Tuesday, March 12, 2013        Edition: #4939

We’ve Got Our Sheet Together!

✳ Lindsay Lohan’s father is launching a new career as a TV host after landing a gig to front the reality show “Celebrity Cheaters” (CW Plus). Beginning in the Fall, Michael Lohan will emcee a revamped version of the long-running “Cheaters” series, which will now feature famous participants looking to find out whether their partner is being unfaithful. (A tacky, sleazy series deserves a tacky, sleazy frontman!)
– “New York Daily News”
✳ An inside source has revealed that America’s first lady Michelle Obama will be holding a huge celebrity-packed party for her birthday at the White House next year and, as she’s a fan of both  Adele and Beyoncé, she has asked them both to sing. Adele has reportedly already accepted and waived her usual fee. Obama turns 50 next January 17th. (If you could ask whomever you wanted to perform at your birthday, who would you pick?)
– Mail Online
✳ “Star Trek 3” could hit cinemas as early as 2016, to mark the 50th anniversary of the original Gene Roddenberry TV series. JJ Abrams’ sci-fi sequel “Star Trek Into Darkness” is among the most highly anticipated films of the year (opening May 17th), but it appears the producer-director’s focus is already moving on to the 3rd instalment in the franchise reboot. (Even in 2016, most of this series’ fans will still be living in Mommy’s basement.)
– DigitalSpy.com
✳ Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook and former head-honcho at Yahoo!, has released a new book entitled “Lean In: Women, Work, and The Will to Lead”, in which she outlines her own feminist ideology of how women can not only survive but prosper in the workplace. Her ‘Lean in Circles’ ideology advises women not to ‘lean back’ when it comes to their personal and business lives and to give 100% in all aspects of life. (All of which is a little easier when you’re worth $500 million.)
– Contactmusic.com

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Trey Songz (“Chapter V”).
• “Hell’s Kitchen” (FOX/CityTV) – 11th season premiere as 20 culinary competitors brave Gordon Ramsay’s acid tongue in a bid to become a head chef at the Gordon Ramsay Pub & Grill at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Halestorm (“The Strange Case Of”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Justin Timberlake week continues.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Josh Ritter (“The Beast In Its Tracks”).
• “Preachers’ Daughters” (Lifetime) – Debut of a new reality series that documents the lives of 3 teens who happen to be the daughters of real-life preachers. Teenage rebellion, pregnancy, and underage drinking can be expected.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Buddy Guy & The Experience Hendrix All-Star Band.

• Biffy Clyro – Today the Scottish band releases the new album “Opposites”, which was recorded in Los Angeles. It’s also available in a deluxe double-album version that includes a ‘making-of’ documentary.
• David Bowie – Today his new album “The Next Day” is released. It includes the recently released singles “Where Are We Now?” and “The Stars (Are Out Tonight)”. A deluxe edition includes 3 bonus tracks.
• Eric Clapton – Today he releases his 21st studio album, “Old Sock”, which arrives 3 years after his last. It includes 2 new tracks as well as 10 of his favorites from a range of genres. Guest artists include Chaka Khan, JJ Cale, and Steve Winwood.
• Justin Bieber – Rumor has it his show scheduled for Lisbon, Portugal tonight has been axed due to slow ticket sales. His manager Scooter Braun refutes that, telling GossipCop.com the gig is SRO and is only being cancelled because of ‘issues with dismantling the stage set afterward’. (BS translation: His people are on meltdown watch.)
• Kenny Chesney – Tonight his “No Shoes Nation Tour” begins in Houston TX. The extensive trek runs throughout the Summer, ending with a 2-night stand at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro MA August 23-24.
• Morrissey – He’s been hospitalized yet again, this time suffering from pneumonia in both his lungs. The 53-year-old former frontman for The Smiths has already cancelled a string of dates on his current North American tour due to a throat condition and a bleeding ulcer.
• Rihanna – She’s expected to perform in Baltimore MD tonight as scheduled, even though she was forced to cancel her “Diamonds” tour gig in Boston MA on Sunday due to laryngitis. That date is being rescheduled.
• Sound City Players – The 11-song soundtrack of Dave Grohl’s “Sound City” documentary is out today, with collaborations from Cory Taylor, Josh Homme, Paul McCartney, Rick Springfield, Stevie Nicks, and Trent Reznor.

