Wednesday, March 21, 2001                                                  Edition: #2016

BS TV SHOWS BEING PITCHED TO ROBERT DOWNEY JR:
• “Third Kilo From The Sun”
• “Everybody Loves Heroin”
• “Touched By A Cell Mate”
• “America’s Funniest Drug Abusers”
• “Who Wants To Sodomize A Millionaire?”
• “Whose Line Of Coke Is It Anyway?”
• “Malcolm In The Middle Of Detox”
(Thanks to “Daily Top List”)

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT’s episode of “Survivor” is the ‘filler’ show inserted into the schedule so the finale will air during MAY ratings sweeps (unused footage will recap the first 24 days in the Outback) . . . Meantime, “Survivor” creator Mark Burnett has signed a deal to write a motivational book called “Extreme Success: Risk, Daring and What It Takes to Be a Lifelong Winner” (outlining how to fit horseshoes where the sun don’t shine) . . . TODAY Paul McCartney launches his new book of poetry called “Blackbird Singing” with an exclusive reading at Liverpool’s Everyman Theatre . . . TONIGHT Jerry Seinfeld guests on “David Letterman”, his first TV appearance doing stand-up since his “ I’m Telling You for the Last Time” TV special in ‘98 (we haven’t missed him — “Seinfeld” reruns air daily on virtually every channel) . . . MuchMusic is showing more balls than MTV, deciding to regularly air Madonna’s controversial new video after 9pm with a viewer advisory (“Some viewers may find all the hoopla over the following the most overblown hype since “Like a Prayer”).

MORE ABOUT THE ‘MIR’ CRACK’D:
• The latest probable de-orbit date is now FRIDAY (margin of error — a month or two).
• A plane full of researchers and suckers who paid up to $10,000 a seat will fly within 400 miles of the plummeting ‘Mir’. This “Mir Reentry Expedition” will be Webcast.
NET: http://www.mirreentry.com
• The Russian space agency now puts the chance of a piece of Mir hitting land at just 3%, but since a large piece could destroy several houses, they’ve taken out a $400 million insurance policy. (The good news is that if a piece of ‘Mir’ does crash on you, your next of kin can make a fortune selling it on eBay!)
• In a blatant publicity stunt, Taco Bell is promising a free taco for every American if Mir hits a floating 40-foot-square Taco Bell target placed in the South Pacific.

THE EMPEROR’S NEW ART:
The Custard Factory arts center in Birmingham, England is hosting a conceptual art exhibit titled “Exhibition To Be Constructed In Your Head”, described as ‘2,500 square feet of nothing’. It features 60 imaginary works of art — blank walls with only caption descriptions. Visitors are supposed to imagine what they’d look like. (And the really good news is, they’re all for sale!)
PHONER: 0121-693-7777 (Miles Grundy)

QUICKIES:
• Vancouver has tied Zurich, Switzerland atop a new William M Mercer study of quality of life in leading world cities. (The judges were all fair-skinned and overly-sensitive to sunlight.)
• Bribing students with rewards for perfect school attendance is becoming widespread. Some school boards are now offering up to $40 a week to stay in school. (It’s called a teaching career.)

THE BULL SHEET 03.21.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1950     [51] Roger Hodgson, Portsmouth ENG, classic rock musician (Supertramp-“Give a Little Bit”)
1958    [43] Gary Oldman, London ENG, movie bad guy (“Hannibal“, “The Contender”, “JFK”)
1962    [39] Matthew Broderick, NYC, film actor (“Inspector Gadget”, “Godzilla”)/Broadway actor (Tony Award-“How to Succeed at Business Without Really Trying”)/Mr Sarah Jessica Parker
1962    [39] Rosie O’Donnell, Commack NY, TV talk show host (“The Rosie O’Donnell Show”, since 1996)/movie actress (“A League of Their Own”, “The Flintstones”)
1968    [33] Andrew Copeland, Gainesville FL, rock singer (Sister Hazel-“Fortress”, “All For You”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Fragrance Day” (either has to do with perfume or [your co-host] after a workout)
• “Children’s Poetry Day” (have kids call in and read some)
• “National Teenagers Day” (tell them how special they are and they’ll respond with “whatever”)
• “Memory Day” (but we forget why)
• “Single Parents Day” (toughest day of the year to find a ‘sitter)
• “UN International Day for Elimination of Discrimination”

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2000    Jean Chretien hosts closed-door private dinner for select cabinet ministers in effort to patch up battered relations with Finance Minister Paul Martin
2000    Pope John Paul II begins 1st-ever papal visit to Israel

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1952    [49] 25,000 attend 1st-ever ‘rock ‘n roll concert’ (DJ Alan Freed hosts ‘Moondog Coronation Ball’ at Cleveland Arena, but Paul “Hucklebuck” Williams performs only one song before fights break out and close the show)
1961     [40] The Beatles’ 1st appearance at Liverpool’s Cavern Club (Pete Best on drums)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
 2000     ‘N Sync releases “No Strings Attached”, which sets all-time record for single-day album sales — 1.1 million units

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] National Goof-Off Day
[Fri] World Meteorological Day
National Secondhand Shopping Week
National Feminine Empowerment Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS OSCAR QUIZ 2
:
• “Gladiator” isn’t the first Roman epic with 12 Oscar nominations. Which movie was? [“Ben-Hur” scored a dozen nominations in 1959.]
• Who was Michael Jackson’s head-turning date at the 1990 Oscars? [Madonna, but she ditched him at the post-Awards parties for Warren Beatty.]
• The first Academy Awards ceremony was held May 16, 1929. When were the winners announced? [3 months before the event, on February 17, 1929. The idea of keeping winners secret came later.]
(Source for all: “E! Online”)

BS TAG LINE:
My doctor has me on this new “Survivor” diet. Before I can eat, I have to vote something off of my plate.

 


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