Friday, March 30, 2001     Please, call me “Bull Diddy”     Edition: #2023

There’s talk another “Dirty Harry” movie may be in the works, but Clint Eastwood will soon turn 71! So here’s how it might turn out . . .
• Conducts high-speed chases with left turn signal on.
• Uses .44 Magnum to chase kids off his lawn.
• If you thought he was pissed off before, now he’s trying to survive on a fixed income!
• No longer refuses to read suspects their rights, just forgets to most of the time.
• Character has new idiosyncracy — he’s always losing either his badge or his teeth.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Mick Jagger & Keith Richards are said to be feuding since Mick dumped plans for a tour because he’s too busy with movies . . . Meantime, the Stone’s Ronnie Wood has recorded the new song “You Strum And I’ll Sing” with his former Faces band mate Rod Stewart THIS WEEK . . . Christina Aguilera has signed a deal as Coca-Cola spokesperson, but unlike Britney Spears’ worldwide deal to plug Pepsi, Aguilera’s covers only the US and South America (sounds like a game of “Risk”) . . . THIS WEEK Eminem is meeting with directors interested in making a movie about his life, to be released simultaneously with his upcoming double-album of new material . . . FOX-TV is hoping to lure Shelley Long and Gary Cole, who starred in the “Brady Bunch” movies, to return as ‘Mike & Carol Brady’ in the planned TV movie “The Brady Bunch in the White House” (begging the question, “Why?”).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
The spy thriller “The Tailor of Panama”, based on the John Le Carre novel, features Geoffrey Rush as a tailor who is reluctantly recruited as a British spy by controller Pierce Brosnan . . . Ashley Judd & Greg Kinnear star in the romantic comedy “Someone Like You”, about a jilted woman whose study of male behavior makes her an overnight guru for single women everywhere . . . The children of secret agents try to protect their parents in the family comedy “Spy Kids”, highlighted by a cast that includes Antonio Banderas, George Clooney and Teri Hatcher . . . In the no-name comedy “Tomcats”, a group of bachelors chip into a cash pool to be won by the last to get married.

BULL TALES:
• YESTERDAY at Plymouth University in Massachusetts, students carrying blank banners participated in a silent protest march — about nothing. (It’s called going for a walk.)
• In Scotland, University of Edinburgh scientists are seeking participants for a research project to discover if blondes really do have more fun. (It’s the only way geeky scientists can attract babes to hit on.)
• The Moulin Rouge Club in Montecchcio, Italy lost its government Olympic sports grant since a routine inspection has revealed that, instead of a sports and rec club, it’s a sex club specializing in wife swapping. (They were hoping to make it a demonstration sport, but most of the wives are marathoners and the husbands are all sprinters.)
• A new UK magazine called “Celebrity Bodies” that offers diet and exercise tips to help women look like their favorite stars is attracting criticism. Opponents say it puts more pressure on young women to look like sticks, without mentioning that stars have personal trainers and chefs. (Here’s the directions for looking like Calista Flockhart — “Die”.)

THE BULL SHEET 03.30.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1937    [64] Warren Beatty, Richmond VA, movie actor/director/producer (“Bulworth”, Oscar-“Reds”)/Irving Thalberg Award at 2000 Oscars/Mr Annette Bening NEXT FILM: The much-delayed “Town & Country” coming APRIL 20, co-starring Diane Keaton
1945    [56] Eric Clapton, Ripley ENG, R&R Hall of Fame rock singer (Grammy-“Change the World”)
1968    [33] Celine Dion, Charlemagne PQ, pop vocalist (“That’s The Way It Is”, “My Heart Will Go On”)/new mom to Rene-Charles Angelil, born January 25 (has a 2 nd fertilized embryo in storage — a ‘bun in the fridge’
1983    [18] Scott Moffatt, Whitehorse YT, pop singer (The Moffatts-“Bang Bang Boom”, “Until You Loved Me”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1948    [53] Al Gore, Washington DC, 2000 Presidential loser/45th US Vice President/now a professor at NYC’s Columbia School of Journalism
1971    [30] Ewan McGregor, Crieff SCOT, film actor (Obi-Wan Kenobi-“The Phantom Menace”, “Star Wars: Episode II” [coming in 2002])
1971    [30] Pavel Bure, Moscow RUS, NHL’s top goal scorer (Florida Panthers)/Anna Kournakova’s ex-boyfriend

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Doctors’ Day”, commemorating the 1st use of anaesthetic during surgery by Dr Crawford W Long in 1842. He got the idea by observing party-goers inebriated on nitrous oxide and sulfuric ether.

TODAY is “National Badminton Day”, honoring the sport first introduced in the early 1800s as ‘poona’.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1858    [143] 1st ‘pencil with attached eraser’ (Hyman Lipman, who needed something to chew on)
1935    [66] 1st ‘Newfie time’ as Newfoundland changes zone to 3½ hours W of Greenwich
1954    [47] Canada’s 1st ‘subway’ opens in Toronto

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1998    [03] Biggest single lottery prize in Canada as Bernard & Krista Nauss of Parkhill ON win $22.5 million in ‘Super 7′

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] World Curling Championships begin (Lausanne SWITZ)
[Sun] MLB Opening Day (Texas vs Toronto @ San Juan, Puerto Rico)
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time begins (‘Spring forward’ at 2 am)
[Sun] Check Your Batteries Day (smoke detectors)
[Sun] April Fools Day

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS SHOCKING FACTS:

• As of this week, Pearl Jam now has 73 LIVE ALBUMS on the market.
• The ‘Elvis-A-Rama Museum’ in Las Vegas estimates there are now about 35,000 PROFESSIONAL Elvis impersonators worldwide.
• If space junk circling the globe continues to increase at its current rate, the odds that a Space Shuttle will collide with debris will increase to 1-IN-10 flights by 2002.

BS TAG LINE: Happy “Bull Sheet” Birthday! Thanks for your support for 8 years, since April 1, 1993!

 


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