Thursday, March 1, 2001  Take the Lamb (-6) vs the Lion   Edition: #2002

BS THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK BUT CAN’T: (so we’ll say them for you while you picture the person)
• “I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of crap.”
• “Ahh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again!”
• “I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.”
• “I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.”
• “Well, aren’t we just a ray of friggin’ sunshine?”
• “This isn’t an office, this is hell with fluorescent lighting.”
• “Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?”
• “How many times do I have to flush before you go away?”

FOX-TV execs say they’ll analyze ratings from LAST NIGHT’s “Temptation Island” finale before deciding whether there’ll be a sequel . . . The  new reality show “Single Girls” will put 5 real-life young women into their own version of “Sex and the City”, searching the Big Apple for ‘Mr Right’ (but settling for ‘Mr Big’) . . . Word is Eminem‘s being asked to pay for trashing his Grammy Awards dressing room, slicing up a couch, and smearing food all over the walls . . . “Survivor II’s” Jerri Manthey was once a Hooters girl who bumped uglies in a VW Beetle with actor Lou Diamond Phillips while club patrons looked on in the parking lot, according to a tabloid report (damn, there’s a story that has just about everything going for it, doesn’t it?).

Hoping to copy the $260 million-success of “How The Grinch Stole Christmas”, “Dr Seuss’ Cat In the Hat” is now being developed as a vehicle for Tim Allen . . . With the snake-bit “Basic Instinct” sequel now off his plate, Toronto’s David Cronenberg will next direct the psychological thriller “Spider”, to star  Ralph Fiennes . . . Jodie Foster will produce and may star in an all-female Western called “One Hundred Years On” . . . Harrison Ford is reportedly earning $1.25 million PER DAY on the set of the Russian-sub thriller “K-19: The Widowmaker”, a total of$25 million for 20 days of work, and his contract stipulates no stunts and no nude scenes (have you ever seen a 58-year-old man naked, Billy?) . . . And Mike Myers is looking for a deal that will pay him at least $25 million for “Austin Powers 3′.

• The Pilkington company claims it’s invented the world’s first ‘self-cleaning glass’. The product reacts chemically with the sun to break down unwanted dirt and causes water to form a sheet on the surface that allows dust and dirt to wash away. (Hmm, guess this is a bad morning for window cleaners.)
• Pampers are set to launch new ‘space-age diapers’ (they keep you dry around Uranus). The design keeps babies’ butts drier, they say, by using NASA spacesuit technology. (Yep, the same diapers worn by John Glenn.)

Toronto-based, a Website that showcases today’s news read by naked people, is now accepting applications for news readers. (There’s no writing required. It’s strictly ‘strip-and-read’.)


1944    [57] Roger Daltrey, London ENG, classic rock singer (The Who-“I Can See For Miles”)
1947    [54] Alan Thicke, Kirkland Lake ON, TV host (“Three’s a Crowd”)/ex-TV actor (“Growing Pains”)
1954    [47] Ron Howard, Duncan OK, film director (“How the Grinch Stole Christmas“, “Ransom, “Apollo 13″)/former actor (Opie-“Andy Griffith Show”, Ritchie-“Happy Days”) NEXT FILM: Will direct Russell Crowe in “A Beautiful Mind”, the true story of a paranoid-schizophrenic who overcomes his affliction to win a Nobel Prize

• TODAY is “Stop Bad Service Day” (ask listeners where they’ve had really GREAT service)
• “Peanut Butter Lover’s Day” (have phone contestants do tongue twisters with a mouthful)
• “Share a Smile Day” (which show biz celeb has the BEST smile?)
• This is “National Pig Day”, honoring the ‘most intelligent and useful of domesticated animals’.
• It’s “Chalanda Marz” in Switzerland, when they drive away winter by ringing bells & cracking whips.
• TONIGHT at midnight is the “RRSP Deadline” if you want a deduction on your 2000 income tax. (So call your investment broker at 11:30pm)

1941    [60] 1st ‘FM radio station’ goes on-the-air (Nashville TN)
1968    [33] Elton John’s 1st single “I’ve Been Loving You” is released in UK (it bombs, so Philips Records releases him and he signs with Uni where he cranks out 50+ hits in next 30 years)

[Fri] Dr Seuss’s Birthday
[Sat] Nokia Brier begins (Ottawa)
National Write A Letter of Appreciation Week
Women’s History Month


• Who once said “Edmonton isn’t exactly the end of the world, but you can see it from there” – Mark Messier, Ralph Klein, or that anti-West bastard Jean Chretien?  [Former Calgary mayor Ralph Klein, who’s now in a battle to stay in Edmonton as Alberta premier.]
• TODAY is “St David’s Day” in Wales. What do the Welsh wear to celebrate — a thistle, a leek, or a yellow arm band? [They celebrate their patron saint by taking a leek, and wearing it.]
• According to “New Scientist” magazine, what do women NOT need to wear in space – a bra, perfume, or pantyhose? [Prompted by a reader’s question, the new issue reveals the earth-shattering news that female astronauts may not need to wear a bra in space because zero gravity prevents sagging.]
• Which is the world’s hottest chilli pepper – Mexico’s Red Savina Habanero, India’s Tezpur Pepper, or Jamaica’s Scotch Bonnet?. [Scientists have recently determined the Tezpur chilli, grown in northeast India, to be the hottest chilli pepper in the world, almost twice as hot as the runner-up Habanero.]
• What is the relationship of a godparent to the real parent of a child called — a ‘compaternity’, a ‘godsend’ or an ‘obligation’. [According to “Useless Digest”, it’s called ‘compaternity’.]
• To be authentic, what food product must have holes measuring 1 to 4 centimetres – sliced pineapple, Swiss cheese, or a Tim Horton’s doughnut? [According to Swiss newspaper “Blick”, real Swiss Emmental cheese has to have holes that size.]
Here I am again in front of a microphone. This is how the trouble usually starts.


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