Monday, March 26, 2007        Edition: #3495
Get a Load of This Sheet!

• Two diaries, written in 1992 and 1994 by the late Anna Nicole Smith, have been sold on eBay for more than $500,000 in total. Among the revelations in the diaries that were purchased by an anonymous German businessman: Anna Nicole hated sex, liked to party with her mother, and was horribly sad over the death of her cat. (Revelations worth about 5 cents … had she not offed herself in such a spectacular manner.)
• Meantime, one of her many, many, many ex-lovers, Larry Birkhead has trademarked the phrase “Good Night My Sweet Anna Baby”, the words he claims Anna Nicole Smith used to have him say to her before bedtime every night, for use in books, movies, TV programs, online endeavors and theater productions. Birkhead’s former attorney, Debra Opri, advised him to take the measure in order to ‘protect himself’. (Uh, from what?)
– E! Online
• Warner Bros Pictures has announced that all 3 original cast members of the ‘Harry Potter’ films have now signed to reprise their roles in the final 2 instalments of the series. Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson & Rupert Grint are returning to play ‘Harry’, ‘Hermione’ & ‘Ron’ in “Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince” and “Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows”. Watson had been making noise about bolting the series. (Before her fat pay cheque was made even fatter.)
– CBC Arts
• The ex-Mrs Dave Navarro & ex-Mrs Dennis Rodman, 34-year-old sometime actress Carmen Electra, has been telling friends she’s planning to drop a ‘bombshell’ at one of the year’s most anticipated gay gatherings, the 4-day “Dinah Shore Weekend” in Palm Springs CA later THIS MONTH. The ‘bombshell’ is likely what “BS” told you about months ago – she and 46-year-old classic rocker Joan Jett are an item. Electra has apparently had a secret crush ever since she saw Jett in a music video wearing a bikini … when Carmen was just 8-years-old. (How touching.)
– “Daily Dish”
• Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt’s new son Pax Jolie is quickly getting into show biz. It’s reported he’ll make a whopping $2 million for a photo spread in the upcoming issue of “People” magazine, in much the same way the first photos of his half-sister Shiloh were peddled. A spokesperson for “People” has called the amount ‘absurd’. (Well that’s the truth … but you didn’t deny it, did you?)
• While Heather Mills dances with the stars her soon-to-be-ex-hubby, 64-year-old Paul McCartney, is getting hot ‘n heavy with a new squeeze: 52-year-old Sabrina Guinness of, yes, the Guinness beer empire. McCartney admits they enjoy each other’s company and often engage in conversations about ‘stuff like the environment and Al Gore’. (What could possibly be more romantic?)
– “Daily Mail”
• Elvis Presley, George Burns & James Brown are all alive and kickin’ for a new ABC-TV reality show, “The Next Best Thing”, which will search for the best celebrity impersonator. After recent auditions, famous look-alikes caused more than a few double-takes on the streets of New York. Other doppelgangers that may show up on the show: Kenny Chesney and John Travolta. (The skinny early John … or the fat after-Scientology John?)
• Most guys would love to have Denise Richards smack them around a bit, but 2 photogs are suing her for damages for allegedly doing just that while filming the movie “Blonde & Blonder” in Vancouver LAST YEAR. According to papers just-filed in LA Superior Court, Richards also threw laptops belonging to the paparazzi off a hotel balcony. Richards’s co-star Pam Anderson is also named in the suit for making false defamatory statements which have allegedly hampered the poor star-chasers’ careers. (Speaking of ‘hampering a career’, this movie is apparently so lame, it doesn’t even have a release date scheduled!)

• Elton John – Starting TODAY, the just-turned-60-year-old is making his entire music catalogue available online for the first time (at least legally), exclusively through the iTunes Music Store through APRIL 30th, before releasing it to other digital outlets. The generation that actually downloads music will likely be asking, “Who the hell’s Elton John?”.
• Eminem – TODAY he’s due to appear in a Michigan court for a ruling on a motion he filed that seeks to prevent ex-wife Kim Mathers from making negative comments about him in public. The retired rapper claims the remarks could harm their 11-year-old daughter Hailie.
• Joss Stone – TONIGHT the Brit soul singer does “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Mika – TONIGHT the London-based “Grace Kelly” singer performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Nas – TONIGHT he’s on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Panic! At The Disco – TONIGHT they guest on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• Rascal Flatts – Their 5th, as yet-untitled, album will be released SEPTEMBER 25th.
• Snoop Dogg – The British government has refused him the visa he needs to perform in his co-headlining tour with Diddy in the UK. Snoop says he’s mystified as to why. Hmm, could it be that melée at Heathrow Airport a year ago, when he & 5 members of his posse were arrested?
• Sting – THIS MORNING he’s on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV).
• Waylon Jennings – The late singer’s 1980 theme from TV’s “The Dukes of Hazzard”, subtitled “Good Ol’ Boys”, has just been certified as country music’s first Platinum mastertone for sales of 1 million ringtones. A ‘mastertone’ uses the original recording rather than a synthesized instrumental version.

