Thursday, March 27, 2008        Edition: #3741
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

62-year-old “Dancing With the Stars” contestant Priscilla Presley admits she’s undergoing corrective surgery for a botched cosmetic procedure in 2003 by Daniel Serrano, the unlicensed Argentine ‘dirty doc’ who was jailed for injecting industrial, low-grade silicone into women’s faces (before you let some quack pump plastic into your head, wouldn’t you check for a diploma on the wall?) . . . 45-year-old actress Demi Moore says she’s constantly searching for ‘the cutting edge in health & healing’ and that’s why she recently subjected herself to a bloodsucking leech treatment at an Austrian spa (you think she’d get enough of that kind of treatment in Hollywood) . . . 62-year-old Oscar-winning actress Helen Mirren (“The Queen”) has been named ‘Top Show Biz Personality’ by the Naturist Society for ‘promoting healthy nudity’ in her movies and private life (runners-up include “The Closer” star Kyra Sedgwick and “Lost” actor Matthew Fox) . . . “Desperate Housewives” actress Nicollette Sheridan has settled a lawsuit in mediation after her former manager, Rob Lee, sued her for sacking him without cause back in 2004 (right after he nailed down the role of her life) . . . And pregnant 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears (“Zoey 101”) has sparked rumors she’s set to wed her baby-daddy Casey Aldridge after showing off a diamond ring to relatives in Mississippi (where she’s referred to as the ‘old maid’ of the family).

• Amy Winehouse – She admits she needs to return to rehab, after recently being diagnosed with impetigo, a skin infection that’s often a side-effect of crack cocaine use. Her management is currently assessing a clinic in Cape Town, South Africa as a possibility. Far, far from London.
• Britney Spears – She’s just been dishonored with the annual “Skinnies Award” for the worst celebrity skin, presented by dermatologist Dr Vail Reese on his website ( NET: Meantime, her guest appearance on “How I Met Your Mother” THIS WEEK gave the TV sitcom its highest-ever ratings … bad skin or not.
• Fleetwood Mac – Guitarist Lindsey Buckingham confirms the classic rock band is looking at touring sometime in the first half of 2009, but says the rumor that Sheryl Crow will replace the retired Christine McVie has not yet gone past the discussion stage. Who needs who more?
• Guns ‘N Roses – As a promotional stunt, Dr Pepper has promised that if Axl Rose releases the long-in-production “Chinese Democracy” album at any point in 2008, everyone in America will get a free can of the soft drink (it’s a safe bet this will cost the company nada). Begun in 1994, the album is taking almost as long to percolate as actual democracy in China.
• Paul McCartney – Heather Mills is reportedly planning to hire an accounting firm to investigate her ex-husband’s fortune in a bid to land a larger divorce settlement. It seems the $48.6-million payout announced LAST WEEK just ain’t enough.
• Spice Girls – Explicit pics of Geri Halliwell back when she was a teenage wannabe have been dug up by sleaze mag “Hustler”, which will feature the fishnet photos in the upcoming issue.

