Wednesday, March 11, 2020        Edition: #6652

Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Amanda Bynes has been ordered to enter a psychiatric facility after the judge in her conservatorship case met with her and the Bynes family, plus her now ex-fiancé Paul Michael, which is what sparked the end of her 3-week engagement. Bynes was supposed to check herself into the live-in facility over the weekend, but never showed up. At this point, she is reportedly refusing to cooperate. Her family is said to be weighing their options regarding what next steps will be taken to ensure her getting the mental health treatment she needs.
-TheBlast
★ A “Beauty and the Beast” prequel series is in the works at Disney+. Luke Evans and Josh Gad will reprise their roles as ‘Gaston’ and ‘LeFou’ from the 2017 movie, with the upcoming series set to be an origin story for the two characters. The prequel, which is yet to be given a title, will be a six-episode musical event, with composer Alan Menken in talks to return, having previously worked on the movie.
-ContactMusic
★ Steve Irwin’s daughter, Bindi, will honor her late father during her wedding to professional wakeboarder Chandler Powell later this year. Terri Irwin, who is Bindi’s mother and the widow of the “Crocodile Hunter” star, said everyone will light a candle in honor of Steve, who died in 2006 after a stingray attack. Bindi was just 8 years old when her father was killed. Terri also revealed that Bindi’s younger brother Robert will be walking her down the aisle when the couple weds at the Australia Zoo.
-PageSix
★ Two of Angelina Jolie’s daughters are recovering from surgery. Jolie revealed the news in an essay for Time published on International Women’s Day. She wrote: “I have spent the last two months in and out of surgeries with my eldest daughter, and days ago watched her younger sister go under the knife for a hip surgery.” She did not mention her daughters’ names. Jolie noted her sons were “supportive and sweet” while their sisters recovered, but she wanted to focus on her daughters because of the holiday.
-PageSix

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): David Spade, Eiza González, Grace VanderWaal
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Aaron Paul, Angela Bassett, Isabel Hagen
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Hank Azaria, Suzy Nakamura
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Nick Offerman, Michael Mando, D Smoke featuring Davion Farris, Steve Ferrone
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Emily Blunt, Sam Heughan, Niall Horan
• “Lights Out with David Spade” (COMEDY): Tony Rock, Cristela Alonzo, Jim Jefferies
• “Conan” (TBS): Marshawn Lynch
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Casey Wilson, Dolores Catania
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt, guest co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck
• “The Talk” (CBS): Brittany Snow, guest co-host Brandy Norwood
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Kal Penn, Peter Weber
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Justin Timberlake, SZA, Anderson .Paak
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Dave Bautista, Chloe Coleman, Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt
• “Survivor” (CBS): Tribes drop their buffs and switch things up; tension in one tribe opens up an opportunity for new alliances.
• “The Masked Singer” (FOX): Last But Not Least: Group C Kickoff!

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Lady Gaga – Her new song ‘Stupid Love’ has soared to #5 on the Billboard Hot 100, becoming her 16th top 10 and highest-debuting entry since ‘The Edge of Glory’ nearly nine years ago.
• Katy Perry — admitted to her fellow “American Idol” judges that she is “terrified” about becoming a mother. She revealed on Sunday night’s episode that she and fiancé Orlando Bloom are expecting their first child together.
• Madonna – is the latest high-profile musician to cancel live shows due to the ongoing coronavirus crisis. Her shows at Paris’ Le Grand Rex have been axed following the French government’s new ban on any public gathering of more than 1000 people. Madonna was forced to cancel her March 1 show at the same venue due to injuries sustained in an on-stage fall the week before.
• Prince – the ongoing “definitive” album re-release campaign will continue with the April 17 release of 2001’s “The Rainbow Children” and 2002’s “One Nite Alone”, plus “One Night Alone…Live!”. Each will get their first-ever vinyl release in limited-edition purple, and The Rainbow Children will be available on CD for the first time in decades.
• Led Zeppelin – has won the latest round in the lengthy copyright dispute over ‘Stairway to Heaven’. The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirmed a lower court decision of no copyright infringement in a lawsuit brought by the estate of Randy California of Spirit. In 2016, a jury found Led Zeppelin faultless in a case that turned on their song’s alleged similarity to Spirit’s ‘Taurus’, but then a panel of judges from the appellate court called for a new trial.
• The Guess Who — Ex-members Randy Bachman and Burton Cummings have announced a US tour. The “Together Again, Live in Concert” tour kicks off June 11 in Windsor, ON. They’ll play six dates in the American Midwest from June 13-21, before heading back to Canada for an already announced month-long trek.
• Ratt – have announced “The Big Rock” summer tour with Tom Keifer, Skid Row and Slaughter. The first of 19 show happens on June 3 on Long Island, NY. Tickets go on sale Friday.
• Brett Kissel – will play a concert in Edmonton tonight to help those affected by the tornado that ripped through Nashville last week. All proceeds from the $60 tickets go toward the Community Foundation of Middle Tennessee’s tornado relief efforts. Alberta-raised Kissel has lived in Music City since 2012.
• Dustin Lynch & Chris Janson — A crew member’s medical emergency and death led to the cancelation of their sets at the Rib Round Up in West Palm Beach, Fla., on Saturday. According to reports, the man suffered a heart emergency. Out of respect to his family, it was decided to end the show.
• Dolly Parton – says she wants to be on the cover of Playboy magazine for her 75th birthday. She was a Playboy cover girl once before, wearing a low-cut black leotard and the iconic bunny ears in 1978.

