Thursday, March 20, 2008        Edition: #3736
A Bull in Hand Is A Sheetload of Prep!

Apple Corp is reportedly in talks with the major record labels about making access to their iTunes Music Store FREE in return for a adding premium to the price of its iPods, a proposed deal that’s been tagged ‘All You Can Eat’ (it should be ‘All We Can Squeeze’) . . . Kirstie Alley has inked a development deal for future TV projects with Oprah Winfrey’s Harpo Productions, a partnership that could potentially include a daytime talk show for the former “Fat Actress” (we’d give that idea a month … maybe) . . . Calvin Klein Underwear is set to kick off a worldwide ad campaign with actress/model Eva Mendes as the new face (and body) of the brand (it’s amazing how offers flood in after high-profile rehab) . . . Actor George Clooney reveals that he suffered from paralyzing Bell’s Palsy when he was a teen, a muscle-weakening disorder that left him with a temporarily disfigured face (well dude, you certainly got payback) . . .  22-year-old “The Hills” star Audrina Patridge is defending her decision to pose for a series of topless pics that have been leaked on the Internet, saying the photo-shoot took place years ago when she was a naive young girl trying to develop a modeling career (yeah yeah, and you needed the money for college) . . . “Grey’s Anatomy” star Katherine Heigl admits she’s given up on her Mormon beliefs because she’s ‘too lazy’ to follow a religion (most people are, on Sunday mornings) . . . A signed, first-edition copy of JRR Tolkien’s “The Hobbit”, one of just 1,500 published in 1937, has just sold for more than twice its expected price at Bonham’s auction house in London – a whopping $120,000 (an indication of why a movie version is going to get made come hell or Peter Jackson) . . . Eddie Van Halen’s ex-, Valerie Bertinelli, says she wants to model her upcoming CBS-TV talk show after “The Hour” (CBC) because George Stroumboulopoulos is “smart and funny” (but hard to spell) . . . And actress-mommy Halle Berry reportedly commissioned upscale boutique NoMi to design a top notch nursery in EACH of her homes (Malibu & Hollywood Hills) for new baby Nahla (a girl who’ll go through life thinking she named after a character in “The Lion King”).

• Alan Jackson – The country star’s wife Denise Jackson is becoming quite the literary force, following up her bestseller “It’s All About Him: The Love of My Life” with a new book called “The Road Home”, scheduled for a MAY 13th release.
• Bryan Adams – The track “Flower Grown Wild” on his new album, ”11”, was reportedly written about the troubles of Amy Winehouse shortly after she stayed at his Caribbean retreat.
• Coldplay – They’ve named their upcoming 4th album “Viva La Vida” (“Long Live Life”), the title of a painting by late Mexican artist Frida Kahlo.
• Fall Out Boy – They hope to set a “Guinness World Record” as the first group to play all 7 continents in a year. LAST SUMMER they played South Africa, then toured Europe, Asia, Australia, and North America. A South American show is scheduled THIS WEEKEND in Santiago, Chile, followed by a concert NEXT WEEK on King George Island in Antarctica.
• James Blunt – The “You’re Beautiful” hit-maker says he misses his time serving in the British army, because being a soldier is much easier than being a pop singer. (Fewer bombs, too.)

• The Eagles – They kick-off their “Long Road Out of Eden World Tour” with the 1st of 4 shows at London’s O2 Arena.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – Janet Jackson performs music from her new album “Discipline”.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Former Beatles drummer Ringo Starr guests.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes“ – Comedians Kent Nichols & Douglas Sarine are penning a remake of the 1978 cult movie. Despite often being named the worst movie of all-time, the sci-fi horror film about a genetically-modified strain of veggies terrorizing the public has previously spawned a 1990 sequel and a spin-off TV series. (If this catches on, a remake of “Attack of the Giant Leeches” will likely be next.)
• ”The Reader” – Shooting on the Berlin set of the Holocaust drama has started up again after Nicole Kidman was forced to drop out because of her pregnancy. Kate Winslet has stepped in to replace her in the role of a concentration camp guard. Ralph Fiennes co-stars. (This film sounds like the most fun since “Schindler’s List”.)
• “Sex & The City: The Movie” –  42-year-old star Sarah Jessica Parker says fans of the TV series will be surprised by the seriousness & complexity of the upcoming feature film. She predicts one event in particular will stun moviegoers … but refuses to reveal any details. Word has it the movie may premiere at the “Cannes Film Festival” this MAY.
• “Zombie Strippers” – Former adult film star Jenna Jameson & her UFC fighter-boyfriend Tito Ortiz will join Robert Englund (“Nightmare On Elm Street”) in this horror thriller about a strip club hit by a deadly virus that reanimates the dead. Jameson plays one of the infected dancers, who turns into a supernatural, flesh-eating zombie … the hit of the club. (Get the Oscars ready!)

