Tuesday, March 9, 2010        Edition: #4214
Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

“Playgirl” magazine has reportedly offered former reality TV star Jon Gosselin $20,000 to appear in the magazine (from what his ex- has been saying, they might be overpaying!) . . . A new play called “The Agony & The Ecstasy of Steve Jobs” about the Apple CEO is set to premiere at California’s Berkeley Theatre early next year (if you want tickets, there’s an app for that) . . . Actor-turned-aid worker Sean Penn says he wishes ‘rectal cancer’ on those who have criticized his recent trip to Haiti (what a guy, always thinking of others!) . . . The long-suffering driver for hair-trigger model Naomi Campbell has now apologized to her for his recent accusations and is blaming himself for the incident in which she reportedly slapped him on the head from the backseat (how does she do that?) . . . Actress Sandra Bullock says she plans to display her Oscar (“The Blind Side”) & her Razzie (“All About Steve”) side-by-side, to remind her of the highs & lows of the movie biz (ain’t she sweet?) . . . 23-year-old sorta actress Megan Fox says she hates wearing attention-seeking clothes because she wants to be ‘unseen’ (we’d like it if she was also ‘unheard’) . . . Media mogul Simon Cowell says his grueling work schedule has him working almost every night until 4-or-5 in the morning and he now takes sleeping pills ‘almost every night’ to help him finally catch some Zs (here’s trouble brewin’!) . . . And a rep for Tom Cruise is now saying the actor was NOT involved in a motorcycle accident Sunday as reported by some; his red Ducati motorcycle was NOT mangled; he did NOT limp from the scene; he did NOT refuse to go to hospital; and, in fact, has NOT even ridden his bike recently due to weather (ain’t it amazing how all of those precise details turned out to be dead wrong?).


• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The top 8 female semi-finalists perform.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Gary Allan (“Get Off On the Pain”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – David Gray (“Draw the Line”); T-Pain (“RevolveR”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Allman Bros Band (New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival April 23-25th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Broken Bells (“Broken Bells”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Corinne Bailey Rae (“The Sea”).
• “Love Never Dies” – Andrew Lloyd Webber’s sequel to the stage musical “The Phantom Of the Opera” officially opens at the Adelphi Theatre in London’s West End. With an estimated take of $5 billion-plus worldwide, “Phantom” was the most successful entertainment venture of the 20th century.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Joan Jett & The Blackhearts (her story is featured in the film “The Runaways”, opening March 19th).


• Chris Brown – Today he’s reading to schoolchildren as part of the ‘Family Read Night‘ at a Harlem NY school. Brown is currently serving 5 years probation for his assault on Rihanna. It’s unclear whether the event will count towards his community service requirement.
• Jimi Hendrix – Today “Valleys of Neptune” is released, an album of 12 digitally-remastered studio recordings never previously available. The tapes of the sessions had been stored in a vault for 40 years.
• Katy Perry – She’s signed on to voice a role in the upcoming bigscreen adaptation of “The Smurfs”. She’ll voice ‘Smurfette’, the only female among the blue folks.
• Ke$sha – She says she wears her own placenta around her neck every day because a ‘past-life regressionist’ recommended it. It’s supposed to give you ‘second sight’, she says.
• Lady Gaga – Promoters of the UK leg of the “Monster Ball” tour are say price increases for a newly announced string of gigs are ‘comparable and fair’. Lowest-priced tickets for the upcoming Summer shows have been jacked from $41 to $75.
• Rolling Stones – Many were shocked when word recently circulated that Keith Richards was ‘on the wagon’. But now rock’s dean of debauchery has set the record straight, telling “Rolling Stone” magazine: “Rumors of my sobriety are greatly exaggerated.”
• Susan Boyle – She’s leaving her native Scotland to live in more secure quarters in London, a move encouraged by her handlers after an intruder broke into her West Lothian home in January. She’ll hang onto the property but live in London with her cat Pebbles most of the time.