MAKING THE COMMON COLD NOT-SO COMMON:
Amazon is working to deliver a cure for the common cold (See what I did there?) Admittedly, with the current coronavirus scare, the cold isn’t exactly at the top of everyone’s minds, but the e-tail giant has launched a secret initiative called “Project Gesundheit”, in which several researchers are working to develop a vaccine, as well as treatment for the world’s most common malady. The small team is part of a secretive research and development group called “Grand Challenge” – which Amazon has not publicly acknowledged – whose purpose is to find solutions to large problems facing humans.
(Next problem they’ll work on: drunken online shopping!)
(I was sure that the “world’s most common malady” is bad breath!)
(Sure, it’s not a coronavirus vaccine, but it’s nothing to sneeze at!)
-NYPost

HOW MANY MILLENNIALS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB:
The UK research site “Study Finds” is reporting that many millennials can’t change a light bulb by themselves. A survey found that… “of 2,000 young British adults… many still need assistance with the simplest of tasks — like changing a light bulb!” According to the report, several respondents would leave a dead light bulb in place for as long as three weeks before finally asking someone for help. Other simple fixes that respondents said they can’t accomplish alone included putting up wallpaper, draining a radiator, painting, tightening up a loose cabinet door, and fixing a loose screw. Less than 25% of survey participants said they have “good” DIY skills, and 13% said their skills are “poor.” About half either don’t bother trying, or turn to someone else for help when faced with a “daunting” household chore. The good news: When something goes wrong, 87% are wise enough to “Google it”.
(On the other hand, I’ve never heard of a millennial sending half their money to a Nigerian Prince…)
(I’d make a millennial joke here, but it might hit a little too close to their parents’ home!)
(I shouldn’t talk. My wife says I’ve had a screw loose for years…)
-The Ad Contrarian

COFFEE PERK:
Coffee: Is there anything it CAN’T do? A recent study has found that drinking coffee may improve your athletic performance. Researchers from Coventry University in England recruited 38 adults, equally split between men and women, and divided them into three groups. One group drank regular coffee, a second group drank a coffee-flavored placebo drink, and the third group served as a control and didn’t drink any beverages. The results showed that participants in the coffee group completed a 5km bike ride faster than participants in the placebo and control groups. They also found that the observed effect of coffee on cycling performance is similar between men and women.
(Well, I knew it makes ME run…!)
(If I was in the group that didn’t get the caffeine, I think I’d still be riding…)
(I can’t even DRIVE 5km without a coffee!)
-StudyFinds

A HELPING HAND (SANITIZER):
If you’ve recently found that your local supermarket, much to your horror, has not only run out of toilet paper, but also has no more hand sanitizer, here is a (pardon the pun) handy-dandy recipe so you can make your own, and never leave the quarantine-like comfort of your home:
Ingredients:
• 1 cup rubbing alcohol (99% isopropyl alcohol)
• 1 tablespoon hydrogen peroxide
• 1 teaspoon glycerin (or you can use 1/2 cup aloe vera gel)
➢ Add the alcohol to the aloe vera gel and stir. Add water (1 1/3 cup) to the mixture to make 1 1/3 cups of spray hand sanitizer.
➢ Using a funnel, pour the mixture into a pump bottle (cleaned soap bottles or empty hand sanitizer bottles).
(Should I wash my hands beforehand, or does that kinda automatically happen along the way?)
-WFTV

DID YOU KNOW?
With about 6,100 street parking spots in New York City having vanished in the past year in favor of bike lanes, restaurant seating and ride-share drop-offs, more drivers than ever are fighting for pricey reserved spaces. Some drivers report paying as much as $900 per month just to park their cars while they are at work.
-NYPost

BS CHRONOMETER 03.11.20

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [89] Rupert Murdoch, Melbourne, Australia, media magnate (FOX-TV, News Corp)/estimated net worth $17.1 billion (2020)/married to former model Jerry Hall

1968 [52] Lisa Loeb, Bethesda MD, pop singer (‘Stay [I Missed You]’, ‘I Do’)

1969 [51] Terrence Howard, Chicago IL, TV actor (‘Lucious Lyon’ on “Empire” since 2015)/movie actor (“The Butler”, “Iron Man”)

1971 [49] Johnny Knoxville (Phillip Clapp), Knoxville TN, movie actor (“Jackass” movies, “The Dukes of Hazzard”)/TV personality (“Jackass” 2000-02)

1979 [41] Benji & Joel Madden, Waldorf MD, twin brother pop-rock musicians (The Madden Bros-‘We Are Done’, Good Charlotte-‘Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous’)

1983 [37] Melissa Rycroft, Dallas TX, reality TV personality (“Redneck Island” 2016, “Dancing With the Stars” 2015, “The Bachelor” 2009, “Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team” 2006-08)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• Worship of Tools Day” (aka “Tool Appreciation Day”), celebrating men’s inexplicable fascination with high-priced gizmos. (What tool have you bought, then never used?)

