Friday, March 16, 2007        Edition: #3489
Bovine Defecation That’s State-of-the-Art!

THIS WEEKEND Angelina Jolie arrives back home in New Orleans LA with her brand new (well, slightly used) 3-year-old Vietnamese son who’s been named Pax Thien Jolie (provided all the paperwork gets signed off) . . . SUNDAY “American Idol” judge Simon Cowell is profiled on “60 Minutes” (CBS) and will himself face a panel of judges critiquing him (justice!) . . . Movie actress Halle Berry tells “Reader’s Digest” she has a psychiatrist on standby for whenever she needs to get something off her chest (like her boyfriend Gabriel Aubry maybe?) . . . Halle Berry & her “Monster’s Ball” co-star Billy Bob Thornton will reunite onscreen for “Tulia”, about an ACLU lawyer investigating racism and corruption in a small Texas town . . . The 7th and final book in the ‘Harry Potter’ series, “Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows” which comes out JULY 21st, will have largest print run of any book in history – 12 million copies! (because JK Rowling wants to buy a new country) . . . Former “Friends” star Lisa Kudrow has apparently been offered a role in the upcoming “Grey’s Anatomy” spin-off which will star Kate Walsh (who plays ‘Dr Addison Montgomery-Shepherd’) . . . The surgeon performing Regis Philbin’s heart bypass operation also did similar procedures on Larry King and David Letterman . . . The often long-distance marriage of David & Victoria Beckham is said to be close to crumbling, thanks to work commitments that have allowed them only 25 days under the same roof so far THIS YEAR (she ‘works’?) . . . Movie stars Jake Gyllenhaal (“Zodiac”) & Reese Witherspoon (“Walk the Line”) have reportedly been forced to go public with their romance after being busted sharing a series of secret get-togethers and overnight stays . . . “Spider-Man” actress Kirsten Dunst is taking voice lessons with a view to recording an album later THIS YEAR (she certainly won’t be busy making “Marie Antoinette 2”) . . . And THIS WEEK, for the first time ever, a hi-def movie DVD is among the top 10 best-sellers – Sony’s Blu-ray HD version of “Casino Royale”.

• Arcade Fire – “Neon Bible” is the top selling album in Canada and #2 in the US, where it’s topped only by another posthumous release from Notorious BIG, who’s been stiff 10 years.
• Baha Men – The guys behind the 2000 mega-hit “Who Let the Dogs Out” are in the doghouse for writing bad cheques. They’re blaming their record company for not paying out $180,000 that’s allegedly owed to them.
• Big & Rich – SATURDAY they’re featured on “Cross Country” (CMT) alongside John Anderson.
• Cyndi Lauper – TODAY she’s on “The View” (ABC) to talk about her upcoming “True Colors” tour promoting gay rights. Other performers on the 15-city trek that kicks off JUNE 8th in Vegas include Deborah Harry (Blondie), Erasure, and comedian Margaret Cho.
• Musiq – TONIGHT the “Buddy” R&B singer performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• REM – They’re heading into the studio to record their first album since 2004’s “Around the Sun”. U2 producer Jacknife Lee will be working the knobs.
• Snow Patrol – TOMORROW they’re the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC), hosted by TV actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus (“The New Adventures of Old Christine”).

• “Dead Silence” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): Aussie actor Ryan Kwanten plays a young widower who returns home to investigate his wife’s murder. There he encounters the legend that has turned the place into a ghost town. Co-stars model-turned-actress Amber Valletta & boy-band singer-turned-actor Donnie Wahlberg. Shot in Toronto and Elora ON. Creepy music here …
• “I Think I Love My Wife” ( R-Rated Romantic Comedy ): Chris Rock directs & stars as the husband of the ultimate career woman (Gina Torres) who finds his loyalty and morals tested when he meets a free-spirited younger woman (Kerry Washington). Trailers and clips …
• “Premonition” ( PG-13 Thriller ): Sandra Bullock stars as a woman whose husband reappears the day after he died in a car accident. Then the next day he’s dead again … etc. Eventually she tries to rearrange events in order to prevent the tragedy from occurring (sorta like “Groundhog Day” … with a corpse). Co-stars Julian McMahon & Amber Valletta … again! Clips are here …

