Tuesday, March 6, 2007        Edition: #3481
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the controversial James Cameron-produced, Simcha Jacobovici-directed documentary “The Lost Tomb of Jesus” gets its Canadian TV debut (likely giving Vision TV its biggest-ever ratings) . . . TONIGHT “Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll” premieres (CW), in which wannabes will sing, dance & flounce in order to win a 7th spot in the 6-member girl group (a background in maths & sciences not required) . . . “Survivor: Fiji” contestant Gary Stritesky (aka ‘Papa Smurf’) has revealed the reason he was forced to leave the show after the episode that aired LAST WEEK was an allergic reaction to insect bites which caused dizziness & shortness of breath . . . 17-year-old British actor Daniel Radcliffe has confirmed he’s signed to star in the final 2 “Harry Potter” films after he’s finished cavorting naked in the West End stage production of “Equus” (the 5th installment, “Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix”, opens JULY 13th) . . . Movie star Nicole Kidman has agreed to make a cameo appearance on cosmetic surgery TV drama “Nip/Tuck” (FX/CTV), playing a nose job patient (maybe she can recycle that fake honker she wore in “The Hours”?) . . . 34-year-old “ER” star Goran Visnjic (‘Dr Luca Kovac’) wants to quit the hospital drama at the end of the season, but producers are trying to persuade him to hang in for a further 6 episodes to allow time for his character to be written out of the storyline (think this 13-year-old show’s got another 6 episodes in it?) . . . 73-year-old CNN talk show host Larry King has just bought a 7-bedroom Tuscan-style estate in Beverly Hills – for $12 million (it’s good to be the King!) . . . And despite all that’s going on in the world, the Project for Excellence in Journalism’s latest weekly ‘Talk Show Index’ finds the #1 topic on TV & radio talk shows for the week of FEBRUARY 18-23 was – you guessed it – Anna Nicole Smith, taking up 22% of all air-time (so it only FELT like she was on 24/7).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Chingy – TONIGHT he’s a guest on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Clay Aiken – TONIGHT he’s on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Coldplay – Chris Martin says they’re currently working on a new album featuring what he humbly refers to as the band’s best song yet, a quintessential tune that ‘everybody should hear before they die’.
• Gnarls Barkley – TONIGHT they guest on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• Josh Turner – His sophomore country release “Your Man” has just been certified Double Platinum for sales of more than 2 million copies.
• Katharine McPhee – TONIGHT she performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• TODAY’s music releases include: Arcade Fire’s “Neon Bible”; and the “Lucky You” movie soundtrack, featuring Bruce Springsteen, Kris Kristofferson, Ryan Adams, George Jones, Bonnie Raitt, and a new Bob Dylan track (“Huck’s Tune”).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Borat” ( Comedy ): Sacha Baron Cohen plays a Kazakh TV talking-head who is dispatched to America with a documentary crew in tow, but he becomes more interested in locating and marrying Pamela Anderson. The spin-off from Cohen’s “Da Ali G Show” on British TV has made over $250 million at the box office worldwide. Interestingly, the mocking film has also made Kazakhstan one of the most-named ‘must-see’ travel destinations for 2007.
• “Confetti” ( Romantic Comedy ): A British mockumentary that follows 3 couples as they battle it out to win the coveted title of ‘Most Original Wedding of the Year’. No-name cast.
• “Fast Food Nation” ( Drama ): Wilmer Valderrama & Greg Kinnear are the biggest names in this ensemble piece examining the health risks involved in the fast food industry and its environmental and social consequences. Singer Avril Lavigne has a bit role. Loosely based on the Eric Schlosser book, “Fast Food Nation: The Dark Side of the All-American Meal”.
• Also released TODAY: “The Full Monty – Fully Exposed Edition”; a new 2-Disc ‘Platinum Edition’ version of Disney’s “Peter Pan”; and “South Park: The Complete 9th Season”.

THE SKELETON DRUG:
Ever wondered why celebrities always seemed to be hospitalized for asthma, dehydration and exhaustion? Hollywood’s current concentration camp look isn’t just the result of cocaine and eating disorders. It’s said that many stars are taking Clenbuterol. Prescribed as an asthma medication, Clenbuterol is taken by body-builders and now weight-watchers for its amazing fat-burning qualities. The drug works by raising body temperature, thereby burning more calories. But it’s only designed to be taken temporarily and carefully. (Are you listening, Nicole Richie?)
– PopBitch.com

YOU REALLY ARE THICK:
Being overweight is not only bad for men’s hearts it also makes them less intelligent, according a study published in the “International Journal of Obesity”. The first study of the mental abilities of obese people reveals that being seriously overweight reduces intelligence in males, possibly through its effect on blood circulation around the brain. (Ah, the origin of ‘fathead’!)
– ANI Science & Health

