Wednesday, March 28, 2007        Edition: #3497
100% Canada #1 Grade A Bull!

TODAY Vivid Entertainment is releasing “Debbie Does Dallas – Again” in the new hi-def Blu-ray format, which for the first time ever enables adult filmmakers to show multiple angles of the same scene simultaneously (what a bonus – “Ew, look, that appendage is hairy and sweaty on the other side too!”) . . . TONIGHT NY Senator Hillary Clinton is recreated in 2-dimensional form in an episode of “South Park” (Comedy Central) that focuses on a local rally for her presidential campaign (this is how you run for office in the 21st century) . . . Ashton Kutcher’s practical joke show “Punk’d” (MTV) is ending after 5 years of terrorizing celebrities, the final season debuting APRIL 10th featuring Hilary Swank, Nelly Furtado, and Jewel . . . A guy best known for his role as a stoner is going to teach classes in the Asian American Studies Program at the University of Pennsylvania – Kal Penn, who played ‘Kumar’ in “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle”, will begin teaching in 2008 (welcome to ‘Wake & Bake 101′) . . . Interesting to note that the UK’s Home Office has yet to request the return of a real British passport created for actor Daniel Craig’s use in “Casino Royale” to add authenticity to the film – it was actually issued in the name of ‘Bond, James Bond’ (normally such creations are returned and destroyed) . . . “TV Guide” is set to begin testing an online video search tool that allows users to track down the online TV programs, movie & video clips they’re looking for no matter where they are posted (if they published the list, it’d be like 837,000 pages) . . . And this has to be some kind of a first – J Neil Schulman, the writer/director/producer of the action-comedy “Lady Magdalene’s”, has put the movie’s distribution rights up for bid on eBay with a reserve bid of $999,999 plus $1 for shipping, and a money-back guarantee if the film fails to gross at least $30 million during its opening weekend (the film was finished last JUNE but has yet to light up any silver screens).

• Amy Winehouse – Charting at #7, her “Back To Black” makes her the highest-debuting British female artist in the history of the “Billboard” album chart.
• Arcade Fire – Frontman Win Butler is ‘sicker than a brick’ with a sinus infection that requires surgery, causing the Montréal band to cancel the remaining 9 shows of their European tour. It’s hoped he’ll be recovered for the North American leg of the tour scheduled to begin APRIL 26.
• Death Cab For Cutie – TONIGHT they guest on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• The Eagles – They’ve just filed a half-million-dollar lawsuit against insurance firm Korean Life, claiming it used their tune “Desperado” in an ad campaign without permission.
• Good Charlotte – TONIGHT they’re on “Live@Much” (MuchMusic).
• Gym Class Heroes – TONIGHT the alternative hip-hop band from Geneva NY performs “Clothes Off!!” on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Macy Gray – TODAY she’s on “The View” (ABC/CTV) to flog her new album “BIG”.
• Young Buck – TONIGHT the G-Unit rapper does “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).

New terms leaking into our lingo …
 • ‘Arm Wear’ – A pretentious new term describing pricy designer handbags. A Louis Vuitton patchwork bag, for instance, costs over $45,000 … much too expensive to be called simply a ‘purse’. (“Ohmygawd I’m gonna sneeze. Would you happen to have a spare nasal hygiene synthetic in your arm wear?”)
• ‘Fanjayas’ – What fans of “American Idol” contestant Sanjaya Malakar are calling themselves … and the word is being used by both friends & enemies. The show’s message board has now officially registered more than 250 people who love to hate the wispy-voiced 17-year-old.
• ‘Matador’ – An employee who is highly skilled at dodging assignments, and then blame when they go wrong. (“Griffin’s quite the matador. She says it’s not her fault we lost the account … which is actually true, because she never once opened the file.”)
• ‘Poorism’ – A contraction of ‘poverty tourism’, an odd new trend whereby travellers seek out some of the world’s poorest areas for ‘sightseeing’. For example, the Dharavi area of Mumbai, India is known as one of the biggest slums in Asia. You can now buy tickets for a ‘walking tour’. (“Angelina was doing a little poorism in Vietnam and picked up a souvenir … a kid.”)

