Wednesday, March 26, 2008        Edition: #3740
Get a Load of This Sheet!

Movie actress Scarlett Johnasson has turned down an offer from impresario Andrew Lloyd Webber to star in his upcoming stage musical adaptation of “The Sound of Music”, due to ‘her busy movie-making schedule’ (BS translation: You can’t afford me, creepy old man) . . . Sony BMG Music is the latest to begin developing an online service which will give users unlimited access to its music in a format compatible with most digital players, meaning soon there’ll be oodles of sites on which to download music for free (what’s new is – it will be legal) . . . “Prison Break” (FOX) has been renewed for a full 22-episode new season, which begins shooting in Los Angeles in MAY in time for a Fall debut (how can this guy keep escaping for 4 years?) . . . Veteran actor Donald Sutherland says he was forced to turn down the chance to play his real-life son Kiefer Sutherland’s onscreen dad on “24” because he was busy shooting the lame movie “Fool’s Gold” in Australia (hmm, too bad you can’t go back and rethink that one) . . . Sean Combs (the ego formerly known as ‘Diddy’) has avoided going to trial by quietly settling out-of-court with the guy who claimed he was slugged at a post-Oscars bash LAST YEAR (this is what you do when you’re a rich celeb – pay people to shut up & go away) . . . “American Idol” alumni Ace Young, Bo Bice, and Jon Peter Lewis have signed on to participate in THIS SUMMER’s “Idol Camp”, instructing youngsters on performance techniques (how to come in 10th in competitions?) . . . “Harry Potter” creator JK Rowling will take to the witness stand NEXT MONTH in her legal bid to stop the planned publication of “The Harry Potter Lexicon” encyclopedia because, she claims, she intends to pen her own official version (and thereby keep ALL of the money) . . . And 46-year-old actor Woody Harrelson (“No Country For Old Men”) says he’s planning a starvation retreat on a remote Hawaiian island during which he’ll live on nothing but spring water for 40 days (and perhaps contemplate why he signed up to make the upcoming movie version of “The A-Team”).

• Aerosmith – Guitarist Joe Perry is recovering in hospital after undergoing knee replacement surgery. He put the operation off for 2 years so he could fulfill the band’s touring commitments.
• Amy Winehouse – She’s reportedly in talks to buy the $6-million Wheeler End Studios in Berkshire UK in time to record her 3rd album. The rural studio complex has been used by the likes of Robbie Williams, Led Zeppelin, and Oasis.
• Justin Timberlake – He’s donated big bucks to 2 organizations in his hometown, giving 100-grand to both the Memphis Rock ‘n Soul Museum and the Memphis Music Foundation.
• Sara Evans – The 37-year-old country star is engaged to marry Jay Barker, a former University of Alabama QB who now hosts the morning show on WJOX-FM Birmingham AL (JOX 100.5 The Sports Monster). A wedding date is yet to be set.
• Smashing Pumpkins – They’re suing their record label, Virgin, for using their name & image in a ‘Pepsi Stuff’ promotion which the band claims has damaged their credibility with fans.
• Toby Keith – His 2-CD greatest hits collection, “35 Biggest Hits”, will be released MAY 6th.

• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW/CityTV) – One of the girls gets the opportunity to pose nude for Nigel. Wow, lucky her!
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Another contestant must go home in this week’s results show.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Hip-hop artist Lupe Fiasco (“Superstar”) performs.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – The red-hot Jonas Brothers are onstage. Young girls will scream.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Hellogoodbye (“Here In Your Arms”) is on.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – Wacky Icelandic singer Bjork drops by.
• “The Young & the Restless” (CBS) – The show’s 35th anniversary edition features a storyline that returns several earlier characters to the show, including ‘Danny Romalotti’ (Michael Damian), who debuted on the series in 1981.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Astroturfing’ – A deceptive marketing practice used online, whereby a fraudulent message is planted as grassroots word-of-mouth. (“Is it true Hillary wears a toupée or is that just astroturfing from Obama’s people?”)
• ‘Drunkorexia’ – A new trend in which weight-conscious women drink a few glasses of wine instead of eating dinner in order to stay slim. (Guys are gonna love this … a cheap drunk!)
• ‘Ethical Will’ – A document that bequeaths a person’s beliefs, ideals, and dreams rather than money and material goods. (“And to my slacker grandson Gavin, I leave my harebrained theory about the triumph of good over evil. Enjoy.”)

