Friday March 6, 2009        Edition: #3969
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Reports say TV comedy “Two And a Half Men” has been renewed for a whopping 3 more seasons by CBS (Charlie Sheen’s been flying under the radar, making huge money since 2003) . . . “Classic Rock Magazine” reports the “Woodstock Festival” is making a return this year on its 40th anniversary (August 15-16) at an as-yet undetermined site in New York state and with an as-yet undetermined lineup of acts (a 1999 30th anniversary version of the ‘peace & love’ festival ended in riots) . . . According to “Star” magazine, Rihanna & Chris Brown may have actually gotten married after a tearful face-to-face meeting at Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs’ Miami house, during which an emotional Brown apologized, begged for forgiveness, and proposed on the spot (oh please!) . . . TMZ claims it has confirmation that a videotape showing the infamous ‘OctoMom’ (Nadya Suleman) giving birth to her 8 babies is being shopped around to media outlets – for 7 figures (hey, diapers cost!) . . . 38-year-old “Wedding Crashers” movie star Vince Vaughn has proposed and is set to wed his 29-year-old former real estate agent girlfriend Kyla Weber in either Okotoks, Alberta (where she’s from) or LA CA (where they’re now shacked up) . . . “Law & Order: SVU” star Mariska Hargitay has been hospitalized again for chest pains (she underwent surgery in January for a collapsed lung) . . . A Beatles edition of the “Rock Band” videogame is being developed (it’ll come with a brochure explaining to gamers who exactly The Beatles were) . . . And actress Jennifer Aniston tells “Elle” magazine that she forces herself to endure a grueling diet regime because she wouldn’t be able to find work if she gained weight (is there a really big lineup of actors wanting to appear in dog comedies like “Marley & Me”?).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated) – Today Plain White T’s (“Hey There Delilah”) guest. Their Spring tour, “Three Part Harmony: A Show in Three Acts”, begins March 12th in Cleveland OH.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning U2 makes yet another appearance. Then they finish off their 5-show residency on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) tonight.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Wrestler-turned-actor Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson hosts; singer/songwriter Ray Lamontagne (“Trouble”) is the musical guest.
• Sugarland – Today they kick off their first European tour with 3 days of performances at US military installations in Italy. They’ll visit 7 countries in 11 days. (Sounds like a seniors’ bus tour.)
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Papa Roach (“Lifeline”) performs.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – She’s reportedly turned to former Spice Girl Melanie Brown to help her stay sober and get fit. (Now that’s ‘Scary’!)
• Feist – The “1234” singer is makes a guest appearance on the track “You & I” on Wilco’s upcoming album, slated for a June release.
• Guns N’ Roses – Axl Rose intends to follow up November’s release of “Chinese Democracy” with a worldwide stadium tour this Summer, according to industry insiders.
• Lil Wayne – He says owning diamond teeth has made him obsessive-compulsive as he brushes them all the time. The “Lollipop” rapper estimates he has $150,000-worth of diamonds in his mouth, which can only be removed by surgery. (Thanks goodness he didn’t blow his money on something stupid.)
• Michael Jackson – He’s suing to halt a scheduled sale of thousands of his personal possessions, an action that Julien’s Auctions says caught it completely by surprise. The 5-day sale is scheduled to begin April 21st.
• TI – He’ll start his prison sentence March 27th. That’s when the “Whatever You Like” hitmaker will go before an Atlanta GA judge to officially be sentenced to jail. He’ll spend a year and one day behind bars after pleading guilty to possession of unregistered weapons.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“Watchmen” ( R-Rated Sci-Fi Thriller ): Set in an alternate vision of the year 1985, the murder of an ex-superhero causes a vigilante (Jackie Earle Haley) to look into the matter, an investigation that reunites him with old colleagues, all of them former superheroes themselves. Together they uncover a conspiracy with links to their shared past. Co-stars Matthew Goode, Patrick Wilson, and Carla Gugino. Based on the graphic novel. Shot in Vancouver.
NET: http://watchmenmovie.warnerbros.com

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:

• What a crappy way to get engaged! A Farmington NM man wanted to give his girlfriend a memorable marriage proposal so he placed an engagement ring in her Frosty dessert, hoping she’d discover it as she was being filmed. But instead … she swallowed it! When she refused to believe the story, she was taken to hospital where X-rays revealed the big surprise. It was then and there the boyfriend finally proposed. A day later, the ring was safely ‘recovered’.
– MSNBC
• Now there’s a stiff fat fee! Relatives of obese Brits will have to pay an extra $105 in burial fees for their kin to be planted in the cemetery at Houghton Regis. It’s the first municipality in the UK to charge burial fees based on the space used by the dead body. A town official says the decision was made due to limited cemetery space.
– “Daily Mirror”
• There’s nothing kosher about this! Angered that TV chefs constantly recommend using Kosher Salt, retired Maryland barber Joe Godlewski has come up with ‘Blessed Christian Salt’. In order to make his product seem more legit, he has the salt blessed by an Episcopal priest.
– “Baltimore Sun”
• What’s arousing about rotten eggs? A group of Italian researchers claims the chemical that makes rotten eggs stink – hydrogen sulfide – also stimulates arousal areas in men’s brains and could be used as a new therapy for erectile dysfunction.
– “Wired”
• That must be some cigar he was trying to light! The SWAT team in the Chinese city of Nanjing came out in force after receiving a report that a man was walking around with a hunting rifle. But it turns out he was just toting a rifle-shaped cigarette lighter, a novelty prize he’d won in a raffle.
– “New York Post”

WANT TO SMELL LIKE CAPTAIN KIRK?

