Monday, March 13, 2017 – Edition: #5930

Can You Believe This Sheet?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ In a bid to detox from harrowing film roles, Brit actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson has … eyeball acupuncture. For his critically acclaimed portrayal of a psychopath in the Tom Ford film “Nocturnal Animals”, Aaron’s prep included binging on beer, watching documentaries about serial killers, and not cutting his fingernails for 3 months in order to feel toxic inside and out. But once he finished filming, he embarked on a 90-day exorcism of the character. He claims the rigorous detox helps him avoid taking home any dark energy to his family.
– WENN.com
★ “Vogue Arabia” has launched to much fanfare. The editor is a Saudi princess and her first cover portrays half-Palestinian supermodel Gigi Hadid draped in a jeweled veil. The headline? “Reorienting Perceptions”. A bold cover, which attempts to show the changing attitudes to fashion in the Middle East. Just one problem: it’s a carbon copy of a spoof cover knocked up 7 years ago by an Arabian blogger. He started his blog in response to Conde Nast’s 2007 statement that they weren’t interested in publishing a Middle East edition of “Vogue”.
NET: http://bit.ly/2mmG1w6
– PopBitch.com
★ The Internet Movie Database (IMDb), which sees more than 250 million visitors per month, has adopted the ‘F-rating’ system to signpost films that highlight women. The system was invented by Bath Film Festival director Holly Tarquini in 2014 and has since been picked up by more than 40 cinemas and festivals across the UK. So far, 21,800 films have been tagged with an F-rating, the criteria for which are as follows: either directed by a woman; written by a woman; or featuring significant women onscreen in their own right.
– “The Independent”
★ The 1st of 4 “Avatar” movie sequels is being further delayed. “Avatar 2” was supposed to be released Christmas 2018, but filmmaker James Cameron says that’s not happening. The sequel has now been pushed back 3 times from its original 2014 release date. The delays are caused by the epic undertaking of shooting “Avatar 2”, “3”, “4”, and “5” simultaneously. The other sequels – “3” through “5” – were previously set for Christmas releases in 2020, 2022, and 2023, however it’s now unclear if those dates are sticking.
– “Toronto Star”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Hurray For the Riff Raff (“The Navigator”).
• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – Noah Cyrus w/Labrinth (“Make Me Cry”).
• “Howie Mandel All-Star Comedy Gala” (CW) – Stand-up performances from Jay Pharoah, Iliza Shlesinger, Russell Peters, JB Smoove and more.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – A ‘Monday Mash-up’ called OK Go-Go’s (OK Go and the Go-Go’s).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Mothers (“When You Walk a Long Distance You Are Tired”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Judah & The Lion (“Folk Hop ‘N Roll”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Iron Maiden’s drummer Nicko McBrain sits in.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – The Shins (“Heartworms”, out Friday).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Rebel & A Basketcase (Evan Rachel Wood & Zach Villa).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The blind auditions continue as vocalists perform for a chance to win the title.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Adele – She’s performing a series of shows in the round and has reportedly come up with an ingenious way of traveling from dressing room to stage without being detected. She’s transported in a giant box pre-show, which most fans presume is just a piece of equipment.
• Carrie Underwood – She says actress Reese Witherspoon is her ‘style icon’.
• Drake – His delayed “More Life” project is being released this Saturday. He made the announcement via Instagram over the weekend. He has previously described the work as a ”playlist”, whatever that means.
• Ed Sheeran – The 26-year-old says he isn’t interested in saving his cash and as long as he is comfortable, he’d rather use his money to support his loved ones and good causes he believes in. Quote: “As soon as it comes in, it goes out. I don’t have that much value on it.”
• George Michael – He’ll be buried next to his mother at Highgate Cemetery in North London. UK’s “The Sun” reports there will be 2 funerals: one for close friends and family, another for his extended circle of friends. Elton John may perform at one of the events. No dates as yet.
• Halsey – She’s announced on social media that her upcoming sophomore album is titled “Hopeless Fountain Kingdom” and is coming sometime in June. Her star has risen further over the past year thanks to her vocals on The Chainsmokers’ smash single “Closer”.
• Michael Bublé – He’s now withdrawn as host of the Juno Awards next month due to his 3-year-old son’s cancer therapy. Comedian Russell Peters and classic rocker Bryan Adams are replacing him as co-hosts of Canada’s music awards on April 2nd.
• Miley Cyrus – Her father Billy Ray Cryus has told fans not to ”jump the gun” amid rumors that Miley has wed actor Liam Hemsworth. The speculation began after Billy Ray posted a pic on Instagram of her wearing a white dress, captioned: ”I’m so happy … you are happy.”
• U2 – A 30th anniversary edition of their Grammy-winning album “The Joshua Tree” is due out June 2nd. The reissue is being released as a vinyl super deluxe box set, CD super deluxe box set, 2-CD deluxe edition, and as a standard vinyl reissue, a standard CD, and in digital formats.