Ex-ABBA drummer Ola Brunkert is just the latest in a long line of musicians who’ve met their maker in strange manners. He was apparently killed SUNDAY in a gardening accident after falling on a piece of broken glass which lodged in his neck. Witness these other wacky ways in which musicians have missed their encore …
10. Gram Parsons – After dying of a drug overdose in 1973, the country-rock pioneer’s body was stolen from LAX by his road manager Phil Kaufman & a friend and taken to Joshua Tree National Park where they attempted to cremate it.
9. Sonny Bono – Cher’s former hubby and singing partner died after running into a tree while skiing in 1998.
8. Jeff Porcaro – The drummer for Toto suffered a fatal heart attack in 1992, after suffering an allergic reaction to a pesticide in his garden.
7. Keith Relf – The Yardbirds member died in 1968 while practising on his electric guitar. He sustained a fatal electric shock after his axe wasn’t properly grounded.
6. Leslie Harvey – The guitarist for Scottish band Stone the Crows was electrocuted onstage by a live microphone in 1972.
5. Terry Kath – The original guitarist for Chicago went out in spectacular style playing Russian Roulette in 1978. His last words were, “Don’t worry, it’s not loaded.”
4. Johnny Ace – The blues singer also accidentally killed himself while jokingly playing the gun game backstage at a concert in Houston TX on Christmas Day 1954.
3. Cass Elliot – The Mamas & Papas star was long rumored to have met an untimely end after choking to death on a ham sandwich in 1974. It’s since been proven an urban legend.
2. Randy Rhodes – Ozzy Osbourne’s guitarist was killed in 1982 when the ultra-light aircraft in which he was a passenger attempted to buzz Ozzy’s tour bus but crashed into the back of it.
1. Claude François – The French pop star was accidentally electrocuted in 1978 when he tried to fix a broken lightbulb … while standing in a filled bathtub.
– “Mental Floss”

• Dutch winemaker Ilja Gort has taken out a massive $8-million Lloyd’s of London insurance policy … on his nose. Gort came up with the idea after hearing about a man who lost his sense of smell in a car accident, a fate he’d consider a personal tragedy. That’s because tasting wine is something you do with your nose, he says, not your mouth. (Apparently we’ve been ingesting the stuff all wrong.)
– “The Sun”
• A Chinese woman has forced her boyfriend to have breast-reduction surgery because … his man-boobs made her look flat. Xiao Feng of Chongqing threatened to break up with Zhang Jianguo unless he underwent surgery. Zhang, who is 5-ft-7 and weighs 210 lbs, says his girlfriend constantly felt embarrassed because his breasts were ‘more eye-catching’ than hers. (Yeah pal, you sound like a real hottie.)
– Ananova News
• Doctors in the German town of Hochfranken are facing a big lawsuit from a woman after … ripping her a new one. Seems the woman came in for an operation on her leg but wound up getting a brand new anus after the surgeons got their patient notes mixed up. They’ve been suspended pending an investigation. (A mistake best described as … ‘asinine’.)
– “NY Daily News”

How do you find the most beautiful woman in Italy? A Japanese film crew has gone there to test this supposedly foolproof method created by a Japanese ‘expert’ …
1. Find a random woman on the street and ask her to introduce you to a more beautiful friend.
2. Have that more beautiful friend introduce you to an even more beautiful friend.
4. Repeat until you meet the 12th woman. It is SHE who will be the most beautiful in Italy.
(This could work as a radio stunt, looking for ‘The Most Beautiful Woman in [Your Town]’, followed by ‘The Hottest Guy in [Your Town]’.)
– “Curious Times”

• The record for longest ears on a rabbit belongs to an English Lop called ‘Nipper’s Geronimo’ … 79 cm (31.1 in).
• The average breast size for women has gone from 34B to 36C over the past 15 years, thanks to augmentations, birth control pills, and increased obesity.
– “CosmoDaily”


1939 [69] Brian Mulroney, Baie Comeau QC, much vilified Prime Minister of Canada 1984-93/father of “eTalk Daily” and ”Canadian Idol” host Ben Mulroney

1948 [60] Bobby Orr, Parry Sound ON, hockey player agent/NHL player 1966-79/Hall of Fame NHL defenceman (Boston Bruins)/greatest hockey player of all-time?

1950 [58] William Hurt, Washington DC, movie actor (“Into the Wild”, Oscar-“Kiss of the Spiderwoman”)

1957 [51] Spike (Shelton) Lee, Atlanta GA, movie director (“Inside Man”, “Malcolm X”)/movie producer (“When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts”)/movie actor (“Do the Right Thing”)

1958 [50] Holly Hunter, Conyers GA, movie actress (“Thirteen”, Oscar-“The Piano”)/TV actress (‘Grace Hanadarko’ on “Saving Grace” 2007)