BEST AMERICAN CITIES FOR SINGLES:
A new ranking based on nightlife, culture, job growth, number of other singles, cost of living alone, online dating and coolness …
1. Denver-Boulder CO
2. Boston MA
3. Phoenix AZ
4. San Francisco- Oakland CA
5. New York NY
– “Forbes Magazine”

TWINKIE TREK:
For his new book, “Twinkie, Deconstructed”, author Steve Ettlinger set out to track down the place of origin of each of the popular snack cake’s 39 listed ingredients. It wasn’t an easy task, especially after Twinkie manufacturer Hostess refused to cooperate with the project. Among the oddest findings: a baking soda raw ingredient known as ‘trona’, found at the bottom of a Wyoming mineshaft being scraped from a rock face by machines. (No wonder they sit in your stomach like a rock.)
– “Newsweek”

CANADIAN HANG-UPS:
According to a new study by Seaboard Group, Canada lags behind most other developed countries when it comes to cellphone use (is that a bad thing?). A few highlights …
• Just 56% of Canadians have a mobile phone, compared with an average of 90% in the rest of the developed world. That rate of usage is on par with Tunisia, but slightly behind Turkey.
• Even so, 47% of all phone connections in Canada are wireless.
• The average cellphone bill costs a 3rd more in Canada than in the US. But among ‘light users’ (minimal talk time, no add-on phone features), Canadians actually pay 27% less on average than those in America.
– “Globe & Mail”

GUYS EVERY GAL SHOULD DATE BEFORE SETTLING DOWN:
• ‘Mr Nice Romantic Guy’ – He’ll show up with flowers, leave cards around your apartment and quote Keats on a whim. Think old-fashioned courtship where you’re being wooed instead of sitting by the phone wondering if he’ll call.
• ‘Mr Big Shot’ – He dresses sharp, talks slick and has the perfectly coiffed looks of a man straight out of a men’s mag. One look at him in his tailored suit and you’re toast … which is exactly why he wears it.
• ‘Mr Sexy Older Guy’ – He’s old enough to have settled into his skin and has been involved with enough women to know that you require much more than dinner and a few martinis to get into the mood. Best of all, he never makes you late for dinner because he’s playing Xbox.
• ‘Mr Man’s Man’ – He carries your bags, will defend your honor and would rather swallow glass than shave his chest or take hot wax to his eyebrows.
• ‘Mr Fun Social Guy’ – Whether he’s out with friends or meeting the family for brunch, one thing’s for certain … he’s going to be the life of the party.
– iVillage.com

MEN IN HOT WATER:
Taking a bath reduces a man’s fertility, according to a new California University study. Nearly half of the men studied over 3 years saw their fertility increase after they stopped immersing themselves in ‘wet heat’, water heated to warmer than body temperature. After 3-to-6 months of staying out of the bath, the men’s average sperm count rose by a massive 491%. Lead researcher Paul Turek says the phenomenon was thought to be an old wives’ tale for years, but now the effect of ‘wet heat’ exposure is scientifically documented. (The new birth control – a hot tub.)
– “GQ”

DID YOU KNOW?
• Although total listening time may have declined a bit, broadcast radio still reaches more than 90% of North Americans age 12 and older, year after year.
– “Christian Science Monitor”
• According to a panel of medical experts, the most painful type of pain is brought about by kidney stones. Try telling that to a mom: Passing something smaller than a pea is more painful than birthing a 10-lb bowling ball.
– “Focus”
• A century ago, an average man who had not had sex in 3 years might have felt proud of his health and forbearance, and a woman might have praised herself for the health and happiness benefits of 10 years of abstinence.
– “Scientific American”
• City officials in Santa Monica CA have announced plans to administer birth control shots … to the city’s squirrels.
– UPI
• Tokyo has experienced its first winter without snow in 131 years. The Japan Meteorological Agency says it has recorded no snow in the Japanese capital between December and the end of February, the official winter months, for the first time since records began in 1876.
– BBC News

AND WE QUOTE:
“I’m going to adopt a good-looking 24-year-old girl with some cash.”
– Actor George Clooney in “Daily Telegraph”, claiming he’s considering getting on the Hollywood adoption bandwagon.

