Wednesday, March 10, 2010          Edition: #4215
Bovine Defecation That’s State-of-the-Art!

According to Nielsen ratings, Sunday’s “82nd Annual Academy Awards” (ABC) had an average audience of 41.3 million viewers, making it the most-watched entertainment telecast on any US network in 5 years (up a whopping 5 million from a year ago) . . . Ryan O’Neal has voiced his disappointment over the late Farrah Fawcett’s omission from the memoriam announcements at the Oscars (oops, somebody goofed!) . . . 88-year-old Hollywood veteran Betty White has confirmed she’ll host an upcoming episode of NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live”, an idea hatched on a Facebook page devoted to the cause (it attracted a half-million fans) . . . NBC-TV has announced it’s renewed the series “30 Rock”, “The Office”, and “Community” (meaning Chevy Chase keeps a job for at least a few more months) . . . Miley Cyrus says she & boyfriend Liam Hemsworth are both ‘deeper than normal people’ (some people just shouldn’t talk) . . . 50-year-old music mogul Simon Cowell, recently engaged to makeup artist Mezhgan Hussainy, says he’s ‘torn’ about having children because he’s a bit too old but also thinks it’s important to have a lot of ‘hims’ around in the future (imagine the withering discipline this dad would levy!) . . . It’s been announced that ‘fashion consultant’/sometimes actress Lindsay Lohan is ‘not involved’ in fashion house Ungaro’s latest collection (BS translation: She’s been axed) . . . And former “Playboy” model & Hugh Hefner girlfriend Holly Madison is reportedly moving in with Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden after just 3 months of dating (first Paris Hilton, now an 83-year-old’s sloppy seconds – hey, congrats, Benj!).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The top 8 male semi-finalists perform.
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW/A Channel) – In the 90-minute debut of Cycle 14, Perez Hilton announces that the finalists’ first challenge is to receive makeovers.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Manchester Orchestra (“Mean Everything to Nothing”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Lisa Hannigan (“Sea Sew”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – The Temper Trap (“Conditions”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Alkaline Trio (“This Addiction”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Guest co-host Ludacris (“Battle Of the Sexes”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Lenny Kravitz (“Negrophilia”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Ryan Bingham (“Roadhouse Sun”).

• Alice in Chains – Today they’ll host an online live chat with fans at 7pm EST on LiveStream.
• The Beatles – It’s been announced that filmmaker Sam Taylor-Wood’s critically acclaimed John Lennon biopic, “Nowhere Boy”, will be released on DVD May 10th.
• Billy Currington – This week “That’s How Country Boys Roll” is set to become his 5th #1 country single.
• Elton John – Final stats show his 18th annual post-Oscars AIDS Foundation party was a big hit, raising $3.7 million for the charity in just a few hours.
• Foo Fighters – Frontman Dave Grohl tells the BBC they’re set to begin recording their next studio album in September. Grohl says they’ve already begun writing new material.
• Ke$ha – She tells Britain’s “Times of London” she wants ‘more respect’ from her music industry peers because she’s sick of her ‘party girl’ label. Simple solution: Quit partying.
• Lady Gaga – The full version of her new video for “Telephone” runs almost 10 minutes long. It debuted last night on E!.
• Rihanna – Word has it she flew to LA from Berlin, Germany just to attend LA Dodger-boyfriend Matt Kemp’s “Ante Up For Autism” charity fundraiser on the weekend, where she hung out with his family & friends. Are things getting serious?
• Rolling Stones – 62-year-old guitarist Ronnie Wood say’s he’s getting help staying alcohol-free through pep talks from friends, including Mick Jagger, Kate Moss, Elton John, and Rod Stewart. He’s been in rehab numerous times, most recently in January this year.