According to a panel of experts, here are a few good ways to curb your junk food cravings …
• DINE WITH DAINTY EATERS: Studies have found we tend to ratchet our volume of consumption either up or down depending on how much our dining companions are eating.
• WATCH HAPPY MOVIES: We eat up to 29% more popcorn if we are munching on it while viewing a sad or serious movie in a theater as compared to a comedy.
• EAT BREAKFAST: The National Weight-Control Registry, a large archive of successful dieters, shows that eating breakfast is one of the key factors in keeping weight down. Why? So you’re not starving every time you come in contact with food through the day.
• FORGET YOU EXERCISED: That hour-long workout can be hazardous to your diet. A study shows we consume, on average, 22% more calories after working out than if we hadn’t.
• DIVIDE YOUR FOOD: Studies have shown that any kind of counting out or dividing up of food portions slows down your eating. Numbering or other markers make you aware of what you’re eating and portion size.
• AVOID REDUCED-FAT PRODUCTS: They usually have almost the same calorie content as the regular version but we subconsciously treat them as if they were caloric freebies. Studies show that, on average, we consume 28% more calories when eating foods labeled ‘low fat’ than when eating the regular stuff.
– “Cosmopolitan”

A Chinese man is looking for a good home for his pet carp which he claims is … fully trained. Fang Peng from the town of Pingsai says ‘Submarine’ responds to his name being called out. Fang says the fish developed his ability to understand human speech from his father who used to spend 4 hours a day with it. He would tie a piece of cake or bread on the top of the fishing pole and call ‘Submarine’. On hearing his name, the carp would emerge from the water and take the food. Fang needs to find a new home for his fishy because the river that runs into his fish pond is being diverted for irrigation. (If you’ve ever sat on a dock with a worm on a hook and not had a nibble for 8 hours, keep this in mind – you need to CALL your fish.)
– “Weird Asia News”

• Just in time for St Patrick’s Day, a new poll finds that the Irish are the worst binge drinkers in Europe. Fully a third of imbibers in Ireland admit they ‘usually’ consume 5 or more drinks per session, commonly regarded as the benchmark of binge drinking.
• A poll on kinky habits finds that 50% of North Americans have tied their mate up for kicks at least once. On the other hand, 37% of couples won’t even take a shower together.
• A new Travelodge survey finds that more men than women take teddy bears to bed when sleeping alone – 20% of guys vs 15% of women. 28% of both genders resort to hugging a pillow.
• A new survey by the Canadian Environmental Law Association finds that 7 of the 10 biggest polluters in Canada are based in Alberta. Besides plants operated by Syncrude and Suncor in the tar sands, the province has 5 fossil-fuel-fired generating stations in the top 10.

Europe’s largest brothel, the Pascha in Cologne, Germany, is hoping to capitalize on the country’s growing number of retirees by offering them a 50% discount for ‘dates’ in the afternoon. The club has introduced the special reduced ‘Senior Citizens Afternoon’ rates for clients aged 66 and older, provided they can provide proof of age. A ‘normal session’ costs 50 euros, about $65. Incidentally, the Pascha claims to be the world’s only brothel with a money-back guarantee. (Hopefully, they’re installing defibrillators in every room!)
– Reuters

Manhattan restaurateur Nino Selimaj has a new ‘luxury pizza’ on the menu at his eatery, Nino’s Bellissima. It’s topped with creme fraiche, chives, 8 ounces of caviar, 4 ounces of thinly-sliced lobster tail, salmon roe, and a bit of wasabi to spice it up. The 12-inch pie is served uncooked (so as not to wreck the seafood) and sliced into 4 pieces, which works out to – whoa! – $250-per-slice. Yep, it’s a thousand-buck pizza, eclipsing the previous international record for pizza on a menu – $193 at Gordon Ramsey’s Maze restaurant in London. Who’s gonna spend a grand on a pie? Selimaj is betting Wall Street business types will buy.
PHONER: 212.355.5540
– CBS News

New York City’s “St Patrick’s Day Parade” is the longest-running civilian parade in the world.


1926 [81] Jerry Lewis (Levitch), Newark NJ, movie actor (“Nutty Professor”)/MD fund raiser

1949 [58] Victor Garber, London ON, TV actor (“Justice” 2006, “Alias” 2001-06)/Broadway actor (“Damn Yankees”)/movie actor (“Legally Blonde”)

1950 [57] Kate Nelligan, London ON, movie actress (“Premonition”, Oscar nomination-“Prince of Tides”)

1954 [53] Nancy Wilson, San Francisco CA, classic rock singer (Heart-“Barracuda”, “Magic Man”)

1967 [40] Lauren Graham, Honolulu HI, TV actress (‘Lorelai Gilmore’ on “The Gilmore Girls” since 2000)

1971 [36] Greg Johnson, Thunder Bay ON, NHL center (Detroit Red Wings)

Oldies singer John Sebastian (Lovin’ Spoonful) is 63; Movie actor Kurt Russell (“Miracle”) is 56; TV actor Gary Sinise (“CSI: NY”) is 52; TV actor Rob Lowe (“Brothers & Sisters”) is 43; Rock singer Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins) is 40; TV actor Yanic Truesdale (“Gilmore Girls”) is 38; Rocker Melissa Auf der Maur (Auf der Maur) is 35; Pop/Celtic musician Caroline Corr (The Corrs) is 34.

