Monday, March 10, 2014          Edition: #5176


Bovine Defecation That’s State-of-the-Art!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ 50-year-old actor Isaiah Washington is returning to ABC-TV medical drama “Grey’s Anatomy” 7 years after he was fired from the show … but only in a guest role. Washington starred in the first 3 series as heart surgeon ‘Preston Burke’ before being axed over a homophobic slur uttered during an on-set altercation with actor TR Knight. He’ll be back to appear in the final show featuring Sandra Oh (‘Cristina Yang’), his former on-screen love interest. The episode airs in May.
– BBC Entertainment & Arts
★ 41-year-old model-turned-actress Rebecca Romijn is joining “The Pro”, a new NBC-TV sitcom centered around 49-year-old “Parks & Recreation” alum Rob Lowe. The single-camera comedy is set at the prestigious LA Tennis & Golf Club, where Lowe’s character is a former doubles champion now giving lessons. Romijn plays a wealthy board member at the club whose tennis lessons evolve into something more. It’s hoped an upcoming pilot episode will lead to the network picking up the show as a full series.
– @THR.com
★ A secret about the reality show “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” has just been revealed. The home that’s depicted as the ‘Jenner House’ in exterior shots numerous times each episode has just hit the market for $6.25 million. Seems the home we thought belonged to the famous family is just a facade located 20 miles away from the actual Kardashian compound in Calabasas CA. Why the sham? The fake is apparently used for privacy reasons, to keep Kardashian-obsessed fans from crawling all over their real property. Further proof reality TV isn’t all that real.
– TMZ.com
★ And speaking of Kardashian real estate … it’s been confirmed that Khloe Kardashian has just bought Justin Bieber’s mansion in The Oaks, a gated community in Calabasas, for a whopping $7.2 million. Khloe recently sold the Tarzana CA home she shared with estranged husband Lamar Odom to “Big Bang Theory” actress Kaley Cuoco and was looking for new digs. The Biebs had secretly put his place on the market after some highly publicized and heated run-ins with his neighbors, including that infamous egging incident. Will Khloe make a better neighbor?
– UsWeekly.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Bachelor” (ABC) – In the 18th season finalé, Juan Pablo makes his decision.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Warpaint (“Warpaint”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Jennifer Nettles (“That Girl”).
• Global Citizen Nights – The Global Poverty Project is launching a new concert series to raise awareness of the world poverty epidemic. The free concerts kick off tonight with The Fray, Allen Stone, and Saints of Valory performing in Austin TX, where SXSW gets underway this week. Further Global Citizen Nights are coming to Nashville TN, Chicago IL, and St Louis MO.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – White Denim (“Corsicana Lemonade”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Rob Thomas (Matchbox 20).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Alternate Routes (“Good & Reckless & True”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Little Mix (“Salute”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – American Authors (“Oh, What a Life”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Demi Lovato (“Demi”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – More vocalists take part in blind auditions.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Justin Bieber – Today he’s scheduled to appear in a Toronto ON court to face an assault charge for allegedly attacking a limo driver December 29th. Whether he’ll actually have to appear likely depends on what kind of deal his (extremely busy) attorneys have cut.
• Kanye West – Rick Rubin and Q-Tip are producing new tracks for Kanye, signaling a possible follow-up to last year’s album “Yeezus” in the not-so-distant future.
• Katy Perry – Is she turning into the new Mariah? A makeup artist on a photoshoot in LA says she wouldn’t get changed into the required wardrobe until some kittens were brought to the studio for her to play with.
• Lady Gaga & Tony Bennett – Their jazz duets album, “Cheek to Cheek”, has been delayed yet again and is now likely for a Fall release.
• Lana Del Rey – Her new album “Ultraviolence”, produced by Dan Auerbach of the Black Keys, is expected by mid-year. Her 3rd studio album comes on the heels of breakout success with the singles “Summertime Sadness” and “Young & Beautiful”.
• Rick Ross – He’s refusing to respond to rap rival 50 Cent’s recent jab suggesting he and Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs are gay lovers. Ross says he’s too busy ‘winning’ to pay attention to the jibes.
• Sarah McLachlan – She’ll be hitting the road this Summer to promote her 1st album in 4 years, “Shine On”, to be released May 6th.
• Taylor Swift – Her as-yet-unnamed 5th studio album is expected by the end of 2014, the follow-up to 2012’s “Red” which has sold 4 million copies.
• U2 – They’ve quietly delayed their Fall tour and album, while inviting singer-songwriter-producer Ryan Tedder (OneRepublic) and producer Paul Epworth into the studio. They’d been working with Danger Mouse on the project which is still described as ‘unfinished’, so both it and the supporting tour have been pushed back to 2015.