WORDS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR THE BRITISH ROYAL FAMILY SAY:
Social anthropologist Kate Fox, author of “Watching the English: The Hidden Rules of English Behavior”, reveals specific verbiage the royals simply do not use …
✗ ‘Posh’ – Considered a low-class word. Instead, they’d say ‘smart’.
✗ ‘Pardon’ – The royals prefer ‘sorry?’ or ‘what?’.
✗ ‘Toilet’ – Verboten, as is ‘ladies room’ or ‘bathroom’. It’s the ‘lavatory’, don’t you know.
✗ ‘Living Room’ – ‘Sitting room’ or ‘drawing room’ are more proper. The ‘sofa’ is a ‘settee’.
✗ ‘Perfume’ – Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall would only ever spritz herself with a ‘scent’.
✗ ‘Patio’ – Not suitable, because the royal kids have a ‘terrace’ to play on.
– Look.co.uk

BS THINGS YOU SHOULD LIE ABOUT IN A JOB INTERVIEW:
✓ “How are you doing?” It’s just a greeting not an opening to vent and complain.
✓ “Why are you looking for a new job?” Do not mention problems with a previous boss.
✓ “What’s your greatest weakness?” Name a very minor weakness, which won’t affect performance.
✓ “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” Stay positive and keep your answer fairly general.
✓ “What are your interests?” Name reasonable interests that help you practice skills relatable to the position.
– CheatSheet.com

HOW TO GET KIDS TO SLEEP DURING DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME:
• Keep it Consistent: Consistency is calming for children; it helps them relax and get ready for bed.
• Keep it Calm: Pre-bedtime activities should be calm (ie: coloring or quietly reading), and done in a room where the shades are at least partially drawn.
• Keep it Cool: A mild drop in room-temp will help induce sleep, although a bedroom’s temperature should ultimately be whatever the sleeper finds comfortable.
• Keep it Quiet: If external noises can’t be completely blocked, a white-noise machine, a fan, or air purifier are recommended to help decrease the disturbance.
• Keep it Dark: Darkness or at least dim lighting helps promote the secretion of the most important ‘sleep’ hormone … melatonin.
– HuffingtonPost.ca

THE SECRET TO MORE SEX:
The key to having a busy sex life might actually surprise you. A study from San Diego State University has found the secret to regular sex is … children. Couples in households with children under age 6 report having sex over 80 times a year, more than those with older children, and those with no children at all. The researchers have found that parents of children between aged 6-to-12 average sex 69 times a year, and parents of children aged 12-to-17 have sex 62 times a year. The sad couples with no children have sex just 47 times a year. Make of that what you will.(Our family of 15 always put mother on a pedestal … to keep her away from dad.)
– Indy100.com

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO AT THE END OF EVERY DAY:
✓ Keep a ‘gratitude journal’, listing all the things from today that you are thankful for.
✓ Prepare your nutrition for tomorrow’s breakfast.
✓ Plan your to-do list for the next day.
✓ FaceTime a loved one.
✓ Mentally prepare your mind for the first thing you will do when you wake up.
– Forbes.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
Donald J Trump keeps the two ends of his necktie together with … Scotch tape.
– Independent.co.uk

BS CHRONOMETER 03.13.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [67] William H Macy, Miami FL, movie actor (“Wild Hogs”, “Fargo”)/TV actor (“Shameless” since 2011)/wed to actress Felicity Huffman since 1997

1956 [61] Dana Delaney, NYC, TV actress (“Hand of God” since 2014, “Desperate Housewives” 2007-12, “China Beach” 1988-91)

1960 [57] Adam Clayton, Chinnor UK, rock bassist (U2-“Vertigo”, “Beautiful Day”)

1972 [45] Common (Lonnie Lynn Jr), Chicago IL, rapper (“Glory”, “One-Nine-Nine-Nine”)/TV actor (“Hell on Wheels” 2011-14)/movie actor (“John Wick: Chapter 2”, “American Gangster”)

1985 [32] Emile Hirsch, Topanga CA, movie actor (“Milk”, “Into the Wild”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Earmuffs Day”, celebrating the first ‘Earmuffs’ patent by one Chester Greenwood of Farmington, Maine on this day 140 years ago in 1877.

