Thursday, March 9, 2006        Edition: #3235
Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT Bo Bice, last season’s “American Idol” runner-up, returns to the show to perform his latest tune, “The Real Thing” . . . To celebrate the 75th anniversary of Vatican Radio, the station has given Pope Benedict XVI a white 2-gig iPod nano, personalized with the words ‘To His Holiness, Benedict XVI’ in Italian and pre-loaded with Beethoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky & Stravinsky (and just for laughs, Three 6 Mafia) . . . Dr Travis Stork confirms that he & Sarah Stone have gone their separate ways just a week after he picked her on the finalé of ABC-TV’s “The Bachelor in Paris” (surprising, they just aren’t finding real love on reality shows anymore) . . . Atari’s new “Driver: Parallel Lines” videogame, debuting next TUESDAY, features a soundtrack with over 90 tunes from the likes of David Bowie, Blondie, Iggy Pop & the Kaiser Chiefs (these days musicians can still make money even if they haven’t had a hit in years) . . . Thanks to the movie “Pride & Prejudice” (and Keira Knightley’s Oscar nomination), Headline Publishing is reissuing all 6 of Jane Austen’s 18th-century novels, but with a new look – they’ll be marketed as chick-lit romance novels with hot-pink covers! . . . Actress Uma Thurman has confirmed she & hotelier Andre Balazs have split after dating for 2 years (explaining why she attending the Oscars alone – awww!) . . . Former “Baywatch” star David Hasselhoff & his estranged wife Pamela have been ordered to stay away from each other after she filed for, but failed to get, a temporary restraining order based on domestic violence (seems there’s more than one bad actor in this family) . . . Donald Trump’s rep insists the boss was only joking when he praised 24-year-old daughter Ivanka’s ‘nice figure’ on TV show “The View”, and mused that if she weren’t his daughter, he might be dating her (kidding or not, it’s still kinda creepy) . . . And reports say that when Britney Spears finally told hubby Kevin Federline that she’s expecting again, she also hit him with another bombshell – she wants a trial separation (hey, maybe she’s not so dumb after all!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Big & Rich – TONIGHT they guest on “The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson”.
• R Kelly – TONIGHT he kicks off the “Light It Up Tour” in Kansas City MO, humbly billing himself as ‘Mr Show Biz’.
• Keith Urban – Word has it he’s written a private and very personal ballad for Nicole Kidman that brought her to tears. Friends say she wants to use as their ‘wedding song’.
• U2 – They’re #1 on “Rolling Stone” magazine’s 5th annual list of ‘Highest Grossing Musical Acts’, raking in $154.2 million for 2005, followed by The Rolling Stones ($92.5 million) and, perhaps surprisingly, The Eagles ($63.2 million).

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
For his new satire “Mein Fuhrer”, which mocks Adolf Hitler, Israeli director Dani Levi has somehow persuaded Berlin city council to allow the German capital to be draped in swastikas & other Nazi symbols during filming, something that’s normally strictly verboten . . . Male model-turned-actor Tyson Beckford has put on 20 lbs to play a bare-fisted fighter in the new movie “Knuckles” (virtually doubling his weight) . . . Robert De Niro, Michelle Pfeiffer & Claire Danes are set to star in the fantasy adventure “Stardust”, about a young man who sets out to win the love of his life by promising to fetch a falling star (uh, would that be De Niro or Pfeiffer?) . . . A movie prequel of “The Silence of the Lambs” called “Young Hannibal: Behind the Mask” has been stalled because reclusive author Thomas Harris has missed the deadline for finishing the 4th book in the ‘Hannibal Lecter’ series (y’know, maybe that’s a good thing) . . . Halle Berry lost her cookies on the set of “X-Men: The Final Stand” after a string of stunts involving her character ‘Storm’ spinning and ‘flying’ on a wire made her violently ill (sort of like the last “X-Man” film) . . . Ben Stiller has invited US Olympic silver medalist Sasha Cohen to appear in an unnamed upcoming comedy about figure skating (will she be doing pratfalls?) . . . Ford Motor Co has reportedly paid a whopping $24 million to have a souped-up version of its European model ‘Mondeo’ featured in the now-shooting ‘James Bond’ flick “Casino Royale”, alongside the traditional Aston Martin (won’t it suffer by comparison?).

DID YOU KNOW?
Sex between mice typically only lasts 5 seconds.