• In Wales, a 25-year-old Cardiff man who won a $2.6-million lottery jackpot a year-and-a-half ago has returned to his job … because he missed his co-workers at McDonald’s. After 18 months of living the good life, he says he discovered there’s only so much relaxing you can do, so he decided to go back to his old position as staff trainer. (Dammit! Why do THESE people always win?)
– “Daily Mail”
• In Italy, cops are on the hunt for a man who seems to be robbing supermarket cashiers by … hypnotizing them. Surveillance video footage shows him talking quietly to a clerk, eventually convincing her to hand over a wad of cash. In every case, according to police reports, the last thing the cashiers remember is the guy leaning over and saying “Look into my eyes.” (What the video doesn’t pick up is him adding, “I’ll split all the money in your till with you after work …”)
– BBC News
• In Boston, FBI officials have decided to punish 3 agents after one of them accosted a female prosecutor and … gave her a ‘noogie’. Not only is the perpetrator being axed for ‘acting inappropriately’, 2 male colleagues who witnessed the incident and later lied about it are also said to be in jeopardy. (Wow, for the old ‘pull my finger’ routine you likely get the electric chair.)
– “Boston Globe”

Author Lori Gottlieb, who’s writing a book on how to find a successful relationship, says her best advice for people looking for love is … settle! While statistics show that women are having problems finding someone they consider a suitable mate, Gottlieb contends the problem is actually their high expectations for a ‘Mr Right’. Quit waiting for the lightning bolt, the music, and the butterflies in the belly, she says, because if you marry ‘Mr Good Enough’ in your 30s, you won’t be alone and childless in your 40s. By the way, LA-based Gottlieb is 40 … and single. (Is there a soul-mate for everyone out there … or is love just a growing experience?)
– “Star-Times

A combined University of British Columbia/Harvard Business School research team has found that money in fact CAN buy happiness … but only if you spend it on someone else. The joint study concludes that spending as little as $5-a-day on someone else can significantly boost happiness. Regardless of how much income test subjects made, those who spent money on others consistently reported greater happiness than those who spent it mostly on themselves. Bottom line – how people spend their money is at least as important as how much money they earn. (Okay, so who wants to be really happy this morning and spot me a 20?)
– “Science”

Lugging around the giant handbags that are in fashion at the moment can damage your spine, health experts say. Women risk causing permanent damage by carrying overstuffed bags on one shoulder or in the crook of their arm. It’s estimated that the average woman now carries around 5.2 lb in her handbag … twice as much as her mother used to. Osteopaths say constantly lugging that much weight on the same shoulder can compress the muscles on one side while stretching those on the other. Ideally, weight should be carried across both shoulders close to the body. (So what you’re looking for is some sort of ‘evening backpack’.)
– “China Daily”

Wildlife experts think that a moose’s antlers may act as … large hearing aids. According to  father-and-son research team George & Peter Bubenik, the large flat antlers of male moose may boost their hearing by almost 20%. As any hunter knows, moose have excellent hearing, partially because their ears are 60 times the size of humans. But this new study shows that antlered bulls can locate the position of moose cows much more accurately than males without antlers or other females. That suggests that the antlers must play a part in hearing. (How long before Miracle Ear is selling strap-on antlers for seniors?)
– “The Independent“


1934 [74] Alan Arkin, NYC, movie actor (2007 Academy Award-“Little Miss Sunshine”, “Rendition”)  COMING UP: Plays ‘The Chief’ in the upcoming bigscreen version of the TV classic “Get Smart”, opening JUNE 20th.

1940 [68] James Caan, Bronx NY, TV actor (“Las Vegas” 2003-07)/movie actor (“Misery”, “The Godfather”)

1944 [64] Diana Ross (Diane Earle), Detroit MI, former Motown singer (“Endless Love”, Supremes-“Where Did Our Love Go”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1988)

1948 [60] Steve Tyler (Tallarico), Yonkers NY, rock singer (Aerosmith-“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”, “Dream On”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2001)/actress Liv Tyler’s long absent father

1950 [58] Martin Short, Hamilton ON, movie actor (“The Spiderwick Chronicles”, “Father Of the Bride”)/TV comedian (“Primetime Glick” 2001-03, “Saturday Night Live” 1984-85, “SCTV” 1982-84)

1957 [51] Leeza Gibbons, Hartsville SC, TV personality (“Dancing With the Stars” 2007, “Extra!” 2000-02, “Entertainment Tonight” 1984-95)/syndicated radio host (“Leeza “Live”, Leeza At Night”, “Hollywood Confidential”)

1966 [42] Michael Imperioli, Mount Vernon NY, TV actor (“The Sopranos” since 1999-2007)

