Tuesday, March 13, 2012        Edition: #4704

Can You Believe This Sheet?

This week’s naked pics leak is brought to you by “Glee” star Heather Morris (ditzy cheerleader ‘Brittany’), who’s apparently become the latest victim of phone-hacking (or is looking to up her name recognition factor) . . . “The Green Hornet” movie starring Seth Rogen will NOT return for a sequel despite grossing almost $250 million worldwide, producer Neal Moritz saying the first film simply cost too much to make (BS translation: It was a dud) . . . TV personality Nick Cannon (“America’s Got Talent”) is revealing details of his recent health issues by editing hours of hospital footage into a new documentary short entitled “The Incredible Health Hussle” (dude, get a spell-checker) . . . 52-year-old Marie Osmond made the final performance of her recent “Donny & Marie Cruisin’ With Friends” cruise ship gig memorable by falling into a fit of laughter onstage and – wetting herself (Quote: “I just peed my pants! Oh ship!”) . . . After weeks of speculation, French actor Olivier Martinez has told “Miami Herald” that he is, in fact, engaged to actress Halle Berry (Gabriel Aubry is no doubt relieved) . . . Acting couple Ryan Gosling (31) & Eva Mendes (38) are rumored to be taking a break after 6 months of dating, Gosling reportedly telling friends he needs ‘time to think’ (which has apparently included dining with a German model in South Africa) . . . Despite their prenup, Kris Humphries is reportedly demanding $7 million from his reality TV star ex, Kim Kardashian, in order to go away quietly (it’s extortion but it still looks good on her) . . . Actor Dick Van Dyke (“Mary Poppins”), who’s 86, has just married 40-year-old makeup artist Arlene Silver (it could be the happiest year of her life) . . . Actor Dennis Quaid’s wife, Kimberly Buffington-Quaid, says she’s filing for divorce as things have ‘become insupportable because of discord or conflict of personalities’ (and he never knows what the heck she’s saying) . . . And those supposedly scandalous profanity-laced tweets about sex, drugs, and partying by 20-year-old Scout Willis, celebrity spawn of actor Bruce Willis & Demi Moore, are all just ‘part of a school project’ at Brown University, at least, according to her rep (now there’s a new one!).


• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Dierks Bentley & The Punch Bros (“Home”).
• “Fashion Star” (NBC/CTV2) – Premiere of a reality-competition series in which 14 unknown fashion designers vie for the top prize (valued at $6 million) of launching their collections through top clothing retailers. Each program begins with a fashion show; and after each episode fans can immediately purchase the designs. Former model Elle Macpherson is host and executive producer; Jessica Simpson, John Varvatos, and Nicole Richie are ‘celebrity mentors’.
NET: http://www.nbc.com/fashion-star/
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Allen Stone (“Allen Stone”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – White Denim (“D”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Primus (“Green Naugahyde”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – The Chieftains (“Voice Of Ages”).
• “The Music Of The Rolling Stones at Carnegie Hall” (NYC) –  Each participating artist at this benefit tribute concert performs 1 of the 21 tunes from “Hot Rocks 1964-1971” (celebrating its 40th anniversary). Performers include Art Garfunkel, Jackson Browne, John Sebastian, Marianne Faithfull, Ronnie Spector, Rosanne Cash, Steve Earle, and TV On the Radio.
NET: http://carnegiestones.com
• “SXSW Festival” (Austin TX) – This year’s music, film, and interactive event, which runs through Sunday, includes performances by Counting Crows, K’naan, Lana Del Rey, Michael Franti & Spearhead, Of Montreal, Ting Tings and many more.
NET: http://sxsw.com
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Shooter Jennings (“Family Man”, out today).

• Adele – Her album “21” has now been designated 8X multi-Platinum by the RIAA.
• Britney Spears – Latest buzz has her rejecting a $10-million offer to join “The X Factor”, and instead asking for $20 million. (See ya!)
• David Nail – Today he becomes the 1st country artist to be part of the online “Baeble Sessions” concert series. His unplugged performance with a stripped-down band was shot in a NYC barbershop.
NET: http://www.baeblemusic.com
• Jonas Bros – They’re working on their 1st album since 2009. There’s no word on when it might come out as Nick is currently starring in the Broadway musical “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying” through July 1st.
• Katy Perry – Her movie “Katy Perry: Part Of Me” is coming this Summer. It’s said to be a 3-D concert- and documentary-film hybrid that will give insight into her life both on-stage and off.
• Kelly Clarkson – She’s reportedly dating country singer Reba McEntire’s stepson, Brandon Blackstock, who is Blake Shelton’s manager. According to TasteofCountry.com, the couple was first spotted together at a Grammy Awards after-party in LA last month.
• Ke$ha – She’s fallen victim to pranksters who hacked her Twitter.com account to erroneously announce the release of a new single. The fake message was eventually deleted after she realized her account had been compromised. (Crime or promotion?)


