Monday, March 6, 2006        Edition: #3232
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul caused a kerfuffle at Las Vegas Airport after she bypassed airport security and was escorted directly to her plane. That meant that Southwest Airlines was forced to re-screen all passengers upon landing in Burbank CA, causing a long delay.
– “Reality Blurred”
• At SATURDAY’s 26th annual “Razzie Awards” for Hollywood’s worst, the comedy “Dirty Love” starring Jenny McCarthy won a leading 4 awards, including ‘Worst Film’. It grossed less than $58,000 at the box office … worldwide!
– “E!”
• Actress Michelle Williams (“Brokeback Mountain”) has been snubbed by her former school, Santa Fe Christian, in Solana Beach CA. The apparently less-than-open-minded headmaster, Jim Hopson, says she does not represent ‘the values of the institution’. Her crime? Acting in projects like “Dawson’s Creek” and “Brokeback Mountain”, which the school ‘would not like to be tied to’.
– “People Magazine”
• Televangelist Pat Robertson has been dumped from the board of directors of the National Religious Broadcasters Association, the same group that once named him ‘Christian Broadcaster of the Year’. The NRBA is apparently unhappy with some of Robertson’s recent pronouncements, ie: Israeli PM  Ariel Sharon’s recent stroke was a punishment from God; and Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez should be assassinated.
– “The Gossipist”
• Disgraced British singer Gary Glitter will earn $3,400-a-week while he’s in a Vietnamese prison, thanks to a salary from the London-based publishing company he owns. The 61-year-old former glam rocker (“Rock & Roll Part 2″), who’s been sentenced to 3 years in jail after being found guilty of abusing 2 pre-teen girls, owns 99% of music publisher Machmain Ltd.
– “Sunday Express”
• Because he reckons his expected baby with Angelina Jolie was conceived while he was making the movie “The Assassination of Jesse James”, actor Brad Pitt is thinking of naming it ‘James’ if it’s a boy and ‘Jess’ if it’s a girl, a close friend says. No word on whether the boss agrees, however.
– “Star Magazine”
• A Los Angeles court has ordered the former business manager of 71-year-old Canadian icon Leonard Cohen to pay him $9.5 million US, but it’s unlikely he’ll ever collect because Kelley Lynch has never responded to allegations she stole Cohen’s retirement savings and no one seems to know where she lives, how to get in touch with her, or – most importantly – what she did with the money.
– “Winnipeg Sun”
• “Walk The Line” star Joaquin Phoenix is rumored to be more than just friends with his latest co-star. He’s currently filming “We Own The Night” with hottie Eva Mendes in NYC and the pair have been spotted out on the town numerous times.
– “NY Daily News”
• And it’s official, John Travolta will play housewife ‘Edna Turnblad’ opposite Queen Latifah in the bigscreen version of the Tony-winning Broadway musical “Hairspray”, hitting theaters in 2007. John Travolta in drag … how can you get that gruesome mental picture out of your mind?
– “Variety”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bedouin Soundclash – They were the big winners at SATURDAY’s “Canadian Radio Music Awards”, picking up 2 prizes.
• Coldplay – Their MARCH 22 concert at Toronto’s Air Canada Centre will be video-recorded for an upcoming DVD. Beginning TODAY, Canadian fans can enter a contest in which 5 people will win a digital video camera that they will use to film the show. The footage will then be eligible for inclusion on the future DVD (an idea pioneered by the Beastie Boys). Details are at Global-TV’s “Entertainment Tonight Canada” Website.
• Jason McCoy – The Canadian country singer has just been presented the CMA’s 2006 “Global Country Artist Award”. As a result, he’s invited to perform at the “CMA Music Festival” in Nashville THIS SUMMER.
• James Blunt – “You’re Beautiful” has become the first Brit single that’s gone straight to #1 in “Billboard” since Elton John did it in 1997.
• Mariah Carey – SATURDAY she picked up ‘Best Album’ & ‘Best Single’ honors at the 20th annual “Soul Train Music Awards”. The show airs  in syndication beginning this SATURDAY.
• Natasha Bedingfield – TONIGHT she guests on NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly”.
• Outkast – Andre Benjamin’s “Class of 3000″ will premiere on Cartoon Network in NOVEMBER. The animated story, in which he provides several voices, centers on a music superstar who returns to teach at his alma mater, a performing-arts school in Atlanta GA.
• Prince – To promote his new CD “3121″ (due MARCH 21), 7 ‘Purple Tickets’ are being hidden in selected copies which will entitle winners to an all-expense-paid trip to his house to watch him perform an exclusive concert.
NET: http://www.3121countdown.com
• Steely Dan – The group may be reuniting with Michael McDonald, who played keyboards & sang backing vocals for the group at one time. McDonald would co-headline the band’s summer tour, then join in on the tunes on which he originally performed, including the 1977 hit “Peg”.
• Train – TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”

