Tuesday, March 25, 2008        Edition: #3739
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

“American Idol” cast-off David Hernandez is in NYC, hoping to audition for the cast of Broadway’s “Rent” (beats strippin’ for a livin’ but he better hurry – the production ends its 12-year run on JUNE 1st) . . . Another former “American Idol” contestant, Josiah Leming (the weepy guy who missed the top 24 cut), has reportedly signed a deal with Warner Bros, likely thanks to massive outcry on message boards, an appearance on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”, and the fact over 38,000 people are now on his MySpace ‘friend list’ (soon he’ll be living out of a car with a bigger back seat!) . . . According to scuttlebutt, Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie are pregnant with twins, reportedly a boy & a girl (well, mostly she is) . . . Former “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” actress Michelle Trachtenberg has been signed to appear in multiple episodes of “Gossip Girl” (CW) playing ‘Georgina Sparks’, who’ll make life even more difficult for Blake Lively’s character, ‘Serena’ (when ratings are tough, bring in the support troops!) . . . And La-La Land real estate observers say rents for Malibu beach houses are now hitting crazy heights, ie: for a place around the corner from the likes of actors Adam Sandler & Jeremy Piven, you now have to shell out circa $150,000 … per month!

• BB King – He’s the new owner of Club Ebony, a juke joint in his Mississippi Delta hometown of Indianola. Besides BB, big names like Count Basie, Ray Charles, James Brown, and Ike Turner have played there since the joint opened in 1945.
• Britney Spears – First her dad and now her 30-year-old brother, Bryan Spears, is heading to court in a bid to seize control of her finances, claiming he & attorney Ivan Taback were named co-trustees of her trust fund after she suffered a mental meltdown. (Like vultures on a carcass.)
• 50 Cent – He’s purportedly stepped up his feud with rap rival Fat Joe by posting a mock funeral for him online. (These contrived PR stunts from record label marketing flaks are getting real old, no?)
• Sheryl Crow – After making headlines LAST WEEK by suggesting she’ll soon be collaborating with ‘70s/’80s supergroup Fleetwood Mac, she’s now backing away from the statement, calling the story merely “Rumours”.

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The remaining 10 finalists perform songs from the years in which they were born. In other words, it’s pretty much ‘80s night.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – After an hour-long performance recap, 2 couples are eliminated in the first results show of the season.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – New mom Christina Aguilera is a guest.
• “Jericho” (CBS) – The season/series finalé airs. The network has decided the resurrected show has not generated big enough ratings … so it’s sayonara.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – Panic! At The Disco is featured.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Wow, a performing Seal!
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Alt-country singer Steve Earle performs.
• “The View” (ABC) – Counting Crows promote their new album “Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings” (released TODAY).

• “The Kite Runner” ( Drama ): The bigscreen adaptation of Khaled Hosseini’s bestselling 2003 novel about childhood betrayal and ethnic tension in Afghanistan. The story follows an American emigre who returns to his homeland to help the son of his boyhood friend. No-name cast.
• “The Mist” ( Horror Thriller ): In this adaptation of the Stephen King novella, shoppers are trapped in a supermarket after it’s enveloped in a strange mist filled with monstrous creatures. The customers must band together in order to escape. Stars Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden, and Laurie Holden. Also available in a ‘2-Disc Collector’s Edition’.
• Also released TODAY: “Bonnie & Clyde (Ultimate Collector’s Edition)”; “Party of Five: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV); and “Walk the Line (Extended Cut)”.

Happiness researcher Ed Diener, past president of the International Society of Quality of Life Studies, has synthesized over 900 surveys of more than 1 million people in 45 countries and found that, on average, people place themselves at ‘7′ on a happiness scale ranging from 0-to-10. (Meaning most of us are mediocre. What would bump you to a ‘10′?)
– “Social Studies”

 A British company has unveiled a service to let far-off relatives view funeral services from around-the-globe via the Internet. For about $150, mourners are allowed to watch their loved ones eulogized from the perspective of a camera placed in the back of the chapel. (What, no casket-cam?)
– “NY Post”