A new line of “Trek” fragrances from Genki is being marketed to help promote the new “Star Trek” movie (debuting May 8th). The 3 scents include “Tiberius” (‘James T Kirk’s middle name), ‘Ponn Farr’ (named after a Vulcan mating ritual), and ‘Red Shirt’, which celebrates the sacrifices of the often nameless red-uniformed crew of the “USS Enterprise”. It’s described as a cologne for those with a ‘devotion to living each day as it could be your last’. (Just put a little dab behind each pointy ear.)
– Neatorama.com

2009 QUALITY OF LIFE INDEX:

Some 194 countries have been ranked and rated, based on a variety of categories including cost of living, culture, economy, health, and climate, to reveal the world’s best places to live in 2009. The results …
10. Denmark
9. New Zealand
8. Germany
7. Italy
6. Belgium
5. Australia
4. Luxembourg
3. USA
2. Switzerland
1. France ranks as the best country to live in for the 4th year in-a-row, with an overall score of 80 out of 100.
No doubt thanks to its frosty Winters, Canada is tied for 11th with a large group including Norway, and Sweden. Coming in dead last: Somalia.
– International Living.com

DID YOU KNOW?

• While its commonly thought that the videogame was invented in 1972 with the release of the primitive game ‘Pong’, the idea was actually first patented in 1948 by Thomas Goldsmith Jr. The Furman University physics professor based his ‘Cathode Ray Tube Amusement Device’ on old military radar displays, which were just dots on a screen. But it proved too expensive to be marketable and only a few prototypes were ever built.
– Cracked.com
• Trishelle Cannatella has been a ‘star’ or contestant on more reality TV shows than anyone else. She’s now appeared on 9 different shows after debuting on “Real World Vegas” back in 2002. Also on her résumé: “Battle Of the Network Reality Stars“ and “Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling”.
– “Entertainment Weekly”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.06.09


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .

1923 [86] Ed McMahon, Detroit MI, ex-TV personality (“Star Search” 1983-2003, “Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson” 1962-92)  FACTOID: After facing foreclosure on his home several times in recent months, he’s now hospitalized fighting pneumonia and other medical problems.

1946 [63] David Gilmour, Cambridge UK, classic rock singer/guitarist (Pink Floyd-“Wish You Were Here”, “Another Brick in the Wall”)

1947 [62] Rob Reiner, Bronx NY, movie producer/director/writer (“The Bucket List”, “A Few Good Men”, “This Is Spinal Tap“)/ex-TV actor (“All In the Family” 1971-78)

1959 [50] Tom Arnold, Ottumwa IA, movie actor (“Soul Plane”, “True Lies”)/TV personality (“Best Damn Sports Show Period” 2004, “Roseanne” 1989-93)

1968 [41] Connie Britton, Boston MA, TV actress (‘Tami Taylor‘ on “Friday Night Lights” since 2006)

1972 [37] Shaquille O’Neal, Newark NJ, 7′-1”, 325-lb NBA center with a size 22 shoe (Phoenix Suns, ex-Miami Heat, ex-LA Lakers)/15-time all-star

SATURDAY –
Comedian Wanda Sykes (“The New Adventures of Old Christine”) is 45; Movie actress Rachel Weisz (“The Constant Gardener”) is 38; Pop singer Sebastien Izambard (Il Divo) is 36; TV actress Jenna Fischer (“The Office”) is 35.

SUNDAY –
Movie actor Freddie Prinze Jr (“She’s All That”) is 33; Rock guitarist/keyboardist Andy Ross (OK Go) is 30.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Dentist’s Day”, honoring the professionals who help us maintain a big, toothy smile … for a big fee. Last year the business of dentistry had an average profit margin of 17%, higher than any other industry. Seems stressed-out patients grinding their teeth and people rushing to get their ‘covered’ dental work done before they lose their jobs are keeping dentists really busy.
• “Employee Appreciation Day”. To show how much you’re appreciated, you can stay late today.
• “Frozen Dead Guy Days” festival weekend in Nederland CO, an annual celebration of Grandpa Bredo Morstoel, who died in 1989, was frozen by his grandson, and stored in a shed. Huh?
NET: http://www.nederlandchamber.org/events_fdgd-home.html
• “Frozen Food Day”, commemorating the first ‘Individually Packaged Frozen Foods’, created by Clarence Birdseye in Springfield MA 79 years ago (1930). He got the idea after seeing  Canadians thawing and eating naturally frozen fish.
• “Healthy Office Day”, focusing on the many types of pollutants that effect office workers: environmental, equipment or stress-related. (Not to mention co-worker-related.)
• “Nenana Ice Classic”, the 92nd annual in Nenana, Alaska where they erect a 26-foot wooden tripod on the frozen Tanana River. Since 1917, when the first tripod was built by bored engineers, people have been betting on the day & date of the Spring breakup. Because of the high stakes (over $300,000), the ice is closely watched by lottery participants.
NET: http://www.nenanaakiceclassic.com
• “Salesperson’s Day”, honoring those gifted and creative individuals whose big kick in life is persuading others to spend a buck.
• “World’s Largest Rattlesnake Round-Up”, the 51st annual weekend celebration in Sweetwater TX, with live rattlesnakes on display, snake-meat to eat, snake products for sale, a parade, a cook-off, and the ‘Miss Snake Charmer Pageant’ … as well as lots of snake herding, of course.
NET: http://www.rattlesnakeroundup.net/main/modules/page/