• “The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day” ( Crime Thriller ): The ‘MacManus’ brothers (Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman Reedus), who are living a quiet life on the family farm in Ireland, return to Boston to exact their unique form of revenge on the mob forces who have framed them for the murder of a local priest. Co-stars Billy Connolly. Shot in Toronto & Hamilton ON.
• “Capitalism: A Love Story” ( Documentary ): Filmmaker Michael Moore sets out to uncover the truth behind the recent economic crisis with interviews from Wall Street and government insiders. Originally planned as a follow-up to “Fahrenheit 9/11”, the focus of the film changed after the 2008 financial crisis and Wall Street bailout.
• “Old Dogs” ( Family Comedy ): Robin Williams plays a successful businessman whose life is altered when an old flame re-enters his life … with her twin kids in tow. When they temporarily become his responsibility, he enlists his best friend (John Travolta) to co-parent. Co-stars Kelly Preston (Mrs John Travolta) and their daughter Ella Bleu Travolta.
• “Planet 51” ( Animated Fantasy ): When an astronaut lands on a faraway planet, he discovers it’s inhabited by little green people happily living in a white picket fence world, whose only fear is that it will be overrun by alien invaders … like him. Voice cast includes Dwayne Johnson, Seann William Scott, and Jessica Biel.
• “Precious” ( Drama ): Based on the novel “Push” by Sapphire, the story of an illiterate 16-year-old in 1980s Harlem who is pregnant via her absent father – for the 2nd time – and who is emotionally & physically abused by her mother (played by ‘Best Supporting Actress’ Oscar-winner Mo’Nique). Also stars stars Gabourey Sidibe, Mariah Carey, Lenny Kravitz.
• “Up In the Air” ( Dramedy ): George Clooney plays a corporate hatchet-man who loves his life on the road but is forced to fight for his job when his company downsizes its travel budget just as he’s set to reach a goal he’s worked toward for years: reaching 10 million frequent flyer miles. Co-stars Vera Farmiga. Directed and co-written by Jason Reitman (“Juno”).
• Also released today: “Barbie In a Mermaid Tale” (Animation); “Breaking Bad: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV); “Hannah Montana: Miley Says Goodbye” (Family); “In Plain Sight: Season Two” (TV); “NFL Super Bowl XLIV Champions” (Sports Documentary); and “Walker, Texas Ranger: The Complete Series” (Vintage TV).


• Residents of Laguna Woods Village retirement community in Southern California have a new club to get involved with … ‘The Village Cannabis Club’. It’s designed to promote education on medical marijuana but any resident can become a member regardless of medical status. (This answers the question: “Whatever happened to the stoned-out hippies of the 1960s?”)
– “Orange County Register”
• Two vials said to contain the spirits of ghosts exorcized from a house in  Christchurch, New Zealand have been put up for sale online. Labeled as “Two Captured Ghosts”, the lot sold for $430 NZD on the auction site ‘Trade Me’. The seller claims the spooks were captured by an exorcist who bottled them on July 15, 2009. (Said to be a very good year for spirits.)
– News.com.au
• German inventor Karl Friedrich Lenser has created a necklace made of … dog feces. He says the idea came about after he microwaved droppings from his pet Jack Russell Terrier named Charlie and noticed they became hard and ‘beautiful … like a jewel’. He predicts poop pendants will be popular with people who like to be individuals. (Uh, we’re still back at the microwave part … who the heck would think to do that?)
– “Daily Telegraph”


Japan’s Mai Sato is lobbying to get the International Olympic Committee to add her favorite athletic discipline to the games … pole dancing. She claims a rapidly growing number of international federations have transformed what was once the exclusive property of strip clubs into a respectable and highly athletic ‘sport’. It will be an uphill battle – even well-established sports such as squash have failed to make the Olympic cut. (“And now performing for the gold medal and representing Australia … Bambi!”)
– Associated Press


The Subway sandwich chain hired a UK psychologist to determine what the sandwich ingredients you choose reveal about your personality. Some of the results …
• Fish: The choice of true romantics. (There’s just nothing more romantic than taking your date for a Filet o’ Fish at Mickey D’s.)
• Mayonnaise: Family-oriented with strong nesting instincts. (Too fat for the single life.)
• Roast Beef: People who tend to link love with sex. (Why they’re on the ‘meat market’.)
• Tuna: Ambitious go-getters who are constantly seeking promotion. (The little stinkers.)
• Turkey: Stable people who like job security. (Like that turkey boss you have.)
(Others they missed: Ham [choice of lousy comedians], Pickle [people who take chances and incur difficulty], and Pork & Baloney [pick a politician].)
– Extrapolated from “Social Studies”


• Married couples are happiest 2 years, 11 months and 8 days after their wedding, according to a new study.
• “Oasis Of the Seas”, the world’s largest cruise ship, stocks 80,000 bottles of beer for each 7-day cruise.
– “Wall Street Journal”


1970 [40] Shannon Leto, Bossier City LA, alt-rock drummer (30 Seconds to Mars-“Kings & Queens”, “From Yesterday”)/brother of actor-bandmate Jared Leto

1976 [34] Ben Mulroney, Montréal QC, CTV personality (“eTalk Daily” since 2002, “Canadian Idol” 2003-08)/son of former PM Brian Mulroney

1980 [30] Chingy (Howard Bailey Jr), St Louis MO, rapper (w/Tyrese-“Pullin’ Me Back”, “Right Thurr”)

1986 [24] Brittany Snow, Tampa FL, movie actress (“Prom Night”, “Hairspray”)/former TV actress (“American Dreams” 2002-05)  COMING UP: “Hairspray 2”, tentatively set for a mid-July release.