• “Celebrity Apprentice” (NBC) – In the live 2-hour season finalé, country star Trace Adkins & British media personality Piers Morgan battle it out as the last contestants standing. Donald Trump awards $250,000 to the winner’s favorite charity. Adkins & his band perform his latest single, “You’re Gonna Miss This”.
• Def Leppard – The 19-concert North American leg of their 2008 World Tour kicks off in Greensboro NC. Classic rockers Styx and REO Speedwagon are the opening acts.
• “Eli Stone” (ABC/CTV) – Pop singer George Michael does a (2nd) guest appearance, playing himself. He hires ‘Eli’ after a schoolgirl is suspended for singing one of his songs (“I Want Your Sex” perhaps?)
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC): Miami metal band Black Tide (“Shockwave”) performs.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC): Rapper Fat Joe promotes his new album, “Elephant In the Room”.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Colbie Caillat sings a medley of her greatest hit.
• Mary J Blige – She does a concert with Jay-Z at the Nassau Coliseum on Long Island NY. She’s already filed a lawsuit to have hucksters selling fake “Heart Of the City” tour T-shirts outside the venue to be charged. Now that’s pre-planning!
• “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated/CTV) – Grammy-winner Seal & his “Project Runway” host wife Heidi Klum do their first TV interview together.
• Sum 41 – They play Toronto’s Kool Haus. Then Deryck Whibley & wife Avril Lavigne host an ‘after-party’ at Tattoo Rock Parlour for which fans will also have to buy tickets.
• Switchfoot – They launch their “Up In Arms Tour” in San Antonio TX.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Alt-country singer Allison Moorer is a guest.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Crazy On the Outside” – Tim Allen & Sigourney Weaver play brother & sister in this comedy about an ex-con trying to follow the straight and narrow. Jeanne Tripplehorn co-stars as the parole officer he attempts to hit on. The movie serves as Allen’s feature film directorial debut.
• “The Low Dwellers” – Leonardo DiCaprio & Ridley Scott are co-producers and actor-director in this dark thriller about an ex-con who’s trying to rejoin society but finds himself the target of a shady character from his past looking to settle a score. The duo recently completed the political
thriller “Body of Lies” together (out OCTOBER 10th). Guess they like each other!
• “Rambo 5” – Sylvester Stallone has confirmed his action man will return for at least one more adventure. The streets of Bulgaria will double for ‘Rambo’s native Arizona in what is likely to be the final installment of the franchise. Bulgaria has been chosen because it’s much cheaper to film in Eastern Europe.
• “The Taking Of Pelham 123“ – Denzel Washington & John Travolta star in the remake of the 1978 thriller about a transit cop pitted against a gang of hijackers who hold a subway train for ransom. James Gandolfini co-stars as the NYC mayor. The Tony Scott-helmed film has begun shooting and is due for release NEXT YEAR.
• “W” – 34-year-old “Scrubs” actress Elizabeth Banks is close to signing on to star opposite  Josh Brolin as the First Lady in Oliver Stone’s upcoming look at the life of George Bush. The film begins shooting in Louisiana NEXT MONTH. Stone promises the movie will contain surprises for both Bush supporters and detractors.

Broccoli may slow down the effects of aging, according to new research. A chemical found in the veggie called ‘sulforaphane’ has been found to activate a number of antioxidant genes and enzymes. UCLA researcher Dr Andre Nel says it may interfere with the age-related decline in immune function. (The good news – you’re gonna live forever. The bad news – you gotta keep eating broccoli.)
– “Daily Mail”

A Japanese website is marketing a pair of sunglasses that purportedly help you … lose weight. How so? The supposed science behind the ‘Blue Shade Glasses’ is that blue is considered the least appetizing color of the spectrum, so if everything you eat looks blue you will eat less of it and magically lose weight. (At least that’s the theory.)
– “Curious Times”

According to a new online poll, these are the best-ever Fab Four do-overs …
5. “Come Together”,  Aerosmith.
4. “Across The Universe”, Fiona Apple.
3. “With A Little Help From My Friends”, Joe Cocker.
2. “I Am The Walrus”, Oasis.
1. “Helter Skelter”, U2.
(How come no versions from the “Across the Universe” movie soundtrack made the cut?)
– “Rolling Stone”

Just in case your cellphone doesn’t perform enough functions, an innovative new arrangement between Rogers Wireless and concert promoter Live Nation allows mobile ticketing for concerts whereby users can purchase tix and receive them through their phones using a service called ‘Wireless Box Office’. Once a credit card order has been processed, purchasers receive a text message confirmation plus an MMS bar code that gets scanned at the event. (Now ticket scalpers will be hawking armloads of cellphones outside concert venues.)
– Sun Media

Stressed-out parents are not only damaging their own health, they may also be making their children more vulnerable to illness. After a 3-year study of kids aged 5-to-10, scientists at the University of Rochester in New York have determined that a disproportionate amount of ill-health, including fever, occurred among those parents were under stress. So far the researchers haven’t found the connection between parental stress and offspring illness. (Maybe the parents are all wired because … their kids are sick all the time?)
– “New Scientist”

A new study has found that mothers have better vision, coordination, and memory; stronger survival instincts; and go about their tasks more efficiently than non-mothers. The research findings relate only to animal testing so far. (But any human mom will tell you it’s true.)


1963 [45] Quentin Tarantino, Knoxville TN, film producer/writer/director (“Kill Bill”, Oscar-“Pulp Fiction”)

1970 [38] Mariah Carey, Huntington NY, pop singer (“Don’t Forget About Us”, “We Belong Together”)/5 Grammy Awards/17 #1 hits

1970 [38] Elizabeth Mitchell, LA CA, TV actress (‘Dr Juliet Burke’ on “Lost” since 2006)

1975 [33] Fergie (Stacy Ferguson), Whittier CA, pop singer (“Clumsy”, “Big Girls Don’t Cry”, Black Eyed Peas-“My Humps”, “Where Is The Love?”)/movie actress (“Grindhouse”, “Poseidon”)

1995 [13] Taylor Atelian, Santa Barbara CA, TV actress (‘Ruby’ on the Jim Belushi sitcom “According to Jim” since 2001)

• “National Joe Day”, when people who hate their names are to be called ‘Joe’. Ask listeners for the most horrific given names they’ve come across. Or just ask Halle Berry to name another kid.

