Wednesday, March 12, 2014        Edition: #5178

We’ve Got Our Sheet Together!

★ George Stroumboulopoulos says it will be ‘a dream’ to anchor next season’s “Hockey Night in Canada”. Rogers Communications introduced him at a press conference Tuesday as one of the new faces of “HNIC” when the media giant takes control of Canada’s NHL broadcasting rights. The host of CBC-TV’s “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” will join “HNIC’s” Ron MacLean and Don Cherry, along with Sportsnet’s Daren Millard and Jeff Marek as the cornerstones of the new hockey coverage.
★ It’s time for another toke! If you’re a “Trailer Park Boys” fan, you’ve got a whole lot of ‘Sunnyvale Trailer Park’ content coming your way. Netflix has announced that it’s picked up 2 new seasons of the show, with Season 8 hitting the service before the end of 2014. There will also be 3 stand-alone specials. This Netflix deal stems directly from the fact that the show’s 3 stars, Robb Wells, John Paul Tremblay, and Mike Smith, purchased the rights to the series last Summer.
– QMI Agency
★ A South Korean reality TV show has been axed following a contestant’s suicide. “Jjak”, which is loosely based on the “Big Brother” franchise, has been pulled from SBS network following the on-set tragedy. Police reports suggest the 29-year-old woman hanged herself with a hair dryer cord in the bathroom of the ‘Lovetown’ guest house where the show is filmed. The deceased reportedly told her mother she felt ashamed of the way she was going to appear on TV and also told friends the show’s producers were trying to portray her as a ‘tragic type’. Indeed.
★ Darren Aronofsky’s new biblical movie epic “Noah” has had its world premiere in Mexico City. The “Black Swan” director and several members of the cast appeared before the screening, although lead actors Russell Crowe & Emma Watson were notably absent. While official first reviews are embargoed until it’s domestic opening March 28th, Twitter responses suggest the film is a bit uneven and too long, but is still a powerful experience with some stunning scenes. Word has it the premiere received a fairly sedate response with the audience applauding but remaining seated and mute.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ And “Son Of God” movie star Diogo Morgado (or as he’s become known in online circles – ‘Hot Jesus’) obviously doesn’t want to become typecast by his portrayal. In a strange, but oddly poetic twist, his next role will reportedly be on CW’s upcoming TV show “The Messengers”, playing what is described as …. ‘a Devil-like character’. Further details about the role and the new program are scarce, but it’s likely safe to say the 34-year-old Portuguese actor and former model will be doing away with his fake beard and sandals.

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The top 10 finalists perform.
• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Macy Gray (“Be My Monster Love”).
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Adam Levine (Maroon 5).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Panic! At the Disco (“Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die!”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Damon Albarn w/Johnny Winter (“Everyday Robots”, out April 28th).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Colourist (“The Colourist”, out March 25th).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – American Authors (“Oh, What a Life”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Ledisi (“The Truth”).
• SXSW (Austin TX) – Tonight NPR Music’s signature opening-night showcase features Damon Albarn, Kelis, Perfect Pussy, and St Vincent.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Beck (“Morning Phase”).

• Daft Punk / Jay Z – A new collaboration entitled “Computerized” has been released online, but if you listen to its references to such less-than-cutting-edge tech like Blackberry and iTouch, it would seem this might just be a discarded demo left over from an old session.
• Ellie Goulding – Her 2014 North American headline tour commences tonight at NYC’s Theater at Madison Square Garden. The trek runs through May 2nd at Colorado’s Red Rocks Amphitheater.
• KISS – Tonight Gene Simmons guest-stars on “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” (CBS), playing himself in a rock & roll-themed murder mystery.
• Lady Gaga – As well as performing at SWSW in Austin TX this week, she’s also serving as the music conference’s keynote speaker on Friday.
• Madonna – She’s posted an Instagram photo of herself on the way to a recording studio to work with Swedish EDM star Avicii. It’s unclear whether the sessions will be part of her followup album to 2012’s “MDNA”, although she has confirmed plans for the next album are underway.
• Rihanna – She’s been named the most-streamed female artist worldwide, beating out Katy Perry and Lana Del Rey in a new listing. Rounding out the top 5: Beyoncé and P!nk.
• Timbaland – He’s released a minute-long snippet of an unreleased Michael Jackson track entitled “Slave To the Rhythm”. He’s confirmed that he’s working on an album featuring unreleased Jackson songs that he has produced.

