Monday, March 22, 2010        Edition: #4223
Have Another Sheetload!

WEEKEND BLOG & TABLOID BS:
• Actress Sandra Bullock’s Sunset Beach neighbors in Orange County, California are furiously pleading with police to do something about the paparazzi who are camped out in the area, anxious to get the first photos of the Oscar-winner since her marriage split. Locals say the photogs have turned the place into a media circus. An Orange County Sheriff’s Department spokesperson says the snappers have every right to be there unless laws are broken. Bullock & husband Jesse James separated last week after tattoo model Michelle McGee claimed she & James had an affair while Bullock was shooting “The Blind Side”. (The ‘tattoo model’ – whatever that is – works at the Pure Platinum Strip Club in San Diego.)
– LATimes.com
• The movies “Up” and “Hotel for Dogs” shared the top film honors at Saturday night’s “Genesis Awards” in LA, co-winning the ‘Feature Film’ award. The annual accolades are handed out by the Humane Society of the United States for productions that raise public awareness and understanding of animal issues. “Family Guy” and “Bones” won the TV honors while “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” took the ‘Talk Show’ award.
– ContactMusic.com
• 27-year-old “Alice in Wonderland” actress Anne Hathaway has reportedly been receiving letters from her jailed ex-fiancée, Italian con-man Raffaello Follieri, begging her to ‘wait’ for him. He’s serving 4-and-a-half years in the slammer for wire fraud, conspiracy, and money laundering. A source says the letters are not only torturing her, they’re putting pressure on her new relationship with actor Adam Shulman. (Whose greatest claim to fame is … dating Anne Hathaway.)
– “Sunday Express”
• British impresario Simon Fuller (“Idol” shows worldwide, Spice Girls) sold his 19 Management company to American entertainment group CKX in 2005 but remained on in a consulting role. He’s now opted to leave the company to start a new venture, imaginatively named XIX. Rumors suggest he wants to go on to bigger things than TV, setting his sights on becoming a big-time Hollywood player. (It’s become a p—ing contest between Fuller and that other Simon … Cowell.)
– PopBitch.com
• Production on “Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows” has been stalled after the movie’s UK set was lit afire Friday by explosives during a scene in which ‘Hogwarts’ school gets blown up in a battle. The blaze was completely out of control at one point but was finally contained after 40 minutes. The first part of the film is due for release later this year, while the 2nd instalment hits the bigscreen in 2011. (We’re guessing the final scene will now take place in charred ruins.)
– “News Of the World”
• A new reality TV show featuring former boxing great Mike Tyson is embroiled in a gambling investigation before it even gets off the ground. The former heavyweight champ is a life-long pigeon racing fan, and planned to showcase his passion in the Animal Planet series “Take on Tyson”, scheduled to begin shooting next month. But now the Brooklyn NY DA’s office is looking into PETA allegations that the show will profit from animal racing and may violate local gambling laws. (Tyson’s asked the DA to listen to his side while he ‘chews his ear’ awhile.)
– TMZ.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/A Channel) – The contestants perform for the first time in the 2-hour 10th season premiere. This time around the cast includes sorta actress Pamela Anderson; NFL player Chad Ochocinco (Cincinnati Bengals); reality TV star Kate Gosselin; former astronaut Buzz Aldrin; Gold-medal Olympic skater Evan Lysacek; and Nicole Scherzinger, alpha Pussycat Doll.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Melanie Fiona (“The Bridge”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – All-American Rejects (“Almost Alice”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Grizzly Bear (“Yellow House”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Rogue Wave (“Permalight”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Michael Bublé (“Crazy Love”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Carrie Underwood (“Play On”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – kd lang (“Recollection”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Miley Cyrus (“The Time of Our Lives”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• Amy Winehouse – She’s taken up the Afro-Brazilian art form of Capoeira, a mix of martial arts, music & dance, to help her focus while working on her long-awaited new album.
• Carrie Underwood – Saturday a truck carrying staging for her “Play On” tour plummeted off a bridge on I-95 on the way to a show at the Foxwoods Casino in Mashantucket CT. A ruptured fuel tank caused the wreckage to burn and the driver was killed.
• Coldplay – They’ve reportedly said ‘no’ to having their songs used on hit FOX-TV show “Glee”. Same apparently goes for Bryan Adams.
• Justin Bieber – For his milestone 16th birthday earlier this month (March 1st), Usher bought him his first vehicle … a brand new Range Rover.
• Lady Antebellum – Their album “Need You Now” has now been certified platinum for shipments of 1 million copies and the title track has received double-platinum certification for more than 2 million downloads.
• Lady Gaga – A Martinsburg, West Virginia promoter has been advertising a private haircare launch party next month to feature performances by her and Adam Lambert. Tickets were being sold for $100-to-$200. Turns out neither performer was actually booked. Now the gig has been cancelled, and refunds are promised beginning tomorrow. (Good luck, suckers!)
• Paul McCartney – He and ex-, Heather Mills, have put their differences aside and now meet up weekly to discuss their young daughter Beatrice, according to UK paper “Sunday People”.