Travel companies are reporting that the number of vacationers choosing to go on ‘naturist’ cruises has doubled over the past 5 years. While many opt for the warmer waters of the Caribbean, an Alaskan nude cruise has also reported a dramatic jump in sales. The JULY cruise even offers a chance to ‘hike through the massive Juneau ice field’. But don’t get too excited if you’re looking for a chance to ogle – most of the naturist vacationers are between the ages of 45 and 55. (“Stubby, I’d like you to meet our table mate for dinner, Saggy Maggie.”)
– “Times of London”

In a bid to make use of nearly 2 tons of fibrous bamboo-based panda poop that the animals drop each day, researchers at China’s Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base in Sichuan province are asking local manufacturers to turn the turds into valuable office-quality stationery. The idea of processing panda poop into paper came from Thailand, where conversion of elephant dung into a variety of products such as artificial flowers, gift boxes and photo-frames, is hugely popular. There shouldn’t be any lack of raw material – there are 40 pandas at the reserve. (Considering the crap written in memos around here, this makes a lot of sense!)

A company called The Sound Agency specializes in creating audio efforts that are said to alter the mood of consumers and make them more likely to spend money. In a recent experiment at Scotland’s Glasgow International Airport, ambient music and the sounds of birds were used to increase sales in departure shops by 10%. The company hopes to convince businesses to spend money designing how they sound, as well how they look. It’s said that the worst sounding venues these days are supermarkets, followed by offices, and airports. (And that other radio station down the street.)
– “The Scotsman”

• In Ottawa, a dog owner trying to trick her year-old terrier ‘Missy’ into trying a new kind of (apparently tainted) pet food ate it herself and developed symptoms that included foaming at the mouth, problems urinating, vomiting … and loss of appetite. (Well at least she was full!)
• In Brighton UK, a man has been able to secure a 25-year mortgage on his $400,000 rental property at the age of … 102! If he makes all of the $1,916-a-month payments on time, he’ll have this baby paid off by the time he hits 127. (How’d you like to be a beneficiary in this guy’s will? “Congratulations, you’ve inherited a mortgage worth a quarter-mill.”)
• In Darwin, Australia, environmental group Frogwatch says it has captured a ‘monster toad’ the size of a small dog. With a body the diameter of a human head and weighing about 2 lbs, the toad is among the largest specimens ever captured. (And the guy that picked it up now has a wart the size of a basketball.)
• In Toronto, an estimated 250 pet-shop grade mice and up to 400 pigeons have been rescued by the Humane Society after they were found holed up in 15th-floor apartment without food or water. Neighbors had reportedly been complaining about the horrific smell … for 2 years! The owner of the apartment is currently in custody under the Mental Health Act. (Gee, ya think?)
• In Turin, Italy, an 85-year-old Italian man made the 2-hour return train trip to Savona a total of 3 times before crew members finally realized … he was dead!. He apparently suffered a heart attack shortly after boarding. (They’re sending a bill for unpaid travel to his next-of-kin.)
• In St Petersburg FL, a 76-year-old retiree was handcuffed, arrested and put in a police paddy wagon after being cited for using abusive, offensive & threatening language … on the bocce court. The senior’s spat apparently spiralled out of control after another retirement community resident stole his bocce ball. (Now you know why Florida geezers all live in gated communities … rampant crime!)

Researchers at the Paris-based Security of Aircraft in the Future European Environment project (SAFEE) are developing the ‘Onboard Threat Detection System’ that uses fingernail-sized cameras to monitor the behavior of airline passengers. Fitted to seat-backs, the cameras will record every suspicious movement before sending the data to onboard software that checks it against passenger profiles. Scientists say rapid eye movement, excessive blinking, licking lips or certain ways of stroking the hair or ears are classic symptoms of somebody trying to conceal something. The software will be so sophisticated it will take into account nervous flyers and people with a natural twitch. (More interesting to watch than most in-flight movies.)
– “New Zealand Herald”

Men’s leggings, known as ‘Meggings’ are all the rage for Autumn/Winter 2007-08, at least as far as the men’s fashion shows in Milan, Italy are concerned. They’re said to be part of the new trend toward ‘alluring androgyny’. Prada even has a line of sassy new stirrup pants. And if you’re going to go that far, might as well go all the way and latch onto a pair of the new high-heels for men as well. (That’d be ‘Meels’?)
– BuzzFeed

• The typical 50-year-old driver needs twice as much light to see as well after dark as a 30-year-old.
– “NY Times”
• The most popular unisex baby name (suitable for a girl and a boy) is ‘Jordan’. The runners-up: ‘Alexis’, ‘Angel’, ‘Riley’, ‘Peyton’, ‘Taylor’, ‘Cameron’, ‘Jayden’, ‘Avery’, and ‘Jaden’.
• The amount of time fathers devote to ‘child-care work’ has almost tripled, from 2.5 hrs-a-week 40 years ago to 7 hours-a-week. A similar trend applies to housework: from 4.4 hrs-a-week to 9.6 hours a week.
• Male characters appear in popular children’s movies & TV shows 1.87 times more than female characters, almost twice as often. Male characters are also less likely to be portrayed as parents or being in long-term relationships.
• The office cubicle was born in 1964 when the Herman Miller Co launched a line of office furniture called the ‘Action Office’, a euphemism for ‘world’s first cube farm’.


