Friday, March 17, 2006        Edition: #3241
Top O’ The Bull To You!

TODAY & tomorrow “Canadian Idol” is staging auditions at Montréal’s Complex Desjardins . . . TODAY through March 27 on eBay, the Children’s Miracle Network “Celebrity Faces” charity auction features faceplates for Xbox 360 systems designed by the likes of Finger Eleven, Kalan Porter, Martin Brodeur, Tie Domi and – Ed The Sock . . . Finally we get the straight dope on this summer’s version of “Rock Star” – the show’s 2nd season will feature a new band called ‘Supernova’, made up of drummer Tommy Lee (Motley Crue) and guitarists Jason Newsted (Metallica) & Gilby Clarke (Guns ‘N’ Roses) . . . Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt are now allegedly set to wed NEXT WEEK on a boat in the middle of Italy’s beautiful Lake Como, where pal George Clooney has a villa (hey, if you keep guessing enough times, one time you’ll be right!) . . . “National Enquirer” is reporting that Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes have already wed in a secret Scientology ceremony aboard a ship called the ‘Freewinds’ during a Caribbean cruise last JULY (heaven is a place where there’s no mention of ‘TomKat’) . . . The release of the much-anticipated Sony “PlayStation 3″ game platform has been pushed back to NOVEMBER, due to technical glitches (thereby giving parents time to negotiate a loan) . . . After 4 years of living in sin, actor Harrison Ford is finally ready to make an honest woman of Calista Flockhart, reportedly hiding a 2-carat Tiffany’s engagement ring in a bag of croissants & coffee (no chance of her swallowing it by accident – she doesn’t eat) . . . And Jessica Simpson has turned down an invitation to meet President Bush at a Republican party fundraiser, reportedly for fear of politicizing her charity ‘Operation Smile’ (actually its ‘cuz Dick Cheney wanted her to sing ‘These Boots Were Made for Hunting’).

• Anna Nalick – TONIGHT she performs on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Beastie Boys – TONIGHT Adam Yauch guests on NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly”.
• Big & Rich – TODAY they appear on both NBC-TV’s “Today Show” and CBS-TV’s “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson”.
• Busta Rhymes – TONIGHT he’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• James Blunt – He once sold his sister on eBay to help her raise money to attend a funeral in Ireland. The plan worked well; she’s been dating the winning bidder for 18 months!
• Marc Cohn – He & “ABC Evening News” co-anchor wife Elizabeth Vargas are expecting a son.
• Prince – The devout Jehovah’s Witness (who converted in 2000) is vowing never to sing 50 of his own songs again, because of their explicit content. Among the self-imposed banned tunes – “Cream”, “Get Off” and presumably, “Little Red Corvette”, which is full of double entendres.
• Shakira – TOMORROW she’s on NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live”, hosted by Alec Baldwin.
• Velvet Revolver – Scott Weiland has denounced Guns ‘N’ Roses frontman Axl Rose as ‘a fat, Botox-faced wig-wearer’. The animosity apparently goes back to when Slash quit  G ‘N’ R for Weiland’s band.
• Weezer – Frontman Rivers Cuomo is engaged to marry girlfriend Kyoko Ito whom he met in 1997 when she attended one of his solo gigs in Cambridge MA. They’re planning a summer wedding to follow his graduation from Harvard University.

• “She’s the Man” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): When her big brother decides to ditch classes for a couple weeks in London, a girl named ‘Viola‘ (Amanda Bynes) disguises herself as him to infiltrate his elite boarding school, where she (as he) gets involved in a series of intermingled love affairs. A contemporary take on Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night”.
• “V for Vendetta” ( R-Rated Sci-Fi Thriller ): Hugo Weaving portrays a shadowy freedom fighter known only as ‘V’, who uses terrorist tactics to fight against his totalitarian society. Natalie Portman plays a frightened woman (with a shaved head) who becomes his ally after he rescues her from the secret police. Delayed from last NOVEMBER due to its depiction of London tube lines being destroyed by a terrorist act (as actually occurred 7/7/05).

