Tuesday, March 4, 2008        Edition: #3724
Sheet Happens!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Oscar-nominated “Juno” star Ellen Page has dropped out of director Sam Raimi’s forthcoming horror film, ”Drag Me to Hell”, because of a ‘scheduling conflict’ (translation: I can’t work with this idiot) . . . US federal drug authorities investigating the death of actor Heath Ledger are interrogating 2 doctors who are believed to have supplied him with the painkillers OxyContin & Vicodin (it’s a little late now) . . . Meantime, a shirtless portrait of the late actor, which he sat for less than 2 months before his death, has been entered in the 2008 “Archibald Prize” competition, Australia’s top award for portraiture (Melbourne artist Vincent Fantauzzo says he’ll give the large canvas work to the actor’s family) . . . Soon-to-be “Kath & Kim” TV star Selma Blair has been unceremoniously dumped by live-in beau Matt Felker (the guy in Britney Spears’ “Toxic” video) after he came home unexpectedly and found her – hooking up with another dude (oops!) . . . Wal-Mart, the largest retailer of music with an estimated 22% market share, is proposing a new 5-tier pricing scheme that would see new even lower CD prices ranging from $5-to-$12 (the high-end price for current hits, the low-end for anything by Ashlee Simpson) . . . And YouTube has announced it’s set to offer its own live TV channels, allowing users to produce their own talk shows, perform music, or even set up 24/7 ‘lifecasts’ of their daily activities (cool, insomnia just became much less of a problem).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Arcade Fire – They’ve played free shows in Ohio and Texas to rally support for Democratic candidate Barrack Obama in TONIGHT’s primaries in those states.
• Avril Lavigne – She says she’s disgusted by Hollywood starlets who tip off the paparazzi and hang around in areas where they know they’ll be spotted by photogs.
• Madonna – She & Guy Ritchie are new landlords after purchasing their local pub, the 18th-century Punchbowl public house in London’s exclusive Mayfair district. Price: circa $5 million!
• Outkast – André (3000) Benjamin says he’s heading into the studio to bang out his debut solo album. After spending much of the last couple of years acting (most recently in “Semi-Pro”), he’s apparently ready to return to music.
• Rihanna – She’s denying rumors she’s dating fellow singer Chris Brown, saying she’s having too much fun living the single life.
• Van Halen – Word has it the remainder of the group’s reunion tour, scheduled to continue through APRIL 19th, has been canceled. Insiders say the reason is that Eddie Van Halen is having ‘issues’ (translation: he’s off the wagon) and his guitar playing has been atrocious.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Academy of Country Music Awards – Brad Paisley & Carrie Underwood announce the nominees for the 43rd annual honors at Nashville’s Country Music Hall of Fame & Museum. The hardware’s handed out MAY 18th at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Alt-rockers Collective Soul make an appearance.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – Pink guests, perhaps talking about her marriage breakup?
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Lenny Kravitz is Dave’s musical guest.
• ”Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Michael McDonald is on.
• Lynyrd Skynyrd – A 2-disc 30th anniversary edition of their album, “Street Survivors”, is released, including the previously-unheard, last-known recordings of the band, and 5 songs performed live in concert less than 2 months before their plane crashed in 1977.
• “New Amsterdam” (FOX/Global) – Danish actor Nikolaj Coster-Waldau stars in this new drama about a brilliant and enigmatic NYC homicide detective with a profound secret … he’s immortal.
• “Rip The Runway” (BET) – The 4th annual Diddy-produced fashion & music special recorded in NYC is hosted by Nelly and actress Lauren London. Performances include Flo Rida w/T-Pain, Missy Elliott, NERD, and Snoop Dogg.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – Alan Jackson performs music from his new album, “Good Time” (released TODAY), which includes the single “Small Town Southern Man” and a duet with Martina McBride.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – Former CCR frontman John Fogerty performs.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Awake” ( Psychological Thriller ): Hayden Christensen plays a hospital patient undergoing surgery who experiences ‘anesthetic awareness’ during which he can hear the doctors plotting his death. But he’s rendered helpless while his new wife (Jessica Alba) is forced to make life-altering decisions. Co-stars Lena Olin & Terrence Howard.
• “Into the Wild” ( Adventure ): Emile Hirsch plays a bright young college grad who gives away everything he owns to live off of the land in the wilderness. Hirsch lost over 40 lbs during filming. Directed by Sean Penn. Also available in a ‘Special Collector’s Edition’. Eddie Vedder’s “Guaranteed” won the “Golden Globe Award” for ‘Best Original Song’.
• “Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium” ( Family Fantasy ): Dustin Hoffman plays the eccentric, 243-year-old owner of an amazing toy shop who wills his business to his shy store manager (Natalie Portman). But she’s soon challenged by a dark, ominous presence. Shot in Toronto.
• “Things We Lost in the Fire” ( Drama ): Halle Berry & Benicio Del Toro play a grieving widow & a heroin-addicted friend who discover that her husband’s sudden death may have actually been a blessing in disguise. Co-stars David Duchovny. Shot entirely in Vancouver.
• Also released TODAY: “101 Dalmatians: Platinum Edition”; “12 Angry Men: 50th Anniversary Edition”; “Dr Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who! (Deluxe Collection)”; “The Kill Point” (TV); “The Love Boat: Season 1, Volume 1” (TV); “Mrs Doubtfire (Behind-the-Seams Edition)”; “The Other Boleyn Girl” (2003 BBC-TV version); and “Saturday Night Live: Lost & Found – SNL in the ’80s”.