• The mayor of the city of Batman in southeastern Turkey sued Warner Bros for using his city’s name without permission. “There is only one Batman in the world,” he’s quoted as saying.
• After falling asleep in class and being awakened by a teacher smacking her palm down on his desk, a 16-year-old’s parents decided to sue for hearing loss.
• An Israeli woman sued a TV station for making an inaccurate weather prediction … sunny instead of rainy. This resulted in her dressing lightly and catching the flu. She won $1,000.
• In 2006 an Oregon man filed a case against former NBA superstar Michael Jordan for the emotional trauma he suffered as a result of … looking like Michael Jordan.
• In 1998 a Pennsylvania thief trying to exit the house he was robbing got trapped in the garage for 8 days, where he lived on Pepsi and dog food. He successfully sued for a half-million.
• A woman in Austin TX won $780,000 after suing for damages when she tripped over a toddler running amok in a store. The strangest part … the wild-child was her own son.
• In 2008 a Spanish businessman sued the family of a boy for damaging the front bumper of his luxury car …. when the man ran over the kid and killed him.
• In 2002 the music publisher of late artist John Cage sued Mike Batt for including a track on his album consisting of nothing but silence. Seems Cage also had a silent track … with a copyright.
• A few years back the RIAA sued an elderly woman for digital piracy posthumously. Not only had she already passed away at the age of 83 … she had never touched a computer in her life.
• A West Virginia man has sued Kanye West & Kim Kardashian for being members of Al Qaeda. He’s also claiming that Kardashian is now its leader.

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 90% of us throw new product instructions away without ever using them.
• 65% of us always pay the full sticker price when buying a new car.
• 45% of guys agree that women who wear eyeglasses can look extra beautiful.
• 40% of us think the boss hates us.
• 20% of drivers will see a warning light inside their vehicle today.
• 15% of us are able to wake up without an alarm on a daily basis.

Ranked by earnings calculated from touring, recorded-music sales, publishing royalties, and revenue from digital music and video streaming (rounded off to the nearest 100,000) …
10. Fleetwood Mac … $19.1 million.
9. P!nk … $20.1 million.
8. Luke Bryan … $22.1 million.
7. Maroon 5 … $22.3 million.
6. Beyoncé … $24.4 million.
5. Rolling Stones … $26.2 million.
4. Bon Jovi … $29.4 million.
3. Justin Timberlake … $31.5 million.
2. Kenny Chesney … $33 million.
1. Taylor Swift … $39.7 million.
(Kanye West, Jay Z, Justin Bieber, and Rihanna are also on the list but don’t make the top 10.)

Highlights of a new Pew Research survey of people from the ‘Millennial Generation’ (18-to-33-year-olds) …
• 66% say they are not religious.
• 50% consider themselves politically independent.
• Just 20% have married so far.
And despite crippling student loan debt, underemployment, and a bleak job market, these young adults are some of the most optimistic. 80% say they have the money they need to live their lives as they want … or at least they expect to sometime in the future.

New cutting-edge vocab …
✓ ‘Fappy’ – A conjunction of ‘fat’ and ‘happy’, it describes those who are overweight but remain quite content with their lives. (Unfortunately, if they don’t eat healthy and get some exercise, they’re likely to be ‘fed’ … a conjunction of ‘fat’ and ‘dead’.)
✓ ‘Sitting Disease’ – Weight gain, heart disease, and other health problems caused by excessive or prolonged sitting. It ups your risk for fatal heart disease by 27% and fatal cancers by 21% percent … even if you exercise regularly. (Stand up to sitting disease!)
✓ ‘Trophy Kid’ – A child who grew up getting praise and trophies just for participating in activities, and now expects esteem and rewards as an adult. (“Yes, that is very impressive that you showed up for work today … now do something!”)

