Thursday, March 8, 2007        Edition: #3483
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

TODAY the US Court of Appeals is scheduled to hear an appeal from original “Survivor” winner Richard Hatch on his tax evasion conviction (he’s hoping to form an alliance with a new jury) . . . TODAY Michael Jackson’s once-postponed ‘Premium VIP Party’ is scheduled for Tokyo, Japan, when fans who fork out 400,000 yen (circa $3,500) get about 30 seconds face time with the pasty one, the equivalent of about $115 a second (NET: . . . TONIGHT TV producer Mark Burnett will be competing against himself when his latest game show, “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” (FOX), goes up against his “Survivor: Fiji” series (CBS/Global) head-to-head (how long before we get BBS – the Barnett Broadcasting Network?) . . . Vietnam’s top adoption official has confirmed Angelina Jolie’s latest adoptee is a 3-year-old boy from the Tam Binh orphanage outside Ho Chi Minh City who’ll be moving to the US within 3 months (Brangelina are going to have to start numbering their kids soon) . . . Yoko Ono has blocked the world premiere of a documentary about John Lennon called “Three Days in the Life”, her lawyers warning she hasn’t authorized any public viewing of the film (in a typical Ono move, it seems she okayed making but not watching) . . . Haughty 36-year-old fashion model & infamous staff-slapper Naomi Campbell has received her comeuppance, sentenced to 5 days community service as penance for assaulting a maid with a cellphone to the head – and she’ll serve it mopping floors in a NYC Sanitation Department Lower East Side warehouse (there are a lot of folks who’d pay to watch this!) . . . Actor Zach Braff will become one of the highest-paid actors on TV, earning about $350,000-an-episode for a 7th season as ‘Dr JD Dorian’ on “Scrubs” (NBC) – IF the network renews the show . . . Civil rights activist Najee Ali has staged a rally outside Hollywood’s Kodak Theater to protest “American Idol’s” alleged discrimination against former contestant Frenchie Davis (cut loose for topless photos online) and the ‘preferential treatment’ of current contestant Antonella Barba (allowed to continue after the same embarrassment) . . . And here’s why we like her so much: Canadian-born actress Rachel McAdams (“The Notebook”) has turned down almost as many movie roles as she’s taken, including the romantic leads in “Mission: Impossible III” and “Casino Royale”, and Anne Hathaway’s parts in “The Devil Wears Prada” and the upcoming spy comedy “Get Smart” (how unusual in Hollywood – the lady has scruples!).

• Big Bopper – A forensic anthropologist has determined the radio jock and rock & roll pioneer (“Chantilly Lace”) was killed immediately in the 1959 plane crash that also took the lives of pop stars Ritchie Valens & Buddy Holly. His son had the body exhumed in an effort to put lingering questions to rest. It seems ‘the day the music died’ … it died instantly.
• Carrie Underwood – TONIGHT she sings her current hit “Wasted” on the “American Idol” results show.
• Good Charlotte – Frontman Joel Madden is being investigated by the Beverly Hills Police Department for allegedly roughing up a female photographer who was trying to snap a pic of him & girlfriend Nicole Richie as they left an LA eatery through the back door.
• Jay-Z – He’s announced he’s selling his Rocawear clothing line to the Iconix Brand Group for about $200 million. He’ll continue to be in charge of all product development, marketing and licensing of the brand.
• Kimberley Locke – TODAY yet another “American Idol” alum does “The View” (ABC).
• Paula Abdul/Taylor Hicks – TODAY they flog “American Idol” on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Sugarland – TONIGHT their music will be used in the opening highlights segment of both the ACC and SEC “March Madness” basketball tournaments. Sugarland is also featured on TONIGHT’s edition of “Crossroads” (CMT), alongside Bon Jovi.
• U2 – “Advertising Age” reports Bono’s highly-publicized ‘RED’ line of products to benefit global charities is not reaping the rewards it was expected to. So far, it’s only brought in $18 million worldwide, while approximately $100 million has been spent on marketing it. Oops!

