Wednesday, March 28, 2001                                                 Edition: #2021

BS LAWS STILL ON THE BOOKS:
• A betrayed wife in Hong Kong is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but only with her bare hands.
• In Liverpool, England topless saleswomen are legal, but only in tropical fish stores.
• It’s illegal to giggle unrestrainedly in Helena, Montana.
• In India it is against the law to spread rumors.
• In Scotland, it is illegal to be a drunk in possession of a cow.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT’S “Drew Carey Show” will feature a sequence where the cast become residents of the virtual metropolis in the wildly popular computer game “The Sims” (Drew is apparently an addict) . . . TONIGHT FOX-TV’s latest reality series “Boot Camp” debuts, in which contestants test their endurance in army training maneuvers . . . Because her first child is expected in August, Shania Twain’s new CD, originally set to be released THIS YEAR, won’t be out until sometime in 2002 . . . Madonna has signed a million-dollar-plus deal to make ads for BMW directed by hubby Guy Ritchie that will be streamed online before being shown on TV . . . ‘Best Picture’ Oscar-winner “Gladiator” will be re-released in theaters, in a blatant attempt to add more cash to its worldwide take of $450 million so far . . . NBC-TV will reportedly pull the plug on the XFL if ratings don’t improve during playoff games NEXT MONTH (say g’bye).

WE’RE WORKAHOLICS:
A new Ipsos Reid poll of Canadian white-collar workers finds 81% take business calls after hours at home, 65% check work-related e-mail, 30% accept faxes and 29% keep their cellphones on. (You should never confuse your profession with your life.)

PAY NOW, DON’T PAY LATER:
The ARAG Insurance Company of Dresden, Germany is offering the first ‘divorce insurance policy’. A couple must have been married at least 3 years and pay a $75-a-month premium. The policy will cover all legal costs in the event of divorce, including lawyers, expert witnesses and court paperwork.

MIR FAKES:
The eBay auction Website is working to remove bogus offers to sell pieces of the shattered Mir space station.  One seller offered a charred piece of pipe that appeared in his back yard in Georgia and “could have been part” of Mir, but said he “cannot guarantee authenticity”. (It’s safe to assume the Mir was NOT equipped with a Toyota muffler.)

COUNTDOWN TO RESIGNATION:
YESTERDAY Jean Chrétien finally released his personal documents on the ‘Grand-Mère Scandal’. (The most shocking revelation — his grandmother was named Sophie!)

21ST CENTURY TERMINOLOGY:
• ‘Dead Cat Bounce’ — Stock market slang for a slight upward move right after a big decline. Hey, even a dead cat will bounce if it falls far enough!
• ‘4-20′ — An international code word for ‘smoking marijuana’.
• ‘Zombie’ — New business term for an insolvent or bankrupt company that continues day-to-day operations. You know – a dot.com.

THE BULL SHEET 03.28.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1948    [53] Dianne Wiest, Kansas City MO, TV actress (District Attorney Nora Lewin-“Law & Order”)/film actress (Oscars-“Bullets Over Broadway”, “Hannah & Her Sisters”)
1951    [50] Karen Kain, Hamilton ON, retired prima ballerina, now ‘artist in residence’ with National Ballet of Canada
1955    [46] Reba McEntire, Chockie OK, best-selling female country singer of all-time (“Does He Love You”, “How Was I to Know”)/Broadway star (“Annie Get Your Gun”) NOTE: Will star in an as-yet-untitled sitcom on the WB as a southern mom whose unwed 17-year-old daughter is pregnant at the same time as her dentist husband impregnates his hygienist (hijinks ensue)
1969    [32] Cheri “Salt” James, Queens NY, hip hop artist (Salt ‘n Pepa-“Shoop”, “Push It”)
    1970    [31] Vince Vaughn, Minneapolis MN, movie actor (“The Cell”, “Lost World: Jurassic Park”) NEXT FILM: Co-stars with Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs in the comedy “Made”, opening this summer
1981    [20] Julia Stiles, NYC, movie actress (“Save The Last Dance”, “10 Things I Hate About You”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Something on a Stick Day”, celebrating corn dogs, shish kebabs, Popsicles, ice cream bars, and anything else that’s served on a stick.

According to historians, TODAY was the date originally given for the nativity of Jesus until Rome later decreed December 25th to be the date in order to divert attention from the pagan festival Saturnalia. So Merry Christmas!

TODAY “Canadian Music Week 2001″ kicks off in Toronto with the “Rock For Children” auction that includes an autographed Lionel train set from Neil Young and a violin bow from Ashley MacIsaac. The actual music festival begins TOMORROW with some 300 acts performing in 25 venues.
PHONER: 905-858-4747 (CMW office)  NET: http://www.cmw.net/

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Doctors Day (celebrate with a round of golf)
National Cleaning Week (or your kids to grow up to be morons [see below])
Furniture Refinishing Month (unless you want it to be worth something on “Antique Road Show”)

BULL’S BITS . . .
• Here’s a unique station giveaway – a chocolate distributor will print color logos or photos on chocolate bars. NET: http://www.TrendyChocolate.com/
• A new Canadian independent film opening APRIL 1 called “The Untold” promises an accurate account of an actual encounter with the legendary ‘Sasquatch’ or ‘Big Foot’.
PHONER: 250-490-1906 (Craig Denton) NET: http://www.untoldthemovie.com
• Producers of the upcoming movie version of CBC-TV’s “The Red Green Show” called “Duct Tape Forever” are looking for whole mess of sculptures built of duct tape to use in the film. Winning sculptors will get a cameo in the movie, due out this DECEMBER. Maybe your station can host a local competition?  PHONER: 905-631-7450 (Production Office-Hamilton ON)
• Beaufort SC paranormalist Jim Callahan’s “Midnight Carnival of Wonders” Website was scheduled to turn on a ‘Dying Cam’ YESTERDAY, showing “a person dying live on your computer”. This guy is a tad off-the-wall.  PHONER: 843-525-6638  NET: http://www.JimClass.Com
• In a long-term study since 1968, University of Michigan School of Social Work researcher Rachel Dunifon has found that children who grow up in tidy houses do better in later life than kids who grow up in messy ones.  PHONER: 734-998-8506 (Ann Arbor MI)

BS TAG LINE: If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.

 


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