Thursday, March 19, 2009        Edition: #3978
Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

29-year-old actress Christina Ricci has announced she’s engaged to actor-boyfriend Owen Benjamin, her co-star in the upcoming movie “All’s Faire in Love” (at this rate, they’ll be divorced before the movie comes out) . . . Upper Deck is releasing a new series of “American Idol” trading cards in April, featuring both the judges & contestants both current and past (word has it the cards will be one Paula short of a full deck) . . . DJ AM has filed a $20-million lawsuit against airplane maker Learjet over last year’s crash in which only he & Travis Barker survived, seeking $10 million for medical damages, lost earnings, and profits, and another $10 million for mental and physical pain (when life gives you lemons – sue!) . . . 23-year-old actress Mischa Barton has reportedly been ordered to put on weight or face losing her role in the upcoming CW TV pilot “A Beautiful Life” (when they’re telling you you’re too skinny to play a supermodel – you’re emaciated!) . . . Just hours after attending a court-ordered alcohol-education class, pseudo-actress Lindsay Lohan has found herself involved in another collision, only this time it was her bodyguard driving – straight into a wall outside Hollywood’s Mondrian Hotel . . . Model Gisele Bundchen & her NFL QB hubby Tom Brady are planning a 2nd wedding ceremony just a month after the first, this time in Costa Rica in early April where “Radar Magazine” says they’ll celebrate with 50 of their closest pals (to these folks, money is no object).


• “Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Bruce Springsteen is on.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Pop singer Katie Perry performs her new single “Thinking Of You”.
• “NCAA Tournament” (CBS) – The annual ‘March Madness’ college basketball tourney pre-empts “Survivor” for a first round game in Philadelphia. The “Survivor” recap show, “The First Fifteen Days”, airs next Wednesday (by which time the entire audience will be confused and lost).
• Rihanna – She & Chris Brown have reportedly decided to spend time apart to re-evaluate their turbulent relationship. A source says they are on opposite coasts right now … taking a break.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Barack Obama makes the first appearance by a sitting US president on a late-night TV talk show. He’ll talk about his economic plan and ‘other topics’. Garth Brooks is the musical guest.

• Amy Winehouse – She’s reportedly spending close to $3 million to have a state-of-the-art recording studio built in her mansion in the London suburb of High Barnet but admits she doesn’t know when she’ll actually record something because she’s ‘not feeling creative’.
• 50 Cent – He tells MTV News that he will be releasing not one, but 2 records this year, just like his label-mate Eminem. “Before I Self Destruct” is due out in June and then his 2nd record will follow Em’s 2nd release later this year.
• Justin Timberlake – He’s in talks to develop and market his own brand of tequila.
• Leann Rimes – “Us Weekly” reports she’s been getting cosy off-set with Eddie Cibrian, her co-star in the TV-movie “Northern Lights”. This could be messy … they’re both married.
• Madonna – Her 22-year-old Brazilian lover Jesus Luz has been spotted partying with a lingerie model, kissing and caressing Luciana Costa at a party in his hometown of Rio de Janeiro. (Somebody’s 15 minutes just ended.)
• Mariah Carey – She & Nick Cannon are reportedly set to celebrate their 1st wedding anniversary as the owners of one of LA’s most prestigious homes, the  French Chateau-style Fleur-de-Lis Estate in Holmby Hills, which has been on the market for months at a whopping $125 million. A rep says they like the home because ‘there’s so little that needs doing to it’.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Alias Smith & Jones” – Actor Owen Wilson says he’s considering heading back to the Wild West for a movie adaptation of the 1970s TV show about a pair of outlaws. The TV series featuring Pete Duel & Ben Murphy ran for 50 episodes 1971-73.
• “Bourne 4” – Matt Damon is working on a 4th installment of the mega-successful ‘Jason Bourne’ franchise. He & director Paul Greengrass are developing an original script for the next outing as all of late author Robert Ludlum’s best-selling novels have been used up. Damon admits the physical demands may have to be toned down – when he did the first movie he was 29, now he’s 37.
• “Nowhere Boy” – Aaron Johnson is undertaking the role of John Lennon in this bio-pic that chronicles the late Beatle’s childhood, focusing on the custody battle over him between his mother and his aunt, and the effects it had on him. The Sam Taylor-Wood-directed film is set for release in January, 2010.
• “The Wild Geese” – Brit director Guy Ritchie has been lined up to direct a remake of 1978 movie about a group of mercenaries in Africa. Word has it the redo will feature a cast of Hollywood A-list stars but so far no names have been announced. The original starred Richard Burton and Roger Moore.

