Friday, March 14, 2014        Edition: #5180

Sheet Happens!

★ A gossip magazine has found gold with an apparent hookup list Lindsay Lohan made at a Beverly Hills hotel with her friends. Among her ‘conquests’: Actors Colin Farrell, Evan Peters (“American Horror Story”), Garrett Hedlund (“Tron: Legacy”), Heath Ledger, James Franco, Jamie Dornan (“50 Shades Of Grey”), Joaquin Phoenix, Nico Tortorella (“Scream 4”), Wilmer Valderrama, and Zac Efron; plus musicians Adam Levine (Maroon 5), Guy Berryman (Coldplay), Justin Timberlake, and Max George (The Wanted). 36 guys in total … and she’s only 27-years-old. (What, no Chad Michael Murray or Aaron Carter? Los Angeles Dodgers?)
★ Reality TV star ‘Judge Judy’ has filed her very own lawsuit against an attorney in Connecticut who used her image to promote his personal injury firm. The TV judge, real name Judith Sheindlin, filed suit in federal court against Hartford attorney John Haymond this week, alleging he used her name & likeness in unauthorized ads to suggest she has endorsed his law firm. Sheindlin, who’s been on TV for 18 years, is seeking more than $75,000 in damages. Any money received will go towards college scholarships for young women. (At first you might think, “Wow, did this guy ever pick on the wrong judge!” But then, look at all the publicity he gets for 75 grand. Wily.)
★ And according to an exclusive report,  the remaining candidates for the main protagonist’s role in the upcoming “Star Wars: Episode VII” are Ed Speleers (“Downton Abbey”), Jesse Plemons (“Breaking Bad”), and John Boyega (“Attack the Block”). But even though the names of director JJ Abrams’ top candidates have been revealed, there’s still quite a bit of info missing about the character. Is he a full-fledged ‘Jedi’, dealing with miscreant ‘Siths’? Or is he an apprentice, emulating the entrance of ‘Luke Skywalker’ to the franchise in “Episode IV: A New Hope”? (And are you sick & tired of hearing about it yet?)

• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Tonight Kid Cudi (“Satellite Flight: The Journey to Mother Moon”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today a performance from “Michael Jackson One” by Cirque du Soleil.
• iTunes Festival (Austin TX) – Tonight Pitbull, ZEDD, and GRL; Saturday Keith Urban, Willie Nelson, and Mickey Guyton. Shows are live-streaming on Apple devices.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Lil Wayne (“I Am Not a Human Being II”); Los Lonely Boys (“Revelation”); Willie Nelson (“Let’s Face the Music and Dance”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight St Lucia (“When the Night”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Tonight the Dough Rollers (“Little Lily”).
• SXSW (Austin TX) – This morning Lady Gaga delivers the ‘keynote conversation’, led by John Norris of Fuse-TV. The event is streaming live at 11 am CT.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Jake Bugg (“Shangri La”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – Sunday highlights of this season’s blind auditions; previously unseen moments; and a preview of the upcoming battles.

• Eli Young Band – “10,000 Towns” is the #1 country album on the new “Billboard” chart. Their 5th studio album is also #5 on the new all-genre album chart.
• Hunter Hayes – Beginning May 9th in NYC, he’ll attempt to break the Guinness World Record for ‘Most Concerts Played in Multiple Cities In a 24-Hour Period’. The current record is 8, set by the Flaming Lips; Hayes will attempt 10.
• Jason Mraz – Saturday he begins an ‘intimate venue’ West Coast acoustic tour in Santa Cruz CA that runs through March 31st in Redding CA. Performing with Mraz will be Raining Jane.
• Neil Young – His new PonoMusic digital music service is ready to roll. Saturday the Pono player becomes available from Kickstarter, a device with 128 gigabytes of memory which can store up to 2,000 high-res songs. The Pono store offers music from both major and indie labels.
• Rick Ross – “Mastermind” has just become his fifth #1 album on the all-genre sales chart, according to Nielsen SoundScan.
• Rihanna – She & Drake have been pictured holding hands at an after-party following his performance in Manchester, England this week. Afterward they took over an entire bowling alley, where they reportedly stayed and played until 4 am.
• Steve Martin / Edie Brickell & The Steep Canyon Rangers – Their Spring and Summer tour kicks off tonight in Santa Cruz CA. It wraps up with 3 nights at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles July 2th-to-4th.