WHEN WE CHEAT ON TAXES:

New research at Austria’s University of Vienna has found that windfalls are more likely than hard-earned money to go unreported at tax time. Researchers think that’s because we place the most value on what we work hard for, and we’ll not only fight to keep it but are also less likely to put it at risk. On the other hand, researchers have found that taxpayers are less compliant with the law when money comes easily. That’s often why unexpected gains end up on the ‘gambling table’, unreported in taxes and tempting an audit. (For more info, Google “Survivor I” winner Richard Hatch.)
– “Psychology Today”

MANLY SLANG FROM THE 19TH CENTURY:
Authors Brett & Kate McKay have collected a selection of male sayings that were tossed about on the streets and in saloons back in the day. Among the more entertaining …
• ‘Admiral Of the Red’ – A person whose red face gives evidence of a fondness for drinking.
• ‘Bone Box’ – The mouth, as in “Shut your bone box!”
• ‘Cat-heads’ – A woman’s breasts.
• ‘Drumstick Cases’ – Pants (aka ‘sit-upons’).
• ‘Earth Bath’ – A grave.
• ‘Fimble-Famble’ – A lame excuse.
• ‘Fizzing’ – First-rate, very good, excellent!
• ‘Go-By-the-Ground’ – A little short person, male or female.
• ‘Hogmagundy’ – Having sexual relations.
• ‘Out of Print’ – Dead.
– ArtOfMaliness.com

ROAD PIZZA COUTURE:
Aspiring British fashion designer James Faulkner has created an entire line of hats using the wings, feathers, and fur of … roadkill. Faulkner says it’s satisfying to make something beautiful out of something gruesome. The idea started when he spotted a magpie in a sorry state while he was walking along a road. He picked it up using a plastic bag and later used the wing feathers to make a hat for a friend. He admits he cut off the wings with an axe. (Explaining the comment, “Bloody nice hat you’re wearing!”)
– Telegraph.co.uk

THINGS YOUR TAX ACCOUNTANT WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU:
• There are some companies that put newly hired preparers through a 6-week, evenings-only tax course, then turn them loose to prepare returns with very little monitoring. The old axiom ‘you get what you pay for’ is often true.
• Nothing is more frustrating than a client who shows up with a box full of receipts and says ‘prepare my tax return’. At the very least, write everything down so we know what is included.
• If you make several trips to your local Goodwill or Salvation Army in a year, keep records of these donations. People often lose out on deductions by overlooking non-cash charitable contributions.
• If it comes to an audit hire your CPA to go with you, as opposed to going yourself. You can even authorize your accountant to go on your behalf.
• For those of you who are self-employed, it’s critical to set money aside for taxes so you’re not slapped with a massive tax liability at the end of the year.
• Don’t complain about our fees based on the fact that you or your business had a bad year. The time and effort it takes to complete a tax return does not change in relation to your annual income or loss.
• If you wait until the last minute and show up unprepared, don’t even bother asking for your return to get finished by the deadline.
– Condensed from “Reader’s Digest”

THE WORLD AT OUR FINGERTIPS:
For the first time in some 50 years, new dorm rooms at the University of Illinois don’t have connections for land-line phones. Students now use their cellphones not only for voice calls but to get text alerts when they have a package, to wake up for classes, and to get notified of a weather or safety emergency. In one dorm, they can get a text message or e-mail when their laundry is done or when there’s an available washing machine. (Student or not, could you survive without your cellphone?)
– “Chicago Tribune”

