Monday, March 12, 2012        Edition: #4703

We’ve Got Our Sheet Together!

• Speculation on London’s Fleet Street, the center of Britain’s newspaper industry, reached fever pitch at the end of last week reporting that the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, has ‘done her duty’, and that a royal baby announcement isn’t too far away. (Pregnancy on demand … just one more perk of being a royal.)
• Simon Cowell says he wants to fill the 2 vacant seats on “The X Factor” judging panel (FOX) with female celebs and he’s reportedly close to landing Britney Spears as one of them. Her fiancé-agent Jason Trawick is said to be on the verge of closing a deal for the show as early as this week, with a rumored $10-million salary. (She’s past her expiry date, no?)
• ABC-TV is launching yet another singing competition called “Duets”, albeit with a slightly different twist. Jennifer Nettles (Sugarland), Kelly Clarkson, Lionel Richie, and Robin Thicke will each choose 2 contestants with whom they’ll perform weekly duets live. In the end, the winning amateur will receive a recording contract. The show’s set to premiere this Summer. (Uncle!)
• Some 98 advertisers have now jumped ship from “The Rush Limbaugh Show” and other right-wing radio programs due to fallout from Limbaugh’s 4-day-long misogynistic attack of a Georgetown University co-ed. The money-making right-wing segment of the broadcast industry has thrived due to Limbaugh’s highly controversial rhetoric and now, they can thank him for its potential demise. (Bombastic personalities often live to eat their words.)
• Movie actresses Sandra Bullock and Angelina Jolie top a new list of celebrity moms who’ve used their fame to make a difference. Bullock is being saluted for her disaster relief efforts and Jolie for her tireless work as a UN Goodwill ambassador. Also making the list: Jennifer Garner, for helping promote literacy; Madonna, for her educational push in Malawi; and both Jenny McCarthy and Holly Robinson-Pete for raising autism awareness. (Honorable mention: Pattie Mallette for creating Justin Bieber.)
– “Parents Magazine”
• And movie actor Michael Madsen (“Kill Bill”, “Thelma & Louise”) was arrested Friday on allegations of felony child endangerment after an apparent altercation with his young son in Malibu, California. Although the boy did not need medical attention, Madsen was booked for child endangerment and held on $100,000-bail. (Madsen’s creepy mug shot from the incident is destined to make the year’s top 10.)


• “The Bachelor” (ABC) – The 2 remaining women meet Ben’s family; after final dates, Ben makes his final choice.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Keane (“Strangeland”, out May 8th).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Cults (“Cults”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Cee-Lo Green (“The Lady Killer”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Soja (“Strength to Survive”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – Music industry professionals help the judges choose which vocalists advance in the competition. Advisers include Alanis Morissette, Babyface Edmonds, Jewel, Kelly Clarkson, Lionel Richie, Miranda Lambert, Ne-Yo, and Robin Thicke.

• Aerosmith – Last night on “60 Minutes” (CBS), Steven Tyler admitted he’s said things to his bandmates he never should have, but also contends he’s the main reason for their success. Quote: “I think my perfectionism and my busting everyone’s chops is what got this band to where it is today.”
• Carrie Underwood – Today the video for her new single “Good Girl” debuts in an exclusive “Entertainment Tonight” premiere. It will be posted afterward on both ET Online and
• Daniel Bedingfield – The Brit pop singer (brother of Natasha) is one of the first to jump aboard a new ‘pledge-funding’ business model. The idea has artists collect fees for performing duties (often aside from singing) with a portion of proceeds going to charity. The list of things Bedingfield is prepared to do for your money is, frankly, incredible. Witness …
✓ For $75 he’ll get out his sewing machine and tailor you a shirt.
✓ For $500 he will take you to a gun range.
✓ $750 will get you a date with him.
✓ For $1,000 you can buy into a game of strip poker with Daniel and his friends.
• E Street Band – Guitarist Steven Van Zandt (who played ‘Silvio’) was “The Sopranos” producer/creator David Chase’s original choice to play ‘Tony Soprano’.
• Jay-Z – Tonight his kickoff concert at the “SXSW Festival” in Austin, Texas is live-streamed on YouTube starting at 7 pm CT. A rebroadcast will be available on-demand through March 19th on YouTube, Twitter, and Xbox LIVE.
• John Mayer – He’s now canceled his Spring tour in support of his new album “Born & Raised” (out May 22nd) and is taking an ‘indefinite hiatus from live performing’ due to on-going problems with granuloma inflammation in his throat.
• The Joy Formidable – Tonight the Welsh trio embarks on a headlining tour of North America with the first of 2 nights in San Francisco. The trek rolls through April 2nd in Toronto.
• Rage Against the Machine – They’re the latest artist to ask Rush Limbaugh to stop using their music on his syndicated talk show. Guitarist Tom Morello tells “Rolling Stone” their response was: “Hey Jackass, stop using our music on your racist, misogynist, right-wing clown show.”


