Thursday, March 15, 2012        Edition: #4706

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

Bear Grylls, the adventurer-host of survival show “Man vs Wild” since 2006, has been sacked by  Discovery Channel due to a long-running contractual dispute (guess you’ll have to tune somewhere else to see someone eat insects and drink animal urine) . . . Actress Jennie Garth (“90210”) & actor Peter Facinelli (“Twilight Saga”) have announced they’re splitting after an 11-year marriage (seems having ‘Carlisle Cullen’ as a husband was a pain in the neck) . . . Actor Kevin Spacey, artistic director of London’s Old Vic Theatre, says that West End and Broadway theater audiences are ‘becoming an exclusive club’ and the industry needs to reduce ticket prices for young people in order to ensure a future audience (ie: a premium ticket for “Book of Mormon” on Broadway: $457.61) . . . 49-year-old actress Demi Moore reportedly wants estranged husband Ashton Kutcher back, a friend revealing that if he doesn’t message her back for a couple of hours or seems distant in a text, she ‘starts freaking out’ (somebody left rehab too soon) . . . “I Am Number Four” star Alex Pettyfer (who used to date “Glee’s” Dianna Agron) is reportedly engaged to Lisa Marie Presley’s 22-year-old daughter, Riley Keough (wow, time flies!) . . . “Jersey Shore” star Snooki has reportedly asked Pauly D to DJ her delivery, but he’s suggested perhaps DJing her baby shower might be a safer idea (who would have thought he was the brains of the outfit?) . . . A rep for 33-year-old under-employed actress Jennifer Love Hewitt is denying reports she’ll be dating website eHarmony’s new spokesperson (seems she can’t even get that gig) . . . “Mad Men” creator Matthew Weiner has attached a note to preview copies of the show’s 2-hour premiere (airing March 25th), imploring TV critics not to reveal the storyline by publishing spoilers (fat chance!) . . . And Kim Kardashian has responded to “Mad Men” star Jon Hamm’s criticism of her stupidity in “Elle” magazine, but unfortunately she did so in a tweet that exceeded’s 140-character limit, so it only appeared on another site that allows overweight messages (well duh!).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Daughtry debut the new single “Outta My Head”; Demi Lovato performs “Give Your Heart a Break”; one finalist is eliminated.
• “Community” (NBC) – The cult fave returns to the schedule after a hiatus, much to the relief of one of the most passionate fan bases in television.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Toby Keith (“Clancy’s Tavern”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – The Joy Formidable (“The Big Roar”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Adam Levine (“The Voice”); Nas (“Life Is Good”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Dierks Bentley (“Home”). Rerun.
• “mtvU Woodie Awards” (Austin TX) – The annual college-oriented music salute takes over a whole day at the “South by Southwest Festival” with a host of live performances. Nominees include The Black Keys, Foster The People, Jay-Z & Kanye West, and Skrillex, all vying for ‘Woodie Of the Year’. The best moments air on MTV and mtvU this Sunday.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Andy Grammar (“Andy Grammar”).