TV actress/pop singer Vanessa Williams (“Ugly Betty”) is 44; Movie actress Queen Latifah (“Last Holiday”) is 37; Pop singer Adam Levine (Maroon 5) is 28.

• “Everything You Do Is Right Day” … honey.
• “Freedom of Information Day”, celebrating the idea that all citizens in a democracy can access government information, if they have a lawyer, a dozen years to burn … and a gazillion bucks.
• “Lips Appreciation Day”, when we’re encouraged to do something nice for our lips … kiss somebody. Go ahead, pick someone at random and see how big the lawsuit is that ensues.

• “Clean Your Closet Day”. After all, would once-a-year kill ya? Sort it by: charity donations; giveaways; and junk.
• “Maple Syrup Saturday”, a celebration of the running of the sap from which they make liquid gold.
• “Quilting Day”, celebrated annually on the 3rd Saturday of March to honor the old-fashioned art-form that’s becoming lost in our hi-tech society. Check out the prices on homemade quilts and you just might want to take up the craft. Kind of a patched together observance, if you ask us.
• “St Patrick’s Day”, the Irish national holiday that began as a ‘solemn religious observance’ to honor St Patrick (389-461 AD), patron saint of Ireland. It’s been an Irish holiday for 1,500 years, first celebrated in Canada in 1765 in Québec City.
the first US celebrations were in Boston by the ‘Charitable Irish Society’ in 1737 and at NYC’s Crown & Thistle Tavern in 1756.  Since 1965, the Chicago River has been dyed green for the “Chicago St Patrick’s Parade”, an idea conceived when a parade chairman saw a plumber using green dye to trace leaks from a building.
The world’s largest “St Patrick’s Parade” is in NYC where more than a million spectators and over 100,000 participants are expected. A tradition since 1762, the 2-mile parade lasts about 6 hours. Green is associated with St Patrick’s Day because it’s the color of Spring, Ireland, and the shamrock.
• “Submarine Day”, celebrating either the sandwich or the boat.

• “Awkward Moments Day”, a day to laugh them off because we’ve all had them at one time or another. But how come they don’t get funny until about 5 years later?
• “Forgive Mom & Dad Day”. Time to lighten up on the parental units and get on with your life. After all, they tried the best they could … with their limited abilities and total lack of caring.

1971 [36] 1st televised “Grammy Awards” (Simon & Garfunkel’s “Bridge Over Troubled Water” named ‘Best Song’, ‘Best Album’, and ‘Record of the Year’)

1974 [33] New ‘Grand Ole Opry’ building officially opens in Nashville TN

1876 [131] 1st ‘Female Boxing Match’ (Nelly Saunders & Rose Harland fight in NYC)

1996 [11] 1st NHL game in Montreal’s new Molson Centre (now Bell Centre) which Canadiens win 4-2 over NY Rangers)

[Mon] “Dancing With the Stars 4” debuts (ABC)
[Mon] Teenagers Day
[Mon] Annual Office Coffee Cup Washing
[Tues-Sun] World Figure Skating Championships (Tokyo, Japan)
[Tues] Single Parents Day
[Tues] Agriculture Day
[Tues] Proposal Day
[Tues] Stephen Colbert Day (Oshawa ON)
[Wed] Spring arrives (7:07 pm EDT)
This Week Is … Agriculture Week / Spring Fever Week
This Month Is … Collision Awareness Month / Eye Donor Month


• You’ve been given a cup of Irish ‘poteen’. What the heck is it? [Homemade Irish whiskey.]
– “Bennigan’s Journal”
• What’s the official emblem of Ireland – the shamrock, harp, or blarney stone? [The harp.]
– Irish Tourist Board
• What’s the correct response to the Irish greeting, “Top of the morning to you”? [“And the rest of the day to yourself.”]
– Extra! Online

On St Patrick’s Day everyone’s a wee bit Irish. What other nationality deserves a special day on which we all party? (Denmark’s patron saint is Canute – how could you not drink to that? Or how about Belarus Day? A country that’s even more fun than Kazakhstan!)

Here’s what I learned in school: If it’s green or it wiggles, it’s Biology; If it smells, it’s Chemistry; If it doesn’t work, it’s Physics.

Today’s Question: 39% of us believe if we wear green on “St Patrick’s Day” THIS will happen.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: We will meet someone special.

Careful planning will never replace dumb luck.

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