Wednesday, March 21, 2007        Edition: #3492
Nothin’ Like a Bull in Your Radio Shop!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
NYC artists Clifton Mallery & Amnau Karam Eele are suing NBC-TV, claiming they created the idea for the artist character on “Heroes” who’s able to paint the future, and the idea was passed on to the show’s creator Tim Kring by a pair of writers on his other TV show, “Crossing Jordan” (perhaps ‘Isaac Mendez’ could paint a pic of how this lawsuit turns out) . . . “American Idol” is into recycling – the show’s hairstylist Dean Banowetz admits the long n’ curly brunette hair extensions worn by current finalist Haley Scarnato are the exact same ones used by LAST SEASON’s runner-up Katharine McPhee (we wonder – is Chris Sligh using Ruben Studdard’s old fat suit then?) . . . Thanks to his steamy homemade video with wealthy socialite Kim Kardashian, R&B singer Ray J (“One Wish”) has been offered a 4-picture deal by adult filmmaker Vivid Entertainment to direct movies, which the company says he’s considering (as a career killer, this would rank right up their with his sister Brandy’s driving accident) . . . Even though no lead actress has yet been cast, filming on a bio-film about the life & death of Anna Nicole Smith is scheduled to roll in Los Angeles early NEXT MONTH and the movie could be released as early as this JUNE (it would have been earlier but quality takes time) . . . Record companies are experimenting with releasing music on USB flashdrives, on which an act’s music & videos are loaded (and presumably the drive gets hung onto for other data storage – it’s the new fridge magnet!) . . . AOL is offering users of its AIM instant messaging service new capabilities to see where people on their buddy lists are physically located (great idea: “Ohmygawd, that perv Anand Jon Alexander is in the apartment downstairs!”) . . . And an online report claims over-the-hill “Playboy” boss Hugh Hefner likes his 27-year-old girlfriend Holly Madison to dress up  in the bedroom as former “Murder, She Wrote” actress Angela Lansbury, who’s now 81-years-old (just to add a new wrinkle to their love life).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Hinder – TONIGHT the “Better Than Me” band is on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Lonestar – Lead vocalist Richie McDonald has “Amazed” his bandmates by announcing he’s leaving to pursue a solo career. “What About Now”? The other 3 members plan to continue the country act with a new lead vocalist.
• Mat Kearney – THIS AFTERNOON the “Nothing Left To Lose” singer entertains on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Mika – TODAY the British-based singer (“Grace Kelly”) appears on “MTV Live” (MTV Canada)
• Nelly Furtado – TONIGHT her “Get Loose Tour” kicks off in her hometown of Victoria BC, then hits 8 other cities across Canada before trekking to the US, Japan, Australia, Europe & Latin America. Rumored guest artists at various concerts could include Coldplay’s Chris Martin, Justin Timberlake, and Timbaland.
• Ne-Yo – He’s written a wack of songs for Britney Spears but she never showed up at any of the 4 different meetings scheduled to listen to them. So he says he may pass some of them on to Pussycat Dolls’ Nicole Scherzinger for use in her solo effort.

BS BUZZWORDS:
New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Bosspasm’ – Any frantic keyboard/mouse activity generated by your boss entering your office, ie: quitting Solitaire and maximizing the budget forecast spreadsheet. (“Yeah, I can help you out with your project. I’m not really super-busy this morning … that was just a bosspasm.”)
• ‘Smellmail’ – Technology experts in South Korea predict that within a decade, people will be able to send e-mails that deliver particular smells to a recipient’s inbox. (You won’t get any from us … our sheet don’t stink!)
• ‘Turtle Effect’ – The traffic congestion (and visual impression) caused by a school hallway full of 70-lb kids wearing 40-lb backpacks. Some schools are now banning backpacks from classrooms and common areas. (Get a kid to empty out his/her pack and list off everything that’s in there … it’s amazing what they’re humping around besides books, lunch, etc.)

THIS COKE’S KOSHER:
Kosher Coca-Cola, a special Passover product the company is now marketing, has found a huge fan base among non-Jews as well, and here’s why – instead of high-fructose corn syrup, it’s made with pure sugar, the way regular Coca-Cola was manufactured up until the 1980s. It seems many Cokeheads prefer the traditional flavor of the real ‘Coke Classic’. Coca-Cola’s Passover products have a yellow cap on the 2-liter bottles and the words ‘kosher for Passover’ in Hebrew. But the stuff won’t be around long; this year Passover runs from sundown APRIL 2nd through sundown APRIL 9th. (Why not appease the cola tubbies and make real-sugar Coke a year-round product?)
– “NY Post”

