Monday, March 11, 2013        Edition: #4938

Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
✳ Singer Rick Springfield (“Jessie’s Girl”, and most recently part of Dave Grohl’s Sound City Players) was arrested in Los Angeles on Friday after missing a court date relating to a 2011 DUI conviction. However, Springfield’s lawyer managed to have the warrant recalled by the time he was booked by cops and he was subsequently released. On his Facebook page, Springfield claims it was all ‘a mix-up’. (BS translation: He finally paid off the $1,555 fine that was owing.)
– TMZ.com
✳ The weekend’s “Saturday Night Live” (NBC), hosted by Justin Timberlake, pulled out all the stops in an attempt to rebound from its recent slump, with a slew of cameos by former “SNL” regulars, including Dan Aykroyd, Candice Bergen, Alec Baldwin, Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Martin Short, Tom Hanks, and others. That allowed Timberlake to extend his track record as one of the show’s strongest hosts. He performed “Suit & Tie” with Jay-Z, as well as “Mirrors”. (Even so, isn’t it time for this show to retire?)
– TheAtlantic.com
✳ 35-year-old TV personality Elisabeth Hasselbeck is leaving daytime talk show “The View” once its current season ends, according to an unnamed source. Word has it her contract will not be renewed because she’s not attracting enough viewers and Brooke Shields will be taking her place. ABC-TV has released a statement saying only that Hasselbeck, who joined the show in 2003, is ‘a valued member of “The View” and has a long-term contract.’ (What they don’t say … it apparently ends in August.)
– Deadline.com
✳ And it looks like 51-year-old George Clooney’s bachelor status is here to stay. The “Argo” producer’s year-and-a-half-long romance with 33-year-old girlfriend Stacy Keibler has run its course, several insiders are saying. Seems the pair has increasingly been butting heads as they have little in common. She likes to go out and have fun; he likes to hang with his buddies. Quote from one who claims to be in the know: “The end is near. It’s a matter of time.” (Actually, considering his track record, her expiry date should have been about 6 months ago.)
– UsMagazine.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Snoop Lion (“Reincarnated”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Jennifer Lopez (“Dance Again … The Hits”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Superhumanoids (“Parasite Paradise”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Justin Timberlake (“The 20/20 Experience”, out March 19th) spends the entire week as featured guest.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Depeche Mode (“Delta Machine”, due March 26th”; also performs on the “Live at Letterman” webcast beforehand.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Ashley Monroe (Like a Rose”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Blake Shelton – This week he’s atop the ‘Billboard Country Songs’ chart for a 2nd week with “Sure Be Cool If You Did”.
• Justin Bieber – Tonight he’s scheduled to play the first of 2 shows in Lisbon, Portugal even though he collapsed during Thursday’s night’s show in London after suffering shortness of breath. He left the O2 Arena stage for about 20 minutes before continuing.
• Motley Crue – The veteran rockers cut short a gig in Australia at Sydney’s Allphones Arena on Sunday night as frontman Vince Neil was rushed to hospital to treat ‘internal pain’. No further details are known as yet. The band is currently touring Down Under with Kiss and Thin Lizzy.
• PSY – The South Korean rapper has announced he’ll release the highly-anticipated follow-up to his global hit “Gangnam Style” in April, and hold a giant concert in Seoul to mark the occasion.
• Rolling Stones – Rumors continue to circulate that they’ll be playing the Glastonbury Festival in England this Summer. The lineup has yet to be announced, but Kasabian’s Serge Pizzorno has mentioned to MTV News UK that the Stones would be playing.
• Taylor Swift – “Vanity Fair” reveals that she keeps a framed photo of Kanye West infamously crashing her 2009 “MTV Video Music Awards” acceptance speech as a reminder of her journey to the top.
• Ten Years After – Influential guitarist Alvin Lee has passed away at the age of 68 due to ‘unforeseen complications’ from a routine surgery. The band’s performance of “I’m Going Home” was one of the major focuses of the famous “Woodstock” documentary.