These days, before your résumé ever gets eyeballed by a personnel manager, it’s often fed through a high-speed ‘Résumé Scanner’ that flags the best candidates for the interviewer to review, based on search requirements that often include keywords. Among the buzzwords often searched ….
• Job Titles/Departments (manager, supervisor, human resources, accounting)
• Computer Program Proficiencies (CAD, Oracle, Excel)
• Degrees/Certifications (MBA, LPN, CPA)
• Skill-Based Descriptions (managed, supervised, team player, independent worker)
• General Business Terms (budget, sales quota, information services)
Most job postings are loaded with buzzwords the company deems important. So perhaps the best advice is to take your cues straight from the source and include those very same words in your résumé.
– CareerBuilder.com

An alphabetical sampling of some of the best onscreen portrayals of hookers …
• Charlize Theron, “Monster” (2003)
• Dermot Mulroney, “The Wedding Date” (2005)
• Elisabeth Shue, “Leaving Las Vegas” (1995)
• Jane Fonda, “Klute” (1971)
• Jodie Foster, “Taxi Driver“ (1976)
• Jon Voight, “Midnight Cowboy” (1969)
• Julia Roberts, “Pretty Woman” (1990)
• Kim Basinger, “LA Confidential” (1997)
• Nicole Kidman, “Moulin Rouge!” (2001)
• Rebecca De Mornay, “Risky Business” (1983)
(No honorable mention for Ashley Alexandra Dupre?)
– “Entertainment Weekly”

The Sleep Council says the secret to a happy marriage may be separate beds … or even separate bedrooms. Researchers have found that when couples share a bed, one or both may be awoken up to 6 times per night by their partners. The problem is worse if one or both snores or is fidgety. A University of Wisconsin study has found that the greatest marital problems seem to occur when one partner is a ‘lark’, early to bed and early to rise, while the other is an ‘owl’, preferring to stay up late and sleep in. All of this perhaps explains why the National Association of Home Builders predicts that, by 2015, the majority of custom-built homes will have ‘his-and-hers’ master bedrooms. (For romance, you’ll make an appointment.)
– United Press International

New stats from M: Metrics show that about 1% of America’s 219 million cellphone users now own an Apple iPhone, which has been on the market for 9 months. Detractors say the $400 so-called ‘smart phone’ is turning users into instant argument settlers … and sometimes instant aggravators. With the ability to research topics online virtually anywhere at any time, people armed with an iPhone find themselves helpful and wise, but also obnoxious. One user says it has turned her from a really annoying know-it-all into … an incredibly annoying know-it-all.
– “Los Angeles Times“

• A corn flake shaped like the state of Illinois has been sold by a pair of sisters in Virginia for $1,350 on eBay. And no, it’s not a bogus bid, they got the money up front. Some people truly have too much!
• A Japanese astronaut on the International Space Station has found that a boomerang will return when you throw it in outer space, just like on Earth. After 10 years and $18 billion, this is what we get?
• A Honolulu, Hawaii hospital has confirmed that a patient’s son brought a horse into the facility to visit his father earlier THIS MONTH … using the hospital elevator. A rep admits the stunt took the hospital’s pet visitation policy a tad too far.
• A gang has stolen $400,000 in gold from a controlled-access jewelry store in Smethwick, England after the 6′-6” leader was buzzed in while masquerading … as a Muslim woman in a burkha.
• A man has been busted in Sydney, Australia for having 828 ecstasy tablets stuffed down the front of his trousers, valued at about $35,000. Now that’s what we call a party in your pants!

• Astronauts can bring iPods onto the Space Shuttle. The devices are not, however, allowed on the International Space Station.
– ABC News
•  A pair of D-cup breasts weighs in at about 15-to-23 lbs.
– “Cosmopolitan”
• Land-locked Mexico City has had tons of sand and palm trees trucked in to local swimming pools in order to build 10 artificial beaches within the city. Why? It’s for people who can’t afford a Spring Break on the coast.
– “LA Times”


1942 [66] Aretha Franklin, Memphis TN, ‘Queen of Soul’ with 20 Grammy Awards (“Respect”, “Chain of Fools”)/first woman in Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame (1987)

1947 [61] Elton John (Sir Reginald Dwight), Pinner UK, pop singer (“Candle in the Wind”, “Your Song”) who’s sold over 250 million albums & 100 million singles, making him one of the most successful artists of all-time/winner of 5 Grammy Awards & 1 Academy Award  FACTOID: A year ago TODAY he performed his “60th Birthday Concert” at NYC’s Madison Square Garden.

