Tuesday, March 18, 2014        Edition: #5182

Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

★ Guests at Kim Kardashian & Kanye West’s wedding will be forced to sign a confidentiality agreement not only banning them from discussing details with the media but also restricting all cellphones from the venue. Mobile devices will reportedly be held at a secure location during the festivities. An inside source says highlights of the event will air on “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” (E!), but all wedding photos will be licensed separately. The wedding, likely to be in Paris, is scheduled for May 24th. (Sounds more litigious than romantic.)
– RadarOnline.com
★ The secretive buyer of Victoria & David Beckham’s English country estate has finally been uncovered. He’s Neil Utley, who paid $19 million for the estate, dubbed ‘Beckingham Palace’. He bought it right after receiving a huge windfall thanks to Goldman Sachs buying a 50% interest in his British insurance firm, Hastings Direct. A year ago Utley was in hot water in his industry, fined $215,000 and banned from working in the Lloyds market for 2 years. He was forced to admit to ‘detrimental conduct’ at his previous company. (A shaming penalty?)
– AccesstheStars.com
★ Director Garry Marshall is reportedly developing a Broadway musical based on his “Pretty Woman” movie. The filmmaker has teamed with producer Paula Wagner to seek out a composer, lyricist, and director to work on the production. JF Lawton, who wrote the screenplay, has also been tapped to script the stage show. The movie, which starred Julia Roberts & Richard Gere, was released in 1990. (Since then, Marshall has been doing … um …)
– NYPost.com
★ Is “Duck Dynasty” dunzo? After star Phil Robertson made headlines with homophobic and racist comments 3 months ago, A&E briefly put him on hiatus before relenting and allowing him back on the show. But the incident has had lasting effects on Q scores, the industry’s ratings system for popularity, which have plummeted for both the show and the Robertson family patriarch. More importantly, so have ratings. Once a powerhouse, the series brought in its lowest ratings since 2012 in late February … a 40% drop from a year ago. (In the overall picture, isn’t it amazing a show about people who make duck calls lasted more than an hour?)
– Vulture.com

• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – LL Cool J (“Authentic”). Rerun.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – The Head & The Heart (“Let’s Be Still”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Lake Street Dive (“Fun Machine”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Sam Smith (“In the Lonely Hour”, out May 26th).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – K Flay (“What If It Is”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Lenny Kravitz (“Are You Gonna Go My Way 20th Anniversary Edition”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Usher (“Looking 4 Myself”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Oldies singer Barry Manilow.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Foster the People (“Supermodel”, out today).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – Vocalists again compete against each other.

• Carly Rae Jepsen – She has quietly settled a lawsuit with Alabama-based singer-songwriter Ally Burnett over claims the music for the hit song “Good Time” was pirated. The suit suggests Jepsen and Owl City borrowed the ‘catchy pop vibe’ from Burnett’s 2010 release “Ah, It’s a Love Song”. Owl City is still fighting the claim.
• Drake – Inside sources say he & Rihanna have gone from casually hooking up to seriously dating. We’re told Rihanna wants to spend as much time with him as her schedule will allow because he treats her better than anyone she’s ever been with. (Not a high bar.)
• Miley Cyrus – A worker who fell and hurt himself during construction of the giant tongue-slide for her “Bangerz” tour is now suing ShowFX, the company that built it. Charles Sarris’ suit claims he wasn’t warned about dangers involved. The sum he’s seeking isn’t yet disclosed.
• Nicole Scherzinger – The “X Factor UK” judge and former Pussycat Dolls singer and her Formula 1 race driver beau Lewis Hamilton are now engaged after dating on-and-off for 5 years. They’re reportedly planning an August wedding, then will settle in Switzerland.
• Pharrell Williams – He’s curated the “This Is Not a Toy” exhibit at the Design Exchange in Toronto ON. The exuberant collection includes colossal stuffed animals, giant inflatables, and even Daft Punk robots from Pharrell’s own living room. The exhibit runs through May 15th.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/n46onb9

Out today on Netflix and/or other video providers …
• “American Hustle” ( R-Rated Crime Drama ): In this 1970s-set true-crime drama, a con man and his female British partner are forced to work for a wild FBI agent, who pushes them into the world of New Jersey power brokers and the Mafia. Stars Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Jeremy Renner.
• “Frozen” ( PG Animated Adventure ): In Disney’s adaptation of Hans Christian Anderson’s fairytale “The Snow Queen”, ‘Anna’, ‘Kristoff’, and a snowman named ‘Olaf’ set off on an epic journey in Everest-like conditions to find ‘Elsa’, whose icy powers have trapped the kingdom in eternal Winter. Voice cast includes Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, Idina Menzel, Jonathan Groff.
• “Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom” ( PG-13 Biographical Drama ): Idris Elba stars in this chronicle of Nelson Mandela’s life journey from his childhood in a rural village through to his inauguration as the first democratically elected president of South Africa. Co-stars Naomie Harris, Terry Pheto, Robert Hobbs.
• “Saving Mr Banks” – Tom Hanks plays legendary animator Walt Disney in this film that chronicles Disney’s 2-decade battle to secure the rights to “Mary Poppins”. Emma Thompson portrays author PL Travers, who stubbornly rebuffed Disney’s efforts to do a bigscreen version of her book. The film is based on Valerie Lawson’s biography “Mary Poppins She Wrote”.
• Also released today: “Atlantis: Season One” (TV); “Devious Maids: The Complete First Season” (TV); “Flashpoint: The Final Season” (TV); and “The Jungle Book 2” (Animated Family Adventure).