COLD HACK:
German security researchers have found that freezing an Android phone can help reveal its confidential contents. The team froze phones for an hour as a way to get around the encryption system that protects data by scrambling it. Once the devices had cooled below -10C, researchers could hack into contact lists, browsing histories, and even photos. Apparently quickly connecting and disconnecting the battery of a frozen phone forces the handset into a vulnerable mode. Ironically, Google introduced the data-scrambling system with the version of Android known as ‘Ice Cream Sandwich’. (Never use an Android during Winter in Moscow.)
– BBC News

JUST WHAT’S NEEDED – MORE INFO:
HUD (Heads Up Display) technology is already available in many luxury cars. It shows speed, distance traveled, remaining fuel resources, etc in ‘see-through’ displays on the windshield. Now technology firm Harmon aims to enhance these capabilities to transform vehicles into mobile offices. Drivers can take incoming calls with a picture of the caller, check weather conditions, view GPS, and see traffic warnings. And if drivers become too busy actually driving, they can reject incoming info and silence all phone calls with just the wave of a hand. (Piloting 2 tons of metal at speed has become so boring we need this distraction?)
– “Daily Telegraph”

ONLY THE BIG DIE YOUNG?
Scientists say that new research could help unravel the biological links between growth and mortality. Normally, across species, larger mammals live longer than smaller mammals. For instance, elephants can live up to 70 years in the wild, while house mice reach only 4 years. Puzzlingly, within some species, the opposite seems true … larger dogs and horses, for instance, seem to die younger because they age more quickly than smaller ones. This may perhaps also be true among humans. (Certainly true if you look at mortality stats for pro wrestlers and football players.)
– NBCNews.com

YOUR BODY AS A SWITCH:
Microchip’s new ‘BodyCom’ technology transmits a signal between a pocket-sized fob and a base station, with your body in the middle. Thus, if you’re wearing or carrying the fob and you touch a base station embedded in, say, a doorknob, the base sends a 125-kilohertz signal via your body to the fob to wake it up. The fob then sends an authentication signal back to the base to approve your identification and the doorknob unlocks. It’s thought the system could be used to secure lots of things beyond door locks, such as power tools, vehicles, and firearms. (Great, a pocket-sized fob … another thing to lose.)
– TechnologyReview.com

FOR THE RECORD:
‘Kumbh Mela’ is a mass Hindu pilgrimage of faith in which Hindus gather to bathe in 1-of-4 sacred rivers. The event takes place every 12 years when Jupiter and the Sun align in a
certain way. It’s estimated that about 80 million people participated in this year’s event at Allahabad, which ran from January 14th until yesterday. It was perhaps the largest-ever gathering of humanity in history.
– Sourced from “New York Times”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Trees that are more than 100 m tall (328 ft) cannot grow leaves.
– NewScientist.com
• Mars has soil similar to Hawaii’s.
– Magazine Monitor
• 1,400 fragrances were launched in 2012.
– Popbitch.com

BS CHRONOMETER 03.11.13


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [82] Rupert Murdoch, Melbourne, Australia, media magnate (FOX-TV, News Corp)/estimated net worth circa $8.3 billion

1965 [48] Wallace Langham, Ft Worth TX, TV actor (‘David Hodges’ on “CSI” 2003-13, “Veronica’s Closet” 1997-2000)

1968 [45] Lisa Loeb, Bethesda MD, pop singer (“I Do”, “Stay [I Missed You]”)

1969 [44] Terrence Howard, Chicago IL, movie actor (“Dead Man Down”, “Iron Man”)

1971 [42] Johnny Knoxville (Phillip Clapp), Knoxville TN, movie actor (“Movie 43”, “Jackass” movies)/TV personality (“Jackass” 2000-02)

1979 [34] Benji & Joel Madden, Waldorf MD, twin brother pop-rock musicians (Good Charlotte-“Girls &  Boys”, “Lifestyles Of the Rich & Famous”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Canberra Day”, a holiday celebrated annually on the 2nd Monday in March in the Australian Capital Territory.

• “Commonwealth Day”, observed on the 2nd Monday in March to honor the loose association of 53 countries in the British Commonwealth (the one-time British Empire). It now entails some 2 billion people or about 30% of the world’s population. These days, however, the organization is more symbolic than functional as most countries now have other economic alliances.