• Bruce Springsteen – Today he’s the keynote speaker at the annual “South By Southwest Music Conference” in Austin, Texas. The E Street Band later plays a special show at a secret ‘intimate venue’, with tickets awarded by draw.
• Justin Bieber – Actor/producer Mark Wahlberg tells MTV News Justin’s first feature film will be ‘worth the wait’. He’s previously described it as being in a similar vein to “The Color of Money”, with Bieber playing a young up-and-coming sports star. So what’s the hold-up? Getting a decent script. There’s no schedule yet for release.
• Madonna – She’s set to launch a collection of dance-inspired footwear in conjunction with shoe brand Aldo. The ‘Truth or Dare’ line will boast 60 styles including flats, high heels, and boots aimed at women 27-to-50. Prices will start circa $90 when the designs hit shops this Fall.
• Nirvana – Courtney Love is accusing “The Muppets” movie of ‘raping’ the legacy of Kurt Cobain by including a barbershop-quartet version of “Smells Like Teen Spirit”. She also claims the song was used without her permission. Unfortunately, she has sold half her rights to Cobain’s songs to Primary Wave Music, along with the rights to distribute the back catalogue.
• Susan Boyle – She’s yet to embark on any kind of tour since she shot to fame on “Britain’s Got Talent” in 2009, but will get her first taste of life on stage this month when she joins the UK tour of the musical based on her life, “I Dreamed a Dream”. She’ll sing the finalé to close each show.
• Van Halen – This week David Lee Roth stopped a concert in Manchester, New Hampshire to break up a fight in the audience. He then moved on with the show at the Verizon Wireless Arena, re-starting the band’s cover version of “Pretty Woman”.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Beautiful Creatures” – 63-year-old Jeremy Irons is in final negotiations to join the cast of this
supernatural thriller about a pair of teenagers who uncover dark secrets about their families and the town they live in. The cast already includes Viola Davis, Emma Thompson, Emmy Rossum, and Thomas Mann. The project begins filming next month in New Orleans.
• “The Blue Lagoon” – Unknown actress Indiana Evans is set to revamp Brooke Shields’ iconic castaway character in a new TV-movie remake of the 1980 film. The 21-year-old will team up with another newcomer, Brenton Thwaites, to play 2 stranded teens on a deserted island. Denise Richards has signed on to play the mother of Evans’ character.
• “Maleficent” – 13-year-old actress Elle Fanning (“Super 8”) is in talks to join this new Disney adaptation of the fairytale “Sleeping Beauty”, playing ‘Princess Aurora’. Angelina Jolie has already confirmed she’ll be portraying the villainess ‘Maleficent’ in the film. It’s slated to start shooting this Summer.
• “Relanxious” – 28-year-old actress Olivia Wilde and her 36-year-old boyfriend Jason Sudeikis (“Saturday Night Live”) are set to star in this relationship comedy about an anxiety-ridden pair who fall for each other. That’s complicated by the fact that Sudeikis’ character is agoraphobic, so he can only speak to her on the phone. Filming is due to start in Chicago this Summer.

After 244 years, the venerable “Encyclopedia Britannica” has announced it’s going out of print. It will discontinue the 32-volume print edition when the current inventory is gone, thereby making the 2010 edition its last. Once considered a status symbol and the sign of an intellectual household (or of a homeowner susceptible to Britannica’s door-to-door salesmen), the printed reference volumes have proven a tough sell in the digital age, particularly with the rise of open-source reference sites such as Wikipedia. But the Britannica brand will continue, focusing on its subscriber-based online resources. (But what are kids gonna use as a booster seat at the dining room table?)


Sara Blakely, inventor of figure-hugging Spanx underwear, has made it onto the latest “Forbes” magazine list of ‘World Billionaires’. The self-made businesswoman has become the 1,226th-richest person on Earth since her suction-paneled undergarments have become must-haves. After finding she was unable to buy underwear that wouldn’t show through her cream-colored trousers, she invested $5,000 of her savings in what was to become Spanx. She still owns 100% of the company that’s now valued at over $1 billion. For the first time, she says, she’s now considering selling the business. (At 41, she’s the world’s youngest self-made female billionaire.)
– “The Guardian”


In Henan Province, in central China, millions of people have been tuning in every week to watch an extraordinary TV talk show called “Interviews Before Execution”, in which reporter-host Ding Yu talked to murderers condemned to death. Ding interviewed a prisoner every week for just over 5 years, until the program was finally taken off the air last Friday. To Western eyes the show’s format may seem exploitative, but Ding disagrees, saying prisoners on death row want to be heard. (Would this work here or would public outrage prevent it?)
– BBC News

If human activity is responsible for climate change, then changing human behavior should be a major goal of efforts to protect the environment. But what about the idea of changing humans themselves? Developing low-impact human beings through genetic and biological engineering is the unlikely – and highly controversial – suggestion made in a new research paper by New York University bio-ethics professor Matthew Liao. His ideas range from creating people who have an inherent aversion to meat to making people who are just plain smaller. (Sort of like Smart cars, but in human form.)

New software from Microsoft Research works like the ‘Universal Translator’ from “Star Trek”, translating your spoken words into another language, while retaining the accent, timber, and intonation of your voice. The software needs about an hour to create a digital version of your voice. Once that’s done, it can translate your spoken words into 26 other languages, while still sounding like it’s you doing the speaking. The system could theoretically become part of a smartphone’s software, although Microsoft hasn’t announced any plans for a commercial rollout of the technology as yet. (Now this would be an app worth paying for!)


✓ The original forks were mostly 2-tined, so they used to be known as ‘split spoons’.
✓ Typically 75% of a commercially caught fish is eaten. The rest is used to make things like fertilizer, glue, margarine, and soap.
✓ There are more than 10,000 varieties of tomato.
✓ The can opener was invented 48 years after cans were introduced.


