Thursday, March 1, 2001  Take the Lamb (-6) vs the Lion   Edition: #2002

BS THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK BUT CAN’T: (so we’ll say them for you while you picture the person)
• “I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of crap.”
• “Ahh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again!”
• “I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.”
• “I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.”
• “Well, aren’t we just a ray of friggin’ sunshine?”
• “This isn’t an office, this is hell with fluorescent lighting.”
• “Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?”
• “How many times do I have to flush before you go away?”

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
FOX-TV execs say they’ll analyze ratings from LAST NIGHT’s “Temptation Island” finale before deciding whether there’ll be a sequel . . . The  new reality show “Single Girls” will put 5 real-life young women into their own version of “Sex and the City”, searching the Big Apple for ‘Mr Right’ (but settling for ‘Mr Big’) . . . Word is Eminem‘s being asked to pay for trashing his Grammy Awards dressing room, slicing up a couch, and smearing food all over the walls . . . “Survivor II’s” Jerri Manthey was once a Hooters girl who bumped uglies in a VW Beetle with actor Lou Diamond Phillips while club patrons looked on in the parking lot, according to a tabloid report (damn, there’s a story that has just about everything going for it, doesn’t it?).

UPCOMING MOVIES:
Hoping to copy the $260 million-success of “How The Grinch Stole Christmas”, “Dr Seuss’ Cat In the Hat” is now being developed as a vehicle for Tim Allen . . . With the snake-bit “Basic Instinct” sequel now off his plate, Toronto’s David Cronenberg will next direct the psychological thriller “Spider”, to star  Ralph Fiennes . . . Jodie Foster will produce and may star in an all-female Western called “One Hundred Years On” . . . Harrison Ford is reportedly earning $1.25 million PER DAY on the set of the Russian-sub thriller “K-19: The Widowmaker”, a total of$25 million for 20 days of work, and his contract stipulates no stunts and no nude scenes (have you ever seen a 58-year-old man naked, Billy?) . . . And Mike Myers is looking for a deal that will pay him at least $25 million for “Austin Powers 3′.

AMAZING NEW PRODUCTS:
• The Pilkington company claims it’s invented the world’s first ‘self-cleaning glass’. The product reacts chemically with the sun to break down unwanted dirt and causes water to form a sheet on the surface that allows dust and dirt to wash away. (Hmm, guess this is a bad morning for window cleaners.)
• Pampers are set to launch new ‘space-age diapers’ (they keep you dry around Uranus). The design keeps babies’ butts drier, they say, by using NASA spacesuit technology. (Yep, the same diapers worn by John Glenn.)

LOOKING FOR A NEW GIG?
Toronto-based NakedNews.com, a Website that showcases today’s news read by naked people, is now accepting applications for news readers. (There’s no writing required. It’s strictly ‘strip-and-read’.)

THE BULL SHEET 03.01.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1944    [57] Roger Daltrey, London ENG, classic rock singer (The Who-“I Can See For Miles”)
1947    [54] Alan Thicke, Kirkland Lake ON, TV host (“Three’s a Crowd”)/ex-TV actor (“Growing Pains”)
1954    [47] Ron Howard, Duncan OK, film director (“How the Grinch Stole Christmas“, “Ransom, “Apollo 13″)/former actor (Opie-“Andy Griffith Show”, Ritchie-“Happy Days”) NEXT FILM: Will direct Russell Crowe in “A Beautiful Mind”, the true story of a paranoid-schizophrenic who overcomes his affliction to win a Nobel Prize

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• TODAY is “Stop Bad Service Day” (ask listeners where they’ve had really GREAT service)
• “Peanut Butter Lover’s Day” (have phone contestants do tongue twisters with a mouthful)
• “Share a Smile Day” (which show biz celeb has the BEST smile?)
• This is “National Pig Day”, honoring the ‘most intelligent and useful of domesticated animals’.
• It’s “Chalanda Marz” in Switzerland, when they drive away winter by ringing bells & cracking whips.
• TONIGHT at midnight is the “RRSP Deadline” if you want a deduction on your 2000 income tax. (So call your investment broker at 11:30pm)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1941    [60] 1st ‘FM radio station’ goes on-the-air (Nashville TN)
1968    [33] Elton John’s 1st single “I’ve Been Loving You” is released in UK (it bombs, so Philips Records releases him and he signs with Uni where he cranks out 50+ hits in next 30 years)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Dr Seuss’s Birthday
[Sat] Nokia Brier begins (Ottawa)
National Write A Letter of Appreciation Week
Women’s History Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WHO WANTS TO BE ON-THE-AIR?

• Who once said “Edmonton isn’t exactly the end of the world, but you can see it from there” – Mark Messier, Ralph Klein, or that anti-West bastard Jean Chretien?  [Former Calgary mayor Ralph Klein, who’s now in a battle to stay in Edmonton as Alberta premier.]
• TODAY is “St David’s Day” in Wales. What do the Welsh wear to celebrate — a thistle, a leek, or a yellow arm band? [They celebrate their patron saint by taking a leek, and wearing it.]
• According to “New Scientist” magazine, what do women NOT need to wear in space – a bra, perfume, or pantyhose? [Prompted by a reader’s question, the new issue reveals the earth-shattering news that female astronauts may not need to wear a bra in space because zero gravity prevents sagging.]
• Which is the world’s hottest chilli pepper – Mexico’s Red Savina Habanero, India’s Tezpur Pepper, or Jamaica’s Scotch Bonnet?. [Scientists have recently determined the Tezpur chilli, grown in northeast India, to be the hottest chilli pepper in the world, almost twice as hot as the runner-up Habanero.]
• What is the relationship of a godparent to the real parent of a child called — a ‘compaternity’, a ‘godsend’ or an ‘obligation’. [According to “Useless Digest”, it’s called ‘compaternity’.]
• To be authentic, what food product must have holes measuring 1 to 4 centimetres – sliced pineapple, Swiss cheese, or a Tim Horton’s doughnut? [According to Swiss newspaper “Blick”, real Swiss Emmental cheese has to have holes that size.]
 
BS TAG LINE:
Here I am again in front of a microphone. This is how the trouble usually starts.

 


Printer Friendly Version