Wednesday, March 12, 2008        Edition: #3730
We’ve Got Our Sheet Together!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Victoria Beckham is set to launch a new line of denim jeans for men under her dVb label that will retail for over $200 (in case you really care, she thinks guys should wear jeans big & baggy) . . . Actor/director Edward Burns is working on a new movie about a New York politician who becomes involved in a sex scandal (hmm, would that ever happen?) . . . 46-year-old fashion designer Tom Ford & his 59-year-old long-time partner Richard Buckley are planning to start a family this year and are looking for a willing woman to carry the hatchling (how do you audition for this?) . . . Rumor has it Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt are planning to hunker down in the south of France for the birth of their twins THIS SUMMER (wow, that’s so ‘Third World’) . . . Britney Spears is prepping for a small guest role in an upcoming episode of CBS-TV’s “How I Met Your Mother” (some sort of homework assignment from her conservator?) . . . Lindsay Lohan claims her new album will be ‘Kylie-Minogue-meets-Rihanna’ (more like untalented egotist meets nemesis) . . . Fashion models Gisele Bundchen & Kate Moss have posed naked for a photo collection that’s expected to fetch $3 million when it goes under the hammer at Christie’s auction house in APRIL (not that we’ll glimpse anything previously unseen) . . . Former “View” co-host Star Jones may be getting a divorce (she’s already lining up corporate sponsors for her ‘I’m Free of My Gay Husband’ bash) . . . And Jennifer Aniston’s new guy is apparently NOT Aaron Eckhart, co-star of her new movie “Traveling” as rumored, but the key grip (BS translation: grunt) on the film’s Vancouver set, one Brian Bouma, who’s said to be quite a ladies’ man (she seems to have taken things a bit too literally when her friends told her to ‘get a grip’).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – Word has it her new kick is snorting neat vodka … up the nose. Medical experts say the fad, known as the ‘Gas Chamber’ game, is dangerous because it causes alcohol to be absorbed directly into the bloodstream. (Best to stick with Jell-O shots.)
• Avril Lavigne – Those photos of her & Sum 41 hubby Deryck Whibley shopping for baby stuff a few weeks back turn out to be part of a series of elaborate pranks for Ashton Kutcher’s new reality show “Pop Fiction” (E!). The idea of the 8-episode series is to create fake situations that lead the paparazzi totally down the wrong path. (For once, Ashton’s actually come up with something clever!)
• Coldplay – Chris Martin’s actress-wife Gwyneth Paltrow has had a tiny ‘C’ tattooed at the top of her right thigh. She had it done in a London department store where she told the tattooist that ‘C’ is for ‘Chris’. (Uh, thanks for clearing that up.)
• Kid Rock – YESTERDAY he returned to the Atlanta-area Waffle House where he was arrested LAST YEAR after a brawl to sign autographs for charity. He and 5 members of his entourage are still facing charges of misdemeanor battery. (Wait a sec, Kid Rock has an entourage of 5?)
• Taylor Swift – The 18-year-old country phenom is on the cover of “Blender” magazine’s new issue and featured inside in a story titled: “Taylor Swift: Little Miss Perfect”. (Like everything else, she did it with class.)
• Van Halen – They’ve now officially postponed 17 shows through APRIL 15th while Eddie Van Halen ‘continues medical tests to define a course of treatment’. (BS translation: we need time to dry him out so we can prop him back up onstage and finish the tour.)

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SCHED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – One of the 12 finalists must go home. Beginning TONIGHT the weekly results show is being expanded to an hour. (Watch Ryan fill with lots of “Simon said ….”.)
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW/CityTV) – LAST YEAR’s winner, Jaslene, is back and she’s been upgraded to a guest judge.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC) – Sheryl Crow flogs her new album “Detours”.
• “Late Late Show (CBS) – Country singer Deana Carter (“Strawberry Wine”) is on.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – Snoop Dogg is a guest.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Brighton, England-based indie rockers British Sea Power perform.
• Nickelback – Chad Kroeger’s DUI case is going back to court in Surrey BC as a trial date is scheduled to be set. He was stopped for speeding in his $175,000 Lamborghini back in JUNE 2006 and charged with impaired driving. (His lawyers are trying to delay it till he turns 60?)
• “South-By-Southwest Festival“ (DirecTV) – Van Morrison opens the music portion of the annual arts extravaganza in Austin TX which runs through SUNDAY.
• “Top Chef” (Bravo) – Something’s cooking in Chicago on the Season 4 premiere.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – Gavin DeGraw (“I Don’t Want to Be”) performs.