• “Need for Speed” ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): Aaron Paul (“Breaking Bad”) stars as a street racer who joins a cross-country race with revenge in mind after being framed by a wealthy business associate. Co-stars Dominic Cooper. It’s thought this videogame adaptation could be a potential new franchise-starter. (Or maybe just a cheesy imitation of the “Fast & Furious” series?)
• “Veronica Mars” ( PG-13 Crime Drama ): Years after walking away from her past as a private eye, ‘Veronica’ (Kristen Bell) gets pulled back to her hometown for a high school reunion and becomes embroiled in a murder mystery surrounding her old flame ‘Logan’. Co-stars Jason Dohring. (Now we’ll see if the Kickstarter campaign to revive this TV series was worth it.)
• Opening in limited release: “Bad Words” (Comedy); “Enemy” (Mystery Thriller); and “Le Week-End” (Dramedy).

The latest hairstyle favored by models and celebs is the wet bob … aka ‘wob’. Some say it looks as if you just got out of the shower. Miley Cyrus is among those who favor the super-casual look, but the ‘do was perfected by Beyoncé during her slick performance at the Grammy Awards. The basic features of a ‘wob’ are a choppy, chin-length cut, styling products that add sleek shine, and distinct messiness at the ends. It should look as though you’ve just spent time scrunching your hair with your fingers, and it miraculously stayed put. How to create a do-it-yourself wob …
1. Blow hair about 60%-to-80% dry using a diffuser (or a sock over the nozzle).
2. Drench the bob with oil, starting at the ends and working up to the roots.
3. Work the oil through hair using a comb, and separate hair into sections about an inch apart.
4. Add shine by twirling oil through each of these sections of hair.

What do women notice first when they look at a guy? According to a recent survey of women …
• Face (56%)
• Chest (21%)
• Eyes (12%)
• Butt (8%)
• Legs (3%)

A recent study by a British team of psychologists may offer a worthwhile tip for charities and other organizations looking for donations. After being shown a variety of funny and serious video clips, test subjects were found to be far more likely to give money to strangers after watching the humorous material. The researchers believe that’s because laughter acts as a ‘social lubricant which enhances a sense of group identity among strangers’. The bottom line is, humor works better than serious begging and pleading when asking for donations. (Hopefully someone from PBS is listening.)
– PA News

• LFO’s “Girl on TV” is about Jennifer Love Hewitt.
• Usher’s “Burn” is about Chilli from TLC.
• The song “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani was written in response to something Courtney Love said about Gwen in “Seventeen” magazine.
• Madonna’s “Take a Bow” is reportedly about her ex, Sean Penn.


1933 [81] (Sir) Michael Caine (Maurice Micklewhite), London UK, movie actor (“The Dark Knight Rises”, “Inception”)  COMING UP: “The Secret Service” (2015).

1948 [66] Billy Crystal, Long Beach NY, movie actor (“Cars”, “City Slickers”)/9-time Academy Awards host/stand-up comedian

1958 [56] Prince Albert II of Monaco (Albert Alexandre Louis Pierre de Matignon-Grimaldi), Monte Carlo, Monaco, Monaco’s 32nd ruler

1970 [44] Kristian Bush, Knoxville TN, country singer-guitarist-mandolin player (Sugarland-“Stuck Like Glue”, “It Happens”)

1979 [35] Chris Klein, Hinsdale IL, movie actor (“United States of Leland”, “American Pie” films)

1986 [28] Jamie Bell, Billingham UK, movie actor (“The Adventures Of Tintin”, “Billy Elliot”)/wed to actress Evan Rachel Wood since 2012  UP NEXT: “The Adventures of Tintin 2” (2015).

1986 [28] Este Haim, LA CA, rock bassist-guitarist (Haim-“The Wire”, “Falling”)

Filmmaker David Cronenberg (“Cosmopolis”) is 71; Classic rock singer Dee Snider (Twisted Sister) is 59; Classic rock singer Bret Michaels (Poison) is 51; Rock bassist Mark Hoppus (Blink 182) is 42; TV actress Eva Longoria (“Desperate Housewives”) is 39; Pop musician (Black Eyed Peas) is 39; DJ Joseph Hahn (Linkin Park) is 37; Movie actor Kellan Lutz (“Twilight Saga”) is 29; NHL goaltender James Reimer (Toronto Maple Leafs) is 26.

Movie-TV actor Victor Garber (“Argo”) is 65; Classic rock singer-guitarist Nancy Wilson (Heart) is 60; TV actress Lauren Graham (“Parenthood”) is 47; Classic rock bassist Wolfgang Van Halen (Van Halen) is 23.