• Fight the Stigma – Although naps are associated with loafing, a short and dedicated period of rest is actually shown to improve a worker’s productivity over the long haul.
• Keep It Short – When people nap only 10 minutes, they score better on cognitive tests. As the nap time is lengthened, those scores go down.
• Time Your Zs – Everyone has an hour or two during the day when their energy bottoms out. Track your energy levels for a few days and make the low ebb coincide with your daily nap time.
• Gear Up – Bring whatever you need to work that will make your nap time successful, whether it be one of those neck pillows or an eye mask to block out light.
– Condensed from “Mental Floss Magazine”

• Snakes can give a venomous bite for up to an hour after they die.
– Network Ten
• You can determine an elephant’s age by its rumble. (Meaning voice, we presume … hopefully.)
– “The Times”


1946 [68] Liza Minnelli, Hollywood CA, plastic-filled singer/stage & movie actress (Oscar-“Cabaret”)/youngest Tony Award winner (19)/daughter of legendary singer-actress Judy Garland/4-time divorcée

1948 [66] James Taylor, Boston MA, oldies singer (“Fire & Rain”, “You’ve Got a Friend”)

1960 [54] Jason Beghe, NYC, TV actor (‘Sergeant Hank Voight’ on “Chicago PD” 2014)

1968 [46] Aaron Eckhart, Cupertino CA, movie actor (“The Rum Diary”, “The Dark Knight”)

1984 [30] Jaimie Alexander, Greenville SC, movie actress (‘Sif’ in “Thor” films)/TV actress (“Kyle XY” 2007-09)

“World Day Against Cyber Censorship”, initiated by Reporters Without Borders and Amnesty International in 2009.

2008 [06] An all-Beatles-song episode of FOX-TV’s “American Idol” draws 31 million viewers (them was the days)

2007 [07] Van Halen is inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (Eddie Van Halen misses the honor due to a stint in rehab)

1948 [66] 1st chapter of Hell’s Angels Motorcycle Club forms, founded by a breakaway group of the ‘Pissed Off Bastards’ (no BS!) in San Bernardino, California

2009 [05] Financier Bernard Madoff pleads guilty in NYC to scamming $18 billion, the largest in Wall Street history

[Thurs] Woodie Awards (Austin TX)
[Thurs] Open an Umbrella Indoors Day
[Thurs] Smart & Sexy Day
[Thurs] World Kidney Day
[Fri] World Sleep Day
[Sat] Ides of March
This Week Is … International Brain Awareness Week
This Month Is … Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month


✓ “Jeopardy!”
✓ Buffalo wings.
✓ Sandra Bullock
✓ “Charlie & The Chocolate Factory”
✓ The 8-track cartridge.
✓ “You Really Got Me” by The Kinks.
✓ ‘GI Joe’
✓ Permanent press.
✓ The Jackson 5
✓ Lucky Charms breakfast cereal.

You put the incomplete question in the Google search bar, your contestant tries to guess the #1 answer that Google’s Auto Complete predictive search tool will suggest (to get the predictive search answer, do NOT hit the enter key) …
• How do you cook …
• Where are my …
• What’s the hottest …
• When is the right time to …
• Never lick a …
– Adapted from

☎ Would you wear clothing made of your dog’s fur? Dog lovers have been knitting sweaters with canine clippings for years, but now a French company called ‘Dog Wool’ is transforming pooch fur into coats, jackets, scarves, and hats for pet owners. Canine couture, anyone?

I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang, but it came back to me.

Question: According to a recent survey, THIS is the #1 occupation that women don’t want to date.
Answer: Funeral Director.

It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.

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