FINALLY PULLING THEIR WEIGHT?
A new report from the Council on Contemporary Families summarizes several recent studies on family dynamics. One finds that men’s contribution to housework has doubled over the past 4 decades; another finds that men have tripled the time spent on child-care over that span. More couples are sharing family tasks than ever before, and the movement toward sharing has been especially significant for full-time dual-earner couples. Men & women may not be fully equal yet, the report concludes, but the rules of the game have been profoundly and irreversibly changed.
– AP

RUSH HOUR RESEARCH:
• A survey by the University of London shows that 18% of drivers admit to picking their nose while stopped at traffic lights. (In Britain, ‘flashing the finger’ has a whole other meaning!)
• Studies show that drivers tend to drive faster whenever other cars are around, no matter whether they’re in front, behind, or beside them. (This is truly bad news in the mall parking lot.)

BS BUZZWORDS:
New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Anti-Price Menu’ – A new term coined by restaurants which ask customers to pay whatever they feel their meal was worth. (If you want to experience this, hurry … before they go out of business.)
• ‘Flightseeing’ – Sightseeing tours on a airplane or helicopter. (“… and you just missed seeing an important landmark on the left and now we’ve zoomed by a truly breathtaking view …”)
• ‘Warmist’ – A disparaging term for people who are constantly alarmed by global warming. (“Don’t worry about all the panic that warmist is spreading over the lake ice melting … it’s just Spring arriving.”)

VIRTUAL PERSONAL TRAINER:
Samsung & Adidas have collaborated to produce a cellphone that doubles as a personal trainer by putting you through your workout paces. The ‘miCoach’ is billed as a total coaching system that monitors your heart-rate, how far you run, and how many calories you burn, as well as providing motivational comments such as ‘Speed Up!’.
– “GQ”

BS HYGIENE HINTS:
A few tips on how to avoid germs at home …
• Clean sponges & cloths. Germs can’t live long on clean, dry surfaces but they thrive on wet ones. Regularly wash cloths in hot water and sterilize sponges by wetting them and then microwaving them for about 2 minutes. (But not the metal scouring pads, dummy.)
• Keep your toothbrush clean. Soak brushes overnight in a mouthwash that contains alcohol. Replace brushes every 3 months or after you’ve been ill. (Or after creepy Uncle Gingivitis stays over.)
• Use covered trash cans. Bins with lids help cut down on bugs in your home, which can carry many types of germs. (They sure wreck your game of trash can basketball though.)
• Keep pets on the floor. (Are YOU gonna tell my Doberman?)
– “Daily Press”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 70% of females assume a male identity for online games in which they’re able to design their own characters.
• 59% of today’s men say they want a woman who will ‘stand up to them’.
• 48% of us say we can’t miss work even when we’re honestly sick because we’d feel too guilty.
• 41% of men say they’d rather subject themselves to a week of house arrest rather than miss a sporting event between 2 undefeated teams.
• 31% of singles say that the Internet can serve as a substitute for a significant other.
• 17% of us do the dishes every morning.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, DEAR:
Who’s more willing to compromise in a relationship? According to new research from Israel’s Ariel University Center of Samaria, the spouse who is more satisfied with the relationship is more likely to give in to the demands of his-or-her partner. For instance, when couples plan their annual vacations, researcher Ya’arit Bokek-Cohen has found that it is mostly men who give in to their wives on key decisions.
– “Jerusalem Post”

WORST TEETH IN THE BIZ:
A new ranking of the recording artists with the absolute worst-looking teeth. Funny, a lot of them are British …
10. Keith Richards (Rolling Stones)
9. Thom Yorke (Radiohead)
8. Paul Wall (Houston TX rapper with golden grillz)
7. Madonna (since she moved to England)
6. Jewel
5. Mick Jones (Clash)
4. Trick Daddy (are those platinum grillz?)
3. David Bowie (as a younger artist before his makeover)
2. Amy Winehouse
1. Shane McGowan (Pogues)
Not recommended before breakfast, but if you can stomach it check here to see if you agree …
NET: http://tinyurl.com/yszded
– “Blender”