BYE BYE BEARSKINS?
A group of British MPs are calling for a ban on the bearskin helmets worn by soldiers in 5 British regiments, claiming they cause ‘unnecessary cruelty’ to the animals. According to animal rights activists, each helmet requires the pelt of 1 black bear, hunted in Canada and shipped to the UK. Opponents are encouraging a switch to fake fur. (Thereby making the dump at Banff National Park even more dangerous.)
– “GQ”

LORD TUNDERIN’ IT’S A GOOD READ:
Nova Scotia’s Cape Breton Island has its own heritage, music, and now – its own dictionary. Glen Gray’s tongue-in-cheek reference book of Cape Breton English called “Da Mudder Tung” has already sold over 5,000 copies. It includes oodles of local expressions including driving terms like ‘burping the horn’ and ‘turning the blinkers on’, plumbing emergencies (‘The sink is plogged!’), and useful similes such as ‘deaf as a haddock’. A follow-up book, “Anudder Mudder”, is already in the works.
NET: http://www.damuddertung.com
– CBC Arts

GREATEST HEALTH WORRIES:
What do you worry about most when it comes to your health? Cancer? Bird flu? Not likely. More than half of those questioned for a Legal & General Healthcare poll cite ‘not getting enough exercise’ as their greatest health concern, followed by ‘not getting enough sleep’. ([Co-host’s] greatest concern is simply ‘not getting enough’.)
– ANI Science & Health

AMBIDEXTROUS & MULTILINGUAL:
The Veena Vadini School in Singrauli, India was founded in 1999 for children aged 4-to-8 and holds its classes outdoors. But what makes the school really unique is that it teaches students to write with both hands … simultaneously … on different subjects … and in different languages. All 72 pupils can use either hand with equal ease to write in 2 different languages on 2 different subjects at the same time. (Think how fast homework would go!)
– “Asian News International”

SNORING MAY SOON BE HISTORY:
Soon you may not have to worry about sleepless nights caused by a snoring partner. Snoring is caused by the soft tissue in nasal airways relaxing and vibrating during sleep. But now researchers at the University of Southern California’s Institute for Biomedical Engineering believe they have devised a method to surgically remodel the tissue. (And embed it with a sock.)
– “New Scientist”

PROFILING AMERICA:
• 1 in 4 Americans lies on their taxes about how much they give to charity.
• 65% of American candy brands are over 50-years-old.
• 1 of every 5 calories in the American diet is liquid. The USA’s single biggest ‘food’ staple is soda.
• The oldest person to ever be issued a driver’s license in the USA was 109. (Hey, I think I followed her into work this morning!)

THE BULL SHEET 03.09.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [63] Charles Gibson, Evanston IL, TV host (“Good Morning America” 1987-present, “Primetime Live” 2000-04, “20/20″ 1998-2000)

1964 [42] Juliette Binoche, Paris, France, movie actress (“Chocolat”, Oscar-“The English Patient”)

1980 [26] Chingy (Howard Bailey Jr), St Louis MO, rapper (“One Call Away”, “Right Thurr”)

1987 [19] Bow Wow (Shad Moss), Columbus OH, rapper (w/Ciara-“Like You”, w/Omarion-“Let Me Hold You”)/movie actor (“Roll Bounce”, “Johnson Family Vacation”)

1992 [14] Luis Armand Garcia, LaGrange IL, TV actor (‘Max Lopez’ on “George Lopez” since 2002)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Amerigo Vespucci Day” [vuhs-POOCH-ee’], commemorating the Italian’s 1451 birth in Florence. He’s the marginally-successful explorer that a European mapmaker chose as namesake for the ‘New World’, as in ‘North Amerigo’. Had he used the last name ‘Vespucci’ instead, things would have sounded a lot different. We’d have …
• North and South Vespucci
• The United States of Vespucci
• Major League Baseball’s Vespuccian League
• “Vespucci’s Next Top Model”
• Vespuccian Airlines
• Vespucci On Line (VOL)

• “Employee Appreciation Day”. Just to show how much you’re appreciated … you can come in tomorrow, too!

• “Go Commando Day”, a tongue-in-cheek observance when we’re encouraged to forego wearing underwear. Perhaps created by some laundry-challenged bachelor out of necessity?

• “Panic Day”, when you’re encouraged to run around all day telling people you just can’t handle it anymore. In other words … just a regular day.

• “St Frances of Rome Day”, the patron saint of motorists and housewives, who is said to have never argued with her husband in 40 years of marriage. Wow, that woman really was a saint!