1976 [32] Chester Bennington, Phoenix AZ, rock singer (Linkin Park-“What I’ve Done”, “Numb”)
• “Extraterrestrial Abductions Day”, honoring all wackos who claim they’ve been kidnapped by ETs. According to TV game show “Power of 10”, 7% of Americans believe they’ve been abducted by aliens.
• “First Day of Spring”, after the new season officially arrived in the Northern Hemisphere with the vernal equinox early THIS MORNING at 1:48 am EDT. According to a University of Munich study, warmer Spring weather is coming earlier and cooler Autumn temps arriving later, extending the growing season by at least 10 days in recent years.
• “Mawlid al-Nabi” (“Muhammad’s Birthday”), the Islamic celebration of the birthday of the prophet. Saudi Arabia is the only Muslim country in the world where there is no public holiday for Mawlid.
• “Nowruz” (“New Day”), the Persian New Year. The date is determined by the solar calendar and begins on the First Day of Spring. The festival lasts for 13 days and is a time of renewal and joy.
• “Proposal Day”, when both men & women are encouraged to pop the big question.
• “Single Parents Day”, honoring those who have the fortitude to be sole provider for their families.
• “Snowman Burning”, the 37th annual at Lake Superior State University in Sault Sainte Marie MI, a celebration that includes the reading of poetry and doggerel heralding the end of winter, followed by the effigy burning of a snowman … and lots of heavy-duty toasting.

1964 [44] TV game show “Jeopardy!” debuts, with Art Fleming as host (Alex Trebek now hosts the revival that began in 1984)

1969 [39] ‘Big Bird’ debuts on “Sesame Street”, an 8′-2“ oversized Muppet for which Caroll Spinney provides the voice & puppetry, holding the 4-and-a-half lb head up with his right arm FACTOID: An as-yet-untitled new Muppet movie is now being developed.

2007 [01] “Stephen Colbert Day” in Oshawa ON when more than 1,500 celebrate at the local General Motors Centre, thanks to mayor John Gray losing a hockey bet with “The Colbert Report” anchor

1969 [39] John Lennon weds Yoko Ono in the UK territory of Gibraltar (the beginning of the end for The Beatles)

1980 [28] 1st ‘sighting’ of Elvis Presley reported, despite his widely rumored 1977 death (in Butte, Montana of all places!)

1897 [111] Yale beats Penn 32-10 in 1st known ‘Intercollegiate Basketball Game’ (the original ‘March Madness’)

1954 [54] 1st ‘Newspaper Vending Machine’ (Columbia PA)

2003 [05] In the early hours of the morning, the US and 3 other countries begin military operations in Iraq

2004 [04] Stephen Harper wins the leadership of the newly created Conservative Party of Canada, thus becoming the amalgamated party’s 1st-ever leader

1999 [09] Hot air balloon piloted by Brian Jones of England & Bertrand Piccard of Switzerland completes ‘Nonstop Around-the-World Flight’

[Fri] Good Friday (Christian)
[Fri] Purim (Jewish)
[Fri] “Drillbit Taylor“; “Meet the Browns”; and “Shutter” open in movie theaters
[Fri] International Astrology Day
[Fri] World Day for Elimination of Racial Discrimination
[Sat] Holi (Hindu)
[Sun] Easter (Christian)
[Sun] World Meteorological Day
This Week Is … Act Happy Week
This Month Is … Music In Our Schools Month


You & your co-host each read a news item to a contestant who must decide which is for real and which is total BS …
• Peach Corp has announced the launch of an MP3 player that stores and plays music … in women’s breast implants. The “iBreast” will cost $499 and is being heralded as a major breakthrough for women, who are always complaining that men just stare at their breasts instead of listening to them. [BS]
• Pond Inc is marketing a new product called “Subtle Butt” … billed as a ‘fart neutralizer’. It’s an activated carbon fabric pad that adheres to the inside of your underwear with self-adhesive strips. As the wind breaks, “Subtle Butt” filters the flatulence, promising to absorb and neutralize the odor. The product retails at $9.95 per pack of 5. [TRUE]

Is it time to save trees by discontinuing the printing of phone books? (Environmentalists claim hardly anyone uses them any more, due to speed-dialing and searchable online phone listings.)

So this Buddhist goes into a burger joint and says, “Make me one with everything” …

• What is the origin of the word ‘Easter’?
a. The white Esturian Flower that blooms at this time of year.
b. ‘Ostara’, the Anglo-Saxon goddess of fertility. [CORRECT]
c. The word ‘East’, referring to the rising Sun and to Spring.

• What species of lily is the Easter lily?
a. The white trumpet lily of Japan. [CORRECT]
b. The Canada lily of the East.
c. The Humboldt’s lily of Taiwan.

• Where can you find the world’s largest decorated Easter egg?
a. Romania.
b. Ukraine.
c. Canada. [CORRECT. A 9.4 m (30-ft) monster in Vegreville AB.)

• Which President inaugurated the White House’s annual Easter Egg Roll?
a. Calvin Coolidge
b. Theodore Roosevelt
c. Andrew Johnson [CORRECT]

• What is an Easter candle usually made of?
a. Beeswax. [CORRECT]
b. Vegetable wax.
c. Tallow wax.
– InfoPlease

Today’s Question: The first of THESE appeared in Germany, during the early 1800s.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Edible Easter bunnies.

If you marry you will regret it. If you do not marry, you will also regret it.

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