• “Fill Our Staplers Day”, because every little insignificant function we perform in day-to-day life needs its own day, right?

• “Napping Day”, a chance to catch up on the hour of sleep we lost yesterday due to the switch to Daylight Saving Time.
NET: http://www.mahalo.com/napping-day

• “Romeo & Juliet’s Wedding Day”. According to Shakespeare, the all-time champion lovers did the deed on this date in 1302. It’s their 711th anniversary!

• “World Plumbing Day”, initiated by the World Plumbing Council to celebrate the important role plumbing plays in the health and safety of modern society. (In celebration, wear your pants at half-mast.)
NET: http://www.worldplumbingday.org

• Worship of Tools Day” (aka “Tool Appreciation Day”), celebrating men’s inexplicable fascination with high-priced gizmos. What tool have you bought, then never used?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1989 [24] “COPS”, the documentary-style TV series that follows law enforcement on-the-job, debuts on FOX-TV (one of the longest-running shows in TV history, it’s 850th episode airs during the 2012-13 season)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1963 [50] The Rolling Stones’ 1st-ever recording session (results never released)

1993 [20] Elvis Presley is officially declared dead (again) by San Francisco Municipal Court Judge George Choppelas, 16 years after he died (and constant rumors that he’s still alive)

1997 [16] 54-year-old (Sir) Paul McCartney is knighted by Queen Elizabeth II for ‘services to music’

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2002 [11] England’s Plymouth University becomes the 1st school in the world to offer a degree in ‘surfing’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2011 [02] A massive earthquake measuring 9.0 in magnitude strikes Japan, triggering a tsunami killing thousands and the 2nd-largest nuclear accident in history

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Kenny Chesney’s “No Shoes Nation Tour” begins (Houston TX)
[Tues] Organize Your Home Office Day
[Wed] Taylor Swift’s “RED Tour” begins (Omaha NE)
[Wed] Open An Umbrella Indoors Day
[Wed] Registered Dietitian Day
[Wed] Smart & Sexy Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Art Week / Agriculture Week / Flood Safety Awareness Week / Girl Scout Week / International Brain Awareness Week / Teen Tech Week / Universal Women’s Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS SPRING IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER:
• Wife found trapped under pile of gardening catalogues.
• Newspaper boy stops aiming for snow drifts, begins targeting shrubs.
• First robin doo on your windshield.
• Annoying neighbors finally shut off Christmas lights.
• You drive with sunroof open, heater on full blast.
• You rollerblade Saturday, shovel walks Sunday.
• Garbage collectors start going topless.
• Thousands of RVers massing on Florida peninsula for annual migration north.
• At H&R Block, you’re asked to ‘take a number please’.
• In Vancouver/Seattle, Winter rain gives way to … Spring rain.
– First published in “BS” 2000.

FAILED FLAVORS:
These varieties of ice cream were all considered possibilities at one time or another by manufacturers but were (thankfully) discontinued …
✔ Chop Suey
✔ Prunella Whirl
✔ Bacon Ripple
✔ Liver ‘n’ Onions
✔ Avocado Ice
– First published in “BS” 1996.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
What’s the best form of birth control after age 50? Nudity.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Ever dreamed about a celebrity? What happened?

BS COMICS QUIZ:
Q: Now 89-year-old cartoonist Mort Walker founded 2 comic strips that are still running in daily newspapers. What are they?
A: “Beetle Bailey” and “Hi & Lois”.
– International Museum of Cartoon Art

Q: Which came first … ‘Superman’ or ‘Batman’?
A: ‘Superman’ first appeared in “Action Comics No 1”, June 1938. ‘Batman’ first appeared in “Detective Comics No 27”, May 1939.
– “New York Public Library Book of Answers”

BS WEB GOODIE:
How a pope is elected …
NET: http://bit.ly/YX86qW

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Most of us do THIS, but 25-to-34-year-olds do it more than any other age group.
Answer: Hit the snooze button in the morning.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Studies show most people who own running shoes don’t.


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