WHY HUMANS AREN’T HAIRIER:
Noted American psychologist Judith Rich-Harris has won the annual “Medical Hypotheses” prize for a scientific paper that suggests humans are hairless because Stone-Age moms thought furry babies were unattractive. It seems back in the day a mother of a newborn had to decide whether she had the resources to raise a baby. The newborn’s appearance probably influenced whether she kept it or abandoned it. Harris’ theory is that Stone Age people believed hairless babies were more attractive than hairy ones, so that’s how humans evolved … without a coat of fur. (Except for Sacha Baron Cohen and Ken Davitian in “Borat”.)
– “Medical News Today”

BEST FOODS FOR HEALTHY SKIN:
Instead of stocking up on cleansers, moisturizers and toners, dieticians say you can improve your complexion simply by eating foods that nourish us from the inside-out. Among them …
• Kiwi – It packs more vitamin C per ounce than practically any other fruit. Vitamin C helps maintain the natural collagen in our skin, which keeps it firm.
• Salmon – It has one of the richest concentrations of omega-3 fatty acids, the ‘healthy fats’ that nourish the skin.
• Snapper – This tropical fish contains the mineral selenium, which has the ability to reduce the risk of sunburn and promote an even skin-tone.
• Sunflower Seeds – They’re replete with vitamin E, a powerful antioxidant that decelerates the aging of skin cells, keeping us looking younger longer.
• Sweet Potatoes – Full of beta carotene, an antioxidant whose protective qualities defend against the damage that exposure to the Sun causes.
• Tea – Whether it’s hot or unsweetened iced tea, green or black, tea contains acne-fighting antioxidants and phytonutrients, healthy substances from plants.
• Turkey – It features a high concentration of zinc, which maintains collagen and elastin fibers that preserve skin’s elasticity and firmness.
– “Ladies’ Home Journal”

TIPS ON TIPPING:
Most of us have restaurant tipping down pat (keep forking out bills until the server quits scowling), but what about hotel tipping? Peter Post, director of the oh-so-correct Emily Post Institute, suggests that hotel guests tip a bellhop $2 for the first bag and $1 for each additional piece of luggage handled. If you’re intending to tip housekeeping staff, it’s best to leave a little something in an envelope each morning instead of a larger amount prior to checkout. Why? Several different housekeepers may be attending to your room during the week. (Which profession deserves tips that doesn’t get them? Supermarket cashier? Show prep supplier?)
– “Marketwatch”

DANCING WITH THE SOPHS:
A Maryland highschool is offering ballroom dancing classes as a way to cut down on the ‘bumping & grinding’ at school dances. The classes were started at Bel Air High School after a staff member expressed alarm at the ‘freak dance’ moves he observed at school dances that he chaperoned. The free classes offer students a taste of the jitterbug, salsa and other traditional dance styles. It’s not enough to just tell the kids not to dance that way, a guidance counselor says, they need appropriate alternatives. (Interesting to note that in late 18th century, a new dance that spread from Austria to France & England was also the cause of much moral outrage and banned in many places. It was the waltz.)
– “Baltimore Sun”

“DIE, YOU GRAVY-SUCKING PIG!”
The people who subtitle English-language films for foreign markets are complaining that outsourcing the work has led to a series of key translation mistakes in recent movies. For example, a line in the Uma Thurman comedy “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” that should read “We have a zero-tolerance policy for sexual harassment” was mis-translated to a subtitle that read “We hold the highest standards for sexual harassment.” Veteran British subtitler Kenn Nakata Steffensen says the cost-cutting move of outsourcing subtitling may be financially beneficial to studios but it robs international theater-goers of a quality viewing experience. (This happens all the time when Chinese films are subtitled in English, as noted below …)
– “Times of London”

ACTUAL ENGLISH SUBTITLES FROM HONG KONG FILMS:
• “A man who disguised as woman beated me.”
• “Fat head! Look at you! You’re full of cholesterol.”
• “A policeman must round up anyone, even if he was a Robin Hood. What a mockery.”
• “That cosmetician man hanged me up with no good intention.”
• “A poor band player I was, but now I am crocodile king.”
• “Bald-head, you are looking for death!”
• “Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.”
• “Wait to see, you won’t even know how to die.”
• “Serve him right. You pervert!”
• “Please don’t let your buttocks push against each other!”
– BigWhiteGuy.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• Rain contains vitamin B12.
• On an average day, about 4 people call Graceland and ask to speak to Elvis.
• A 1-minute kiss burns 26 calories.
• Your dog can’t hear the lowest key on the piano.
– AskMen.com

THE BULL SHEET 03.21.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [57] Roger Hodgson, Portsmouth UK, classic rock musician (Supertramp-“Give a Little Bit”)

1958 [49] Gary Oldman, London UK, movie bad guy (“Batman Begins”, ‘Sirius Black’ in “Harry Potter” films)