• The Swan pub in Ipswich UK has been ordered to pay a £2-fine (circa $4) for a murder that occurred on its premises … in 1664. Auditors discovered the long-forgotten penalty while balancing the books for a local church.
• ‘Miss Deaf Texas’ has died after being struck by a train. She stopped by the tracks to text
friends … and didn’t hear the train coming.
• The latest skin-flick star in Russia is … a 75-year-old grandpa. David Bozdoganov wandered into a blue-movie studio after mistakenly thinking its ad was for a muscle-man show. He was recruited on the spot after the director spied his ‘massive package straining against his trousers’.
• Hungarian hairstylist Szabolcs Bodnar has been doing a roaring biz since dropping traditional methods for more creative cuts. He now cuts hair at his Budapest shop by placing it on a chopping block and striking it with an ax. It’s then styled using a vacuum cleaner, or straightened using a steam iron. Customers also have the option of hanging upside down while he hacks away … with a Samurai sword.

If you’ve held your current job for longer than 5 years, you may need to worry, according human resources advisors PsyMax Solutions. Why? Research shows that the longer people hold the same position, the less likely they are to be friendly and supportive of co-workers. So even if you’re doing a stellar job, others may consider you aloof, distant or apathetic. If one of those ‘others’ is your boss – so long!
– “Seattle Post-Intelligencer”

Foods that control your appetite and suppress cravings, without adding calories …
5. Apples.
4. Pickles.
3. Homemade instant banana pudding.
2. Green leafy vegetables, including lettuce, cabbage, and bokchoy.
1. Water or broth.

Automakers have long concentrated on developing the ‘face’ of vehicles  – headlights for eyes, grille for a mouth and the bumper as jaws. In fact, designers claim the difference between a hit vehicle and a flop often comes down to its visage. But while they used to strive for an inviting face, lately they’ve developed an edgier look – ‘faces’ that look meaner, angrier and, at times, even downright evil. Why all the anger? Some observers think menacing front-ends appeal to drivers threatened by oversized trucks & SUVs and intimidated by highway dangers. (So how come they make KIAs look cross-eyed?)
– “Wall Street Journal”

The Japanese word ‘chokuegambo’ describes the wish that there were more designer-brand shops on a given street.

Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield PA has beaten its own record for the ‘World’s Biggest Burger’ with a whopping new 15-pounder called the ‘Beer Barrel Belly Buster’. It’s as big around as the inside of a car tire and comes with a cup-and-half each of mayonnaise, mustard & ketchup, a head of lettuce, 2 onions, 3 tomatoes and 25 slices of cheese. Anyone who finishes the $40 burger in under 5 hours wins $350, a commemorative T-shirt and has their name posted on the restaurant’s wall of fame. Oh, and they also get the burger free.
– “Pittsburgh Post-Gazette”
PHONER: 814.765.7190/814.765.1923


1951 [55] Kurt Russell, Springfield MA, movie actor (“Miracle”, “Executive Decision”)/Goldie Hawn’s partner since 1983/Kate Hudson’s stepfather

1955 [51] Gary Sinise, Blue Island IL, TV actor (‘Detective Mac Taylor’ on “CSI: NY” since 2004)/movie actor (Oscar nomination-“Forrest Gump”)

1964 [42] Rob Lowe, Charlottesville VA, TV actor (“The West Wing” 1999-2003)/movie actor (“Austin Powers 1-3″)

1967 [39] Billy Corgan, Chicago IL, rock singer/guitarist (ex-Smashing Pumpkins-“1979″) who keeps threatening to reassemble his band

1969 [37] Yanic Truesdale, Montréal QC, TV actor (‘Michel Gerard’ on “Gilmore Girls” since 2000)

1972 [34] (Melissa) Auf der Maur, Montréal QC, rock singer/bassist (“Followed The Waves”, formerly with Smashing Pumpkins and Hole)

1973 [33] Caroline Corr, Dundalk, Ireland, pop musician/Celtic singer (The Corrs-“Breathless”, “Runaway”)

TV actress/pop singer Vanessa Williams (“South Beach”) is 43; Movie actress Queen Latifah (“Last Holiday”) is 36; Pop singer Adam Levine (Maroon 5) is 27.

