Tuesday, March 25, 2003        Edition: #2504
100% Grade A Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Meg Ryan’s new movie “Against the Ropes”, based on the true story of woman boxing manager, has been postponed ‘due to the war’ – not because of its content, but because the studio claims it can’t buy enough airtime for advertising due to war coverage (translated: test audiences thought the film sucked) . . . Madonna is reportedly ‘tweaking’ her upcoming video  “American Dream” by ‘fine-tuning graphically violent images to be sensitive to what’s going on in the world right now’ (translation: she mistimed the release and her anti-war message is out-of-date now that the war has begun) . . . Who’s the UK’s richest TV star? According to a Sky TV study, it’s Rowan Atkinson, who’s racked up close to $100 million from his “Mr Bean” character and his production company . . . In her new autobiography, “Ladies First: Revelations of a Strong Woman”, 33-year-old “Chicago” and “Bringing Down the House” star Queen Latifah reveals that she resorted to selling sex and drugs to make a living as a teen growing up in a tough Newark NJ neighborhood . . . Tennis babe Anna Kournikova has reportedly decided Scotland, rather than Miami, is the place to be and has asked real estate agents to find her her very own Scottish castle . . . And in a bout of unbridled compassion, Chubb Insurance of Canada is suing 34-year-old actor Anthony Michael Hall for failing to disclose he suffers from bipolar affective disorder depression and thereby disrupting production of the TV series “The Dead Zone” in Vancouver (Chubb is trying to recover the $612,000 it paid out to the production company).

TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
Pickings are slim this week – in “Jackass: The Movie”, Johnny Knoxville and his band of maniacs perform a variety of stunts and gross-out gags in a bigscreen of the MTV show . . . There are also new DVD versions of 1988′s live action/animated comedy “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”, and the 1st season of TV’s #1 show, “CSI”.

VHS WILL SOON JOIN BETA:
For the first time since the DVD format was launched in 1997, DVD rental revenue has now surpassed VHS rental totals, thanks in part to higher rental fees. But while VHS is still the most popular movie rental format, it’s predicted that will soon change and the number of DVD units rented will overtake VHS rentals as well.

HER SHOW WILL GO ON:
TONIGHT is the grand opening of Celine Dion’s Las Vegas show “A New Day”, a stunningly elaborate production. Some notes –
• A $95 million, 4,000-seat amphitheater called The Colosseum has been built just to house her scheduled 3-year run at Caesar’s Palace. She’ll perform 200 nights per year.
• Justin Timberlake emcees opening night, televised live at 9pm.
• The show was designed by Franco Dragone, creator of 3 Cirque du Soleil shows, and features 58 dancers, musicians, characters and other artists, combining song, performance art, theatrical innovation, and state-of-the-art technology.
• Celine’s custom-built 2,400-sq-ft backstage area includes living room, dining room and massage area, an office for husband/manager Rene Angelil, and a dressing room connected to a private bath. The apartment has its own PA system and 4 giant plasma-screen TVs.
• She’s now canceled a glitzy after-show party for opening night because of the war in Iraq.
• So far only the first 3 months of the show are sold out, with tickets priced from $87.50-$200.
• To coincide with the opening, Celine launches her own line of fragrances TODAY.

BEASTLY BUFFET:
Colorado’s Native Game Co has been producing wild game food products for restaurants, resorts and hotels for 20 years. How exciting that their farm-raised and government inspected foods are now available on the ‘Net for same-day delivery! But how will you pick? Just look at a sample of what’s available –
• Beaver (bone-in) – $270
• Lion Stew Meat – $85
• Rocky Mountain Oysters (sliced & breaded) – $65
• Alligator Spare Ribs – $30
• Zebra Leg (bone-in) – $500
• Antelope Tenderloin – $120
• Boneless Llama Chuck Roast – $90
• Ground Llama – $60
PHONER: 800-364-3007
NET: http://www.nativegame.bigstep.com/homepage.html (click on ‘Catalog’)

SUPER SUB:
Over the weekend, a 150-meter (492 ft) sandwich was built in Tegucigalpa, Honduras that consisted of 75 two-meter-long (6.5-ft) pieces of bread, 400 kg of ham, 1,350 tomatoes, 300 heads of lettuce, 270 kilos of cheese, plus 40 gallons each of mayonnaise & mustard. While billed as the ‘largest sandwich in Latin America’, it was less than half the length of the Guinness Record longest sandwich built in NYC in 1979. But it was all for a good cause – the humongous hoagy was cut into 1,800 portions and served to street children and the needy in 17 institutions.

BUT NOW IT SMELLS FISHY OUTSIDE:
Belgian scientists have discovered that adding fish oil to animal feed can cut the release of methane by sheep up to 40%. “New Scientist” reports that 22% of the global emission of methane is the result of – belching farm animals. (It’s now mandatory that everyone entering this studio first down a spoonful of cod liver oil.)

PSSST! IT’S ME, INSIDE YOUR HEAD:
A new technology called HyperSonic Sound (HSS) that uses an aluminum plate connected to an amplifier to direct sound into a focused beam much like lasers direct light is being called the biggest revolution in acoustics since the loudspeaker was invented 78 years ago. It can be used to send sounds directly to targeted people 100 yards away or more. The sound is heard only in the target’s ear and is said to create the illusion that its source is inside the head. One of the first applications of the directional sound technology will be in Japanese vending machines which will soon use HSS to transmit sounds such as the clink of ice cubes and a message saying ”Wouldn’t a Coke taste great right about now?” directly into the ears of passers by.