A new study suggests a common heart disease drug called Propranolol may have the unusual side effect of … combating racism. Volunteers given the beta-blocker, used to treat chest pains and lower heart rates, scored lower on a standard psychological test of ‘implicit’ racist attitudes. They appeared to be less racially prejudiced at a subconscious level than another group treated with a dummy placebo pill. Scientists believe the discovery can be explained by the fact that racism is fundamentally founded on fear. (If they really wanna know if it works, they should test it in Mississippi.)

• Debary, Florida – A 17-year-old who walked into an adult novelty store with a loaded gun intending to commit a robbery was instead persuaded by the quick-thinking cashier to … fill out a an employment app. Of course the kid won’t be getting a job. The employee simply turned over the form, with all the wannabe robber’s personal info on it, to police. He’s been quickly arrested.
• Halmstad, Sweden – That job-seeking stick-up artist isn’t the only crook making it easy for cops to catch him. An armed Swedish robber who held up a woman at knifepoint was caught when he tried to escape from a crowd of pursuing vigilantes by running into a nearby building. Unfortunately for the mugger, the building turned out to be … the town’s police headquarters.
• Cardiff, Wales – Thanks to re-purposed technology, authorities are able to ‘spot’ trouble-making teens in this town … literally. Special ‘acne lights’ are being used to exaggerate spots or blemishes on faces caught in the pinkish glow. Officials hope the lighting, normally used by beauticians, will slash the number of youths loitering in an area blighted by anti-social behavior.


A new ranking of the recording artists who made the most over the past year, based on North American music sales, touring, and other revenue sources …
10. Paul McCartney … $14.2 million.
9. Black Eyed Peas … $16.8 million.
8. Eagles … $18.3 million.
7. Michael Bublé … $19.8 million.
6. Taylor Swift … $20.7 million.
5. Justin Bieber … $22.5 million.
4. Dave Matthews Band … $23.9 million.
3. Roger Waters … $24.5 million.
2. Bon Jovi … $30.4 million.
1. Lady Gaga … $30.6 million.


At 418 ft, ‘Kingda Ka’ (Six Flags Great Adventure, Jackson NJ) is the world’s tallest roller coaster. ‘Formula Rossa’ (Ferrari World, Abu Dhabi UAE) is the fastest at 150 mph. But now California design firm BRC Imagination Arts is proposing something entirely new … a coaster that creates zero gravity for up to 8 seconds. BRC got the idea from the so-called ‘Vomit Comet’, the plane NASA uses to train astronauts by flying in a looping path, creating about 25 seconds of micro-gravity. An amusement ride using the technology is already possible; the problem is price. A zero-gravity ride would cost $50 million or more. But if someone’s willing to pay that, the company promises their weightless ride could be up and running by the end of 2013. (World’s worst job … seat-cleaner on the ‘Vomit Comet’.)

Medical studies suggest that being forced to get up an hour earlier for work due to Daylight Saving Time is bad for your heart. In fact, the Monday and Tuesday after moving the clocks ahead is associated with a 10% increase in heart attack risk. Researchers have several theories on why that might be so …
• Sleep deprivation can alter the body’s inflammatory response process and contribute to a heart attack.
• The jump forward messes up the body’s circadian rhythm, reducing its ability to handle stress and shocks.
• The 1-hour time loss also screws up the body’s immune response timing, which temporarily weakens the immune system.