Movie actress Ursula Andress (the original ‘Bond’ girl in “Dr No”) is 70; Movie actress Glenn Close (“Stepford Wives”) is 59; Movie actor Bruce Willis (“16 Blocks”) is 51; Rock drummer Zach Lind (Jimmy Eat World) is 30.

• “Clean Your Closet Day”. After all, would once-a-year kill ya? Sort it by: junk, charity donations, giveaways, and stuff that’s too small.
• “St Patrick’s Day”, the Irish national holiday that began as a ‘solemn religious observance’ to honor St Patrick (389-461 AD), patron saint of Ireland. It’s been an Irish holiday for 1,500 years, first celebrated in Canada in 1765 in Québec City. the first US celebrations were in Boston by the ‘Charitable Irish Society’ in 1737 and at NYC’s Crown & Thistle Tavern in 1756.  The world’s largest “St Patrick’s Parade” is in NYC where more than a million spectators and over 100,000 participants are expected. A tradition since 1762, the 2-mile parade lasts about 6 hours. Green is associated with St Patrick’s Day because it’s the color of Spring, Ireland and the shamrock.

• “Awkward Moments Day”, a day to laugh them off because we’ve all had them at one time or another. But how come they don’t get funny until about 5 years later?
• “Bering Sea Ice Golf Classic”, the 24th annual tees off in Nome, Alaska in which participants attempt to sink bright orange balls into flagged coffee cans sunk into the frozen sea.
• “Forgive Mom & Dad Day”. Time to lighten up on the parental units and get on with your life. After all, they tried the best they could … with their limited abilities and total lack of caring.
• “Maple Syrup Saturday”, a celebration of the running of the sap from which they make liquid gold.
• “Quilting Day”, honoring the old-fashioned art-form that’s becoming lost in our hi-tech society. Check out the prices on homemade quilts and you just might want to take up the craft.

• “St Joseph’s Day”, the patron saint of … anyone know? Canada!
• “Teenagers Day”, a day to tell ‘em you love ‘em even if they don’t respond, and spot ‘em a few bucks so they can have a good time. Wait a sec … didn’t we do this yesterday?

1845 [161] Stephen Perry of London UK patents the ‘Elastic Band’ (next day, the 1st schoolboy gets one flicked in the eye)

[Mon] Spring arrives (1:26 pm EST)
[Mon] Proposal Day
[Mon] Single Parents Day
[Mon] Nowruz (Persian New Year)
[Mon] Annual Office Coffee Cup Washing
[Mon-Mar 26] World Figure Skating Championships (Calgary AB)
[Tues] Snowman Burning Day
[Wed] International Goof-Off Day
This Week Is . . . Safe Place Week / Pulmonary Rehabilitation Week
This Month Is . . . Ghostwriters Month / Frozen Food Month


• Account executives start drinking heavily at 9 am instead of the usual 11 am.
• (Sports Director) bets entire employee pension fund on tonight’s Celtics game.
• Boss wears his green toupée.
• (News Director) downs a pint of Guinness before reading each news story.
• Pink slips replaced with festive green slips.
• Today’s music comes in 6-packs.
• (Afternoon jock) observes his annual tradition of calling in drunk.

What was the most recent movie that made you cry … guys?

• Irish whiskey is spelled with an ‘e’ before the ‘y’. Scottish Whisky (or Scotch) is spelled without the ‘e’. [TRUE]
• According to Irish tradition, the average leprechaun is 6-inches-tall. [BS. 2-feet-tall.]
• TV host Conan O’Brien was born in Ireland. [BS. Brookline MA.]
• 6th-century Irish monks called whiskey ‘The Devil’s Sweat’. [BS. Actually, they called it ‘The Water of Life’.]
• Ireland’s patron St Patrick wasn’t actually Irish. [True. He was actually born in Wales, then was later captured and sent to Ireland as a slave.]
• The shamrock is the official emblem of Ireland. [BS. It’s the harp.]
– Irish Tourist Board

Today’s Question: A person who does THIS for a living goes through 3 pairs of shoes a week.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Ballet dancer.

When you are in a peach orchard, don’t look for turnips.

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