YOU MEAN RAPPERS AREN’T HAPPY?
New research at Perth, Australia’s Queen Elizabeth Medical Center shows that children who associate happiness with being rich or famous are far more likely to end up depressed. The psychological study of some 400 kids aged 9-12 found that those who were depressed were more likely to think happiness comes from money, fame and beauty. The more well-balanced were more likely to believe that fulfilment is a result of having lots of friends and participating in activities that are fun. (Money can’t buy happiness – but it can rent it for an hour.)

BS AMAZING FACT:
All bodily functions stop, even the heart, whenever you – sneeze.

THE BULL SHEET 03.25.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [61] Aretha Franklin, Memphis TN, ‘Queen of Soul’ with 15 Grammys (“Respect”, “Chain of Fools”)/first woman inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame [1987]/her voice has been designated a ‘natural resource’ of the state of Michigan

1947 [56] Elton John (Sir Reginald Dwight), Pinner ENG, pop/rock singer (“Something About the Way You Look Tonight”, “Candle in the Wind”)

1964 [39] Lisa Gay Hamilton, NYC, TV actress (Rebecca Washington-“The Practice”)

1965 [38] Sarah Jessica Parker, Nelsonville OH, TV actress (Carrie Bradshaw-“Sex and the City”)/film actress (“State & Main”, “Dudley Do-Right”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “National Kite Month” (through Apr 30)
• “Organize Your Home Office Day”

It’s ‘My Big Fat Greek Party’ – TODAY Greek communities around-the-world are celebrating “Greek Independence Day”, the anniversary of the country’s proclamation of independence in 1821 after four centuries of Turkish occupation. The largest independence day parade is held in Athens. (The word ‘independence’, of course, is from a Greek word . . .)

1 YEAR AGO . . .
2002 “The Bachelor” debuts on ABC-TV

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
0031 [1972] 1st ‘Easter’, according to calendar-maker Dionysius Exiguus

1934 [69] 1st ‘Masters’ golf tournament held in Augusta GA

1954 [49] RCA markets 1st ‘color TV’ set ($1,295)

1982 [21] 1st NHL player to score ‘200 points in a season’ (Wayne Gretzky)

1986 [17] 1st figure skater to land a ‘quadruple jump’ in competition (Canada’s Kurt Browning)

1996 [07] Redesigned, hard-to-copy US $100-bill 1st goes into circulation

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
[Thurs] Photography Day
[Fri] No Homework Day
[Sat] Vietnam Veterans Day
[Sun] National Hot Dog Day
This Week Is . . . Sleep Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Women’s History Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
• Aries – You will finally realize no good can result from your on-going jealousy of a rival, so you’ll switch to envy.
• Taurus – You are about to scare several people out of their socks. Even worse, it will turn out that they have very ugly feet.
• Gemini – Ironically after spending all that money on your new hairstyle, you’ll have a bad nosehair day.
• Cancer – Today you will find true happiness. It will look a lot like tranquility, only a bit fluffier.
• Leo – You’ll discover your shoes really glisten when buffed with the inside of a banana peel. But be careful, you may attract monkeys!
• Virgo – Your neighbors will have a wild party which you’ll catch glimpses of through the open window. You know you shouldn’t watch but it’s just hard to imagine how people can do that – especially on a trampoline.
• Libra – Beware of strangers bearing Cheez Whiz.
• Scorpio – You and your spouse will make the startling discovery you both sleep in the same bed – and have for years!
• Sagittarius – Good day to sip tea. Remember to extend your pinky!
• Capricorn – Perhaps this morning’s upset tummy will help you to finally remember – never eat the wax fruit!
• Aquarius – You’ll become suspicious the reason your new rock group is less than successful may be your choice of ‘Clenched Buttocks’ as a band name.
• Pisces – Think positive! Another day … another chance to screw up.

BS PATENTED QUICK-PICK TRIVIA:
• It’s been proven that rubber bands last longer if you do this.
a) Oil them.
b) Keep them in airtight baggies.
c) Stick ‘em in the fridge.
[Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.]

• What are amberjack, cusk and pout?
a) Parts of a racing yacht.
b) Fish.
c) Methods recommended by “Cosmo” magazine for women to get their way with men.
[They’re kinds of fish.]

• You’re an expert in ‘psychometry’. What are you good at?
a) Picturing shapes.
b) Fortune telling.
c) Reading the minds of animals.
[Psychometry is predicting a person's future by holding an object possessed by that person.]

• You just swallowed a ‘winkle’. Ewww, what was it?
a) A sea snail.
b) A shot of whiskey in an Irish pub.
c) A tiny yawn.
[An edible sea snail.]

The discovery of what often indicates that diamonds are nearby?
a) Oil.
b) Garnets.
c) Mistresses.
[Semi-precious garnet stones.]

BS BLATANT JOKE:
Today’s program is brought to you by the fabulous new coffee, Federal Espresso – when you absolutely, positively want to be up all night.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 6% of us say we would do THIS for, oh say, 50 bucks.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Reveal a secret.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
To change and to change for the better are two different things.

 


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