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1997 [09] Alanis Morissette, Shania Twain and Céline Dion become the 1st recipients of the new ‘International Achievement Award’ at the “Juno Awards”

1997 [09] Notorious BIG (Christopher Wallace) dies at age 24 after a drive-by shooting in LA (best career move he ever made as “Life After Death”, released only weeks later, sells more than 10 million copies worldwide, making it one of the biggest rap albums of all-time)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1959 [47] ‘Barbie Doll’s Birthday’, the day she is 1st unveiled at NYC’s “International Toy Fair” (sales of over 800 million have made her the most successful toy ever produced … until recently)

1964 [42] 1st Ford ‘Mustang’ is manufactured

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1996 [10] “One Sweet Day” by Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men remains at #1 for a record 15th week in-a-row

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Salvation Army Day
[Fri] Mario Day
[Sat] Worship of Tools Day
[Sat-Mar 19] The Brier (Regina SK)
[Sun] Middle Name Pride Day
[Sun] “Ring of Fire: The Johnny Cash Musical Show” opens (Broadway)
[Mon] 2006 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction (NYC)
[Mon] 26th “Genie Awards”
This Week Is . . . Universal Women’s Week
This Month Is . . . Women’s History Month

BULL’S BITS

WHAT YOUR SIGN SAYS ABOUT YOUR DRIVING:
Is this factual? Probably not … but it sure is fun!
• ARIES – Aries drivers are at fault 6.6% of the time. You are most likely to get into an accident between 11am and 5pm, so use extra caution when driving during the day.
• TAURUS – Responsible for 6.2% of auto accidents. You should be most cautious when driving between 5pm and 11pm.
• GEMINI – The cause of 9.3% of accidents. Most likely to be an aggressive driver, cutting in front of others. Beware of speeding, passing dangerously and swerving in and out of lanes.
• CANCER – Cancers cause 8.8% of accidents, most often at intersections. Slow down at all pedestrian crossings and make sure intersections are clear before proceeding.
• LEO – At fault in 7.4% of accidents. These most-often happen when Leo is rear-ended on a straight road. Pay more attention when the scenery gets boring!
• VIRGO – 10.7% of accidents, most often because of speeding and driving on the wrong side of the road (sometimes alcohol-related). Slow down, and keep your eyes on the road!
• LIBRA – Responsible for 6.1% of crashes, the lowest rate of any sign, but that doesn’t mean you won’t cause a fender-bender. You’re at highest risk on straight roads during daylight hours.
• SCORPIO – The cause of 6.8% of accidents, most of them head-on collisions on straight roads. Be wary when passing!
• SAGITTARIUS – Also responsible in 6.8% of mishaps, usually T-bone collisions at intersections. Closely observe stop signs and cross-traffic when driving through intersections.
• CAPRICORN – A whopping 13% of accidents, the most crash-prone driver in the zodiac. Capricorns tend to ignore signs like ‘Slow Down’ and ‘Caution’. You also ignore speed limits for curves and exits on highways.
• AQUARIUS – This sign is involved in 9.9% of mishaps. It’s estimated 4 in 10 are collisions involve smaller vehicles, so watch out for the little guys!
• PISCES – Responsible for 8.4% of collisions, usually because of not paying attention to stop signs. Apparently you have trouble seeing red?

A QUESTION OF LOGIC:
You know all the answers to these questions … you just don’t know that you know.
• What makes your left hand into your right hand? [A mirror.]
• What building has the most stories in the world? [The library.]
• What runs but doesn’t walk? [Water.]
• What starts with a ‘T’, ends with a ‘T’, and has ‘T’ in it? [Teapot.]
• What kind of nut has no shell? [A doughnut.]

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If you could wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else currently living, would you do so? Whom would you pick?
• Would you have one of your fingers surgically removed if it guaranteed immunity from all major diseases?

BS WEB GOODIE:
Answer a few simple questions at the online ‘Drink-O-Meter’ and it will calculate how much booze you’ve sucked back in you lifetime and how much money you’ve spent on it. It also gives you a ranking for your ‘party lifestyle’.
NET: http://www.iondesign.net/drinkometer

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If an American gets caught doing THIS, the average fine is $7,500. However, well over 100,000 Canadians do it every year, because it’s perfectly legal for us.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Visiting Cuba. (About 25,000 Americans take unauthorized trips each year anyway.)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The meek shall inherit the Earth … after we’re done with it.


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