1962 [46] Marcia Cross, Marlborough MA, TV actress (‘Bree Van De Kamp’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)

1965 [43] Sarah Jessica Parker, Nelsonville OH, movie actress (“Sex & the City: The Movie”, opening MAY 30th)/TV actress (“Sex & the City” 1998-2004)/married to actor Matthew Broderick since 1997

1984 [24] Katharine McPhee, LA CA, TV personality (“American Idol 5” runner-up – 2006)

1987 [21] Jason Castro, Dallas TX, TV personality (“American Idol 7“ contestant – 2008)

• “American Diabetes Alert Day”, an annual, one-day call-to-action held on the 4th TUESDAY of MARCH for people to find out if they are at risk for diabetes. The online ‘Risk Test’ is an easy way to find out if you are at risk for diabetes …
NET: http://tinyurl.com/5qk2z

• “Cleaning Week”, an annual Spring tradition. As a helpful cleaning tip, here is Heloise’s hint on the modern problem of what to do if you drop your cellphone in the toilet: Pull the battery out ASAP. Then dry the inside of the phone with a hair dryer. Put the battery back in to see if it works.

• “Greek Independence Day”, the anniversary of the country’s proclamation of independence in 1821. Opa!

• “International Sing-Out Day”, a day to break out in song just like they do in the musicals.

• “International Waffle Day”, a holiday that originated in Sweden to coincide with the Christian “Feast of the Annunciation”. It was also considered the start of Spring so it became a custom for Swedish families to celebrate the 2 events by making waffles on this day.

• “Lady Day”, the historic start of the New Year in England and its colonies until the adoption of the Gregorian Calendar in 1752. (The year 1751 began on MARCH 25; the year 1752 began on JANUARY 1.)

• “World Meteorological Day”, an annual UN observance to promote understanding of how weather, climate, and water affects us all. A lot of people seem to finally be getting it in the past couple years.
NET: http://www.wmo.ch/wmd/

1954 [54] RCA begins marketing ‘Color TV’ for a MSRP of $1,295 (yes kids, TV used to come in only black & white)

2002 [06] “The Bachelor” premieres on ABC-TV (paving the way for “The Bachelorette”, “Joe Millionaire”, “Average Joe”, “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé”, etc)

2006 [02] Veteran country singer/TV personality Buck Owens dies at age 76

0031 [1977] 1st ‘Easter’, according to calendar-maker Dionysius Exiguus (who also made it big with his ‘Girls Gone Wild in Togas’ calendar)

1934 [74] 1st ‘Masters’ golf tournament held in Augusta GA

1982 [26] 1st NHL player to amass ‘200 Points in a Season’ (Wayne Gretzky)

1986 [22] 1st figure skater to land a ‘Quadruple Jump’ in competition (Canada’s Kurt Browning)

[Wed] Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
[Wed] Legal Assistants Day
[Thurs] National Joe Day
[Thurs] Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day
[Thurs] Photography Day
[Fri] Something On a Stick Day
This Week Is . . . RV Lifestyle Week
This Month Is . . . Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Month


• “Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now!”
• “I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.”
• “I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.”
• “All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.”
• “I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?”
• “Eschew obfuscation!”

Sure you’ve heard of cows, but have you heard …
• 12 or more cows are known as a ‘flink’.
• A group of unicorns is called a ‘blessing’.
• A group of kangaroos is called a ‘mob’.
• A group of frogs is called an ‘army’.
• A group of rhinos is called a ‘crash’.
– Collective Noun Page

What’s the rudest thing you’re forced to put up with in your workplace?

Basketball players make plenty of money. We should start charging for those ‘free throws’.

Today’s Question: 1-in-12 of today’s new moms have THIS in common.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: They are age 35 or older (a 73% increase since 1970).

The only people truly ‘under the weather’ are buried.

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