HI-TECH HOTELS:
Several gadgets for the hotel room of tomorrow are currently being tested at the University of Delaware and at Courtyard by Marriott’s Teaching Hotel. They include …
• Digital peepholes. A video camera captures a view of your visitor at the door and displays it on an LCD screen inside.
• High-resolution digital photo frames, to keep your family’s smiling faces close by.
• A bedside control panel that allows you to turn up the heat or turn down the lights.
• Flameless electronic candles for romantic ambience.
(How ‘bout a mini-bar that charges less than 10 bucks just to open the door?)
– “The Futurist”

BOLD OR SHY, SHE GETS THE GUY:
People with personalities on either end of the sociability scale have a more active love life according to new research. Sociologists say out-going friendly people want to share their affection, while colder introverted types tend to avoid monogamy, so both end up having a greater number of hookups. Who isn’t gettin’ busy with lots of different people? Those with  middle-of-the-road personas. (Bottom line: If you want a one-night stand, don’t be bland.)
– “Cosmopolitan”

WIDE WORLD OF BS:
• In England, doctors have restored the eyesight of a man by inserting … his son’s tooth into his eye. After being blinded 2 years ago in an explosion, the 57-year-old refused to accept he’d remain sightless and began researching something called ‘Osteo-Odonto-Keratoprosthesis’ (OOKP). It involves creating an artificial cornea using tooth enamel and surrounding bone as support. After he found a clinic in Brighton willing to attempt the procedure, his 23-year-old son donated a tooth, its root, and part of his jaw. Sight was finally restored in the right eye after a series of surgeries that lasted for months. (To the delight of his faithful son, ‘Gap’.)
• In South Korea, a 26-year-old former soldier has won a lawsuit against the army that claimed his 3 years of military service was so stressful that … his hair fell out. Based on various factors, including the loss of hair, a court ruling has granted him ‘person-of-national-merit’ status, which entitles him to a monthly state subsidy and other government social benefits. (Is he a ‘rug rat’ or a ‘bald-faced liar’?)
• In Poland, a cyclist has been badly burned after … his pants burst into flames. The 55-year-old says he smelled burning and looked down to see his trousers had caught fire. He promptly jumped off the bike and rolled on the ground but still suffered 2nd-degree burns to his legs, back, and stomach. One theory is the inferno was caused by a reaction between friction from cycling, sweat, and the material of his pants. (Or it could have been that spicy burrito he ate for lunch.)
• In Italy, a new court ruling has made it illegal for males to … scratch their privates in public. Many Italian men consider the act of holding the genitals a normal act which brings good luck, akin to knocking on wood. The ruling came after a 42-year-old charged with gross indecency filed an appeal, claiming he was merely ‘adjusting himself’. The appeal was turned down and the original $300-fine upheld. (It seems that in Italy, ‘adjustments’ must now be made using the exaggerated ‘spread step’.)

CELEBRITY PERFUMES THAT REALLY STINK:
Christian Dior once said a woman’s perfume tells more about her than her handwriting. In that case, these celeb-endorsed scents suggest some truly odiferous personalities …
• “Enchanting” by Celine Dion.
• “Fantasy” by Britney Spears.
• “Just Me” by Paris Hilton.
• “Paradise Passion” by Naomi Campbell.
• “With Love” by Hilary Duff.
– Adapted from HecklerSpray.com

SMOKERS GET AN EXTRA 5 WEEKS VACATION:
A new poll finds that employees who smoke waste about 1 year of their working lives puffing away on cigarettes. That’s based on 3 smoking breaks of 15 minutes per day, which cost employers 195 working hours (slightly under 5 work weeks) per year per worker. And that’s equivalent to 8,677 hours in an average 44-year working lifetime or simply put … nearly a whole year of smoking instead of working. (We’re confused … is this supposed to entice you to smoke or what?)
– AHN

THE SMELL OF MONEY:
A trio of business professors from HEC Montréal, Ryerson University, and Western Kentucky University have conducted a study on how various scents affect consumer buying patterns. Among their discoveries – a citrus smell of oranges with a hint of lemon seems to magically encourage shoppers to spend more money. (If this is true, how does anyone make it out of the supermarket produce department without going broke?)
– CP

BS AMAZING FACT:
In the past month, 6 people in Russia have been killed by … falling icicles.

AND WE QUOTE:
• “I’m available for bookings if anyone wants me for a wedding or bar mitzvah.”
– Brit singer Amy Winehouse, at the conclusion of a surprise performance during “Fashion Week” in Paris. Among those who witnessed the 40-minute set in the newly re-opened Fendi store: Jessica Alba, Kanye West, Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, and Rhianna. For the one-off show, Winehouse was reportedly paid a cool $1 million.
• “I’ve only ever had about 3 boyfriends. Only a handful of people have seen into the Pharaoh’s Tomb”.
– Movie actress Kate Beckinsale (“Click”, “The Aviator“), flinging around innuendoes in the new issue of “Allure” magazine.