• The Broward County FL Medical Examiner’s Office will reveal Anna Nicole Smith’s autopsy results in a press conference scheduled for 10:30 am EDT (“National Enquirer” claims the announcement will be that a toxic level of the sleeping medication chloral hydrate was the cause of death). Meanwhile, the official inquest into the cause of her son Daniel’s death is scheduled to proceed in the Bahamas, with Howard K Stern expected to be the star witness.
• The 18th annual “GLAAD Media Awards” are presented by  the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation at NYC’s Marriott Marquis hotel. Whoopi Goldberg opens the show, which will also be attended by actresses Julianne Moore & Cynthia Nixon, TV personality Rosie O’Donnell, and singer Hilary Duff.
• Court papers will be filed in NYC seeking the exhumation of the body of world famous magician Harry Houdini, who died in Detroit MI at age 52 on OCTOBER 31, 1926. His grandnephew is spearheading the move to determine if Houdini was actually murdered, as has often been rumored. The official story has always been that he died of a ruptured appendix, caused by repeated punches to the stomach by a McGill University student after a show in Montréal as a test of his famous physical strength.

An evolutionary theorist from the London School of Economics predicts that human evolution will peak in about a 1,000 years as we evolve into a coffee-colored race who live around 120 years. Dr Oliver Curry also predicts we’ll be healthier, thanks to improved nutrition, lifestyle, and medical knowledge. However, he warns there will eventually be a downside to all this: A genetic ‘upper class’ will develop that’s taller, healthier, more attractive and intelligent, while the underclass devolves into what he describes as dim-witted, ugly and squat goblin-like creatures. (This guy apparently conducted his ‘research’ by seeing the movie “Gattaca” 87 times.)
– BBC News

False eyelashes, which went mainstream a few years ago, are reaching longer and longer lengths. Nowadays, some women who are tired of putting on the fake kind are paying hundreds of dollars for eyelash implants or extensions that last from a few weeks to a few months. Some surgeons are even doing ‘eyelash transplants’ for $3,000 … per eye. (But keep in mind they’re tax deductible … if you’re a ‘professional’.)
– “Sacramento Bee”

Highlights of the world’s largest-ever survey on fetishes …
• 64% admit of us having a fetish for shoes, boots & other footwear.
• 47% are turned on by feet and/or toes.
• 12% are really into underwear.
• 9% [tie] like either coats / body fluids / body size.
• 7% get really hot for hair.
On the other end of the scale, the lowest scores go to ears, noses, stethoscopes, wristwatches, bracelets, diapers, catheters, and body odor. The researchers have also found 150 people who are turned on by hearing aids … and 2 who get all hot and bothered by pacemakers.
– “The Independent”

According to a Japanese chewing gum manufacturer, gum that only freshens your breath is a thing of the past. The company’s new ‘Fuwarinka’ chewing gum purportedly tackles all body odor. Just a half-hour of chewing the stuff is said to change your body chemistry enough so that you emit a ‘special aroma’. The deodorant gum comes in ‘fresh citrus’, ‘fruity rose’, and ‘Otokokaoru rose’ for men. ([Co-host] says he doesn’t use this stuff because it’s too difficult to chew gum and sweat at the same time.)

• The percentage of Africa that is wilderness … 28%
• The percentage of North America that is wilderness … 38%


1931 [76] Leonard Nimoy, Boston MA, movie actor/director (“Star Trek” film series)/TV actor (‘Mr Spock’ on “Star Trek” 1966-69)

1934 [73] Alan Arkin, NYC, movie actor (2007 Oscar-“Little Miss Sunshine”, “The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause”)

1940 [67] James Caan, Bronx NY, TV actor (‘Ed Deline’ on “Las Vegas” since 2003)/movie actor (“Misery”, “The Godfather”)

1944 [63] Diana Ross (Diane Earle), Detroit MI, former Motown singer (“Endless Love”, Supremes-“Where Did Our Love Go”)/2007 “American Idol” coach/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1988)

