Monday, March 13, 2006        Edition: #3237
Sheet For Brains!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• Here’s something you rarely hear about – a guy with an eating disorder. 51-year-old movie star Dennis Quaid has admitted that he battled anorexia in the mid-90s, after losing 40 lbs to star in 1994′s bigscreen version of “Wyatt Earp”. (That was a decade before he tickled all our throats with that lame comedy “Yours, Mine and Ours”.)
– “NY Post”
• 21-year-old Toronto model Lola Skye is blaming movie actress Sienna Miller for trashing her relationship with “Star Wars” hero Hayden Christensen, whom she’d dated from the age of 14. If that’s not bad enough, it seems Miller stole her man just as she recovered from a bone marrow transplant that cured her of cancer. Hayden met Sienna when they were cast as rock ‘n’ roll lovers ‘Billy Quinn’ & ‘Edie Sedgwick’ in the upcoming movie “Factory Girl”, opening this SEPTEMBER. (Movie sets should be equipped with cold water hoses.)
– “The Bosh”
• Here’s something many a traveler has done in Britain. Movie actress Renée Zellweger was nearly killed by a car in west London when she stepped onto a busy street while looking in the wrong direction way for traffic, forgetting that UK vehicles drive on the left side of the road. A car reportedly missed her by inches. (Damn, couldn’t they have backed up and taken another whack?)
– “The Sun”
• Bad singer-turned-bad actress Jessica Simpson is so in love with Jackie Collins’ latest novel, “Lovers & Players”, that she wants it developed into a movie so she can play the female lead. (That’s shocking – she reads!)
– “Star Magazine”
• Model Kate Moss and her on-and-off junkie boyfriend Pete Doherty are said to be an item again, spending a string of nights together at her country retreat in Gloucestershire UK. And she’s even given him a key to her new pad in St John’s Wood, north London. Meantime, the Babyshambles singer’s latest hearing on 7 counts of possessing controlled drugs has been adjourned until MARCH 23rd. (For someone who constantly worries over weight, she seems to have no problem with this 130 lbs of disgusting excess.)
– “News of the World”
• 75-year-old former ‘James Bond’ actor Sean Connery is convalescing after undergoing surgery to remove a kidney tumor. He’s now back home in the Bahamas, reportedly in good shape, after undergoing the operation in a NYC hospital. (Conducted by one ‘Dr No’ using a giant table saw.)
– “Contact Music”
• As UNICEF’s latest celebrity ambassador, actress Sarah Jessica Parker is packing her bags and planning a trip to Liberia to meet with refugees and aid workers. (Yes, her new movie “Failure to Launch” really is bad enough to make her wanna leave the country!)
– “Teen Hollywood”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Carrie Underwood – TONIGHT she sings “Don’t Forget to Remember Me” on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Christina Aguilera – She tells the new issue of “Elle” magazine it’s always been her dream to be a young mother and … well, she’s already 25 … so don’t be surprised if she & hubby Jordan Bratman have a special announcement soon.
• Destiny’s Child – Michelle Williams has become a part-owner of the WNBA’s Chicago Sky, and has bet fellow musician/basketball team owners Usher (Cleveland Cavaliers), Nelly (Charlotte Bobcats), and Jay-Z (NY Nets) that her team will do better than theirs.
• Elton John – He’s reportedly banned Paris Hilton from his future post-Oscar parties after she failed to make a donation to his AIDS charity, something that’s expected of all attendees.
• Gwen Stefani – She has a successful solo career, her own line of clothing & accessories, and has acted on the bigscreen. So what’s next? She’s currently in talks with “Jane” magazine founder Jane Pratt about launching a glossy new lifestyle magazine.
• Moby – He’s among a group of investors who’ve plunked down $50 million for Playa Grande, a huge chunk of beach in the Dominican Republic they hope to transform into a ‘creative person’s Utopia’, where elite jet-set artists and intellectuals will congregate.
• Neil Young – TONIGHT the rock icon appears on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Nirvana – Courtney Love is cashing-in on the legacy of late husband Kurt Cobain by selling a 25% share of the Nirvana back catalogue which she inherited upon his suicide in 1994.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SCHED:
• TODAY actress Natalie Portman will be honored as ShoWest ‘Female Star of the Year’ at the “Showest Exhibitors Convention” in Las Vegas.
• TONIGHT the 21st annual “Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction” (9 pm ET MARCH 21 VH1) at NYC’s Waldorf-Astoria Hotel honors Black Sabbath (inducted by Metallica), Blondie, Lynyrd Skynyrd (introduced by Kid Rock), jazz legend Miles Davis, and the Sex Pistols (Johnny Lydon, aka ‘Johnny Rotten’, has given notice the UK punk pioneers will be a no-show).
• TONIGHT Julia-Louis Dreyfus makes another attempt to follow-up her success in “Seinfeld” (1990-98) with the debut of the CBS-TV sitcom “The New Adventures of Old Christine”, in which she plays a divorcée juggling work & motherhood. Her last effort, NBC-TV’s “Watching Ellie”, lasted just 17 episodes before being cancelled.
• TONIGHT at the 26th “Genie Awards” celebrating Canada’s film industry, Jean-Marc Vallée’s “CRAZY” leads nominations with 12 nods including ‘Best Motion Picture’ and ‘Best Direction’. Deepa Mehta’s ”Water” has 9 nominations. Winners will be honored in a gala airing on CityTV, Star!, Bravo! and MusicMax.
NET: http://www.genieawards.ca/Genie26/pressnominations.cfm
• TONIGHT auditions for “Rock Star: The Series” (the show that found new INXS lead singer JD Fortune) are taking place at the Horseshoe Tavern in Toronto, 1 of 12 cities being visited during the open casting call.
NET: http://www.rockstar.msn.com/season2