A full-grown bear can run as fast as a horse. (But it’s much more apt to eat the jockey.)


1946 [66] Liza Minnelli, Hollywood CA, self-possessed singer/stage & movie actress (Oscar-“Cabaret”)/youngest to ever win a Tony Award at age 19/daughter of legendary singer-actress Judy Garland/4-time divorcée

1948 [64] James Taylor, Boston MA, oldies singer (“Fire & Rain”, “You’ve Got a Friend”)

1968 [44] Aaron Eckhart, Cupertino CA, movie actor (“The Rum Diary”, “The Dark Knight”)

• “Canberra Day”, a holiday celebrated annually on the 2nd Monday in March in the Australian Capital Territory.

• “Commonwealth Day”, observed on the 2nd Monday in March to honor the loose association of 53 countries in the British Commonwealth (the one-time British Empire). It now entails some 2 billion people or about 30% of the world’s population. These days, however, the organization is more symbolic than functional as most countries now have other economic alliances.

• “Napping Day”, a chance to catch up on the hour of sleep we lost yesterday due to the switch to Daylight Saving Time.

2011 [01] A reactor at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant melts and explodes and releases radioactivity into the atmosphere a day after Japan’s earthquake

2007 [05] Van Halen is inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (Eddie Van Halen misses the honor due to a stint in rehab)

2008 [04] An all-Beatles-song episode of FOX-TV’s “American Idol” draws an estimated 31 million viewers


1903 [109] New York Highlanders are given the go-ahead to join baseball’s American League (recently moved from Baltimore where they were known as the Orioles, fans begin referring to them as ‘Yankees’, the name officially adopted in 1913)

1969 [43] 1st ‘Bell-Bottom Jeans’ are marketed, by Levi Strauss & Co (they’ve become fad-ish a couple of times since)

2002 [10] In Leuven, Belgium, a cyclist beats a Ferrari in a 12-mile race through rush-hour traffic (the cyclist, local councilor Bert Meulemans, finishes 15 minutes ahead of the high-powered sports car)

[Tues] Rolling Stones Tribute Concert (NYC)
[Tues] Donald Duck Day
[Tues] Earmuffs Day
[Tues] K-9 Veterans Day
[Tues] Ken Day
[Tues] L Ron Hubbard Day
[Tues] Open an Umbrella Indoors Day

Agriculture Week / Girl Scout Week / International Brain Awareness Week / Wildlife Week


A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
● How do they get deer to cross the road at that yellow sign?
● Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
● If ‘corn oil’ comes from corn, where does ‘baby oil’ come from?
● How did ‘a fool and his money’ get together in the first place?
● Why do they call them ‘apartments’ when they’re all stuck together?
● What do they use to ship styrofoam?
– First published in “BS” 1997.


☎ Even if you were an expert in CPR could you perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on a stranger?

64 years ago today (1948), the Hell’s Angels Motorcycle Club was founded in Fontana, California by a group of breakaways from another club. Which?
a. The Harley-Davidson Social Club
b. Heaven’s Devils
c. The Pissed Off Bastards [CORRECT]


What do you call it when you drop your laptop over the side of a cruise ship? A Dell rolling in the deep.


Question: The average woman has close to 40 of THESE.
Answer: Items in her purse.


Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.

Stephanie Belec @ 89.5 The Lake [CJRL] Kenora, Ontario; Butch Crowley @ Arrow 95.9 [WRBA] Panama City, Florida; Natasha @ Mo Radio [Radio Monash] Melbourne, Australia; Sean & Gary @ The Wave [CJLS] Yarmouth, Nova Scotia; Rob Hoffa @ Internet Radio Bar & Grill, Tampa, Florida; Zane Smith @ Moose FM [CKLP] Parry Sound, Ontario; Karli Morgan @ Mixx 104- 5 [WYYU] Dalton, Georgia; Brian Donohue @ 107.9 FM [CKDJ] Algonquin College, Ottawa, Ontario; and Ryan @ Radio Panorama 107.6 FM, Hennenman, South Africa.

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