A Cornell University study finds that we tend to regret risks not taken far more than mistakes made … even big ones. A survey conducted for the study finds that the #1 regret is not getting a good education, followed closely by not ‘seizing the moment’ in romance or career. (So what did you not do that you wish you had?)
– AP

Now that enough time has passed to give us perspective, here’s a new ranking of the sexiest females of the past decade …
10. Movie actress Winona Ryder … Everyone’s favorite shoplifter.
9. Model Cindy Crawford … Where there’s a mole, there’s a goal!
8. Actress Marisa Tomei … In “My Cousin Vinny”, her biological clock was ticking, ticking, ticking.
7. Christy Turlington … She put the ‘super’ in supermodel.
6. “X-Files” actress Gillian Anderson … The truth is out there: ‘Scully’ was hot.
5. “90210” actress Shannon Doherty … Naughty but nice.
4. Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt … She peaked in “I Know What You Did Last Summer”.
3. “Baywatch” actress Pamela Anderson … Watching ‘CJ’ was a weekly event 1992-97.
2. TV actress Sarah Michelle Gellar … “Buffy” was mostly a guy-slayer.
1. “Baywatch” replacement Carmen Electra … She filled out Pamela’s red swimsuit and then some!

The single most effective way to free the environment of pollution is by … refusing to have children. So goes the thinking of the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement (‘VHEM’), whose mandate is ‘phasing out the human race by voluntarily ceasing to breed in order to allow Earth’s biosphere to return to good health’. They admit it’s a long-range goal.
– “Curious Times”


University of Virginia psychology professor Timothy Salthouse, who researches cognitive aging, says that our reasoning, speed of thought, and spatial visualization start to decline … at age 27. Things like memory stay intact until the age of 37, on average, while abilities based on accumulated knowledge, such as performance on tests of vocabulary or general information, increase until the age of 60. But in 9-out-of-12 tests on mental agility, the average age at which the top performance is achieved is 22. (Right. That’s when we made some of the best decisions of our lives, right?)
– BBC News

• Dance class.
• Wine tasting event.
• Dog park.
• Acting class.
• Fitness class.
• Community service or volunteering.


Scientists are developing a laser gun that could kill billions of mosquitoes. The laser, which has been dubbed a ‘weapon of mosquito destruction’, fires at skitters once it detects the audio frequency created by the beating of their wings. It then destroys them by burning them on the spot. The project is meant to prevent the spread of malaria. Lead scientist Dr Jordin Kare claims the laser will be able to sweep an area and ‘toast millions of mosquitoes in a few minutes’. (She then fell into a fit of cackling and ran back into her lab.)


• Your pupils expand by almost 50% when you look at something pleasing.
• The most commonly misspelled word in English is ‘consensus’.
• The average person consumes 3 bottles of ketchup a year.
• The first portable calculator weighed 2-and-a-half pounds. The first VCR was the size of a piano.


1947 [62] Glenn Close, Greenwich CT, movie actress (“101 Dalmatians”, “Fatal Attraction“)/Broadway actress (Tony Awards-“Death & the Maiden”, “Sunset Boulevard”)

1955 [54] Bruce Willis, Idar-Oberstein, Germany, movie actor (“Die Hard” series, “The Sixth Sense”)/ex-Mr Demi Moore (1987-2000)

1976 [33] Zach Lind, Mesa AZ, rock drummer (Jimmy Eat World-“Pain”, “The Middle”)


• “Last Day of Winter”, as “Spring” officially arrives tomorrow morning at 7:44 EST with the  Vernal Equinox.