THE DANGERS OF DST:
Yesterday we North Americans mindlessly set our clocks ahead and bemoaned the hour we won’t get back until October. And it seems there are good reasons for our reservations about Daylight Saving Time … it brings with it several risks. Studies show there’s less productivity on what’s often called ‘Sleepy Monday’ as well as increased odds of workplace accidents. There’s also a 6% rise in traffic accidents during the first 2 days after the change. So why do we do it? According to the book “Spring Forward: The Annual Madness of Daylight Saving Time”, no one can say for sure and it’s not even conclusive who first proposed it. What is known is that we all revel in the long Summer evenings made possible by the shift in time. (So how late were you this morning?)
– Adapted from USAToday.com

THINGS YOUR AIRLINE PILOT WON’T TELL YOU:
• Most of the time how you land is a good indicator of a pilot’s skill. So if you want to say something positive to a pilot as you’re getting off the plane, say “Nice landing”.
• At airports with really short runways, you’re not going to have a smooth landing no matter how good the pilot is.
• There’s no such thing as a ‘water landing’. It’s called crashing into the ocean.
• Pilots find it perplexing that so many people are afraid of turbulence. It’s all but impossible for turbulence to cause a crash. It’s avoided as much as possible simply because it’s annoying.
• The smoothest place to sit is often over or near the wing. The bumpiest place to sit is in the back. A plane is like a seesaw. If you’re in the middle, you don’t move as much.
• If you’re a nervous flier, book a morning flight. The heat later in the day causes bumpier air, and it’s much more likely to thunderstorm in the afternoon.
• Why is it often cold on airplanes? Flight attendants constantly ask for the air to be turned up because they’re moving up & down the aisles all the time. Meantime, passengers may be freezing.
• The general flow of air in any airplane is from front to back. So if you’re really concerned about breathing the freshest possible air or not getting too hot, sit as close to the front as you can.
• Do pilots sleep in the cockpit? Definitely. Sometimes it’s just a 10-minute catnap, but it happens.
• Pilots miss the peanuts too.
– List25.com

AH, THE ACTOR’S LIFE!
A few excerpts from real casting calls brought to you by the eagle-eyed @ProResting …
✓ “You will be dancing next to a man dressed as a large egg …”
✓ “No pay but you’ll receive the film on DVD in a professional standard DVD case.”
✓ “No pay but each actor will receive a T-shirt.”
✓ “Some scenes will require the actress to be in her underwear. All scenes will be filmed at my house.”
✓ “The female villain does have sex with ‘Darwin Smith’ … which is played by me.”
✓ “We’ll provide accommodation (an airbed in our house).”
✓ “Everything involving the pig is above-board.”
✓ “We do not see her face at all as the upper body is that of a lizard.”
✓ “This role involves no nudity but does require ‘stripper legs’. By that I mean small pants or a thong & high heels.“
NET: http://tinyurl.com/btb7oqr
– CastingCallWoe.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
France’s soldiers get 4-course meals in their ration packs, with troops now serving in the African country of Mali receiving cassoulet, deer terrine, Camembert, and chocolate cake.
– “Wall Street Journal”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.10.14


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1963 [51] Jeff Ament, Havre MT, rock bassist (Pearl Jam-“The Fixer”, “World Wide Suicide”)

1964 [50] Prince Edward (Edward Antony Richard Louis Windsor), London UK, QEII’s #3 son/Earl of Wessex & Viscount Severn/wed to Sophie Rhys-Jones

1971 [43] Jon Hamm, St Louis MO, TV actor (‘Don Draper’ on “Mad Men” since 2007)/movie actor (“The Town”, “Shrek Forever After”)

1975 [39] Jerry Horton, Charleston SC, alt-rock guitarist (Papa Roach-“Kick In the Teeth”, “Lifeline”)

1977 [37] Robin Thicke, LA CA, R&B/soul singer (“Blurred Lines”, “Sex Therapy”)

1983 [31] Carrie Underwood, Muskogee OK, country singer (“Undo It”, “Before He Cheats”)/”American Idol 4” winner (2005)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Commonwealth Day”, observed on the 2nd Monday in March to honor the loose association of 53 countries in the British Commonwealth (the one-time British Empire). It now entails some 2 billion people or about 30% of the world’s population. These days, however, the organization is more symbolic than functional as most countries now have other economic alliances.

