Monday, March 24, 2008        Edition: #3738
Sweet Sheet!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• If Australian newspaper reports are to be believed, late actor Heath Ledger was only worth $145,000 at the time of his death. That total includes furniture & fixtures worth about $20,000, a Toyota Prius worth $25,000 and $100,000 tucked into miscellaneous bank accounts.
– TMZ.com
• After reports recently began circulating that Will Smith is a secret Scientologist, reps from Sony Pictures apparently flipped out and asked that the original MSNBC story be squashed immediately. After being refused, Sony then reportedly forced Smith to release a denial statement, saying he’s not a Scientologist. Why all the worry? Smith’s next film, “Hancock”, is slated for a JULY release and the studio fully expects it to be their summer blockbuster.
– Defamer.com
• Just maybe the couple that gives together, stays together. According to tax filings, Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie donated over $8 million to charity in 2006 through their Jolie Pitt Foundation.
– HuffingtonPost.com
• Neverland Ranch is still in jeopardy but Michael Jackson’s animals are now seemingly safe. After being moved to the Banjoko Wildlife Preserve in Arizona. The private zoo that included tigers, giraffes, snakes, & parrots were previously being cared for by Neverland animal keepers, who’d gone without pay for months.
– PopBitch.com
• California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has fired both his brother-in-law, Bobby Shriver, and actor/director Clint Eastwood from the State Parks Commission after they publicly disagreed with him over plans for a toll road through a southern California park. Shriver claims it shows just how powerful the developers are who were able to arm-wrestle the guv into the axing. A spokesman for the governor’s office says the pair were only let go … because their terms had expired.
– ContactMusic.com
• 40-year-old rapper LL Cool J (“Luv U Better”) is developing a new TV series with “CSI” creator Anthony Zuiker. The hip-hop hitmaker (born James Todd Smith III) will star in and produce the new show which is tentatively titled “The Man”. He has already piled up a substantive acting résumé which includes roles in over 20 movies.
– StarPulse News Blog

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Beatles – Lawyers for Apple Corps are taking legal action to stop the release of recordings of Ringo Starr’s first performance with the band in Hamburg, Germany. The lawsuit, which seeks more than $15 million in damages, claims the early ‘60s performance was taped without the band’s consent.
• Bob Marley – In a nasty bit of in-fighting, his family is refusing to license his music for an upcoming bio-film even though his widow, Rita Marley, is an executive producer on the project. Family members say they’re concerned the film’s scheduled 2009 release will interfere with a competing Martin Scorsese documentary slated to screen in 2010.
• Carrie Underwood – She’s extending her “Carnival Ride” tour with Josh Turner by adding several dates in MAY and a handful of festival & fair shows through SEPTEMBER.
• Huey Lewis & the News – TMZ claims that the grandfather of ‘80s pop singer Huey Lewis (“I Want a New Drug”) invented the protective red-wax sealant used in the packaging of various types of cheeses. This would be impressive news except the Dutch have been shipping cheese that way … since the 14th century.
• Kid Rock – He’s being sued for getting punchy again, this time by 3 LA guys who claim he went postal when they asked for his signature … back in 2006. Apparently the incident was beaten from their memories until recently. The charges also include ‘negligence’, ‘intentional infliction of emotional distress’, and ‘malice’.
• Miley Cyrus – A wax figure of her has been unveiled at Madame Tussauds in NYC. The figurine is clad in skinny black jeans, a blue & gold silk top, and open-toed red shoes.
• Rihanna – She & Chris Brown continue to deny they’re an item even though they’ve been photographed leaving a London hotel together. Brit fans also spotted them leaving a nightclub together at 3 am. LAST MONTH, they were snapped frolicking in a swimming pool in Jamaica.
• Velvet Revolver –  Scott Weiland has announced to fans midway through a gig that the band’s current tour will be its last.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “CSI: Miami” (CBS) – ‘All new’ post-strike episode! Can shows ever be ‘partially new’?
• “How I Met Your Mother” (CBS) – The much ballyhooed episode airs in which Britney Spears does a brief cameo as a flirty receptionist. Immediately afterward, a half-dozen items from her wardrobe go up for bid in a week-long online auction to benefit an environmental organization.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC) – Welsh rockers Bullet For My Valentine (“Scream Aim Fire”) appear.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly (NBC) – Sean Kingston (“There’s Nothin’”) is a guest.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – Sheryl Crow promotes her new album “Detours”.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Counting Crows perform.
• REM – Their new album, “Accelerate”, debuts on the online social networking site iLike. The roll-out, the first of its kind for a major act, allows fans to stream and share the work in its entirety a full week ahead of its physical release date.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – UK chart-topper Leona Lewis (“Bleeding Love”) is the musical guest.
• “The Young & the Restless” (CBS) – All THIS WEEK, the daytime drama celebrates its 35th birthday. It began airing in 1973 and recently celebrated 1,000 consecutive weeks of being #1 in its time-slot.