• “Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away 3-D” ( G-Rated Fantasy ): Québec’s world-renowned Cirque du Soleil is back on the bigscreen in spectacular 3-D supervised by James Cameron’s tech team. New Zealander Andrew Adamson directs this visual spectacular that tells the story of 2 lovers searching for one another in Cirque’s dreamlike world.
• “Life of Pi” ( PG Adventure ): A young man who survives a disaster at sea is hurtled into an epic journey of adventure and discovery. While cast away, he forms an unexpected connection with another survivor … a fearsome Bengal tiger. Directed by Ang Lee. Based on the novel by Yann Martel.
• “Hitchcock” ( PG-13 Biographical Drama ): This sketch of influential filmmaker Alfred Hitchcock intriguingly features some of today’s top stars portraying yesterday’s: Anthony Hopkins (Hitchcock), Scarlett Johansson (Janet Leigh), Jessica Biel (Vera Miles), and James D’Arcy (Anthony Perkins).
• “Rise Of the Guardians” ( PG Animated Fantasy ): An adaptation of William Joyce’s book “The Guardians of Childhood”. When the evil spirit ‘Pitch’ launches an assault on Earth, the ‘Immortal Guardians’ team up to protect the innocence of children around-the-world. Voice cast includes Hugh Jackman, Alec Baldwin, Isla Fisher, Chris Pine.
• Also released today: “Ben-Hur”/”Ten Commandments” (Classic Double-Feature Re-release); “Curious George Swings Into Spring” (Animation); “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys – Season 4” (Vintage TV); “The Life & Legend of Wyatt Earp: The Complete Season 2” (Vintage TV Western); “The Mob Doctor: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Pat Metheny Group: We Live Here – Live in Japan” (Music Documentary); “TCM Greatest Classic: Legends – Judy Garland”; “Natalie Wood”; “Sidney Poitier” (Compilations); and “Xena: Warrior Princess – Season 4” (Vintage TV).

With the hundreds and hundreds of available TV channels, you’d think there’d be instances when not a single soul is tuning in to the less popular programs. And you’d be right. These shows received a Nielsen rating of 0.0, meaning there weren’t enough viewers to meet ‘minimum reporting thresholds’. A few of the shows nobody watched …
✗ “Bump!” (Logo) – This Canadian LGBT travel show went to Mardi Gras during it’s 6th season … no one came along.
✗ “Ex-Wives of Rock” (Fuse) – A Canadian reality show about the ex-wives of such metal luminaries as Jani Lane (Warrant). Seems most people also asked ‘Who?’.
✗ “For What It’s Worth” (VH1 Classic) – An “Antiques Roadshow”-like series about pop culture memorabilia.
✗ “Headline Country” (GAC) – A country music news show … at 3:30 am.
✗ “Morning Breath” (Mun2) – By far the worst name of any show on TV, it’s aimed at the younger Latino audience.
✗ “Total Body Sculpt With Gilad” (Discovery Fit & Health) – A workout show that apparently isn’t working out.
✗ “WPRA Today” (RFD) – News of the Women’s Professional Rodeo Association. Dumb idea … horses don’t watch TV.
– Condensed from Buzzfeed.com

Dreadlocks can take several years to grow but many people don’t want to wait that long. It’s this need for instant long hair that is pushing the demand for ready locks. In South Africa, secondhand dreadlocks are being sold on the street. Where do they come from? One source is via theft. In Johannesburg, for instance, there are increasing incidents of men with long-cultivated dreads being mugged and having their hairdos scissored off. (In Jamaica, you can buy a Bob Marley-style knitted hat with dreads attached.)
– TheGlobeandMail.com

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 48% of women say they wish their partner wore cologne more often.
• 39% of Baby Boomers are obese, compared with 29% of the previous generation.
• 28% of adults admit to lying to their doctor. (“Just a couple of glasses of wine per week …”)
• 20% of us have never gone to a concert. Ever.
• 10% of men have sneaked out to watch sports during a wedding.