DID YOU KNOW?
• From 1939 to 1950 just 8 teams played in the NCAA basketball tournament (now nicknamed ‘March Madness’). The number then grew incrementally over the next 35 years until 1985 when the field reached 64 teams. In 2001, the NCAA added a ‘play-in game’, taking the total to 65.
– TheToiletPaper.com
• Mercedes-Benz employs a full-time sniper. Because it has an armored car division, a single shooter is employed to test various types of armor and bulletproof glass.
– PopBitch.com
• The Universal Music Group is lowering its CD prices in an effort to attract more consumers to the format. By pricing CDs at $10 or less, it’s hoped they’ll become more competitive with prices charged for digital downloads. It’s thought the lower prices will be offset by an increase in the number of CDs sold.
– Billboard.com

BS CHRONOMETER 03.22.10


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [79] William Shatner, Montréal QC, TV actor (“Boston Legal” 2004-08, “Star Trek” 1966-1969)/movie actor (“Miss Congeniality”, “Dodgeball”)/product pitchperson

1948 [62] (Sir) Andrew Lloyd Webber, London UK, composer/producer (Tony Awards for “Phantom Of the Opera” & “Cats”, Tony & Academy Awards for “Evita”)

1948 [62] Wolf Blitzer, Buffalo NY, CNN news anchor since 1990 (“The Situation Room”)

1952 [58] Bob Costas, Queens NY, NBC-TV sports anchor since 1980 (“Football Night in America”, Olympic Games)/multiple “Emmy Award” winner

1976 [34] Reese Witherspoon, New Orleans LA, movie actress (“Four Christmases”, Oscar-“Walk the Line”)/ex-wife of actor Ryan Phillippe (1999-2006)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “As Young As You Feel Day”, a day to quit wallowing in worry about your chronological age and start feeling peppy!

• “Goof-Off Day”, a day to relax, be yourself and generally just goof off. In other words … a regular day.

• “Sing-Out Day”, a time to let fly with a special tune to let someone know how you feel.

• “World Water Day”, a UN observance since 1992 emphasizing the worldwide necessity of potable drinking water and proper treatment of wastewater. The 2010 theme is ‘Clean Water For a Healthy World’.
NET: http://www.worldwaterday.org/page/2536

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1894 [116] 1st Stanley Cup Championship Game as Montréal Amateur Athletic Association defeats Ottawa Capitals 3-1 (oldest championship in professional sports in North America)

1980 [30] People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is founded by animal rights activists Ingrid Newkirk & Alex Pacheco (based in Norfolk VA)

AND REMEMBER . . .

[Tues] Puppy Day
[Tues] World Meteorological Day
[Tues] Diabetes Alert Day
[Wed] Chocolate Covered Raisins Day
[Wed] World Tuberculosis Day
[Thurs] Letting Go of Stuff Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Bubble Blowers Week / Clutter Awareness Week / International Chocolate Week / Week of Solidarity with People’s Struggling Against Racism & Discrimination / World Folk Tales & Fables Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS BOGUS CHARITIES:
Close to 6 million Canadians donate close to $6 billion annually to registered charities. Hopefully, none of these are included …
• Shave the Children
• The Make-A-Dish Foundation
• The Damnation Army
• Totally Unplanned & Accidental Parenthood
• Rock Stars For Birth Control
• World Cockfighting Appreciation League
• Billionaire Socialites For Swanky Benefit Dinner Parties
• Amnesty International House of Pancakes
• Society for the Methodical Elimination of Your Religion
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

TRUTH OR BS?

Some of these statements are true; some are total hogwash. You run down the list while a contestant/studio guest/crew member tries to decide which are which …
• Lonely parrots can go insane. [TRUE. No wonder they’re always squawking!]
• A fluorescent lamp uses more electricity when you turn it on than during 10 minutes of normal operation. [BS. It’s a commonly believed urban myth.]
• You can win on a gambling machine by putting a big magnet near it. [BS. A rabbit’s foot doesn’t work either.]
• Before 1850, most golf balls were stuffed with feathers. [TRUE. But it didn’t make them ‘fly’ any further.]
• The only manmade object visible from space is the Great Wall of China. [BS. You don’t have to go that far up to be in ‘space’. Lots of things are visible: (co-host’s) ego for example ...]

BS RANDOM JOKE:
60% of the time, that works every time.

BS PHONE STARTER:

Some people have a penchant for screwing up old sayings. It often makes them more interesting than the original. What messed up adages have you heard? How about …
• “Let’s not burn that bridge until we get to it!”
• “Blessed are the homewreckers …”
• “Drink this, it’ll put some monkey on your back!”
• “The air was so thick you could cut it with cheese!”
• “Are you happy to see me or did I just run up a flagpole?”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The busiest day for THIS job is Monday.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Plumbing.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.


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