HE SAID IT:
 “I have a ‘man bag’ … I’m not gonna lie. Just make sure that if you carry one, it’s very, very big so it doesn’t get mistaken for a pocketbook.”
– Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs, admitting to the new edition of “Details” magazine that he carries a purse.

LESS IS BAD FOR YOU:
It appears the occasional cup of coffee is worse for your heart than drinking it every day. University of Zurich heart specialist Roberto Corti says the surge in blood pressure that non-coffee-drinkers experience when they do happen to sip a cup are far worse than the long-term effects of java on coffee addicts. Caffeine isn’t the prob, but other ingredients that cause blood vessels to contract. Frequent drinkers are used to the effects but, in non-coffee-drinkers, the sudden strain on the heart can increase the risk of heart attack. Corti advises that we either drink coffee every day, or never drink any at all – not even decaf. (So, how do you ever start?)
– “Lancet”

BS SHOCKING FACT:
It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

THE PAPER PLANE GAMES:
SATURDAY student paper plane champs from across Canada converged at Toronto’s City Centre Airport to compete in the national “Red Bull Paper Wings” championship. Winners were picked in the categories of ‘Longest Distance’ (27.6 m or 90.5 ft), ‘Longest Airtime’ (8.85 seconds) and ‘Acrobatic Flight’ (creative flight performance judged by jury).
NET: http://www.newswire.ca/en/releases/archive/March2006/11/c1340.html
NET: http://www.redbullpaperwings.com

NEW BS GIZMOS & GADGETS:
• US military scientists are developing a way of manipulating sharks by remote control in order to turn them into underwater spies and/or weapons. Engineers funded by the Pentagon have created electronic brain implants for fish that they hope will be able to influence the movements of sharks and perhaps even decode what they are sensing. (“Mmm, tastes like Nemo.”)
– “The Independent”
• “On Time” is  one of several similar electronic devices that car dealers are now using when they finance their own loans. The system uses a microchip in the vehicle which disables the starter whenever the new owner fails to make a payment on time. It’s a hi-tech way for dealers to protect themselves from high-risk customers. (How long before they take the next step – connect it to explosives, then collect insurance?)
– “Chicago Tribune”
• Talk about your ‘better mousetrap’! Pest-control company Rentokil has developed traps that send you an e-mail or text message when they’ve made a catch. The trap is built with its own cellphone unit and also takes pressure measurements to distinguish between vermin and family pets. Designers say the trap kills quickly and humanely by releasing carbon dioxide. (Now you click on your e-mail and it says “You’ve got mice!”)
– “Focus Magazine”

THE BULL SHEET 03.13.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [67] Neil Sedaka, Brooklyn NY, oldies singer/songwriter (“Breaking Up Is Hard to Do”, “Calendar Girl”)

1950 [56] William H Macy, Miami FL, movie actor (“Sahara”, “Fargo”)/Mr Felicity Huffman since 1997

1960 [46] Adam Clayton, Chinnor UK, rock bassist (U2-“Vertigo”, “Beautiful Day”)

1975 [31] Glenn Lewis (Ricketts), Toronto ON, R&B singer (“Don’t You Forget It”, “‘Bout Your Love”)

1976 [30] Danny Masterson, Long Island NY, TV actor (‘Steven Hyde’ on “That ’70s Show” 1998-2006)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Commonwealth Day”, adopted by the 53 member countries of the British Commonwealth of Nations in 1976, based on a Canadian proposal that the 2nd Monday in March be so designated. It is celebrated with … well, basically nothing. In fact, one of the few things the old alliance of former UK colonies cooperates on these days is the “Commonwealth Games”, held every 4 years. The 18th edition runs WEDNESDAY through March 26th in Melbourne, Australia.
NET: http://www.commonwealthday.com
NET: http://www.melbourne2006.com.au

• “Genealogy Day”, highlighting the study of ancestry and family histories. Got any dead wood in your family tree? Search your surname here and find out …
NET: http://www.surnameguide.com/surnames.html

• “Good Samaritan Day”. Here’s what it’s all about – on this date in 1964, Queens NY bar manager Kitty Genovese was stabbed to death while 38 people looked the other way, claiming they didn’t want to get involved. Since then at least 5 states, including Massachusetts, Minnesota, Rhode Island, Vermont & New Jersey, have introduced ‘Good Samaritan’ laws, making it a punishable offense to witness a violent crime and not report it to the police ASAP. (Who’s gonna report anything involving someone named ‘Genovese’?)