• “The Adventures Of Tintin” ( PG Animated Adventure ): The Belgian globetrotter is beloved in Europe where this film’s been a huge hit. In this first installment of what will likely be a series, ‘Tintin’ and ‘Captain Haddock’ set off on a hunt for a sunken ship. Directed by Steven Spielberg; voice cast includes Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis, Daniel Craig, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost.
• “The Descendants” ( R-Rated Dramedy ): Based on the best-selling novel by Kaui Hart Hemmings, George Clooney stars in this sometimes humorous, sometimes tragic story of an indifferent husband and father of 2 girls who is forced to re-examine his past and embrace his future when his wife suffers a boating accident off Waikiki Beach in Hawaii.
• “Happy Feet 2” ( PG Family Animation ): In this sequel to the 2006 Oscar-winning film, ‘Mumble’ and his family and friends discover a new threat to their home, one that will take everyone working together to save them. Voice cast includes Elijah Wood, Robin Williams, and Pink, plus Brad Pitt & Matt Damon as ‘Will & Bill the Krill’.
• “Melancholia” ( R-Rated Thriller ): Director Lars von Trier’s strange movie about the end of the world follows a young couple trying to celebrate their marriage at a sumptuous party as a planet called ‘Melancholia’ is heading directly toward Earth. Stars Kirsten Dunst, Alexander Skarsgard, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Kiefer Sutherland.
• “My Week With Marilyn” ( R-Rated Biographical Drama ): Michelle Williams plays Marilyn Monroe and Kenneth Branagh is Sir Laurence Olivier in this drama based on the making of their 1957 film “The Prince & The Showgirl”. Though Williams portrayal of Monroe is stunning, the film has been widely panned. Co-stars Emma Watson, Julia Ormond.
• “The Three Musketeers” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): The hot-headed D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman) unites with the down-on-their-luck Musketeers to prevent a beautiful double agent (Milla Jovovich) and her villainous employer from seizing the French throne and engulfing Europe in war. Co-stars Luke Evans, Matthew Macfadyen, Ray Stevenson.
• “Young Adult” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Charlize Theron plays a teen-lit author who returns to her small hometown in Minnesota to relive her glory days and attempt to reclaim her high school sweetheart, who is now happily married and has a newborn daughter. Co-stars  Patton Oswalt, Patrick Wilson. Directed by Jason Reitman (“Juno”).
• Also released today: “The Almighty Comedy Collection”; “Breakout Kings: Season 1” (TV); “Chiller Night Favorites” (Horror); “The History Of the World in Two Hours” (Documentary); “The Killing: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Neverland” (TV); “Superjail!: Season 2” (TV); “Titanic: The Complete Story” (Documentary); and “Xena: Warrior Princess – Season 3” (TV).


Maybe these dogs will be in an Easter parade? A dog-groomer in Oxford, Maine is charging $25-to-$74 to transform the town’s four-legged friends into walking rainbows. Anita Loring says the dye she uses only takes a minute to set and works best on pooches with lighter colored fur. It washes out after 4-to-6 weeks. (Dying a dumb beast’s fur in a hideous spectrum of hues, simply because you can. Isn’t this cruelty to animals?)
– NYPost.com


A pair of brothers from Beijing, China have carved out an unusual career making musical instruments from … vegetables. Nan Weidong (43) & Nan Weiping (41) took up the unusual hobby only 2 years ago, but it has since developed into a career. According to the brothers, different vegetables have different scales and are therefore suited to different melodies. A sweet potato makes an ocarina; a bamboo shoot becomes a flute; a yam, a whistle. It might sound goofy but the veggy brothers now command up to $7,500 per performance. (How do you tune a zucchini?)
– Telegraph.co.uk


Penn State environmental engineering professor Bruce Logan has developed a new technology that not only generates electricity from sewage, but actually cleans the water in the process. The process generates electricity by channeling the energy of bacteria in wastewater into fuel cells. Logan doesn’t have a precise timeline for when his invention will be ready to go mainstream, but thinks it could happen fast. The eventual goal is to use wastewater to power sewage treatment plants, removing the need for fossil fuel-based power. (If he could adapt this to cars, then we’d have something!)
– CBC.ca