1948 [59] Steve Tyler (Tallarico), Yonkers NY, rock singer (Aerosmith-“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”, “Dream On”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2001)/had throat surgery in 2006 to correct a popped blood vessel/Hepatitis C sufferer for 10 years/actress Liv Tyler’s long absent father

1950 [57] Martin Short, Hamilton ON, movie actor (“The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause”, “Father Of The Bride I & II”)/TV comedian (“Primetime Glick” 2001-03, ex-“SNL”, “SCTV”)

1957 [50] Leeza Gibbons, Hartsville SC, “Dancing With The Stars” competitor (2007)/TV entertainment anchor (“Extra!” 2000-02, “Entertainment Tonight” 1984-95)/syndicated radio host (“Leeza “Live”, Leeza At Night”, “Hollywood Confidential”)

1966 [41] Michael Imperioli, Mount Vernon NY, TV actor (‘Christopher Moltisanti’ on “The Sopranos” since 1999)

1968 [39] Kenny Chesney, Knoxville TN, country singer (“Beer In Mexico”, “Living in Fast Forward”)/briefly married to movie actress Renée Zellweger (May-September 2005)

1973 [34] TR (Theodore Raymond) Knight, Minneapolis MN, TV actor (‘Dr George O’Malley’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)/outed by castmate Isaiah Washington

1985 [22] Keira Knightley, Teddington UK, movie actress (“Pirates of the Caribbean” movies, “Bend It Like Beckham”)  COMING UP: “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”, opening MAY 25th.

• “Legal Assistants Day”, honoring all those who help lawyers with their briefs.

• “Make Up Your Own Holiday Day”. What ingredients make for a good holiday? Special foods? Parades? Costumes? Fireworks? Religious obligations? A day off from the sweatbox?

1937 [70] The town of Crystal City TX unveils a 6-foot-tall statue of cartoon character ‘Popeye’ to open its 2nd annual “Spinach Festival”

1872 [135] 1st ‘Fire Extinguisher’ (apparently created for fight scenes in action movies)

1956 [51] 1st ‘Medic Alert’ bracelets

1996 [11] Orlando Magic’s NBA-record 40-game ‘home win streak’ finally ends vs LA Lakers

[Tues] National Joe Day
[Tues] Photography Day
[Tues] Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day
[Wed] Something On a Stick Day
[Thurs] Mom & Pop Business Owners Day
[Thurs] Vietnam Veterans Day

Week of Solidarity with People Struggling Against Racism & Racial Discrimination / Doctor-Patient Trust Week / Cleaning Week


According to the book “Disorder in the Court”, these are things people actually said in court, word-for-word …
• What is your date of birth? July 15th. What year? Every year.
• What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? He said, “Where am I, Cathy?” And why did that upset you? My name is Susan.
• Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? We both do. Voodoo? We do. You do? Yes, voodoo.
• Officer, when you stopped the defendant, were your red & blue lights flashing? Yes. Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? Yes, sir. What did she say? What disco am I at?
• Were you present when your picture was taken?
• How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
• Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
• Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
• All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to? Oral.
• Do you recall the time that you examined the body? The autopsy started around 8:30 pm. And Mr Dennington was dead at the time? No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
• Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
(You could fill an entire sequel with dumb quotes from the many Anna Nicole Smith hearings.)

Two chimps get into a bath. One says, “Ooo, aa, ee, oo, aaa, eee, aaah, oooh”. The other replies, “Well turn on the cold water then!”

Bruges, Belgium-born NBA all-star Tony Parker (San Antonio Spurs), who’ll wed “Desperate Housewives” actress Eva Longoria in Paris THIS SUMMER, has released a rap record in France … in French. It’s titled “Balance Toi”.

Today’s Question: Women do THIS better upside-down than men.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Read the alphabet.

It’s okay to be drunk with power so long as you’re a happy drunk.

“BS” salutes new subscriber, Kingwood TX (welcome aboard!); and a big moo out to CHUM-FM Toronto, which just re-upped for the 15th consecutive year (2007 CMW Hot/AC Station of the Year – coincidence?); and we welcome samplers this week that include Neil McManus @ WNSA Buffalo NY; Teresa Rodrigues @ KHFM Albuquerque NM; and Tyler Russell @ CKWA Slave Lake AB. Remember “BSers”, we bonus you ONE FREE MONTH for each & every new subscriber you refer. You can instantly subscribe or renew right here …

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