1968 [40] Kenny Chesney, Knoxville TN, country singer (“Don’t Blink”, “Beer In Mexico”)/2007 People’s Choice Awards Favorite Male Singer/2007 ACM Entertainer of the Year/2007 CMA Entertainer of the Year/2007 AMA Entertainer of the Year/briefly married to movie actress Renée Zellweger (May-September 2005)

1973 [35] TR (Theodore Raymond) Knight, Minneapolis MN, TV actor (‘Dr George O’Malley’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

1974 [34] Mike Peca, Toronto ON, NHL player (Columbus Blue Jackets, ex-Vancouver, ex-Edmonton, ex-Toronto)

1985 [23] Keira Knightley, Teddington UK, movie actress (“Atonement”, “Pirates Of the Caribbean” movies)

• “Legal Assistants Day”, honoring all those who help lawyers with their briefs.

• “Make Up Your Own Holiday Day”. What ingredients make for a good holiday? Special foods? Parades? Costumes? Fireworks? Religious obligations? A day off from the sweatbox?

2007 [01] Broward County FL Medical Examiner’s Office reveals Anna Nicole Smith died of an accidental overdose of at least 9 prescription medications

2007 [01] Elton John’s entire music catalogue is made available online for the first time (at least legally)

1872 [136] 1st ‘Fire Extinguisher’ (apparently created for fight scenes in action movies)

1956 [52] 1st ‘Medic Alert’ bracelets

1996 [12] Orlando Magic’s NBA-record 40-game ‘home win streak’ finally ends vs LA Lakers

[Thurs] National Joe Day
[Thurs] Photography Day
[Thurs] Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day
[Fri] Something On a Stick Day
[Fri] “Flawless”; “Run, Fatboy, Run”; “Stop Loss”; “Superhero Movie”; and “21“ open in movie theaters
[Sat] Kids Choice Awards (Nickelodeon)
[Sat] Vietnam Veterans Day
[Sat] Global Earth Hour (8 pm local)
[Sat] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Halifax)
[Sat] Mom & Pop Business Owners Day
This Week Is … Doctor-Patient Trust Week
This Month Is … Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month


• Arrange Flowers – Use in place of florist’s foam to hold flower stems in a floral arrangement.
• Clean Silverware – Soak it for an hour in water that you have boiled potatoes in.
• Compost for Potted Plants – Chopped spuds make good compost for flowering plants.
• Face Mask – Mashed potato with lemon juice & a teaspoon of milk makes a great face mask which you can put on, leave for 20 minutes, and then rinse off.
• Hot/Cold Compress – Heat a potato, wrap it in a cloth, and use as a hot compress. Do the same with a cold one that has been in the freezer.
• Remove Berry Stains – Use a piece of raw tater to scrub stained fingers.
• Remove Salt from Soups – Add a cut-up potato to soups or stews that have been over-salted.
• Soothe Burns – Gently touching a minor burn with a cut potato will take out the sting.
• Treat Warts – Rub with raw potato. Its potassium & vitamin C promote healing.
• And oh yeah … you can also eat ‘em.

What’s the most offensive thing a person could do while visiting your home? (In a new “Good Homes” magazine poll, ‘smoking without permission’ is ranked #1. Other offences making the list: ‘criticizing the decor’, ‘raiding the fridge’, and ‘overstaying a welcome’.)

Are the following former TV personalities still alive or have they faded to black?
GAME #1 –
• Long-time TV host Art Linkletter (“Kids Say the Darndest Things”). [Alive at 95.]
• Kids’ show host Fred Rogers of “Mr Rogers’ Neighborhood”. [Died 2003.]
• “People’s Court” judge Joseph Wapner. [Alive at 88.]
• Former late night talk show host Dick Cavett [Alive at 71.]
• TV’s “The French Chef”, Julia Child. [Deceased 2004.]
• “Soul Train” host Don Cornelius. [Alive and 71.]

GAME #2 –
• Talk show host Phil Donahue. [Alive and 72.]
• Bandleader/variety show host Lawrence Welk. [Died 1992.]
• Former “20/20” co-host Hugh Downs. [Alive at 87.]
• “Captain Kangaroo” Bob Keeshan. [Dead as of 2004.]
• “Galloping Gourmet” TV chef Graham Kerr. [Alive and 74.]
• “Lifestyles Of the Rich & Famous” host Robin Leach. [Alive at 66.]

In my world, every hour is happy hour.

Today’s Question: A recent study shows that people who have THIS are more promiscuous than those who don’t.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Body art (tattoos and/or body piercings beyond earlobes).

Adults are just kids who owe money.

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