Researchers at Kyoto University in Japan have discovered that women’s ability to detect snakes improves after ovulation, which is also when they’re most fertile. Researchers theorize it may have to do with a rise in hormones meant to help pregnant women protect themselves from sudden danger. (Even “The Office’s” ‘Dwight Schrute’, an expert on both snakes and menstruation, didn’t see this one coming!)
– LiveScience.com


Plastic food and beverage packaging creates a lot of waste. Harvard University prof David Edwards thinks he has a solution … making it edible. He’s working on ‘WikiCells’, a technology that enables a soft membrane of food particles to surround food products, which is then coated in a harder, edible external shell. Edwards is hoping to design a machine that will allow others to manufacture their own edible packaging, thereby doing away with plastic packaging altogether. (Some say there’s already more nutrition in the box than in the burger.)
– Fastcoexist.com

A giraffe can clean its ears with its own 21-inch tongue. (So can Gene Simmons.)
– HaLife.com


1950 [62] William H Macy, Miami FL, movie actor (“Wild Hogs”, “Fargo”)/Mr Felicity Huffman since 1997

1956 [56] Dana Delaney, NYC, TV actress (‘Katherine Mayfair’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2007, “China Beach” 1988-91)

1960 [52] Adam Clayton, Chinnor UK, rock bassist (U2-“Vertigo”, “Beautiful Day”)

1972 [40] Common (Lonnie Lynn Jr), Chicago IL, rapper (“Love Of My Life”, “The Light”)/movie actor (“American Gangster”, “Smokin’ Aces”)

1985 [27] Emile Hirsch, Topanga CA, movie actor (“Milk”, “Into the Wild”)


• “Earmuffs Day”, celebrating the first ‘Earmuffs’ patent by one Chester Greenwood of Farmington, Maine on this day 135 years ago in 1877.

• “K-9 Veterans Day”, honoring all dogs who have served in the military. The US Army launched its ‘K-9 Corps’ 70 years ago today (1942).

• “Ken Day”, in honor of the 1961 date when Mattel introduced a boyfriend doll for ‘Barbie’. Note that ‘Ken Carson’ is 2 years younger than ‘Barbara Millicent Roberts’. (Cougar!)

• “L Ron Hubbard Day”,marking the anniversary of the Scientology founder’s 1911 birth in Tilden, Nebraska. He portrayed himself as a pioneering explorer, world traveler, and nuclear physicist, but his critics have characterized him as a liar, charlatan, and madman.

• “Open an Umbrella Indoors Day”, when celebrants are encouraged to challenge the old superstition and note whether any bad luck befalls them. The superstition can be traced to the 11th century BC.


2002 [10] FOX-TV airs “Celebrity Boxing” (Tonya Harding beats Paula Jones, Danny Banaduce whips Barry Williams, Todd Bridges defeats Vanilla Ice)

2008 [04] Comedian Billy Crystal signs a 1-day contract with the NY Yankees, then strikes out as the lead-off batter in a Spring training baseball game


1987 [25] Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band receive a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

1987 [25] Bryan Adams’ “Heat Of the Night” becomes the 1st-ever ‘cassette single’


1894 [118] 1st professional ‘Striptease’, at the Divan Fayonau Music Hall in Paris, France


1982 [30] At age 11, John Jaszowski of Milwaukee, Wisconsin hits 12 consecutive strikes to become ‘Youngest-Ever Bowler to Roll a Perfect Game’

1988 [24] Guinness Record for ‘World’s Longest Conga Line’ is created at the 27th annual “Calle Ocho Festival” in Miami, Florida … 119,980 people


[Wed] International Ask a Question Day
[Wed] Pi Day
[Wed] Registered Dietitian Day
[Thurs] “mtvU Woodie Awards” (Austin TX)
[Thurs] Companies That Care Day
[Thurs] Ides of March
[Thurs] True Confessions Day
[Thurs] World Consumer Rights Day
This Week Is … Older Persons Employment Week
This Month Is … Professional Social Work Month


✓ “How to Look Shapely When You Weigh 36 Lbs”
✓ “A Guide to Strutting & Flouncing”
✓ “10 Steps To a Lint-Free Navel”
✓ “5 Tips on How to Snag a Rock Star”
✓ “What I’ve Eaten This Year in 25 Words or Less”


☎ What totally irrational thing are you afraid of?


What’s really shocking is that the preceding 4 hours of total silliness is the most important thing I’ll do all day.


Line up a series of phone participants to make brief audio auditions showing off their voices. Ask a studio panel to rate them on a scale from 1-10 when it comes to ‘sexiest voice’.


Question: People in THIS profession have a life expectancy 15 years below average.
Answer: Poet.


Everything has beauty, though not everyone sees it.

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