Tuesday, March 27, 2001                                                       Edition: #2020

BS SIGNS YOUR MENNONITE [AMISH, HUTTERITE] TEEN IS TROUBLE:
• Sometimes sleeps in till 5am.
• Wears his big black hat backwards.
• She once entered a wet bonnet contest.
• New tattoo: “Born to Raise Barns”.
• Busted for shouting insults at people with zippers.
• Under his mattress you find pictures of women without bonnets.
• His name is Jebediah, but he goes by ‘Jeb Daddy’.
• You discover his secret stash of colored socks.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY a ‘Rock & Pop Legends’ auction at the Hard Rock Café in London is highlighted by a rare blue vinyl pressing of the Beatles “White Album”, John Lennon’s stretch Mercedes 600 Pullman limo, and the Steinway piano from his Dakota apartment, which is expected to fetch $1 million  (http://www.fleetwoodowen.com) . . . Actor Patrick Stewart is so determined that the next “Star Trek” movie will be his last he has written the script of ‘Captain Jean-Luc Picard’s’ death, but he’s refusing to divulge exactly how it will happen . . . There are reports that rapper Shyne turned down a plea-bargain deal with prosecutors that would have reduced his sentence in the Puffy Combs case (it’s called ‘taking the fall’) . . . Andrew Morton, the Brit biographer who wrote Princess Diana‘s story now has a half-million-pound deal to write a bio of Madonna.

TODAY’S VIDEO & DVD RELEASES:
Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz & Lucy Liu in the movie version of the vintage TV show “Charlie’s Angels” . . . Arnold Schwarzenegger meets a clone of himself in the futuristic action thriller “The 6th Day” . . . Val Kilmer is part of the first manned expedition to Mars in the sci-fi thriller “Red Planet” . . . Your rug rats might like the animated sequel “Rugrats in Paris”, featuring Susan Sarandon as ‘Coco LaBouche’.

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• YESTERDAY a UK company conducted a 1-day experiment in which employees were banned from knowing the time. Clocks were hidden and workers handed over watches when they arrived. A psychologist hoped to determine if workers are less stressed when they don’t know how much or how little time they have to get their jobs done. (Unfortunately the experiment was suspended when no one had returned from lunch by 6pm.)
• Here’s a twist — smokers’ groups in Australia have announced they will sue ‘freeloading’ passive smokers who seek worker’s compensation claims. Bar workers who can’t prove their own cigarettes caused their emphysema or lung cancer will be asked to contribute to the cigarette costs of bar patrons who DO smoke. (http://www.chaser.com.au)
• A Bombay newspaper reports that a hairless lamb with a human face has been born near Parappanangady, India. (I’ll bet one local shepherd gets extremely nervous when those pics hit the tabloids!)
• Caledonian University in Glasgow, Scotland has just appointed a professor — of shopping. Professor Christopher Moore says the course will examine how consumers select products. (And he’s also offering a minor in coupon clipping.)

THE BULL SHEET 03.27.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1942    [59] Michael York, Fulmer ENG, movie actor (Basil Exposition-“Austin Powers I & II”, “Cabaret”)
1963    [38] Quentin Tarantino, Knoxville TN, film producer/writer/director (“Jackie Brown”, “Pulp Fiction”, “Reservoir Dogs”)
1970    [31] Mariah Carey, Greenlawn NY, pop singer without a record label (“Thank God I Found You”, “Heartbreaker”) who’s sold more than 120 million albums and singles and spent more weeks at #1 than any other artist

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Joe Day”, when people who hate their names are to be called ‘Joe’. What’s the most unusual given name you’ve come across?

ON THIS DAY . . .
1998    [03] Limp men cheer as Viagra is approved by US FDA

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1790    [211] 1st ‘shoelace’ (next day – first busted shoelace)
1848     [153] 1st ‘band-aid (John Parker Paynard’s ‘medicated adhesive plaster’)
1860     [141] 1st ‘corkscrew’ (ML Byrn’s ‘covered gimlet screw with T handle’)
1917    [84] 1st American team to win hockey’s Stanley Cup (Seattle Metropolitans of Pacific Coast League defeat Montreal Canadiens the season before NHL begins play)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Something On A Stick Day
[Thurs] National Mom and Pop Business Owners Day (take nominations for the best one locally)
[Sat & Mon] NCAA Final Four (Minneapolis)
[Sun] MLB Opening Day (Texas vs Toronto @ San Juan, Puerto Rico)
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time begins
[Sun] April Fools Day
National Boys and Girls Club Week
National Talk With Your Teen About Sex Month (and learn some new positions)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS STUNTS:

• Everybody hates their drivers license photo, so take your show outside a license bureau and have a local beauty salon give people a makeover before they have their pictures taken. They’ll have them for years and show them to all their friends. And don’t forget to dress them up in station gear!
• Hold the ‘World Sicko Championships’ by asking listeners to call in using their best “I’m ill” voices and explain why they can’t make it into work today. Rate callers from 1-10 for ‘Originality’ and ‘Performance’.

BS PHONE STARTER:
“What’s the one question you SHOULD HAVE asked your spouse before getting married?”

BS AMAZING FACTS!
• Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. (Wow, what an office cost-cutter!)
• The Greek national anthem has 158 verses. (Thank god they don’t win many gold medals.)
• The average person’s left hand does 56% of keyboarding. (In my case, the forefinger.)

BS TAG LINE: I have to drink 3 cups of coffee in the morning before I can get one to work.

 


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