• “Poultry Day”, celebrating chicken, turkey, and other farm-raised fowl that we commonly consume. They also give us our breakfast eggs. Thanks, eh?

• “St Joseph’s Day”, the day that the swallows traditionally return to the Mission San Juan Capistrano in California, an excuse for the annual “Fiesta de las Golindrinas”. Every March 19th since 1776 (with few exceptions), the birds come back to usher in Spring in the Southern California seaside town, and their return is now an annual tourist attraction. “When the Swallows Come Back to Capistrano” was actually a hit song for Glenn Miller back in the day (1940).

• “Teenagers Day”, a day to quit picking on them for their awkwardness and angst in striving to become adults and admit that, compared to ourselves at that age, they ain’t so bad after all.


1895 [114] 1st ‘Motion Picture’, created by French brothers Louis & August Lumiere using a wooden ‘cinematograph’ camera in Lyons, France

1994 [15] 19 year-old Drew Barrymore weds 31-year-old LA bar owner Jeremy Thomas (lasts an entire 5 weeks)

2007 [02] 36-year-old fashion model Naomi Campbell begins 5-day community service as penance for a misdemeanor charge of striking her maid in the head … with a cellphone


1957 [52] Elvis Presley buys the ‘Graceland’ estate in Memphis for $100,000 (about the same amount it now rakes in … per day)

1988 [21] Michael Jackson buys a ranch near Santa Ynez CA, christens it ‘Neverland’, and later builds his own zoo & amusement park (then allows it to go to seed)


1871 [138] 1st ‘Chewing Gum’ is marketed (next day, the first wad is found under a church pew)

1931 [78] Nevada 1st legalizes gambling (and things began ‘staying in Vegas’ … like money)

1990 [19] 1st-ever ‘Women’s World Hockey Tournament’ (won by Canada in Ottawa)


1994 [15] ‘World’s Largest Omelette’ is made in Yokohama, Japan with 160,000 eggs, measuring 1,383 sq ft

[Fri] Proposal Day
[Fri] Single Parents Day
[Fri] Snowman Burning Day
[Fri] “Duplicity”, “I Love You, Man”, “Knowing” open in movie theaters
[Sat] “Twilight” DVD released
[Sun] International Goof-Off Day
This Week Is … Bubble Blowers Week
This Month Is … Ethics Awareness Month


Some of the following are actual names of current musical acts; some are totally made up. Ask a listener/guest/crew member to decide which are which while you run down the list rapid-fire …
• Red Jumpsuit Apparatus [Real]
• Hiccup Helen & The Canyon Yodel Club [BS]
• Airborne Toxic Event [Real]
• Buckwheat’s Barber [BS]
• Bloated Samoans [BS]
• Shiny Toy Guns [Real]
• White Tie Affair [Real]
• Zazu Picasso [BS]
• Trailer Choir [Real]
• Polyester Wedding Dress [BS]

What’s your favorite pizza topping that’s out of the ordinary? (A nationwide study in “Pizza Today” finds that pepperoni is the overall fave, followed by mushrooms.)

• Food experts say that ice cream will keep in the freezer for how long?
a. 2 days.
b. 2 weeks.
c. 2 months. [CORRECT]
d. 2 years.
– St Louis Dairy Council

• According to etiquette, which is it okay for a woman to do at the table after a restaurant meal?
a. Freshen her lipstick. [CORRECT]
b. Comb her hair.
c. Pluck her eyebrows.
d. Shave her legs.
– Hair Manners @

If it ain’t broke … let me have a shot at it!


Today’s Question: The average age at which a guy starts doing THIS is 29.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Playing golf.

Just when you think you’re winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat.

Printer Friendly Version