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Dallas” – While most of the original cast for the bigscreen version of the ‘80s TV soap has fallen apart, John Travolta (‘JR’) has come to the rescue with the suggestion that his onscreen wife (‘Sue Ellen‘) be played by … his real-life wife, Kelly Preston. Jennifer Lopez reportedly had the role, then pulled out. (Think the reason Travolta’s trying to keep this gasper alive has to do with money invested in it?)
• “Fair Game” – Not surprisingly, a movie is being developed about Valerie Plame, the former CIA operative outed by White House officials, and her husband, former US diplomat Joseph Wilson. The film will be based on Plame’s upcoming memoir, for which she sold publishing rights to Simon & Schuster for $2.5 million. (She may no longer be spying but she’s gonna be really, really rich when it’s all over.)
• “White Jazz” – George Clooney will star in this sequel to 1997’s “LA Confidential”, based on author James Ellroy’s follow-up novel. But the production may face competition from another sequel being planned by the film’s original director Curtis Hanson. It would pick up where “LA Confidential” ended and reunite the original stars, Russell Crowe, Guy Pearce & Kim Basinger. (Why does Hollywood make 2-of-a-kinds all the time, ie: “The Illusionist” and “The Prestige”?)

Fashion experts say the new look in eyebrows is … ‘lowbrow’. Where Nicole Kidman’s arched brows were once considered the standard for beauty, now the most attractive brows are thought to be those that curve lower over the eye, reaching a peak height two-thirds of the way along. Actress Jennifer Connelly (“Blood Diamond”) is now widely considered to have today’s perfect brows. This shift in eye appeal has become so significant, some think ‘highbrows’ could disappear altogether. Plastic surgeons – who for many years have been making eyebrows higher and more arched – are now being asked to keep them low when they perform cosmetic surgery, according to the journal “Aesthetic Plastic Surgery”. (Great news if you’ve plucked out everything within 2 inches of your eyeball!)
– “The Independent”

Serbian vampire hunters have acted to prevent the very remote possibility that former dictator Slobodan Milosevic might stage a come-back … by driving a 3-foot stake through his heart! The politically-motivated ‘Van Helsings’, led by one Miroslav Milosevic (unbelievably, no relation whatsoever), gave themselves up to cops after attacking the deceased despot in his grave in the eastern town of Pozarevac. Milosevic popped his clogs back in 2006, while on trial in a UN war crimes tribunal for various unsavory activities connected with the disintegration of the former Yugoslavia.
– “The Register”

The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame has issued it’s preferences for the ‘Definitive 200′ albums of all-time. Here are the top 10 picks …
10. Nirvana – “Nevermind” (1996)
9. Beach Boys – “Pet Sounds” (1966)
8. Bob Dylan – “Highway 61 Revisited” (1965)
7. Carole King – “Tapestry” (1971)
6. Rolling Stones – “Exile On Main Street” (1972)
5. U2 – “Joshua Tree” (1987)
4. Led Zeppelin – “Led Zeppelin IV” (1971)
3. Michael Jackson – “Thriller” (1982)
2. Pink Floyd – “Dark Side Of The Moon” (1973)
1. The Beatles – “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” (1967)
Apparently there hasn’t been any good music for 11 years now. The rest of the list, including Andrea Bocelli (?!?!) Is here …

A German animal welfare organization is protesting against the Spanish sport of ‘quail-catapulting’, a form of target shooting in which baby quails are fired from a cannon and then shot down for fun. Thousands of quails are being killed in this way in the region of Valencia on Spain’s Mediterranean coast. Proponents of the ‘sport’ note that Germany has had some cruel traditions as well. Ever heard of cat-poking? Or goose-clubbing? (Or Poland-invading?)
– “Bild”

THIS WEEK at her traditional Haldi wedding ceremony to wealthy heir Arun Nayar in India, Brit movie actress Liz Hurley was covered in cream and the spice turmeric, designed to cleanse and purify her. Here are a few other bizarre rituals brides & grooms go through worldwide …
• Bulgaria – The bride is presented with an onion by her fiancé. Earlier, the groom’s friends pour barley over him and fire rifles in the air to ward off evil spirits.
• Czech Republic – A baby is laid on the newlyweds’ bed as a powerful symbol of fertility. The bride’s best friends plant a tree in her garden. The bride is thought to live as long as the tree.
• Denmark – It’s traditional for the groom to disappear for part of the reception so all the single men can kiss the bride. Later the bride scoots while the groom smooches all the single girls.
• Indonesia – Everyone who has ever met the bride & groom expects to be invited so many ceremonies have 1,000 or more guests.
• Morocco – Before the bride enters her marital home, she walks around the outside of it 3 times.
• Philippines – The proud groom hurls a spear onto the step of his bride’s home. The custom is designed to warn off other potential suitors.
• Russia – The bride & groom race each other to a special carpet where they recite their wedding vows. After the toasts, everyone throws their champagne glasses on the floor.
• Sudan – An umbrella is held over the heads of the newlyweds in front of their new home, then eggs are broken around them.
• Venezuela – Here the bride & groom are the ultimate party poopers. It’s considered good luck if the newlyweds manage to sneak away from the reception unnoticed.
(Some of these customs may sound odd, but then think of all the dumb things you did at your wedding!)
– “Daily Record”