Most of us have daydreamed at one time or another about having a different, killer job. What is it you’d really like to be doing? A few fantasy jobs dreamed of by guys …
• Trapeze Artist
• Brew Master
• Concert Promoter
• Rock Star
• Mad Scientist
• Photographer
• Chocolatier
• Freelance Writer
• Lion Trainer
• Bar Owner


New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Gasper’ – A person who practices the act of auto-erotic asphyxiation. (“Whatever happened to that inquest into actor David Carradine’s death? Was he a gasper or not?”)
• ‘Jibs’ – Slang word for teeth. (“Be there in a sec! I’m just going to brush my jibs.”)
• ‘Polaris Laser’ – A new laser treatment that’s becoming an alternative to Botox for keeping youthful looks. It purportedly brings collagen to the surface and reconditions the skin. 33-year-old actress Anna Friel (“Pushing Daisies”) tells “InStyle” magazine she’s a big fan. (At 33?)


A customized car called the ‘Carpuccino’ has been built by the design team on the BBC-TV science show “Bang Goes the Theory”. It runs on … coffee grounds. These are heated in a charcoal fire and the resulting hydrogen and carbon monoxide powers the car. The team calculates the ‘Carpuccino’ will do 3 miles per kilo of ground coffee, the equivalent of about 56 espressos per mile. Clever but not very practical … the cost of operation works out to somewhere between 25-and-50 times the cost of using gasoline. (Next they’ll experiment with a vehicle powered by burning money.)

• A UK window cleaner has died after stabbing himself in the groin repeatedly with … a jumbo souvenir pencil. (Okay maybe once in a fit of exasperation, but repeatedly? Owwww!)
• The ‘Pirate Party’ surprisingly won 2 seats in the European Parliament last year but has yet to score a seat in a national election. That may change as ‘Pirates’ run in the Netherlands general election this Spring. (“I, Senator Blackbeard pledge to fulfill my commitment to …”)
• A 3-year-old Tennessee toddler has reportedly shot herself in the abdomen after allegedly mistaking a semi-automatic handgun for … a Wii remote. (At least that’s what the lawsuit will say.)
• The mayor of Pecica, Romania has had traffic signs erected warning drivers about … drunks crossing. The signs read “Attention – Drunks” beneath a figure on his knees with a bottle. (A drawing of a figure holding a karaoke microphone was rejected.)

It may have hammered many a company’s balance sheet but the global financial crisis has made many employees feel more committed to their employer, a new global survey shows. The poll, conducted by international employment firm Kelly Services, has found that 43% of employees now feel ‘totally committed’ to their current employers and 26% label themselves ‘somewhat committed’. A total of 27% of worldwide respondents say the economic recession made them feel more loyal to their employer. (When you’re worried about hanging onto your job, are you gonna be up-front with some unknown interviewer?)


• Don’t ask for a size 7 if you’re a 9. No one cares how big your feet are.
• We all appreciate a little foot powder, if it’s not too much trouble.
• It’s not just the distance from the heel to the end of the big toe that matters; it’s also the distance from the heel to the ball of the foot.
• If we don’t have exactly what you want, it may not exist. And I can’t cobble it together in the back room while you wait either.
• Losing weight will make your knees, ankles, and feet feel better. Shoes – not so much.
• Don’t be a serial shoe returner. Once or twice, okay. But 20 times a year? I don’t think so.
• I may be kneeling at your feet, but I’m not your servant. Lose the ’tude, dude.
– Condensed from “Reader’s Digest”

• Precise GPS measurements from before and after the recent Chile earthquake show that the magnitude 8.8 shock moved the entire city of Concepcion 10 feet to the west.
• University of North Carolina researchers are contending that an 18% tax on pizza and soda pop could push down American adults’ calorie intake enough to lower their average weight by 5 lbs (2 kg) per year.
• What’s the most expensive drink at Starbucks? A NYC man took a ‘free drink’ coupon into a Manhattan outlet to find out. The result: A 13 shot venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel. With tax, it cost a total of $13.76.