1987 [23] Bow Wow (Shad Moss), Columbus OH, movie actor (“The Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift”, “Roll Bounce”)/rapper (w/R Kelly-“I’m a Flirt”, w/Chris Brown-“Shortie Like Mine”)

• “Amerigo Vespucci Day” [‘vuhs-POOCH-ee’], commemorating the Italian’s 1451 birth in Florence. He’s the marginally-successful explorer that a European mapmaker chose as namesake for the ‘New World’, as in ‘North Amerigo’. Had he chosen the last name ‘Vespucci’ instead, things would have sounded a lot different! For instance, we’d have …
– ‘United States of Vespucci’ populated by ‘Vespuccians’ who sing ‘Vespucci the Beautiful’.
– ‘Vespuccian League’ baseball.
– ‘Vespuccian Idol’ and ‘Vespucci’s Next Top Model’ on TV.
– ‘Vespuccian Express’ credit card.
– ‘Vespuccian Airlines’.

• “Barbie Day”, the anniversary of the day the world’s most successful doll was first unveiled in 1959 at NYC’s “International Toy Fair”. A few ‘Barbie’ facts …
– Her full name is ‘Barbie Millicent Roberts’.
– It’s estimated that over a billion ‘Barbie’ dolls have been sold worldwide in over 150 countries.
– Barbie was 9 in 1968 when she finally spoke. Among her first words: “I have a date tonight.”
– The top-selling version was 1992’s ‘Totally Hair Barbie’, with 10 million sold.
– At least 1 billion pairs of Barbie shoes have sold.
– Barbie has had over 100 different ‘careers’, including chef, astronaut, doctor, and rapper.

• “Get Over It Day”, whatever it is that’s put that chip on your shoulder … a perceived slight, a public embarrassment, a failed relationship. Today’s the day to get over it and get on with your life.

• “Go Commando Day”, a tongue-in-cheek observance when we’re encouraged to forego wearing underwear. Perhaps created by some laundry-challenged single guy out of necessity?

• “Organize Your Home Office Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Tuesday in March. So shovel off your desk, buy some new slippers, and map out the shortest route to the fridge!

• “Panic Day”, when you’re encouraged to run around all day telling people you just can’t handle it anymore. In other words … just a regular day.

• “St Frances of Rome Day”, the patron saint of motorists and housewives, who is said to have never argued with her husband in 40 years of marriage. Wow, that woman really was a saint!


2005 [05] Dan Rather signs off for the last time as anchorman of “The CBS Evening News”


1997 [13] Alanis Morissette, Shania Twain, and Céline Dion become the 1st recipients of the new ‘International Achievement Award’ at Canada’s annual “Juno Awards”


1964 [46] 1st Ford ‘Mustang’ car is manufactured (goes on to become a classic collectible)

[Wed] Mario Day
[Wed] Salvation Army Day
[Thurs] World Kidney Day
[Thurs] Carrie Underwood “Play On” tour begins (Reading PA)
[Fri] “Green Zone”; “Our Family Wedding”; “Remember Me”; “She’s Out of My League” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Middle Name Pride Day
This Week Is … Read an E-Book Week
This Month Is … Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Month


Ask listeners for examples of ‘aptronyms’, people whose name also describes their job. A few examples of job-specific names …
• Anna Smashnova, tennis player, Minsk, Belarus.
• Chris Moneymaker, poker player, Nashville TN.
• Les Plack, dentist, San Francisco CA.
• Leslie Doctor, eye doctor, Norwalk CT.
• Reggie Corner, NFL cornerback, Buffalo Bills.
• Sara Blizzard, BBC meteorologist, Liverpool UK.
• Thomas Crapper, manufacturer of Victorian toilets, London UK.
• Thoulton Surgeon, veterinarian, Hopewell Junction NY.
• Turner-Heaton, plumbing firm, Worcester UK.
• Usain Bolt, world-record sprinter, Trelawny, Jamaica.

I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer for my friends who exercise.


A retail survey finds that the most shoplifted item is over-the-counter painkillers. What’s #2?
a. Hemorrhoid medicine.
b. Pregnancy tests. [CORRECT]
c. Anvils.
– RadarOnline.com


Today’s Question: Even when couples find true love and a lasting relationship online, they still tend to do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Lie to others about how they met.


If it’s not worth doing, it’s not worth doing well.

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