THE BULL SHEET 03.06.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1923 [84] Ed McMahon, Detroit MI, ex-TV personality (“Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson” 1962-92)

1946 [61] David Gilmour, Cambridge UK, classic rock singer/guitarist (Pink Floyd-“Wish You Were Here”)

1947 [60] Rob Reiner, Bronx NY, movie producer/director (“Ghosts of Mississippi”, “A Few Good Men”)/ex-TV actor (“All in the Family” 1971-78)

1959 [48] Tom Arnold, Ottumwa IA, movie actor (“Soul Plane”, “True Lies”)

1968 [39] Moira Kelly, Queens NY, TV actress (‘Karen Roe’ on “One Tree Hill” since 2003)

1968 [39] Connie Britton, Boston MA, TV actress (‘Tami Taylor‘ on “Friday Night Lights”)

1972 [35] Shaquille O’Neal, Newark NJ, 7′-1”, 325-lb NBA center with a size 22 shoe (Miami Heat)  FACTOID: He’ll star in an as-yet-untitled ABC-TV reality series THIS SUMMER in which he attempts to help Florida elementary & junior high school kids lose weight.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Celebrate Your Name Week”, when we’re encouraged to learn the meaning of our names and take pride in them. Here’s a site offering instant background on thousands of them …
NET: http://www.behindthename.com

• “Dentist’s Day”, honoring the professionals who help us maintain a big, toothy smile.

• “Frozen Food Day”, commemorating the first ‘Individually Packaged Frozen Foods’, created by Clarence Birdseye in Springfield MA 77 years ago (1930). He got the idea after seeing  Canadians thawing and eating naturally frozen fish.

• “Procrastination Week”, as proclaimed by the ‘Procrastinators Club of America’ to promote the benefits of putting off until tomorrow everything you can.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1997 [10] Queen Elizabeth’s website goes online (no naked downloads, thank gawd!)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1834 [173] City of Toronto incorporated, with William Lyon Mackenzie as 1st mayor

1899 [108] 1st ‘Aspirin’ patented by Felix Hoffmann

1912 [95] 1st ‘Oreo’ cookie sold, and over 360 billion have sold since (do you eat the middle first?)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1982 [25] Susan Birmingham sets world record for ‘Loudest Human Shout’ – 120 decibels!

1982 [25] ‘Most Points Scored’ by 2 NBA teams as San Antonio beats Milwaukee 171-166 in  triple overtime (total points – 337!)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Stop Bad Service Day
[Wed-Sat] Canadian Music Week 2007 (Toronto ON)
[Thurs] International Women’s Day
[Thurs] Aunts Day
[Thurs] Plant a Flower Day
[Fri] “300” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Employee Appreciation Day
[Sat] Canadian Radio Music Awards (Toronto ON)
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time begins
This Week Is … Universal Women’s Week
This Month Is … Cataract Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

LEAST POPULAR SPRING BREAK DESTINATIONS:
• Enslaved Sickly Ocean Mammal World, Orlando FL.
• CSI: Cancun, Mexico.
• The World’s Third Largest Meatball, Hamilton ON.
• Daytona Dry T-Shirt Contest & Soft Drink Boat Races, Daytona Beach FL.
• Carnival Cruise Lines’ Tropical Poverty Voyeurism Safari.
• Sydney Tar Ponds, Cape Breton Island, NS.
• PolyGrip’s Annual 72-Hour Seniors Ecstasy Rave, Scottsdale AZ.
• Post-Industrial Blight & Mugging World, Detroit MI.
• Enchanted Valley of the Strip Malls, Kissimmee FL.
• Cellulite Beach, Galveston TX.
• Museum Of Teeth, Biloxi MS.
• La Jolla Sludge Pits, La Jolla CA.
• Smith & Wesson World Famous Taxidermy Petting Zoo, Springfield MA.
• The Fetid Grotto, Star City AR.
• Six Flags Over Chernobyl.

TRUTH OR BS?
• Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. [TRUE.]
• The dachshund is the world’s worst gas-passing pooch. [BS. The German Shepherd takes the prize, according to a poll of dog owners conducted for a canine anti-flatulence product.]
• Miss Piggy’s original full name was ‘Miss Piggy Lee’. [TRUE, according to the Internet Movie DataBase.]
• Screaming is a great way to release anger. [BS. Research published in “Mademoiselle” magazine shows people who act out their anger actually stay mad twice as long.]
• The Old English word for sneeze was ‘fneosan’. [TRUE. Maybe it went out of use because no one could say it?]
• The word ‘lollipop’ was taken from a character in a WC Fields movie. [BS. From a famous race horse named ‘Lolly Pop’ back in 1892.]
• If a pig is sick, it stops curling its tail. [TRUE. Just like women and hair.]
• Coffee beans aren’t really beans. [TRUE. They are actually the seeds, or pits, of a red berry.]
• Caterpillars fend off predators by puking. [TRUE. They regurgitate a foul brown liquid.]

BS RANDOM JOKES:
Hey, did you hear they’ve taken the word ‘gullible’ out of the dictionary?

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s your top tip on how to get a day off work?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Money wins hands down as the most favored gift of newlyweds. THIS is #2.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Furniture.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Live every day as if it were you last, because one day … you’ll be right.

“The Bull Sheet” – Used by 9 of this year’s CMW ‘Station of the Year’ Nominees!


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