• “Annual Coffee Cup Washing Day”, a day to give your scum-laden, germ-infested coffee mug at work its annual clean-out … whether it needs it or not.
• “International Ask a Question Day”, an annual observance whose goal is to improve our knowledge and lives by asking more and better questions. Such as …
– If we’re supposed to learn from our mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
– If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?
– How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
– Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
• “Potato Chip Day”, honoring North America’s favorite snack food. It was invented by chef George Crum on this day in 1853 at a resort in Saratoga Springs NY after an uppity diner complained the potato slices were too thick. As a joke, Crum sliced a new batch paper-thin, fried them in boiling oil and salted them. Before long, grocery stores were selling them in bulk from large barrels. (What’s the best flavored potato chip?)
• “World Pi Day”, as in March 14 or 3/14 or 3.14 … get it? It honors the magic number for circles that expresses the ratio between radius and circumference. Supercomputers have computed pi to more than a trillion decimal places, which would take over 15,000 years to say out loud.
• “World Sleep Day”, an international celebration of sleep and a call to action on important issues related to sleep, including medicine, education, and driving.

• “Ides of March”, when Julius Caesar was assassinated in 44 BC. It’s also the tongue-in-cheek observance “National Brutus Day”, recognizing the fact that no matter where you work, there’s as much backstabbing, plotting, and intrigue as there was back in ancient Rome. The word ‘ides’ simply means ‘middle’. There’s nothing unlucky about it … unless you’re Caesar.
• “Quilting Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of March to honor the old-fashioned art-form that’s becoming lost in our hi-tech society. (Sort of a patched together celebration.)
• “World Consumer Rights Day”, initiated by Consumers International to promote the basic rights of all consumers, to demand that those rights are respected and protected.

• “Freedom of Information Day”, the 16th annual celebrating the idea that all citizens in a democracy can access government information. (After a dozen years, using a lawyer.)
• “Lips Appreciation Day”, when we’re encouraged to do something nice for our lips … kiss somebody. (Go ahead, pick someone at random and see how large the ensuing lawsuit is.)
• “St Urho’s Day”, celebrating the (tongue-in-cheek) saint who allegedly ‘cleared the grasshoppers out of Finland’. The mock holiday is observed in parts of Canada and the USA. For instance, Finnish-Americans in Rolla, North Dakota are staging their 10th annual parade.
• “Worm Moon”, the Full Moon of March, so-named as earthworms reappear after it. It’s also been called the ‘Crow Moon’ and the ‘Sap Moon’. This weekend some 30,000 will party on the beach at the annual “Full Moon Party” on the Thai island of Koh Phangan.

1964 [50] “Billboard” magazine reports that recordings by The Beatles have claimed 60% of the singles market

1992 [22] Researchers announce that broccoli fights cancer (kids everywhere moan)

1998 [16] “Nokia Presents The George Strait Chevy Truck Country Music Festival Brought To You By Wrangler” opens (a record for sponsorship deals in a single event’s name?)

[Mon] St Patrick’s Day
[Mon] “Dancing With the Stars” season premiere (ABC)
[Mon] Irish Coffee Day
[Tues] Forgive Mom & Dad Day
[Tues] Biodiesel Day
This Week Is … Wildlife Week
This Month Is … Eye Donor Month


✓ The early bird gets … the least horrific morning commute.
✓ He who laughs last … has the slowest Internet connection.
✓ If you can’t beat them … talk smack about them on Facebook.
✓ You can’t have your cake and … still pretend to be on a juice cleanse.
✓ A friend with weed is a friend indeed.
✓ When the cat’s away … the roaches reclaim the apartment.
✓ The grass is always greener … when you’re still on your parents’ insurance plan.
✓ A watched pot never boils … and you’re out of ramen anyway.
✓ Interns can’t be chosers.
✓ Actions speak louder than … passive-aggressive texts.
✓ If at first you don’t succeed … quit and binge-watch “House of Cards”.
✓ Keep your friends drunk and your enemies drunker.
– Adapted from

☎ Is the word ‘bossy’ damaging to women? Facebook chief exec Sheryl Sandberg and Girl Scouts head Anna Maria Chavez are leading a campaign to discourage the use of the word in regard to women, claiming it’s disproportionately applied to females and can destroy the confidence of young girls.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly … and for the same reason.

Question: The average woman will spend about 335 hours this year doing THIS.
Answer: Getting ready to go out.

Remember, you’re just a walk-on part in everyone else’s play.

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