• “Fill Our Staplers Day”, observed semi-annually on the day following the Standard Time change. Because every function we perform in day-to-day life needs its own day, right?

• “K-9 Veterans Day”, honoring all dogs who have served in the military. The US Army launched its ‘K-9 Corps’ 75 years ago today (1942).

• “Open an Umbrella Indoors Day”, when celebrants are encouraged to challenge the old superstition and note whether any bad luck befalls them. The superstition can be traced to the 11th century BC.

• “Smart & Sexy Day”, launched in 2012 by the Alliance of Career Development Nonprofits to inspire women and boost their self-confidence so that they feel assured and employable.

• “Workplace Napping Day”, a chance to catch up on the hour of sleep we lost yesterday due to the switch to Daylight Saving Time.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2006 [11] Isaac Hayes (‘Chef’) quits the TV series “South Park” after an episode airs mocking his religion Scientology

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2007 [10] 13,000-store Starbucks coffee chain announces the launch of its own music label, to include both established and new artists

2007 [10] Amy Winehouse’s 2nd album, “Back to Black”, is released (goes on to win 5 Grammy Awards)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1987 [30] Bryan Adams’ “Heat Of the Night” becomes the 1st-ever ‘cassette single’ (“What’s a cassette, Grandpa?”)

2013 [04] Pope Francis is elected in the papal conclave to succeed Pope Benedict XVI

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2012 [05] 25-year-old Dallas Seavey becomes the youngest-ever winner of the Iditarod sled dog race in Alaska

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] International Ask a Question Day
[Tues] International Day of Action for Rivers
[Tues] Potato Chip Day
[Tues] Save a Spider Day
[Wed] Brain Injury Awareness Day
[Wed] Kick Butts Day
[Wed] Shoe The World Day
[Wed] True Confessions Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Agriculture Week / International Brain Awareness Week / Termite Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS SPRING IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER:
• You finally got your snowblower fixed.
• Thanks to Spring Break, the average age in Florida has dropped below 70.
• Your lazy neighbors finally shut off their Christmas lights.
• Kellyanne Conway goes in for her annual face re-caulking.
• Convertible owners driving around with the top down and the heater on full blast.
• H&R Block now taking credit card reservations only.
• First robin poop on your windshield.
• Finally warm enough to have sex without your socks on.
– First published in “BS” 2002.

WHY HOLLYWOOD HATES THE METRIC SYSTEM:
✗ “The Whole 8.2296 Meters” (“The Whole 9 Yards”)
✗ “4828.03 Kilometers to Graceland” (“3,000 Miles to Graceland”)
✗ “182.88 Centimeters Under” (“Six Feet Under”)
✗ “Attack Of the 15.24-Meter Woman” (“Attack Of the 50-Foot Woman”)
✗ “Celsius 232.778” (“Fahrenheit 451”)
✗ “The Longest 0.9144 Meters” (“The Longest Yard”)
– First published in “BS” 2014.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What random food do you always add salt to before eating?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Which is the most expensive music video of all-time?
a. “Scream” by Michael & Janet Jackson (1995). [CORRECT. Estimated cost: $7 million.]
b. “Make Me Like You” by Gwen Stefani (2016).
c. “Express Yourself” by Madonna (1989).
– People.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Worst pub I’ve ever been to was called ‘The Fiddle’. It really was a vile inn.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: By tradition, women do THIS sitting down, men do it standing up, and dogs do it on 3 legs.
The Answer: Shake hands.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Don’t just make a living. Make a life.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Sean King @ 98 Pulse [WOKE] Portsmouth OH; Anthony Donnelly @ 100.1 Moose FM [CJCD] Yellowknife NT; Jason Kladiva @ ValpoRadio [WVLP] Valparaiso IN; Celine Cornelis @ NPO Radio 1, Hilversum, The Netherlands; Kyle Haynes @ Q94 [WQZX] Greenville AL; Logan Toomer @ The Hits, Dunedin NZ; Michelle Briddell @ MartiniInTheMorning.com, Los Angeles CA; Chali Laswel @ Q FM Lusaka, Zambia, and Brittany Gray @ Q Mix [WRZQ] Columbus IN.


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