1945 [62] Micky Dolenz, LA CA, oldies singer (The Monkees-“I’m a Believer”, “Last Train to Clarksville”)

1976 [31] Freddie Prinze Jr, LA CA, TV actor (“Freddie” 2005-06)/movie actor (“She’s All That”)/Mr Sarah Michelle Gellar since 2002

1977 [30] James Van Der Beek, Cheshire CT, movie actor (“Rules of Attraction”)/former TV actor (“Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)

1979 [28] Tom Chaplin, Battle UK, pop singer (Keane-“Somewhere Only We Know”, “Is It Any Wonder?”)

• “Aunts Day”, recognizing ‘those special people who make long-lasting impressions throughout our lives’. (Another Hallmark moment.)

• “Healthy Office Day”, focusing on the many types of pollutants that effect office workers: environmental, equipment or stress-related. (Not to mention co-worker-related.)

• “International Women’s Day”, kicking off “Universal Women’s Week”, which honors all women, especially working women. It was first proclaimed at a 1910 women’s conference in Helsinki, Finland by activist Clara Zetkin. In 1977, the observance was endorsed by the UN and is a national holiday in China and Russia, where female workers are presented with flowers and gifts. The 2007 IWD theme in Canada is “Ending Violence Against Women: Action for Real Results”. In fact, TODAY in Russia, women drivers will be given flowers instead of fines for minor traffic offences.

1997 [10] Paul McCartney is knighted by Queen Elizabeth II in a ceremony at London’s Buckingham Palace

1855 [152] 1st train passes over 1st ‘Railway Suspension Bridge’ (Niagara Falls ON/NY)

1990 [17] 1st Canadian to defend “World Figure Skating Championship” title (Kurt Browning, in Halifax)

1913 [94] 1st US ‘Income Tax’ levied (next day, the 1st income tax cheat)

1985 [22] John McPherson of Newcastle, England sets a new record by kissing 4,444 women in 8 hours (ewww … how’d you like to be sloppy #4,443?)

[Fri] Panic Day
[Fri] Barbie doll’s Birthday
[Fri] Employee Appreciation Day
[Fri] “300” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Canadian Radio Music Awards (Toronto ON)
[Sat] Osama Bin Laden’s birthday
[Sat] 2007 Soul Train Music Awards (Pasadena CA)
[Sat] Salvation Army Day
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time begins
[Mon] 2007 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction (NYC)
This Week Is … Art Week
This Month Is … Professional Social Work Month


According to a new online poll, here are the occupations currently perceived to have the most ‘sex appeal’ …
10. Veterinarian (3%)
9. Lawyer (4%)
8. Doctor (7%)
7. Teacher (8%)
6. Nurse (9%)
5. [tie] Interior Designer / Event Planner (10%)
4. Reporter (10%)
3. CEO (11%)
2. Flight Attendant (13%)
1. Firefighter (16%)

Your contestant strives to get all the answers WRONG. The correct answers to avoid are [in brackets]. The goal is to give answers outlandish enough to qualify as incorrect  … much harder than it seems!
• Where in the world would you be most likely to find a ‘stag-moose’? [Nowhere. They went extinct about 11,500 years ago.]
• When do children grow fastest? [In the springtime.]
• Who first coined the word ‘nerd’? [Dr Seuss in the kids’ book “If I Ran the Zoo”.]
• What’s the cube root of 693? [8.849344009597905]
• Every year your body replaces this. [About 98% of its atoms.]
• Who was the first choice to play ‘Tony Soprano’ on the HBO mob series “The Sopranos”? [Steven Van Zandt, but the guitarist/actor ended up in the role of ‘Silvio Dante’ instead.]
• What color is the sky? [Blue, grey, black, etc.]
• What’s the capital of Saskatchewan? [The ‘S’.]
• Where in Ottawa would you find the Prime Minister’s official residence, 24 Sussex Drive? [Um, at 24 Sussex Drive.]
• What’s the address of the White House? [1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington DC 20500.]
• What’s the capital of Minnesota? [The ‘M’.]
• What’s your nickname? [It’s a name added to – or substituted for – your proper name, to express affection, ridicule, or familiarity.]

Today’s Question: 40% of women do THIS at least 12 times a day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Apply lipstick.

A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight.

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