IT’S A WACK WORLD:
• A Romanian football team is demanding a refund after it bought a player for a transfer fee of – 15 kilos of pork sausages. The team wants its investment back because defender Marius Cioara retired a day after the trade, saying he just couldn’t face any more sausage-related jokes.
• 16-year-old Chinese business student and avid rock fan Li Xiao Meng got carried away jumping on his bed while performing air guitar at a Singapore students’ hostel. In fact, he accidentally pogo-ed out of the 3rd-floor window … and died.
• A 35-year-old Russian had no problems keeping a pet alligator at work – until he decided to show-off while drinking with colleagues at an office party, that is. A tipsy Anton Skvortsov opened the cage to feed his beloved ‘Musya’ some sausages by hand – and the rapacious reptile clamped down on the hand that fed him. Co-workers managed to hit the alligator with chairs, shocking it into releasing its jaws. A spokesman at the Moscow hospital where Skvortsov was taken says he’s lucky to be alive.

DID YOU KNOW?
It is impossible to lick your elbow.

DOUBLE STANDARD:
Like it or not, we live in a world of vicious double standards in which a promiscuous woman is labeled a ‘slut’, while a promiscuous man is heralded as a ‘stud’. But the one-sided benefits don’t end there. A few things men can get away with that women simply can’t …
• DATING – Talking about past conquests, being a complete emotional wreck, engaging in adultery.
• FASHION – Looking like a slob, owning 1 pair of shoes, going bald, wearing unexciting underwear, dressing like a lumberjack.
• GROOMING & ETIQUETTE – Farting & burping in public, gorging, underwear-shifting, gaining weight, aging, letting hair go gray, sweating, cursing, not shaving below the neck.
• LIFESTYLE – Having a criminal record, having scars, and peeing anytime … anywhere.
– AskMen.com

YES, IN FACT, YOU ARE A ‘FATHEAD’:
Being overweight is not only bad for men’s hearts it also makes them less intelligent, according a study published in the “International Journal of Obesity”. The first study of the mental abilities of obese people reveals that being seriously overweight reduces intelligence in males, possibly through its effect on blood circulation around the brain.
– “Social Studies”

JAMMED UP:
According to a new study by the Texas Transportation Institute, here are the cities with the worst daily traffic problems ….
5. Houston TX
4. Atlanta GA
3. Washington DC
2. San Francisco/Oakland CA
1. Los Angeles/Long Beach/Santa Ana CA
– “Forbes”

SHIVERING IT OFF:
A researcher at Sweden’s Lund University says the body burns up more calories when the
temperature goes down. The discovery was actually made by accident when a lab heater broke and the temperature dropped 14 degrees. It was finally noticed because lab mice began quickly losing weight. Scientist Charlotte Erlanson-Albertson claims the ‘Deep Freeze Diet’ may work for humans if we sleep in a cold room and are active outdoors in chilly weather.
– Reuters

TEENS & SEX:
Highlights of an Ipsos-Reid poll on behalf of the Canadian Association for Adolescent Health …
• 62% of teens say they have difficulty getting information about safe sex.
• 43% of sexually-active teens say their parents are their best source of info about sex.
• 38% of sexually-active teens have sex casually.
• 26% of teens do not consider oral sex to even be sex.
• 25% of sexually-active teens in Canada aged 14-to-17 have had unprotected sex.
• 20% of teens are sexually active by age 15. That number jumps to 45% by age 17.
• 16% of teens admit their partner had other partners while they were dating them.
• On average, teens have had 3 sexual partners since becoming sexually active.
• 1 in 20 teens has been diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection.
– “Child Health News” / “Winnipeg Sun”

FOR THE RECORD:
The Indian filmmakers of a new movie called “Atbhutam” (‘Wonder’) have applied for recognition from the “Guinness Book of World Records” for the ‘World’s Fastest Film Shoot’. The 74-minute feature film was completed in just 2 hours & 14 minutes, thanks to meticulous planning of every minute detail.
– “Contact Music”

THE BULL SHEET 03.06.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1923 [83] Ed McMahon, Detroit MI, ex-TV personality (“Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson” 1962-92)

1946 [60] David Gilmour, Cambridge UK, classic rock singer/guitarist (Pink Floyd-“Wish You Were Here”)

1947 [59] Rob Reiner, Bronx NY, movie producer/director (“Rumor Has It …”, “A Few Good Men”)/ex-TV actor (‘Meathead’ on “All in the Family” 1971-78)

1959 [47] Tom Arnold, Ottumwa IA, movie actor (“Soul Plane”, “True Lies”)

1968 [38] Connie Britton, Boston MA, TV actress (‘Diane Huxley’ on “24″)

1972 [34] Shaquille O’Neal, Newark NJ, 7′-1″, 325-lb NBA center with a size 22 shoe (Miami Heat)  FACTOID: ‘Shaquille’ means ‘Little Warrior’ in Arabic.