1957 [53] Osama Bin Laden, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, Al-Qa’ida founder/world’s most-wanted man

1958 [52] Sharon Stone, Meadville PA, movie actress (“Bobby”, “Basic Instinct”)

1963 [47] Jeff Ament, Havre MT, rock bassist (Pearl Jam-“The Fixer”, “World Wide Suicide”)

1964 [46] Prince Edward (Edward Antony Richard Louis Windsor), London UK, QEII’s #3 son/Earl of Wessex & Viscount Severn/wed to Sophie Rhys-Jones

1971 [39] Jon Hamm, St Louis MO, TV actor (‘Don Draper’ on “Mad Men” since 2007)

1971 [39] Timbaland (Timothy Mosley), Virginia Beach VA, music producer/composer/singer/rapper (f/OneRepublic-“Apologize”, f/Nelly Furtado-“Promiscuous”)

1975 [35] Jerry Horton, Charleston SC, alt-rock guitarist (Papa Roach-“Lifeline”, “Forever”)

1977 [33] Robin Thicke, LA CA, R&B/soul singer (“Sex Therapy”, “Lost Without U”)/son of Canadian actor Alan Thicke  BS FACTOID: Last night he appeared on “The Hour” (CBC).

1983 [27] Carrie Underwood, Muskogee OK, country singer (“Cowboy Casanova”, “Before He Cheats”)/”American Idol 4” winner (2005)  BS FACTOID: Her “Play On” tour begins tomorrow night in Reading PA.

• “Canadian Music Week 2010”, through Sunday in Toronto. The annual event includes the “Canadian Music & Broadcast Industry Awards” Thursday and the “Canadian Radio Music Awards” Friday. (Best of luck to all the “BS” subscribers who are up for accolades!)

• “Mario Day”, saluting anyone with that name because the abbreviated date (MAR-10) sort of spells ‘Mario’. Famous Marios include NHL Hall of Famer Mario Lemieux, legendary race car driver Mario Andretti, and Super Mario Bros (videogame).


1842 [168] Queen’s University founded in Kingston ON (home of the ‘Golden Gaels’)

1876 [134] 1st ‘Telephone Call’ as Alexander Graham Bell says to Thomas Watson in next room: “Mr  Watson, come here. I want you.” (setting off all kinds of rumors)


2002 [08] Ravindra Nath Halder of Calcutta, India gets a call to come in for an interview for a government job he’d applied for … 34 years previously (the grandfather says he’s too old for the gig, but he’s glad to know his application is finally being considered)

[Thurs] World Kidney Day
[Fri] Girl Scout Day
[Fri] Middle Name Pride Day
[Sat] Earmuffs Day
[Sat] International Fanny Pack Day
[Sat] Genealogy Day
[Sat] Open an Umbrella Indoors Day
[Sat] 21st GLAAD Media Awards (NY/LA)
This Week Is … Brain Awareness Week
This Month Is … Listening Awareness Month


• Boil: The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic ‘Yuck’ before food is even tasted.
• Casserole: Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together.
• Dessert: The reason for eating a meal.
• Evaporate: Magic trick performed by kids when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes.
• Fruit: A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert.
• Refrigerator: A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner when not being used as an art gallery.
• Soda Pop: Shake ‘N Spray.
• Table Leg: Percussion instrument.

See if a contestant/guest/crew member can spell these difficult show biz names …
• Movie actress Scarlett Johansson.
• Actor-turned-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.
• Movie director M Night Shyamalan.
• “The Dark Knight” actress Maggie Gyllenhaal.
• Movie star Matthew McConaughey.
• CBC-TV’s “The Hour” host George Stroumboulopoulos.
• Actor Jason Lee’s son Pilot Inspektor.
• ‘Snuffleupagus’ from “Sesame Street”.
– Thanks to Jason English


Ask listeners for 4-word phrases that mean trouble, such as “License and registration, please”, “I’m from the government”, or “Where have you been?”


Oh my God, look at you this morning! Anyone else hurt in the accident?


Today’s Question: Studies show that doing THIS reduces stress and can actually help alleviate physical pain.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Swearing. (“TIME”)


If at first you don’t succeed, you’re doing about average.

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