• “Fill Our Staplers Day”, because every little insignificant function we perform in day-to-day life needs its own day, right?

• “International Day of Awesomeness”, a day to recognize that people are awesome every day, frequently don’t realize it, and their awesomeness is rarely recognized. On this special day you’re encouraged to both perform and celebrate feats of awesomeness.
NET: http://dayofawesomeness.com

• “Mario Day”, saluting anyone with that name because the abbreviated date (MAR-10) sort of spells ‘Mario’. Famous Marios include TV chef Mario Batali, NHL Hall of Famer Mario Lemieux, TV personality Mario Lopez, and Super Mario Bros of videogame fame.

• “Napping Day”, a chance to catch up on the hour of sleep we lost yesterday due to the switch to Daylight Saving Time.
NET: http://www.mahalo.com/napping-day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1997 [17] The fledgling WB TV network airs the inaugural episode of what will become its first bona-fide hit show, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1984 [30] “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper peaks at #2 on the pop singles chart

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1876 [138] 1st ‘Telephone Call’ as Alexander Graham Bell says to Thomas Watson in the next room: “Mr  Watson, come here. I want you.” (setting off all kinds of rumors)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Organize Your Home Office Day
[Tues] World Plumbing Day
[Wed] Registered Dietitian Day
[Thurs] Woodie Awards (Austin TX)
[Thurs] K-9 Veterans Day
[Thurs] Open an Umbrella Indoors Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
“Procrastination Week”
THE BS PROCRASTINATOR’S CREED:
• I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
• If at first I don’t succeed, there’s always next year.
• I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
• I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
This week is also: Agriculture Week / Girl Scout Week / International Brain Awareness Week / Stand Up! LGBT Awareness Week / Teen Tech Week / Universal Women’s Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS YOUR TAX PREPARER IS WACKY:
• Shows you how to make paper hats from tax forms.
• Asks you how many monies you made last year.
• Suggests you claim multiple personalities as dependents.
• When filling out your form she asks, “What color crayon you want?”
• That ain’t no calculator, it’s a TV remote!
• Repeatedly grabs himself and says, “Tax this, am I right?”
• His only other client is Lil Wayne.
– First published in “BS” 1995.

BS SIGNS YOUR DENTIST IS WACKY:
• When he runs out of novocaine, he resorts to the old mallet-to-the-head method.
• Wears a necklace made of molars.
• After she asks you to spit, she says: “OK, my turn.”
• Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.
• She has a macrame hanging made entirely of dental floss.
• Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.
• His mask is on the back of his head.
• Licks his tools clean.
– First published in “BS” 2011.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
What are you called if you’re from the Republic of San Marino, the extremely tiny micro-state surrounded by Italy?
a. A Mariner.
b. A Sammarinese. [CORRECT]
c. A Marinaro.
d. An Italian.
– PopBitch.com

BS WEB GOODIE:
‘Lick This App’, a workout for your tongue (be sure to clean your screen before use) …
NET: http://lickthisapp.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Millions are giving up cable/satellite TV to watch things on the Internet instead. If you’re one of them, what do you most miss from regular TV? Sports? Reality shows? Live events?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
A drunk walks past a man repairing a car. “What’s up?” says the drunk. “Piston broke,” says the mechanic. “Ah,” replies the drunk, “Me too.”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: It wasn’t the pay; it wasn’t the boss; it wasn’t the long hours. Stats show millions have quit a job for THIS surprising reason.
Answer: They quit because their mothers told them to.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s amazing what you can accomplish with a little hard work and a lot of whining.

BS FRESH MEAT:
“BS” salutes Guy McDonald @ Good Hope FM Cape Town, South Africa who’s re-upped for another full year of service; and we welcome to this week’s samplers who include Philip Quinn @ The Point [WHON] Richmond IN; Ritchie White @ Indie Artist Music KNYA Amsterdam NY; Jeff Karr @ LakeOfTheOzarksRadio.com, Lake Ozark MO; Kenneth Jonassen @ Skala FM Vejen, Denmark; Chris Torrick @ The Mountain [KRLY] Alpine CA; and Dave @ 96five Brisbane, Australia.


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