Wednesday, March 29, 2000                                       Edition:  #1774

The MLB season opens outside North America for the first time today with Chicago Cubs vs NY Mets in Tokyo. So here’s a look at . . .
BS DIFFERENCES AT A BALL GAME IN JAPAN:
• Players always politely bow before scratching themselves.
• Louisville Sluggers replaced with ‘Baltimore Chopsticks’.
• Players remove cleats before entering dugout.
• When stadium announcer introduces Sammy Sosa, it sounds like a karate move.
• Infield chatter replaced with ‘haiku’.
• Local team is called the ‘White Sakes’.
• Catchers’ masks also play CDs.
• Play-by-play man ‘Hare-Kare’ commits suicide after every loss.
• 7th-inning stretch is banned for promoting laziness.
• No rebroadcast of game without express written consent of the Emperor.
• EVERY night is ‘camera night’.
• “Sushi! Get your ice cold sushi right here!”

BS CELEBRITY BUZZ:
Michael Douglas has reportedly forked out $79,500 to book Scotland’s Skibo Castle for 2 weeks at the end of September when he’ll wed Catherine Zeta Jones (seeing’s she’s 5 months preggers, it seems he’s already ‘lowered her drawbridge’) . . . Hard to believe but Michael Jordan says he’s giving up all those product endorsements that put an estimated $40 million-a-year in his pocket (you know you’re rich when . . .) . . . Author JK Rowling says her ‘Harry Potter’ character will discover girls in the 4th book in the series, due this July (“Harry Potter & the Paternity Suit”) . . . According to tabloid reports, “Millionaire” host Regis Philbin ignores contestants during commercial breaks and only turns on the charm when cameras are rolling (understandable – would YOU gab with some of these losers?)  . . . Pete Rose tells the May issue of “Playboy” that if he’d been busted for drugs instead of gambling, he’d still be managing the Cincinnati Reds and baseball would be paying for his rehabilitation (and he’s right).

CANDY COUNT:
Today LifeSavers will announce the outcome of a poll to make the first-ever change to its ‘Five Flavor’ candy roll. Since 1935, it’s consisted of cherry, orange, lemon, lime and pineapple. But since pineapple proved the least popular, the company asked the public to vote on a replacement. More than a million voters chose between watermelon and strawberry. (We’d like jalapeno, please.)

IN A NAME:
Using the letter ‘e’ as part of your company name (as in ‘eBay’) has become passe, according to the Silicon Valley’s “San Jose Mercury News”, as has using the letter ‘i’ (as in ‘iMac’). Speculation is ‘k’ names will soon be the trendiest monikers. (Cool, I’ve still got a ‘K-car’.)

THESE ‘PIGS’ SMELL:
The French Mediterranean port of Marseille now has an army of close to 200 ‘Odor Police’ as part of a crackdown on ‘smell pollution’. The volunteer ‘noses’ record what they smell on a daily basis, ranking each aroma from ‘pleasant’ through ‘irritating’ to ‘nauseating’. (Man, if there were ‘Odor Police’ here in the studio, [your co-host] would be in the slammer.)

THE BULL SHEET 03.29.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1943    [57] Eric Idle, South Shields ENG, film actor (Dudley Do-Right, South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, ex-Monty Python’s Flying Circus)/TV actor (Ian Maxtone Graham-Suddenly Susan)
1964    [36] Elle Macpherson (Eleanor Gow), Sydney AUS, model/TV actress (Janine Lacroix-Friends)/film actress (Batman and Robin, Mirror Has Two Faces)
1967     [33] John Popper, Cleveland OH, rock singer (Blues Traveler-Runaround, Hook)
1968     [32] Lucy Lawless (Ryan), Mount Albert NZ, TV actress (Xena: Warrior Princess)
1972    [28] Trevor Kidd, St Boniface MB, NHL goalie (Florida Panthers, ex-Calgary Flames)
1973    [27] Mark Platt, Peterborough ON, Olympic rower (1996)

BS REASONS TO PARTY  . . .
Today is “Mom & Pop Business Owners Day”, honoring family-run small-time business operations. Ask listeners for the best local family biz, then get ‘mom and pop’ on-the-air.

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1996    Vancouver Grizzlies break NBA record with 21st consecutive loss
1998    Shania Twain kicks off 1st Canadian headlining tour in Sudbury ON

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1867    [133] British North America Act 1st establishes ‘Dominion of Canada’
1886     [114] Atlanta’s John S Pemberton mixes 1st batch of Coca-Cola, originally as hangover cure     and stomach ache/headache remedy (cocaine was an active ingredient until it was banned     in 1904)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Doctors’ Day
[Fri] No Homework Day
National Sleep Awareness Week
Red Cross Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
TRUTH OR BS?

• A 61-year-old Toronto man who won the ‘big one’ in the lottery has received more than 40 marriage proposals. (T. Answering the question, “How Many Want to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?”)
• Most new Internet users are male. (BS. A new Strategis Group poll finds women made up 60% of new users in 1999, and female users have tripled in the past 2-and-a-half years.)
• In the past 25 years, the average foot has increased 1½ shoe sizes. (T. Hey man, you know what they say about the size of your feet!)
• Most women now keep their maiden names when they marry. (Absolute BS. Contrary to what you might think, there never has been a lot of women keeping their maiden names. A new study shows that about 90% still adopt their husbands’ surnames.)
• Men are generally better than women at finding their way in unfamiliar surroundings. (T. New research at the University of Ulm in Germany suggests it may be because men use different parts of the brain to do it.)
• Part of the torch relay leading to the opening of this year’s Sydney Olympics will be underwater. (T. A local scuba diving marine biologist will swim the torch, burning at 2000 degrees, on a 3-minute journey through the Great Barrier Reef.)

THE LAST WORD:
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

 


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