1951 [56] Karen Kain, Hamilton ON, retired prima ballerina/Artistic Director of National Ballet of Canada since 2005/Canada Council for the Arts chair since 2004/Companion of the Order of Canada (1991)

1955 [52] Reba McEntire, McAlester OK, country singer with 30 #1 singles, 14 #1 albums (“Somebody”, “If You See Him”)/TV sitcom actress (“Reba” 2001-07)/Broadway actress (“Annie Get Your Gun”)

1970 [37] Vince Vaughn, Minneapolis MN, movie actor (“Wedding Crashers”, “Old School”)/Jennifer Aniston’s ex-bf  IN THE WORKS: Plays Santa’s bitter older brother in the comedy, “Fred Claus”, coming NOVEMBER 9th.

1981 [26] Julia Stiles, NYC, movie actress (“The Bourne Supremacy”, “Mona Lisa Smile”)  COMING UP: Again co-stars with Matt Damon in “The Bourne Ultimatum”, opening AUGUST 3rd.

1986 [21] J-Kwon (Jarrell Jones), St Louis MO, rapper (“Tipsy”, “Fresh Azimiz”)

• “Hot Tub Day”, time to soak yourself in a steaming hot tub and bust the stress. Yum, human stew!

• “Something on a Stick Day”, celebrating corn dogs, shish kebabs, Popsicles, ice cream bars, and anything else that’s served on a stick. It’s estimated there are more than 3 dozen foods regularly served on a stick at fairs and carnivals, including deep-fried candy bars, deep-fried Twinkies, and chocolate-covered bananas. Beersicle, anyone?

1930 [77] Turkish cities of ‘Constantinople’ and ‘Angora’ are renamed ‘Istanbul’ and ‘Ankara’

1994 [13] 1st ‘Eggvertising’ as a phone company ad is printed on eggs in Britain (and that’s no yolk!)

[Thurs] Mom & Pop Business Owners Day
[Thurs] Vietnam Veterans Day
[Fri] Hot Dog Day
[Fri] Take a Walk in the Park Day
[Sat] Muhammad’s Birthday (Islamic)
[Sat] 20th Kids’ Choice Awards (LA CA)
[Sat/Mon] March Madness NCAA Basketball Tournament Final Four (Atlanta GA)
This Week Is … Pediatric Nurse Practitioner Week
This Month Is … Caffeine Awareness Month


• “You know, you’d make really great grandparents.”
• “I know you don’t usually like tattoos but …”
• “The important thing is no one was hurt.”
• “I’m glad you guys are so open-minded because …”
• “Has the school called yet?”
• “Do you still have full coverage on the car?”
• “First of all, I was an innocent bystander …”
• “Now don’t overreact like the other parents did …”
• “Before you ask, no, I wasn’t drunk …”
• “How quickly can you liquidate your retirement plan?”

Big L Radio in Frinton-on-Sea UK is holding a contest to place a couple on a private plane equipped with a double bed and champagne for a flight of lovemaking. The winning pair will be chosen from among those who best describe on-the-air how they’re growing old DISgracefully.

Have contestants guess a song based on its final line, or a recording of the last couple of bars.

Why did the conjoined twins go to England? So the other one could have a chance to drive.

Ask a listener/studio guest/crew member to rate the following as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ as you read off the items rapid-fire …
• March Madness NCAA tournament … if you don’t bet on it.
• Flavored tofu, as opposed to the regular no-flavor tofu.
• Social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook.
• Cosmetic surgery.
• “High School Musical”.
• The return of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”.
• The current season of “24”.
• Online games … not counting chatrooms.
• “Pirates Of The Caribbean”.
• Iced venti double white mocha frappuccino.
(Makes a good bit for voting on your website.)

Should high-intensity headlights be banned? (The Automobile Club of Southern California has issued a warning that they’re highly dangerous because they temporarily blind drivers.)

62-year-old Sharon Cullison of Norman OK is an $80-an-hour beauty-contest consultant. After 5 years and 273 clients, she says she knows what pageant judges want. So what would that be? Ask about her many tricks of the trade.
PHONER: 405.517.5948/405.292.1776 (Tall Grass Productions)

Today’s Question: It’s more likely you have done THIS at work if you have a university degree.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Kicked the photocopier.

Arguments never end with ‘fine’.

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