DID YOU KNOW?
• Some handbag designers are strengthening the stitching & straps of women’s bags to support the added weight of things like PDAs and iPods.
– “Cosmopolitan”
• According to a survey of sex therapists across North America, the ideal length of time for a romp in the sack is about 8 minutes. The therapists advise that 1.25 minutes is too short, 4.91 minutes is adequate, and anything over 19.96 minutes is too long.
– “Curious Times”
• Nike’s famous swoosh logo cost the company a measly $35 in 1971. In 1983, the logo’s designer, Carolyn Davidson, was more appropriately compensated with an unspecified quantity of Nike stock. (How’d you like your legacy in life to be a checkmark … a sloppy checkmark?)
– “Portfolio”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.12.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [62] Liza Minnelli, Hollywood CA, self-possessed singer/stage & movie actress (Oscar-“Cabaret”)/youngest to ever win Tony Award at age 19 (“Flora, the Red Menace”)/daughter of legendary singer-actress Judy Garland/4-time divorcée

1948 [60] James Taylor, Boston MA, oldies singer (“Fire & Rain”, “You’ve Got a Friend”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Girl Scout Day”, celebrating the creation of the first Girl Scout group in America on March 12, 1912 by Juliette Gordon Low in Savannah GA, who gathers together a troop of 18 girls and teaches them how to milk a cow, how to tie up a burglar, and the complicated art of boiling water.

• “Middle Name Pride Day”, so stand up and be proud … Alphonse and Gertrude.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2007 [01] Prime Minister Stephen Harper does a guest shot on the 4th season finalé of TV comedy “Corner Gas” (CTV)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2007 [01] Van Halen is inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (Eddie Van Halen misses the honor due to checking into rehab)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1894 [114] Coca-Cola 1st sold in bottles (before that, paper bags?)

1948 [60] 1st chapter of ‘Hell’s Angels Motorcycle Club’ is founded by a breakaway group of the ‘Pissed Off Bastards’ (no BS) in San Bernardino CA

1969 [39] 1st ‘Bell-Bottom Jeans’ (Levi Strauss Co)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1888 [120] The “Blizzard of ‘88” dumps close to 4-ft of snow from New York through New England (the official forecast called for ‘colder brisk westerly winds and fair weather’)

1993 [15] LPGA golfer Anne Marie Palli is penalized for hitting a flying duck and killing it, causing her ball to fall into a water hazard (hey, shouldn’t that be a ‘birdie’?)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Ear Muff Day
[Thurs] Genealogy Day
[Thurs] Good Samaritan Day
[Thurs] Open an Umbrella Indoors Day
[Fri] World Pi Day (3.14)
[Fri] “Doomsday”; “Horton Hears a Who!”; “Funny Games US”; “Never Back Down” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Maple Syrup Saturday
This Week Is … World Clown Week
This Month Is … Workplace Eye Health & Safety Month

BULL’S BITS

STUPID YET REAL QUESTIONS FROM LAWYERS IN COURTROOMS:
• “Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?”
• “Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?”
• “How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”
• “You were there until the time you left, is that true?”
• “How many times have you committed suicide?”
• “Were you present when your picture was taken?”
• “Did he kill you?”

BS REASONS TEACHERS NEED A SPRING BREAK:
• Chance to look for a job in the real world.
• Waste of time going south in the summer … when they have 2 entire months off.
• Opportunity for professional development, like learning to disarm gang members.
• Extra time for therapy sessions.
• They’re exhausted … they haven’t had a week off since Christmas!

BS BRITISH SLANG GAME:
We tell you a new slang term from the UK, you try to guess what it means …
• “Antwacky” … Old-fashioned.
• “Bliggin’” … Gate-crashing a posh party.
• “Boomerang Boyfriend” … No matter how many times you chuck him, he keeps coming back!
• “Dafty” … The equivalent of a ‘cougar’ – a divorcée acting far too young or a desperate middle-aged mother on the prowl in a club.
• “Johnny-No-Stars” … A stupid person.
• “Stoozing” … Borrowing money from a credit card during the introductory interest-free period, then investing that money to earn a profit.
– “The People”

BS PHONE STARTER:
Where do you draw the line on what counts as cheating? Texting? Having flirty conversation? Kissing on the cheek? Staying overnight? Spending a week together in the Caribbean?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I’ve known 4 different Lukes … and not one has been warm.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 74% of kids between the ages of 8-and-11 believe they had THIS happen in the past year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: They fell in love.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
True knowledge is knowing when you don’t know.


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