1986 [20] Eli Marienthal, Santa Monica CA, movie actor (‘Stifler’s brother’ in “American Pie” films)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Celebrate Your Name Week”, when we’re encouraged to learn the meaning of our names and take pride in them. Here’s a site offering instant background on thousands of names from various ethnic heritages …
NET: http://www.behindthename.com

• “Frozen Food Day”, commemorating the first ‘Individually Packaged Frozen Foods’, created by Clarence Birdseye in Springfield MA 76 years ago (1930). He got the idea after seeing  Canadians thawing and eating naturally frozen fish.

• “Procrastination Week”, as proclaimed by the ‘Procrastinators Club of America’ to promote the benefits of putting off until tomorrow everything you can.
BS INDICATIONS YOU MIGHT BE A PROCRASTINATOR:
• You’ve had to hire a tour guide for your desk.
• You keep buying new underwear to avoid doing the laundry.
• You’ve absolutely decided to make an appointment to invest in an RSP tomorrow.
• You’re stranded on the throne due to a lack of tissue.
• You’ve still got to return that “Pat Benatar – Live!” video.
• You’re thinking of celebrating “Procrastination Week” … next month.
• I’ll tell you tomorrow.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1834 [172] City of Toronto incorporated, with William Lyon Mackenzie as 1st mayor
TORONTO NICKNAMES:
• ‘Toronto the Good’, due to the Puritanism associated with the city in the late 19th century.
• ‘City of Steeples’, for its abundance of churches.
• ‘Hogtown’, after a former bacon factory and later for its wealth.
• ‘T-O’, as in ‘L-A’.
• ‘T-dot’, as in short for T.O.

1899 [107] 1st ‘Aspirin’ patented by Felix Hoffmann

1912 [94] 1st ‘Oreo’ cookie sold, and over 360 billion have sold since (do you eat the middle first?)

2000 [06] World’s 1st ‘One-Gigahertz Computer Chip’ unveiled (how archaic!)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1982 [24] Susan Birmingham sets world record for ‘Loudest Human Shout’ – 120 decibels! (and that was BEFORE Viagra)

1982 [24] ‘Most Points Scored’ by 2 NBA teams as San Antonio beats Milwaukee 171-166 in  triple overtime (total points – 337!)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[2 weeks today] Last Day of Winter
[Tues] Stop Bad Service Day
[Tues] “Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire” DVD released
[Wed] Aunts Day
[Wed] International Women’s Day
[Thurs] Panic Day
[Thurs] Employee Appreciation Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Professional Pet Sitters Week / Read an E-Book Week / Help Someone See Week / Cheerleading Week / School Breakfast Week / Newspaper in Education Week / Save Your Vision Week / Universal Women’s Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
3-NAMED ACTORS:

‘Best Actor’ nominee (winner?) Philip Seymour Hoffman (“Capote”) is the latest in a long line who’ve tried to expose their inner thespian by pretentiously using 3 names. Ask your morning crew or phone contestants to name as many 3-named actors/actresses as they can. To help you keep score, here’s a list of some of the more recently recognizable …
• Catharine Zeta-Jones (“The Legend of Zorro”)
• Chad Michael Murray (“One Tree Hill”)
• Jennifer Love Hewitt (“Ghost Whisperer”)
• Julia Louis Dreyfuss (“Seinfeld”)
• Keisha Castle-Hughes (“Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith”)
• Kristin Scott Thomas (“The Horse Whisperer”)
• Lara Flynn Boyle (“Las Vegas”)
• Leigh Taylor Young (“Passions”)
• Mary Elizabeth Mastrontonio (“The Perfect Storm”)
• Marcia Gay Harden (“Mona Lisa Smile”)
• Mary Stuart Masterson (“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”)
• Penelope Ann Miller (“Along Came a Spider”)
• Samuel L Jackson (“Coach Carter”)
• Sara Jessica Parker (“Sex and the City”)
• Sarah Michelle Gellar (“The Grudge”)
• Sean Patrick Thomas (“Save the Last Dance”)
• Tommy Lee Jones (“Men in Black”)

BS WEB GOODIE:
Want a safe way to refer to something naughty? Check these lists of euphemisms to find inoffensive expressions you can use as substitutes ….
NET: http://www.starma.com/penis

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Jon Stewart – permanent “Academy Awards” host or not?
• If it was technically possible, would you preselect your future baby’s gender?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In a room full of 23 people, there is a 50% chance that 2 of them will share THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The same birthday.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Integrity has no need of rules.

BS FRESH MEAT:
A big moo-out to Andy Wilson @ EZ Rock [CHUR] North Bay ON, back for another full year of “BS”(year #12!); and welcome aboard to this week’s samplers that include Michael Cartwright @ Wild 100.7 [WYDL] Corinth MS; Jeremy Feldhamer @ SayRadio.com NYC; and Clarissa Johnson @ WCRO-AM Johnstown PA. Remember, we bonus you ONE FREE MONTH for each and every “BS” subscriber you refer!

 


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