• “World Plumbing Day”, initiated by the World Plumbing Council to celebrate the important role plumbing plays in the health & safety of modern society. (To celebrate, wear your pants at half-mast … just like a plumber.) NET: https://www.worldplumbing.org/worldplumbingday/

• “Johnny Appleseed Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of his death. Yes, there really was a Johnny Appleseed. His real name was John Chapman when he was born in Massachusetts in 1774. He didn’t just walk around the country sprinkling apple seeds all over the place. He was a serious nurseryman who established orchards in the wilderness of the Midwest. He then gave or sold trees to pioneers who depended on apples as a staple in their diets.

• “National Promposal Day”, high school students across North America can celebrate their creativity by sharing their unique and often elaborate proposals to ask each other to prom.

• “Debunking Day”, a day do everything the guys of MythBusters ever told you not to try at home. Then call your mom crying because your apartment blew up and you didn’t listen to them.

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] National Alfred Hitchcock Day
[Thurs] Girl Scout Day
[Fri] Donald Duck Day
[Fri] Good Samaritan Day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1997 [23] The ashes of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry, along with those of Timothy Leary and 22 other people, are launched into space orbit aboard a Pegasus XL rocket

2018 [02] “American Idol”, which ran for 15 seasons on Fox, returns on ABC two years later with new judges Katy Perry, Lionel Richie and Luke Bryan

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1997 [23] Thirty years after being admitted as a Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE), Paul McCartney is knighted by Queen Elizabeth II for his services to popular music

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2002 [18] England’s Plymouth University becomes the first school to offer a degree in ‘Surfing’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2011 [09] A massive earthquake measuring 9.0 in magnitude strikes Japan, triggering a tsunami killing thousands and the second-largest nuclear accident in history

BULL’S BITS    

BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ Buckingham Palace has 775 rooms, including 188 staff bedrooms, 92 offices and 78 bathrooms, 514 doors and 760 windows.
✓ Photoshop doesn’t allow you to edit pictures of banknotes.
✓ NASA’s internet connection can reach speeds of up to 91 gigabits per second. That’s about 13,000 times faster than the average internet connection.
✓ Not once in the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme does it mention that he’s an egg.
✓ Six-pack abs indicate nothing about your strength, your flexibility, your stamina, your speed, or your overall level of health.
✓ If you commit any crime at sea, you are considered a pirate.
-WhattheFFacts

Best of BS . . .
BS SIGNS SPRING IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER:
• Wife found trapped under pile of gardening catalogues.
• Newspaper boy stops aiming for snow drifts, begins targeting shrubs.
• First robin doo on your windshield.
• Annoying neighbors finally shut off Christmas lights.
• You drive with sunroof open, heater on full blast.
• You go to the driving range Saturday, shovel walks Sunday.
• Garbage collectors start going topless.
• Thousands of RVers massing on Florida peninsula for annual migration north.
• At H&R Block, you’re asked to ‘take a number please’.
• In Vancouver/Seattle, Winter rain gives way to … Spring rain.
– First published in “BS” in 2000

BS WHAT MY PHONE SAYS BEHIND MY BACK:
• “Dude’s got a staring problem.”
• “OMG…you should see what this tool looks like when he opens the camera forward facing. Chins for days.”
• “And he tries to blame ME for his typos…”
• “Don’t you think 78 selfies is plenty?”
• “No one liked your tweet. Stop checking.”
• “Man! The things this guy asks Google!”
• “This guy still CALLS people, what is his problem?”
• “There’s a lotta lint in that pocket!”
• “Over here, dumbass! Don’t leave me on mute next time!”
• “I get it. You don’t like Trump!”
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2018

BS WEB GOODIE:
Approach with extreme caution:  https://tinyurl.com/tnvlcwa

BS PHONE STARTER:
What trend or fad were you glad to see die out?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• According to proper etiquette, how should you address the Pope if you meet him in person?
a. Your Excellency
b. Your Holiness [CORRECT]
c. Father
d. Dude

• Who played the first feature film ‘Batman’?
a. Val Kilmer
b. George Clooney
c. Michael Keaton [CORRECT]
d. Bruce Wayne

• Which reaches the greatest noise level in decibels?
a. A jet engine [CORRECT]
b. A jackhammer
c. A diesel truck
d. A cucumber
-IsThatYourFinalAnswer

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:  According to flight attendants, THIS is the worst thing that people do on flights.
Answer:  Clip their toenails

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Keep your fears to yourself but share your courage with others.