WHEN IN DOUBT, SUE:
• Canada’s Supreme Court has agreed to consider an appeal by a man who says he’s suffered psychological damage and sexual dysfunction after … finding flies in his bottled water. The Windsor, Ontario hair salon operator claims the discovery of one-and-a-half dead flies in a large bottle of water caused depression, anxiety, and a phobia of water that affects his work. It also purportedly damaged the poor guy’s sex life, don’t you know. A lower court awarded him just under $342,000 in 2005, but that judgement was overturned a year later.
– CBC News
• Officials in Danbury, Connecticut are being sued by a lazy student who was awakened in class by a teacher making a loud noise. Disclosure documents filed as a prelude to a lawsuit claims the sleeping student suffered hearing damage when his teacher woke him up by slamming her hand down on the boy’s desk. The 15-year-old’s lawyer claims the poor lad suffered ‘pain’ and ‘very severe injuries to his left eardrum’.
– Associated Press

TAKING THE ‘LUG’ OUT OF LUGGAGE:
A company called Flylite has come up with a pretty good idea for frequent fliers. You send your suitcase and must-have travel items to their storage facilities where they pack your stuff and forward it on to your destination hotel so that you don’t have to deal with all the BS of checking and retrieving luggage during travel. When you’re done, they pick up your luggage, clean it up for you, and then store your stuff until next time.
NET: http://www.flylite.com
– “Curious Times”

ARE GUYS CLUELESS?
A new study from Indiana University has found that many young guys find it difficult to tell the difference between women who are being friendly and women who are interested in a romantic relationship.
– UPI

UNFORTUNATELY-NAMED BRIDES:
When brides create a new surname for themselves, the result is not always advisable. Witness these hyphenated names taken on by actual newlywed women …
• ‘Traylor-Hooker’
• ‘Looney-Ward’
• ‘Crapp-Beer’
• ‘Poore-Sapp’
• ‘Hardy-Harr’
• ‘Best-Lay’
– “Independent on Sunday”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Easter lilies are one of the most poisonous plants for pets. Vomiting, lethargy, and loss of appetite are symptoms of lily poisoning. Cats who take a bite of the flower can die from kidney failure in less than 2 days if left untreated. Almost as toxic … that fake grass used in Easter baskets. (8 gazillion pet owners just slammed on the brakes and headed home to hide plants from their puss.)
– PetSide.com
• Other than humans, the only other species known to ‘French kiss’ as a prelude to mating is a small creature from the Amazon known as the white-fronted parrot. After the birds open their beaks and touch tongues, the male spews his lunch onto the female’s chest. (What a co-inky-dink! That’s the same pickup procedure [co-host] uses in clubs.)
– “Discover Magazine”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.24.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [72] David Suzuki, Vancouver BC, scientist/environmentalist/broadcaster (3 Gemini Awards-“The Nature of Things” on CBC-TV since 1979)/author of 43 books/founder & chair of the charitable David Suzuki Foundation/Order of Canada (1976)

1951 [57] Tommy Hilfiger, Elmira NY, fashion designer (‘Tommy Girl’) who’s name on anything jacks the price about 200%

1962 [46] Star Jones, Badin NC, TV personality (“The Star Jones Reynolds Report” 2006), “The View” 1997-2006)

1970 [38] Lara Flynn Boyle, Davenport IA, TV actress (“Las Vegas” 2005-07, “The Practice” 1997-2003)/movie actress (“Shades of Black: The Conrad Black Story”, “Men in Black II”)

1974 [34] Alyson Hannigan, Washington DC, TV actress (‘Lily Aldrin’ on “How I Met Your Mother” since 2005, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” 1997-2003)/movie actress (“American Pie” series)

1976 [32] Peyton Manning, New Orleans LA, NFL QB (2007 Super Bowl MVP-Indianapolis Colts)

1982 [26] Dustin McGowan, Savannah GA, MLB pitcher (Toronto Blue Jays)

1983 [25] TJ (Terrance Jerod) Ford, Houston TX, NBA player (Toronto Raptors)

1984 [24] Chris Bosh, Dallas TX, NBA player (Toronto Raptors)/3-time NBA All-Star

1990 [18] Keisha Castle-Hughes, Donnybrook, Australia, movie actress (“Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith”, “Whale Rider”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Chocolate Covered Raisins Day” … but not the kind you find in your kid’s bunny cage.