SATURDAY –
• “Cereal Day”, a day to share in the delights of crunchy ‘n crispy breakfast cereals. If you invented your own breakfast cereal, what would be in it? You can name it by selecting options from 4 categories in the ‘Cereal Name Creator’ right here …
NET: http://www.lavasurfer.com/cereal-creator.html
• “Stop Bad Service Day”, honoring companies that foster loyalty by providing top-notch service. Ask listeners for stories of unusual and exceptional customer service. If it turns out to involve a station sponsor … all the better!
• “Tim Hortons Brier”, the 80th Canadian Men’s Curling Championship through March 15th at the Pengrowth Saddledome in Calgary.
NET: http://www.seasonofchampions.ca/2009brier/

SUNDAY –
• “Aunts Day”, recognizing ‘those special people who make long-lasting impressions throughout our lives’. (Another Hallmark moment!)
• “Daylight Saving Time” in North America begins at 2 am. For the past 2 years, the annual ‘Spring Forward’ has been moved forward from early April in an attempt to save energy.
• “International Women’s Day”, kicking off “Universal Women’s Week”, which honors all women, especially working women. It was first proclaimed at a 1910 women’s conference in Helsinki, Finland by activist Clara Zetkin. In 1977, the observance was endorsed by the UN and is a national holiday in China and Russia, where female workers are presented with gifts.
NET: http://www.internationalwomensday.com

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2007 [02] Arcade Fire releases hit album “Neon Bible”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .

1834 [175] City of Toronto is incorporated, with William Lyon Mackenzie as 1st mayor

1899 [110] 1st ‘Aspirin’ is patented by Felix Hoffmann

1912 [97] 1st ‘Oreo’ cookies sold, and over 360 billion have sold since (do you eat the middle first?)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1982 [27] Susan Birmingham sets world record for ‘Loudest Human Shout’ at 120 decibels (an intensity on par with sitting in the front row at a rock concert)

1982 [27] ‘Most Points Scored’ by 2 NBA teams as San Antonio beats Milwaukee 171-166 in  triple overtime (total points – 337!)

2007 [02] Mega Millions lottery sets a new world record for ‘Highest Jackpot Ever Offered’ at $390 million

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Workplace Napping Day
[Mon] Panic Day
[Mon] Barbie Doll’s 50th Birthday
[Mon] Employee Appreciation Day
[Mon] Muhammad’s Birthday (Islam)
[Mon] Allman Brothers Band 40th Anniversary concerts begin (NYC)
[Mon] Commonwealth Day
[Mon] “Dancing With the Stars“ season debut (ABC)
This Week Is … Cheerleading Week
This Month Is … Cataract Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

SEXIEST JOBS 2009:
Based on a new online poll, these are the occupations currently perceived to have the most ‘sex appeal’ …
10. TV Anchor/Personality (Andy Rooney or Lloyd Robertson, for instance.)
9. Construction Worker (“Yeah baby, I got your sexy job … right here!”)
8. Military Professional (it’s the uniform, right?)
7. Artist (likely thanks to Javier Bardem in “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”)
6. Nurse (it’s the uniform, right?)
5. Cowboy (this list is turning out to look like a Village People reunion)
4. Firefighter (thanks to calendars in the buff)
3. Athlete (it must be the aroma)
2. Cocktail Waitress (only guys would vote this tough job to be ‘sexy’)
1. Entertainer/Model (George Clooney. Adriana Lima. ‘Nuff said.)
– DivineCaroline.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Sure, everyone wants to save the whales, but not one voice is raised on behalf of the plankton!

PHONE STARTER:

After a UK man’s cellphone went missing for a week, a Sussex fisherman has found it … in the belly of a 25-lb cod fish. And it still works! Where have you lost a phone and finally retrieved it?

BS PHONE STARTER:
Who should appear on our money that doesn’t already?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: About a third of imprisoned burglars admit they often did THIS while looting a house.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Went through the family photo albums.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:

There is nothing so simple that it can’t be done wrong.


Printer Friendly Version