Friday, March 2, 2007        Edition: #3479
Sheet For Brains!

THIS MORNING Anna Nicole Smith is finally scheduled to be buried in a custom-made gown next to her son in the Bahamas following a pink-themed memorial service with a tightly controlled guest list of about 300 people (barring any last-second court injunctions) . . . TONIGHT LL Cool J hosts the 38th “NAACP Image Awards” (FOX) where Beyoncé & Mary J Blige go head-to-head in nominations, and special awards go to U2’s Bono, comedian Bill Cosby, and CNN anchor Soledad O’Brien . . . SATURDAY 41-year-old model/actress Elizabeth Hurley (“Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery”) & 42-year-old Indian businessman Arun Nayar will wed in the English countryside and guests the likes of Elton John, David & Victoria Beckham, and Donatella Versace are being asked to gift them with – livestock, to help build up their 400-acre farm operation (they’re registered with the Calgary Stockyards) . . . SUNDAY night “The Lost Tomb of Jesus” airs (Discovery Channel), the controversial documentary produced by James Cameron & directed by Canadian filmmaker Simcha Jacobovici that claims to have located the grave of Jesus where ‘residue’ from him & his family are said to have been discovered in limestone boxes called ‘ossuaries’ (along with a pair of wet sandals) . . . THIS WEEKEND NBC-TV is moving its mega-hit game show “Deal or No Deal” to SUNDAYS at 9 pm, swapping it with “Crossing Jordan” which now faces the “American Idol” juggernaut on WEDNESDAYS (oh well, it had a good 6-year run anyway) . . . ABC-TV claims recent reports that actress Katherine Heigl is discontent with her pay for playing ‘Dr Izzie Stevens’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” are untrue, in fact the network recently ‘approached Katherine with an offer to raise her compensation significantly above the terms of her current contract’ (this is called spin, folks) . . . And 60-year-old former “Sopranos” actor Vincent Pastore has quit the upcoming season of “Dancing With The Stars” (debuts MARCH 19th) after just 1 week of training, because it’s ‘too demanding’ (now you know how he got the nickname ‘Big Pussy’).

• Beyoncé – Her reps assure fans she wasn’t exposed to hepatitis from a catering employee at that “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue” party because … she didn’t eat anything (during all of FEBRUARY as a matter of fact).
• Buckcherry – TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• John Mellencamp – TONIGHT he sings on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Led Zeppelin – SATURDAY the Minnesota Orchestra performs a special ‘One Night Only’ program of their music at the Target Center in Minneapolis. Bet the string section really rocks out on “Whole Lotta Love”.
• Rascal Flatts – They lead all nominees for the upcoming 2007 “CMT Music Awards” with 3 nods. The hardware’s handed out on APRIL 16th.
• Reliant K – TONIGHT they guest on “Late Night With Conan O’ Brien” (NBC).
• The Shins – TOMORROW they’re the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC), hosted by movie actor Jake Gyllenhaal (“Zodiac”).
• U2 – THIS WEEK Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama met with Bono to discuss anti-poverty and global health causes. This is the state of politics in 2007 … you have to take a meeting with Bono to be considered a serious contender.

• “Black Snake Moan” ( R-Rated Drama ): Samuel L Jackson stars as a God-fearing bluesman who takes on a wild young woman (Christina Ricci) and attempts to cure her nymphomania by chaining her up and playing his music. 27-year-old Ricci wore an actual 40-lb chain during filming. Justin Timberlake co-stars. The title of the film derives from the Blind Lemon Jefferson song recorded in 1927. You can make your own blues song and take the quiz to find out if you’re a nymph here …
• “Full Of It” ( PG-13 Dramedy ): An awkward high school student (Ryan Pinkston) is forced to live out all the lies he told to become popular. Co-stars Kate Mara (“Brokeback Mountain”) & Teri Polo (“Meet the Parents”). Sort of a modern-day take on “Pinocchio”. Shot entirely in Winnipeg.
• “Wild Hogs” ( PG-13 Comedy Adventure ): Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence & John Travolta play a trio of middle-aged suburban wannabe bikers looking for adventure on the open road who encounter a real chapter of bikers called the ‘Del Fuegos’. The original script featured Hells Angels but was revised after the trademarked club sued Disney. SFX and clips here …
• “Zodiac” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Jake Gyllenhaal & Mark Ruffalo play a pair of “San Francisco Chronicle” reporters who work alongside a homicide inspector (Robert Downey Jr) to learn the identity of the serial killer terrorizing the San Francisco Bay Area. Based on 2 books by Robert Graysmith about the real-life ‘Zodiac Killer’ of the 1960s and ‘70s. SFX and trailer here …