• “Dyngus Day”, a traditional Polish holiday designed as a day of fun on “Easter Monday” when guys chase after girls with squirt guns, buckets, and other containers of water. The more bold and gallant boys may choose to use cologne. Tradition has it the females get revenge on TUESDAY when they throw dishes or crockery back at the boys. But it’s become increasingly popular for girls to get their revenge right away, tossing water back at the boys. For obvious reasons, this wacky event is also known as “Wet Easter Monday”.

• “Easter Egg Roll”, an annual celebration held on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington DC “Easter Monday” for children & their parents. The ‘Egg Roll’ itself is a race, where children push an egg through the grass with a long-handled club. Dolly Madison, the wife of President James Madison, began the event in 1814 when hundreds of children brought their decorated eggs to join in games.
NET: http://www.whitehouse.gov/easter/2008/

• “Inspect Your Cat’s Tongue Day”. You know you’ve always wanted to see what makes your cat’s tongue feel like sandpaper … today’s the day to find out!

• “St Gabriel’s Day”, the patron saint of RADIO, postal, and telephone workers.

• “World’s Biggest Pub Crawl” begins in London UK. The object is to visit 60 pubs in 12 countries on 4 continents in just 25 days. The cost … circa $9,000 (plus tips).
NET: http://www.worldsbiggestpubcrawl.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2002 [06] At the Academy Awards, “A Beautiful Mind” wins 4 Oscars, including ‘Best Picture’ and ‘Best Director’ for Ron Howard

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1958 [50] 23-year-old Elvis Presley is sworn into the US Army as ‘Private Presley, Serial #US-53310761′ (a huge event at the time as he‘s at the peak of his popularity)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1975 [33] The ‘Beaver’ becomes an official Canadian symbol

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1911 [97] 1st ‘Venetian blind’, patented by Warburton Davis (next day, the 1st ‘Peeping Tom’)

1930 [78] The recently discovered 9th planet is given the name ‘Pluto’ (in 2006, it is demoted from full planet status to the new designation ‘dwarf planet’)

1971 [37] The 1st ‘Pine Tree Air Freshener’ is introduced for automobiles (my Uncle Wally still has it dangling from his rearview mirror)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1936 [72] ‘Longest NHL Game Ever Played’ as the Detroit @ Montréal Maroons Stanley Cup Playoff semi-final match finally ends when Red Wings’ Mud Bruneteau scores the game’s only goal in the 6th overtime period after 176 minutes, 30 seconds of play (by then it’s ‘Hockey Morning in Canada’)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] American Diabetes Alert Day
[Tues] Sing Out Day
[Wed] Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
[Wed] Legal Assistants Day
[Thurs] National Joe Day
[Thurs] Photography Day
[Thurs] Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day
[Fri] Something On a Stick Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Bubble Blowers Week / Cleaning Week / Doctor-Patient Trust Week / Egg Salad Week / Protocol Officer’s Week / Week of Solidarity with People’s Struggling Against Racism / World Clown Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
HOLLYWOOD-ONICS:
Show biz gibberish and what it really means . . .
• ‘To pitch’ … To grovel shamelessly.
• ‘To freelance’ … To collect unemployment.
• ‘You can trust me’ … You must be new.
• ‘It needs some polishing’ … Change everything.
• ‘It shows promise’ … It stinks.
• ‘I’d like some input’ … I want total control.
• ‘Call me back next week’ … Stay out of my life.
• ‘Try and punch it up’ … I have no idea what I want.
• ‘You’ll never work in this town again’ … I have no power whatsoever.

BS PHONE STARTER:
How much money should your partner be able to spend without telling you about it? (The
new book “Money, Sex and Kids” by Tina Tessina suggests that ‘financial infidelity’ begins at about the $200 level for the average couple.)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
The wife has me on the “Survivor Diet”. Before I eat, I have to vote something off of my plate.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Men spend about 2.5 hours more per week doing THIS than women.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Hanging out with friends.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If you say nothing, no one will repeat it.


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