1941 [71] Mike Love, LA CA, oldies singer (Beach Boys-“Good Vibrations”)  BS FACTOID: To celebrate the band’s 50th anniversary this year, they’ll reportedly embark on a 50-date world tour and release a new studio album.

1943 [69] David Cronenberg, Toronto ON, filmmaker (“Cosmopolis”, “A History of Violence”)/Cannes Film Festival Lifetime Achievement Award (2006)/Order of Canada (2002)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (1999)

1972 [40] Mark Hoppus, Ridgecrest CA, rock musician (Blink 182-“I Miss You”, +44-“When Your Heart Stops Beating”)

1975 [37] Eva Longoria, Corpus Christi TX, TV actress (‘Gabrielle Solis’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)/wed to NBA player Tony Parker (2007-10)

1975 [37] (William Adams Jr), LA CA, rapper/hip-hop musician (Black Eyed Peas-“I Gotta Feeling”, “Where Is the Love?”)

1977 [35] Joe Hahn, Glendale CA, nu metal DJ (Linkin Park-“Numb/Encore”, “In the End”)

1985 [27] Kellan Lutz, Dickinson ND, movie actor (‘Emmett Cullen’ in “Twilight Saga” movies)

1988 [24] James Reimer, Morweena MB, NHL goaltender (Toronto Maple Leafs)

• “Absolutely Incredible Kid Day”, the 16th annual observance on the 3rd Thursday in March encouraging adults to let kids know just how amazing and valuable they are. The idea is to write a note (text?) of support and encouragement to a kid of your choice.

• “Companies That Care Day”, an annual event on the 3rd Thursday of March that encourages employers to highlight and expand their employee and community initiatives.

• “Ides of March”, when Julius Caesar was assassinated in 44 BC. It’s also the tongue-in-cheek observance “National Brutus Day”, recognizing the fact that no matter where you work, there’s as much backstabbing, plotting, and intrigue as there was back in ancient Rome. The word ‘ides’ simply means ‘middle’, so we can have the Ides of May, the Ides of July, or even the Ides of a movie. There’s nothing unlucky about it … unless your name happens to be Caesar.

• “True Confessions Day”, a good day to open up the ‘Morning Crew Confessional’ where anonymous callers shed their guilt by admitting their outrageous actions. You can even assign penance!

• “World Consumer Rights Day”, initiated by Consumers International to promote the basic rights of all consumers, to demand that those rights are respected and protected, and to protest market abuses and the social injustices which undermine them.


1972 [40] Francis Ford Coppola’s landmark film “The Godfather” opens in movie theaters (wins Academy Awards for ‘Best Actor’, ‘Best Picture’ and ‘Best Adapted Screenplay’)

1982 [30] “The Great White North” album by Bob & Doug McKenzie (SCTV) is certified Gold


1999 [13] 1st time Dow Jones Average tops the 10,000-point threshold (this week it’s topped 13,000, its highest close since 2007)

2011 [01] Beginning of the Syrian uprising

1952 [60] ‘Greatest Precipitation in 24 Hours’ is set with 1869.9 mm (73.62 inches) of rain falling at Cilaos, La Reunion Island in the Indian Ocean

[Fri] “Casa De Mi Padre”; “21 Jump Street” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Freedom of Information Day
[Fri] Lips Appreciation Day
[Sat] St Patrick’s Day
[Sat] Corn Dog Day
[Sun] Biodiesel Day
This Week Is … Act Happy Week
This Month Is … Sing With Your Child Month


✗ “Slumlord”
✗ “Really Frickin’ Sorry!”
✗ “Prostate Operation”
✗ “Body-Contact Scrabble”
✗ “Electronic Swearing Battleship”
✗ “Stalker’s Pursuit”
✗ “Tax Cheat”
✗ “Booger!”
✗ “Monopoly With Grape Juice All Over It and the Damn Chance Cards All Stuck Together”
– Thanks to Neil Chamberlain

In the interest of promoting more erudite language as well as general goofiness, here’s a truly weird word for you to toss around for the day …
• ‘Zaftig’ … full-bosomed; having a full, shapely figure.
– “Foyle’s Philavery: A Treasury of Unusual Words”


Do you prefer gin and platonic or scotch and sofa?


☎ What sure sign that Spring is just around the corner have you noticed that others might have missed?


Question: The average person does THIS about 10 times per day.
Answer: Second-guesses themselves.

A meeting is where people talk about things they should be doing.

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