BS CHRONOMETER 03.04.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [54] Catherine O’Hara, Toronto ON, movie actress (“Best in Show”, “Home Alone”)/former TV comedian (“SCTV” 1976-81)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2007)

1958 [50] Patricia Heaton, Bay Village OH, TV sitcom actress (‘Kelly Carr’ on “Back to You” since 2007, “Everybody Loves Raymond” 1996-2005)

1963 [45] Jason Newsted, Battle Creek MI, rock bassist (Rock Star Supernova 2006, Metallica 1986-2001)

1990 [18] Andrea Bowen, Columbus OH, TV actress (‘Julie Mayer’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Hug a GI Day”. (Because you just might be saying goodbye.)

• March 4th. So march forth! (SFX: march music.)

• “Poundcake Day”, honoring the hearty dessert that sits in your stomach like a lead anchor. (Coincidently, tomorrow is ‘Pound Salt Day’.)

• “Scrapbooking Day”, honoring the hobby that’s experienced a huge surge in popularity. More than just saving mementoes, modern scrapbooking involves sorting, cropping, pasting, and writing captions for chosen pictures. Professional ‘scrapbooking kits’ are now hot sellers.
NET: http://scrapbooking.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1989 [19] Time Inc & Warner Communications announce a merger that forms world’s largest media & entertainment conglomerate, Time Warner

1994 [14] Canadian actor John Candy dies of heart failure at age 43 while filming “Wagons East” in Mexico

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2001 [08] Glenn Hughes, the ‘Man in Leather’ with 1970s disco group the Village People, dies at age 50

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1877 [131] The 1st ‘microphone’ is developed (thanks to Emile Berliner, you have a job!)

1902 [106] ‘Triple-A’, the ‘American Automobile Association’, is founded

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1943 [65] Actress Greer Garson takes 5.5 minutes to accept her Academy Award for “Mrs Miniver”, considered an Oscar acceptance speech record (a tedious total that becomes more and more exaggerated over the years)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Avril Lavigne tour begins (Victoria BC)
[Wed] Multiple Personalities Day
[Wed] Unique Names Day
[Wed-Sat] 26th Canadian Music Week 2008 (Toronto)
[Thurs] Frozen Food Day
[Fri] Stop Bad Service Day
[Fri-Mar 16] South-By-Southwest Festival (Austin TX)
[Fri] Canadian Music Industry Hall of Fame Induction
[Fri] Canadian Radio Music Awards (Toronto)
[Sat] International Women’s Day
[Sat] Aunts’ Day
[Sat] Plant a Flower Day
[Sat-Sun] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Ottawa)
This Week Is … Poison Prevention Week
This Month Is … Humorists are Artists Month

BULL’S BITS

MOST VICIOUS BABY-NAMERS:
Nicole Richie & Joel Madden showed a bit of restraint in naming their new daughter ‘Harlow’, and J-Lo was clearly kind in selecting ‘Max’ & ‘Emme’ for her newborn twins. But here’s a BS ranking of famedom’s most unfortunately named kids and their oh-so-cruel famous parent(s) …
10. Apple & Moses [Gwyneth Paltrow & Coldplay’s Chris Martin]
9. Brooklyn, Cruz & Romeo [David & Victoria Beckham]
8. Daisy Boo & Poppy Honey [TV chef Jamie Oliver & wife Jools]
7. Puma & Seven Sirius (w/Andre 300) [Singer Erykah Badu]
6. Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily [Late INXS singer Michael Hutchence & Paula Yates]
5. Rumer, Scout LaRue & Tallulah Belle [Demi Moore & her ex-, Bruce Willis]
4. Maddox, Pax, Shiloh Nouvel & Zahara [Angelina Jolie w/Brad Pitt]
3. Paris Michael, Prince Michael & Prince Michael II [Michael Jackson w/test-tube]
2. Fifi Trixibelle, Little Pixie & Peaches Honeyblossom [Bob Geldof & Paula Yates]
1. Ahmet, Diva Muffin, Dweezil & Moon Unit [Late musician Frank Zappa & wife Gail]
(Dishonorable mention: Blue Angel [U2's The Edge]; Bluebell Madonna [Geri ‘Ginger Spice’ Halliwell]; Elijah Bob Patricus Guggi Q [U2's Bono]; Lourdes & Rocco [Madonna]; and Phinnaeus & Hazel [Julia Roberts].)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Cats are smarter than dogs. Eight cats would never pull a sled.

BS PHONE STARTER:
How can you tell when you’re ‘grown up’? (A University of Pennsylvania sociology study suggests the true measure of adulthood is not a specific age but reaching 5 benchmarks – leaving home, finishing school, getting married, having a child, and being financially independent.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you’re a man, YOURS is 20% thicker than a woman’s.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Your skin.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A pessimist complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.


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