In the background of NY Yankee star Derek Jeter’s new baseball card, pranksters at the Topps Company have digitally added George W Bush in the stands and all-time Yankee great Mickey Mantle to the dugout. Interestingly, the altered artwork went right past proofreaders and the cards are now selling for $2-a-pop on eBay. Topps has not yet decided whether the fakes will be discontinued and a new card inserted into sets. Experts say the card could fetch up to $500 if a collector managed to get both the President’s and Jeter’s autograph on it. (And about a half-mill if you also managed to get Mantle … who’s been dead for 12 years.)
– “NY Daily News”

Addiction consultant Georgia Foster has 2 quick tips on how to break a heavy drinking habit:
1. Keep a ‘Drinking Diary’ so you can see what and/or who triggers your binges.
2. Have a glass of water every half-hour when drinking.

An updated annual ranking based on human rights abuses …
5. Islam Karimov, Uzbekistan
4. Robert Mugabe, Zimbabwe
3. Than Shwe, Myanmar (Burma)
2. Kim Jong-il, North Korea
1. Omar al-Bashir, Sudan
– “Parade Magazine”

Highlights of a new survey of more than 1,000 kids aged 8-to-15 by a UK agricultural products association on where various food products come from …
• 2% of urban kids think that cows produce eggs. (Hey, they’re in the dairy section, right?)
• 8% of urban kids & 3% of rural children do not realize burgers come from cows. (They likely get ‘em at McDonald’s.)
• 10% of 8-year-olds do not know that pork chops come from pigs.
• 19% of all children surveyed have no idea where yoghurt comes from. (Wherever it comes from, it seems to have gone bad.)
• On the bright side, 100% of all kids know that milk comes from cows. (Except for goat’s milk, soya milk …)
– Ananova News

A new University of Arizona study of offices finds that those belonging to women have 3-4 times more bacteria, mold, and yeast than those belonging to men. Testing shows women have more germs on phones, keyboards, mice, and pens, and 7 times more mold around desk drawers. Professor of Environmental Microbiology Charles Gerba thinks there are 2 likely reasons: Women are more likely to keep food in their desk drawers; and women are more likely to take care of sick family members and then carry the germs with them to work.
– “Star-Tribune”

THIS WEEK’s debut of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?”, hosted by Jeff Foxworthy (FOX), was the most-watched series premiere on any TV network since 1998. (It must be thanks to the “American Idol” lead-in … because it certainly wasn’t the quality content!)

“I think it’s disgraceful that so-called friends would sell these pictures. It’s private property. I really, really have a problem with that … big problem.”
– “American Idol” judge Simon Cowell talking to “People” magazine about the risque pics of competitor Antonella Barba that are currently all over the web. Interesting the subject has not been mentioned on the show THIS WEEK … not once.


1942 [65] Lou Reed, Freeport NY, classic rock singer (“Walk on the Wild Side”)

1962 [45] Jon Bon Jovi, Perth Amboy NJ, pop singer (w/Jennifer Nettles-“Who Says You Can’t Go Home”, Bon Jovi-“It’s My Life”)

1968 [39] Daniel Craig, Chester UK, movie actor (“Casino Royale”, “Munich”)

1977 [30] Chris Martin, Exeter UK, pop singer (Coldplay-“Speed of Sound”, “Clocks”)/Mr Gwyneth Paltrow since 2003

1985 [22] Robert Iler, NYC, TV actor (‘AJ Soprano Jr’ on “The Sopranos” since 1999)

Movie actress Miranda Richardson (“Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire”) is 49; Country singer Brett Warren (Warren Bros) is 36; Movie actress Jessica Biel (“The Illusionist”) is 25.