According to a global study on causes of death, an estimated 3.2 million people died prematurely in 2010 due to the poisonous effects of outdoor air pollution, two-thirds of them in Asia where air quality continues to worsen. To North Americans, Asia’s air pollution woes may seem a world away. But it’s a small world. Pollution travels east along jet streams from Asia to the North American West Coast. Research indicates, for instance, that nearly a third of the soot in the San Francisco Bay Area blew in from Asia. (One more thing that’s being made in China.)
– Salon.com

Researchers say we fall into 2 distinct types when it comes to showering …
a. Those who soap up a section of body at a time and then rinse.
b. Those who lather up their entire body before rinsing off.
Medical experts say the former method is better, because it lessens the drying effects of soap. (Somebody got a government grant to study this?)
– “Prevention Magazine”

• Dogs evolved from wolves that could digest starchy food.
– “Nature”
• There are more deer in the UK now than at any time since the last Ice Age.


1946 [67] Liza Minnelli, Hollywood CA, self-possessed singer/stage & movie actress (Oscar-“Cabaret”)/youngest to ever win a Tony Award at age 19/daughter of legendary singer-actress Judy Garland/4-time divorcée

1948 [65] James Taylor, Boston MA, oldies singer (“Fire & Rain”, “You’ve Got a Friend”)

1968 [45] Aaron Eckhart, Cupertino CA, movie actor (“The Rum Diary”, “The Dark Knight”)

• “Organize Your Home Office Day”. Get people with home offices to call in, then ask “What are you wearing right now?” Studies show an inordinate number of those who work at home still dress in office attire every day in order to ‘get into work mode’.

• “World Day Against Cyber Censorship”, initiated by Reporters Without Borders and Amnesty International in 2009.

2008 [05] An all-Beatles-song episode of FOX-TV’s “American Idol” draws 31 million viewers

2003 [10] The Dixie Chicks backlash begins after singer Natalie Maines criticizes US president George W Bush in Britain’s “Guardian” newspaper over the Iraq war

2007 [06] Van Halen is inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (Eddie Van Halen misses the honor due to a stint in rehab)

1948 [65] 1st chapter of Hell’s Angels Motorcycle Club forms, founded by a breakaway group of the ‘Pissed Off Bastards’ (no BS!) in San Bernardino CA

1993 [20] LPGA golfer Anne Marie Palli is penalized for hitting a flying duck, killing it, and causing her ball to fall in the water (shouldn’t that be a ‘birdie’?)

2002 [11] In Leuven, Belgium, a cyclist beats a Ferrari in a 12-mile race through rush-hour traffic (the cyclist, local municipal councilor Bert Meulemans, finishes 15 minutes ahead of the high-powered sports car)

[Wed] Taylor Swift’s “RED Tour” begins (Omaha NE)
[Wed] K-9 Veterans Day
[Wed] Open An Umbrella Indoors Day
[Wed] Registered Dietitian Day
[Wed] Smart & Sexy Day
[Thurs] “2013 mtvU Woodie Awards” (Austin TX)
[Thurs] International Ask a Question Day
[Thurs] World Kidney Day
[Fri] “The Call”; “The Incredible Burt Wonderstone” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … International Brain Awareness Week
This Month Is … Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month


● “Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?”
● “Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?”
● “How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”
● “You were there until the time you left, is that true?”
● “How many times have you committed suicide?”
● “Were you present when your picture was taken?”
● “Did he kill you?”

☎ Whose the most famous person you’ve ever met who turned out to be a real douche?

• Before Humphrey Bogart was chosen, who was the #1 contender for the role of ‘Rick’ in the film classic “Casablanca”?
a. Clark Gable.
b. Clint Eastwood.
c. Ronald Reagan. [CORRECT]
– “Hollywood First Choices”

• His real name is believed to be Maewyn Succat. What do we call him?
a. Rumpelstiltskin.
b. St Patrick. [CORRECT]
c. Bono.
– Irish Tourist Board

• How do they get deer to cross the road at that yellow sign?
• If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
• Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
• What do they use to ship styrofoam in?
• Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?

You buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Question: There’s a 43% chance you’ll fail to do THIS at least once today.
Answer: Use your turn signal.

Reputation is character minus what you’ve been caught doing.

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