• “Photography Day”, set aside to celebrate the birthday of the great photographer Edward Steichen, who was born in Luxembourg in 1879 and died in West Redding CT in 1973. With cellphone cameras able to immediately post pics online, he likely wouldn’t even recognize photography equipment today.

• “Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day”. How about these, for instance …
– “You’ve Got Sawdust On the Floor of Your Heart”
– “Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, Because I’m Kissing You Goodbye”
– “You’re the Ring Around My Bathtub, You’re the Hangnail of My Life”
– “Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart”
– “I Went Back to My Fourth Wife For the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me”
There’s a whole mess of other wacky titles listed here …
If you don’t have a hankerin’ for any of those, the ‘Do-It-Yourself Country Song Generator’ will help you create a hit in just moments …

1995 [13] David Letterman hosts the 67th Academy Awards, when he infamously introduces 2 celebs in the audience by saying, “Oprah, Uma … Uma, Oprah”

2002 [06] Deaths of Oscar-winning filmmaker Billy Wilder (“Some Like It Hot”) at age 95, groundbreaking TV comedian Milton Berle (‘Mr Television’) at 93, and movie actor-comedian Dudley Moore (“10“) at 66

1982 [26] Novelty record “Take Off” by ‘Bob & Doug McKenzie’ peaks at #16 on the pop singles chart (SCTV’s Rick Moranis & Dave Thomas, plus Geddy Lee of Rush on singing parts)

1790 [218] 1st ‘Shoelace’ (next day … 1st busted shoelace)

1860 [148] 1st ‘Corkscrew’ (ML Byrn’s ‘Covered Gimlet Screw with T Handle’)

1917 [91] 1st US team to win hockey’s “Stanley Cup” (Seattle Metropolitans of Pacific Coast League defeat Montréal Canadiens 23-to-11 in a 4-game, total-goal series the season before the new ‘NHL’ begins play)

1998 [10] The ‘Little Blue Pill’ for men (we can’t write the name or your spam filter will block this entire “BS” issue) is 1st approved for sale by FDA (men begin skipping to work in the morning)

[Fri] Something On a Stick Day
[Sat] Vietnam Veterans Day
[Sat] Kids Choice Awards (Nickelodeon)
[Sat] “The Real World” 20th season debut (MTV)
[Sat] Global Earth Hour (8 pm local)
[Sat] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Halifax)
[Sat] Mom & Pop Business Owners Day
This Week Is … Cleaning Week
This Month Is … Cheerleading Safety Month


10. Banjo-playing kid, “Deliverance” (1972)
9. ‘Cole Sear’, “Sixth Sense” (1999)
8. Sack boy, “The Orphanage” (2008)
7. ‘Regan MacNeil’, “The Exorcist” (1973)
6. Girls skipping, “Nightmare On Elm Street” (1984)
5. ‘Toshio’, “The Grudge” (2003)
4. ‘Homer’, “Near Dark” (1987)
3. Young ‘Sadako’, “Ring Trilogy” (1998-2000)
2. Twins, “The Shining” (1980)
1. ‘Damien Thorn’, “The Omen” (1976)
– Condensed from

You run down the list while your contestant tries to decide which of these are actual names of bands (past or present) and which are complete fakes …
• Neighborhood Smelt [FAKE]
• Ransom Seahorse [FAKE]
• The Wrench Twisting Streetlickers
• Immaculate Infection
• Shame Encyclopedias [FAKE]
• Peace, Love, and Pitbulls
• Big Fat Pet Clams From Outer Space
• Botany Ballyhoo [FAKE]
• Chucks Bumblebee [FAKE]
• Screaming Moist Accountants

To celebrate “Caffeine Awareness Month”, this website celebrates the world’s most popular bean by providing interesting alternative uses for coffee, ranging from ‘cleaning your fireplace’ to ‘making a luxurious body scrub’.

Once again you’ve hit the nail right on the thumb …

Today’s Question: Online dating experts say that if you want to get a lot of dates, you shouldn’t do THIS in your accompanying photo.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pose with your car.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.

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