• “Open an Umbrella Indoors Day”, challenging the old superstition and no doubt celebrating the anniversary of some idiot getting poked in the eye.

• “Purim” begins at sundown, one of the most joyous holidays on the Jewish calendar, sometimes referred to as the ‘Jewish Mardi Gras’. The observance takes place on the 14th and 15th days of Adar, the 12th month of the Jewish calendar. One of the customs is to send out gifts of food or drink.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1781 [225] Sir William Herschel discovers ‘Uranus’ (Sir Bill was apparently a proctologist)

1877 [129] 1st ‘Earmuffs’ patented (Chester Greenwood of Farmington, Maine)

1894 [112] 1st professional ‘Striptease’ (Divan Fayonau Music Hall in Paris, France)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Potato Chip Day
[Tues] Save a Spider Day
[Tues] Holi (Hindu)
[Wed] Ides of March
[Wed] True Confessions Day
[Thurs-Apr 3] March Madness NCAA Basketball Tournament
[Fri] St Patrick’s Day
[Sat] Maple Syrup Saturday

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Older Persons Employment Week / Girl Scout Week / Campfire USA Birthday Week / American Chocolate Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:

• If you don’t pay your exorcist, will you be repossessed?
• What’s the plural of Lexus?
• How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
• What do chickens think we taste like?
• What do penguins wear for play clothes?
• At exactly what point does something go from being an ‘old piece of junk’ to being a ‘valuable antique’?
• Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• When you go to a party, are you generally overdressed or underdressed? Why?
• Have you ever returned an item to a store for a refund after having used it? What happened?

‘ARE YOU HOT OR NOT?’
Line up a series of phone participants to make brief audio auditions showing off their voices. Ask a studio panel to rate them on a scale from 1-10 when it comes to ‘sexiest voice’.

BS BLATANT JOKE:
A job is nice but it interferes with my life.

BS ‘CROSSOVER ARTISTS’:
It’s been confirmed that John Travolta will dress up in a dress to play housewife ‘Edna Turnblad’ in the upcoming bigscreen version of “Hairspray”. See if you can identify the following males that were sometime ‘she-males’ …
• This 6′-7″ stunner has had a career in music (“Supermodel, You Better Work”) , movies (“The Brady Bunch”), TV (“Port Charles”) and also in fashion (‘The Glamazon Look’). [Ru Paul]
• Martin Lawrence made 2 films in which he portrays a rather rotund Southern granny. What were they titled? [“Big Momma’s House” 1 & 2]
• In this 2004 film, Shawn Wayans & Marlon Wayans play disgraced FBI agents who go undercover as women. [“White Chicks”]
• The entire storyline of TV’s “Bosom Buddies” centered on cross-dressing. What present-day movie star had a lead role in the 1980-82 sitcom? [Tom Hanks]
• Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes & John Leguizamo played drag queens in this 1995 movie. [“To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar”]
• He famously danced with a mop to Aerosmith’s “Dude Looks Like a Lady” while playing “Mrs Doubtfire” in 1993. [Robin Williams]
• This Broadway star played Robin Williams’ insecure partner ‘Albert Goldman’ in the 1996 bigscreen hit “The Birdcage”. [Nathan Lane]
• Who played gender-bending scientist ‘Dr Frank-N-Furter’ in the cult classic “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”? [Tim Curry]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you’re an average person, you’ll do THIS about 13 times today.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Lie.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Power means not having to respond.

NEWLY SHEET-LISTED:
Back for another year of “BS”: Bill Klaus @ The Talk of Akron [WNIR 100] Akron OH; George Brooks @ Classic Gold AM 630 [CFCO] Chatham ON; and Patrick Nicholson @ The Lounge 99.9 [CHPQ] Parksville/Qualicum Beach BC. And welcome aboard to this week’s samplers that include David Christensen @ KXLP North Mankato MN; Don Beaudin @ Alive 99.5 [CJLT] Medicine Hat AB/Top40Countdown.com; Jani Timchak @ WBAI 99.5 NYC; Edwin Santiago @ WIDI 98.3 San Juan, Puerto Rico; and Maurice Carpede @ Jacaranda 94.2 Pretoria, South Africa. Remember, we bonus you ONE MONTH FREE of service for each and every new subscriber you refer … so pass the “BS”!

 


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