Thursday, March 15, 2001                                                     Edition: #2012

HOW RAPPERS CELEBRATE ST PATRICK’S DAY . . .
• Go to local pub and do shots. . . with a 357 Magnum.
• Attach lucky charms to electronic ankle bracelet.
• Make rival rappers do an Irish jig by shooting at their feet.
• Spray side of rival rappers car with bullet holes to spell out “Top O’ The Mornin’ To Ya”.
• Father hundreds of illegitimate leprechauns.
• Hang with the Irish brotha, Snoop O’Dogg.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Gabrielle Union is joining the cast of “Friends” as a love interest for ‘Joey’ and ‘Ross’, becoming the first black cast member in the show’s 8 seasons . . . He was only arrested LAST MONTH and already CBS is making a TV mini-series about FBI agent Robert Hanssen, who was busted for spying for the Ruskies (show biz moves faster than courts, so he’ll be watching to see how his story turns out) . . . Ricky Martin‘s new companion is Latvian model Ines Misan, who his spokeswoman says is ‘just a friend’ (more surprisingly — it’s a girl!).

MOVIES IN THE MAKING:
Irish pop singer Samantha Mumba is making her feature film debut in the now-shooting sci-fi adventure “The Time Machine”, based on the HG Wells classic novel . . . Dolly Parton as Mae West? Could happen if an ABC TV-movie now in development comes together . . . Benjamin Bratt is reportedly tired of waiting to be ‘approved’ by Sharon Stone for ‘Basic Instinct 2″, so he’s moving on to a pic called “Abandon”, co-starring Katie Holmes from “Dawson’s Creek” . . . Eddie Murphy will team up with Owen Wilson (“Meet the Parents”) in the action comedy “I Spy”, loosely based on the ‘60s TV show that starred Bill Cosby and Robert Culp.

FAT SUCKS:
WebMD says a new medical instrument that vibrates at 5,000 times per minute removes 30% more fat than earlier methods of liposuction. There’s also less bruising and quicker healing, but the bad news is — the procedure will set you back about 10 grand.

HUMAN CARBON COPIES BY 2003?
Two doctors, one Italian, one American, have announced they’ll open a human cloning lab in an unidentified Mediterranean country THIS FALL and will clone a human within 2 years. They claim to have 600 patients interested in ‘therapeutic human cloning’, the fancy term for cloning used as a treatment for infertility.

LIKE THE IRISH NEED AN EXCUSE:
Just in time for St Patrick’s Day, a Belfast pub has started a new game called “Who Wants to be an Alcoholic”? Answer 5 questions correctly and you get a free pint. Answering 15 in-a-row gets you an entire keg! You can even phone a friend if you’re stumped. (“Hello Angush, whash the cabital o’ Paraguay?”)

WE’RE SKEPTICAL:
• 91% don’t believe everything they read on the Web.
• 84% don’t believe everything they read in the newspaper.
• 44% don’t believe everything they read in books.
(Source: eSubstance poll)

THE BULL SHEET 03.15.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1941    [60] Mike Love, Baldwin Hills CA, oldies singer (Beach Boys-“Good Vibrations”, “California Girls”)/Brian Wilson’s cousin
1943    [58] David Cronenberg, Toronto ON, weird filmmaker (“eXistenZ”, “Crash”) NEXT FILM: “Spider”, starring Ralph Fiennes & Miranda Richardson
1968    [33] Mark McGrath, Hartford CT, pop singer (Sugar Ray-“Every Morning”, “Fly”)
1969    [32] Peter White, Montreal PQ, NHL center (Philadelphia Flyers)
1972    [29] Mark Hoppus, San Diego CA, rock musician (Blink 182-“Josie”, “Dammit”)
1975    [26] Darcy Tucker, Castor AB, NHL center (Toronto Maple Leafs)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Beware, TODAY is the “Ides of March”, when Julius Caesar was assassinated in 44 BC. It’s also the tongue-in-cheek observance “National Brutus Day”, recognizing the fact that no matter where you work, there’s as much backstabbing, plotting and intrigue as there was back in ancient Rome.

TODAY is “Absolutely Incredible Kid Day”, when we’re encouraged to tell our kids how great they are.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1892    [109] 1st ‘escalator’, the ‘Reno Inclined Elevator’ (next day, 1st user strangled by long scarf)
1964    [37] 1st marriage of Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton, in Montreal (her 5th)
1999    [02] 1st time Dow Jones Average tops 10,000-point threshold (we’ll soon be back there)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1970    [31] 1st NHL defenceman to accumulate 100 points in a season (Bobby Orr-Boston Bruins)
1997    [04] 1st American to score 500 NHL goals (Joe Mullen-Pittsburgh Penguins)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] St Patrick’s Day
[Sun] World Figure Skating Championships begin (Vancouver)
Pulmonary Rehabilitation Week (“Stand clear!” ZAP!)
Deaf History Month (I SAID IT’S . . . oh never mind)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS LAST MINUTE INTERVIEW: (keep this on file for last minute guests that you haven’t had time to research)
• Describe yourself in three words.
• What talent do you wish you had?
• What would you never do again?
• Who would you most like to pat on the back and why?
• What do you always have in your pockets?
• Whose posters did you have on your wall when you were growing up?
• What was your best subject at school?
• What do you most like in a sandwich?
• If pets look like their owners, what would you have?
• What are your 3 most precious possessions?

Q: What do you do if you are ‘pauciloquent’ (paw-SILL-o-kwent)?
A: You use as few words as possible when speaking. (Not a bad quality for radio personalities.)

BS TAG LINE: Ultimate diet: eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.

 


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