Movie actress Catherine O’Hara (“Monster House”) is 53; TV actress Patricia Heaton (ex-“Everybody Loves Raymond”) is 49; Rock bassist Jason Newsted (Rock Star Supernova) is 44;
TV actress Andrea Bowen (“Desperate Housewives”) is 17.

• “Salesperson’s Day”, honoring those gifted and creative individuals whose big kick in life is persuading others to spend a buck.
• “Talk With Your Teen About Sex Month” as declared by the group “Parenting Without Pressure”, who somehow have the notion you know more than your teen.
• “Working Dog Week”, to honor dogs working for humanity. Ask listeners about unusual jobs for dogs they’ve come across.

• “Full Moon” of MARCH, variously known as the ‘Worm Moon’, ‘Crust Moon’, or ‘Sap Moon’.
• “Holi”, the beginning of the annual 2-day Hindu celebration of spring.
• “Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race XXXV” starts mushing 1,049 miles from Anchorage to Nome AK where it should arrive MARCH 18th. Is this the world’s toughest race?
• “I Want You To Be Happy Day”, a day to show love, care and concern for others … for once.
• “National Anthem Day” in observance of the bill designating “The Star Spangled Banner” as the American National Anthem being passed by US Congress and signed into law by President Hoover 76 years ago on this date (1931).

• “Chinese Lantern Festival”, marking the end of the 15-day Chinese New Year celebration.
• “Hug a GI Day”. After all, it’s not their fault things are falling apart in Iraq & Afghanistan.
• “Scrapbooking Day”, honoring the hobby that’s experienced a huge surge in popularity. More than just saving mementoes, modern scrapbooking involves sorting, cropping, pasting, and writing captions for chosen pictures. Professional ‘scrapbooking kits’ are now hot sellers.
• “Poundcake Day”, honoring the hearty dessert that sits in your stomach like a lead anchor. Say, when’s ‘Pound Salt Day’?

1933 [74] “King Kong” premieres in NYC, heralded at the time as one of the greatest adventure movies of all-time (as opposed to the bloated Peter Jackson remake)

1977 [30] Jay Leno makes his debut appearance on the “Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson” (never guessing that he’ll be taking over as host in 15 years [1992])

1923 [84] 1st issue of “Time” magazine

1951 [56] 1st NBA ‘All-Star Game’

1962 [45] Wilt Chamberlain sets NBA scoring record of 100 points in a game while playing for the Philadelphia Warriors, who beat the NY Knicks 169-147 (“Hey Wilt, like would it kill you to pass the ball off once in a while?”)

1991 [06] New record for ‘Lowest Flaming Limbo Bar Height’ is set at a minuscule 6 inches

[Mon] Multiple Personalities Day
[Mon] Unique Names Day
[Mon] Academy of Country Music Awards nominees announced (Nashville)
[Tues] Frozen Food Day
[Wed] Stop Bad Service Day
[Wed-Mar 10] Canadian Music Week 2007 (Toronto)
This Week Is … Professional Pet Sitters Week
This Month Is … Cataract Awareness Month


• 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as you’re pregnant. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.
• 1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites. 3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.
• 1st baby: You practise your breathing religiously. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
• 1st baby: You take your infant to ‘Baby Gym’, ‘Baby Swim’, and ‘Baby Story Hour’. 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.
• 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times. 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
• 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the kids.

Any woman that thinks the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is aiming a little too high.

The Wikipedia spin-off ‘Wookieepedia’ is now being Beta-tested online with close to 45,000 articles devoted to all things “Star Wars”. Happy searching ‘Darth’ fans … and may the dorks be with you!

The week’s most requested music files online …
5. Nelly Furtado – “Say It Right”
4. Justin Timberlake – “My Love”
3. Beyoncé – “Irreplaceable”
2. Mims – “This Is Why I’m Hot”
1. Akon – “I Wanna Luv U”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

Today’s Question: The melting point for THIS is 1,228 degrees F (664 degrees C).
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Hair gel.

If at first you don’t succeed … read the instructions.

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