ritual, you’ll be taken unaware when they try to smother you with a pillow.
• Leaving roller skates, balls, toys, clothes, marbles and other inappropriate items on tile floors and in stairwells.
Source: “Weekly World News”

TRUTH OR MYTH?
Are the following statements true or just a BS urban legend that keeps getting passed around?
• Caffeine is addictive. [True. If you're accustomed to drinking caffeine, you could experience withdrawal 12 to 24 hours after the last dose. Symptoms include headaches and small occurrences of anxiety, fatigue, drowsiness and depression.]
• The average person uses only 10% of the brain. [BS. Brain imaging techniques such as MRI and PET clearly show that many different regions of the brain are simultaneously being called into play throughout the course of a person's day – not just one little chunk.]
• Very hot water freezes faster than lukewarm water. [True. Water at say ... 195 F ... freezes faster than the same amount of tap water because much of it is lost to steam, leaving less water behind.]
• There’s a dark side of the moon. [BS. From our perspective on Earth, we always see the same side of the moon. But because the moon rotates, the far side of the moon is at times lit up by the Sun.]
• You must wait an hour after eating before swimming or you will drown. [BS. Swimming shortly after eating will not cause stomach cramps that can kill. Likely a myth that’s been passed on by parents ... ‘just in case’.]
• Sylvester Stallone once starred in a porn film. [True. His first movie acting role was in the porn movie “Party at Kitty & Stud's” in 1970, for which he was paid $200.]
• If you are completely covered in paint, you will die of asphyxiation. [BS. This one got started due to the scene in the old ‘James Bond’ movie "Goldfinger" where the woman dies after being painted gold. You won't suffocate from being painted because your skin doesn't breathe, but if it’s very hot you could eventually suffer heat stroke from the inability to sweat.]
•  Dropped food remains germ-free if picked up within 5 seconds. [Uh ... BS. Germs can be immediately transferred to whatever they touch.]
– Urban Legends Page, “National Enquirer”

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Why was alcohol created? So ugly people could have sex too.
• They’re really cutting corners at [no frills airline]. Like now when the oxygen masks drop down … they don’t start working until you put in a quarter.
• What’s it mean when the flag at the post office is flying at half-mast? They’re hiring.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Over 90% of people 65 or over have never done THIS, while 50% of people 18-35 do it regularly.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Throw away a penny.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Reputation is character minus what you’ve been caught doing.

FRESH SHEETERS:
New “BS” subscriber Aaron Tompkins @ COOL FM Belleville ON is joining us for a year. We also welcome back Bill Klaus @ WNIR Akron OH for another year, Daniel Thompson @ 104.8 CHANNEL 4 Dubai UAE and Ron Hunter @ KQPR Albert Lea MN for another month. And we salute samplers this week that include Justin Valencia @ KSRT Santa Rosa CA, Brian Ebbesen @ SKALA FM Kolding, Denmark, Jeff Cogswell @ K100 Saint John NB, and Jose Juan Rocha @ KMYX Taft CA. Welcome all!

 


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