1962 [45] Matthew Broderick, NYC, Broadway actor (“The Producers”)/movie actor (“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”)/Mr Sarah Jessica Parker since 1997

1962 [45] Rosie O’Donnell, Commack NY, TV talk show host (“The View” since 2005, “Rosie O’Donnell Show” 1996-2002)/sometime movie actress (“A League of Their Own”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Agriculture Day”, observed every year on the first day of Spring to recognize the safe, abundant and affordable products that farming provides, as well as its contribution to a strong economy, a source of renewable energy, and a wealth of job opportunities.
NET: http://www.agday.org/
• “Children’s Poetry Day”. Have a kid read some rap lyrics with lush music in the background.
• “Great American Meat Out”, the 23rd annual observance of the diet education initiative that encourages us to kick the meat habit for at least a day and explore a wholesome, ‘nonviolent’ diet of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. (Non-violent? Ever see a gardener yank a carrot out of its warm & cosy home and then chop off its head?)
NET: http://www.meatout.org
• “International Astrology Day”, just as the Aries zodiac sign begins.
• “Memory Day.” Hmm, can’t remember why.
• “Nowruz” [pronounced ‘no-rooz’ and meaning ‘new day’], the annual 13-day Persian New Year celebration that dates back well over 3,000 years. It celebrates both the start of Spring and the beginning of the year 1386. Families gather at ‘haft-seen’ tables set with special foods and other items that begin with the sound of ‘S’, including ‘seeb’ (apple); ‘sabzeh’ (lentil sprouts); ‘serke’ (vinegar); ‘seer’ (garlic); and ‘sekke’ (a coin).
NET: http://www.persia.org/Culture/nowruz.html
• “Proposal Day”, when eligible adults who are single and seeking marriage are encouraged to propose to their true love. It’s observed on both the first day of Spring and the first day of Autumn, so if you miss your opportunity today, you’ll have 186 days to work up your nerve.
NET: http://www.proposalday.com/
• “Snowman Burning”, the 36th annual at Lake Superior State University in Sault Sainte Marie MI, a celebration that includes the reading of poetry and doggerel heralding the end of winter, followed by the effigy burning of a snowman … and lots of heavy-duty toasting.
• “Spring” officially arrives in the Northern Hemisphere with the Vernal Equinox at 8:07 pm EDT. According to a University of Munich study, warmer Spring weather is coming earlier and cooler Autumn temps arriving later, extending the growing season by at least 10 days in recent years.
• “Teacher Appreciation Day”, one of several each year … because teachers need nurturing.
• “UN International Day for Elimination of Discrimination.” Yeah, an official day … that’ll do it!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1980 [27] The so-called ‘Cliffhanger’ is introduced to TV, a season-ending stunt in which ‘JR’ is shot on “Dallas” (fans are then forced to spend the entire summer pondering ‘Who shot JR?’)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1952 [55] 25,000 attend the 1st-ever ‘Rock ‘n Roll Concert’, hosted by pioneering DJ Alan Freed at the Cleveland Arena

1961 [46] The Beatles’ 1st appearance at Liverpool’s Cavern Club (Pete Best on drums)

1964 [43] The Beatles hold down 5 of the slots on “Billboard’s” ‘Top 10 Singles’ chart

2000 [07] ‘N Sync’s “No Strings Attached” sets an all-time benchmark for ‘Single-Day Album Sales’ at 1.1 million units

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1977 [30] Mrs James Duck of Memphis TN becomes ‘World’s Fastest Mother’ as her triplets  are born naturally … in under 2 minutes!

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] International Goof-Off Day
[Thurs] As Young As You Feel Day
[Fri] World Meteorological Day
[Fri] No Homework Day
[Sun] 1st YouTube Video Awards
[Sun] Elton John’s 60th Birthday Celebration (NYC)
This Week Is … Massage Safety Week
This Month Is … Mental Retardation Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

LEAST SUCCESSFUL BS  FAST FOOD FRANCHISES:
• Tofu Tonight!
• Hansel & Gristle’s
• Bucket ‘O Baboon
• Coleslaw King
• Fatty Come Home
• Tower of Leftovers
• Beef Relief
• Soup-in-a-Boot
• Gag Me With a Greasy Spoon
• La Casa de Burning Anus

BS PHONE STARTER:
How many different kinds of dinners get prepared in your home? (A new British survey finds the average household in the UK lives on a menu of just 4.1 different dishes … in total. In other words, the average person eats the exact same thing for supper at least every 5th day.)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Why can’t men be ‘sluts’? We’re so good at it.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Scientists say doing THIS will increase your chances of having a child with a high IQ.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Conceive it in the Spring.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
In the Spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to … what he’s been thinking about all Winter.

HOW TO BE A “BS” FREELOADER:
We bonus you ONE FREE MONTH for each and every new “Bull Sheet” subscriber you refer!


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