This Spring’s hottest fashion trend were first made for farmers and mechanics. Denim overalls are making a comeback … as chic fashion options. Celebs like Elisabeth Moss, Julianne Hough, Keira Knightley, Kylie Jenner, and Lindsay Lohan have already been sporting the casual attire. New sexy twists on the utilitarian trend were all over the Spring 2014 runway shows in September, including the latest Ralph Lauren collection. You thought they were only useful when painting a ceiling? No, no. ‘Overalls are the fashion statement version of denim’, claims the owner of a NYC vintage clothing shop. (Who stands to make a killing recycling 1970s duds.)
– NYDailyNews.com

Quicken Loans and billionaire Warren Buffett are offering a very small chance to win a very big prize – $1 billion for filling out a perfect NCAA men’s basketball tournament bracket. It’s more than just a long shot … no one in recorded history has ever done it. The odds of randomly predicting the outcome of the main draw’s 63 games are about 1-in-9 quintillion. The ‘Billion Dollar Bracket Challenge’ is limited to 15 million people, each of whom can submit 1 bracket. Quicken will award $100,000 for each of the contest’s 20 most accurate brackets. Players must register through Yahoo! Sports before 1 am ET Thursday. The tournament’s first 16 games are played later that day. (If you can fix a couple games, you’ll lower odds to 1-in-a quadrillion.)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/obv38a5
– USAToday.com

If you and your lover have decided making a sex tape is an option you want to explore, here are a few precautionary steps you might want to consider for the sake of protecting your privacy and improving the overall experience …
✓ Use an old VHS camera that records directly to tape. They still exist in pawn shops and on Amazon and offer the benefit of being able to physically destroy the ‘evidence’ when you want.
✓ Alternately, record directly to a memory card and agree to a download/upload ban. You can always watch it on the camera screen or play it directly from a card reader without uploading.
✓ Record. Watch. Rewind. Re-watch. Delete! The thrill of the recording may be all you need, so don’t feel you need to hang on to the video indefinitely.
✓ Lock your video in your personal safe.
✓ Enjoy the exhibitionism of performing for the camera without actually hitting record. You can work this into a role-play scenario.
✓ Lower the lights so that your facial features are indistinguishable.
✓ Take turns holding the camera and agree to avoid filming one another’s faces.
✓ Use a filter or the night-vision feature to obscure the images.
✓ Be yourselves. Don’t try to be an adult film star. Allow your movements to flow naturally and your sounds to emanate according to your authentic reactions.
✓ Talk to your lover in advance about your fantasies as well as your concerns. Listen intently and only proceed if you’re both fully on-board.
– iVillage.ca

Microsoft is abandoning Windows XP on April 8th. That means XP users will no longer receive security updates, hot-fixes, support options, or online tech updates. Windows XP was introduced October 25, 2001. 12-and-a-half years in the tech world is an eternity; yet this extremely popular relic is still going strong, found under the hood of nearly a third of all computers. And that’s not just PCs; Windows XP variants power specialized medical equipment, point-of-sale systems, even ATMs. XP diehards have several options …
• If you only browse the Internet occasionally, without the use of passwords for anything ever, you’re probably fine … although a computer with XP is so old it could die at any moment, so you’d better have your files backed up.
• If you’re a light computer user who focuses on just a few applications, you might want to consider replacing your dinosaur XP machine with a new tablet.
• You should know that there are a lot of complaints about Windows 8, the latest version from Microsoft. Poke around online or at your local store and you should be able to find a laptop or desktop using Windows 7. This OS is a lot closer to how your beloved XP works.
– Reviewed.com

On the way down from Mount Everest each climber must now pick up 8 kg (17.6 lbs) of trash, in addition to their own.
– TheStar.com


1963 [51] Vanessa Williams, Tarrytown NY, TV actress (“Ugly Betty” 2006-2010)/pop singer (“Save the Best For Last”)/movie actress (“Johnson Family Vacation”)/Broadway actress (“Into the Woods”)

1966 [48] Jerry Cantrell, Tacoma WA, alt-rock guitarist-vocalist (Alice in Chains-“Check My Brain”, “No Excuses”)

1970 [44] Queen Latifah (Dana Owens), Newark NJ, TV host (“The Queen Latifah Show” since 2013)/movie actress (“The Secret Life of Bees”)/hip hop-jazz-pop singer (“Persona”)

1972 [42] Dane Cook, Boston MA, comedian (“Rough Around the Edges”)/movie actor (“My Best Friend’s Girl”)

1974 [40] Philip Sweet, Pocahontas AR, country singer (Little Big Town-“Pontoon”, “Bring It On Home”)

1979 [35] Adam Levine, LA CA, pop singer (Maroon 5-“Moves Like Jagger”, “She Will Be Loved”)/TV personality (“The Voice” since 2011)

1980 [34] Daren Taylor, LA CA, indie rock drummer (Airborne Toxic Event–“Changing”, “Sometime Around Midnight”)

1989 [25] Lily Collins, Guildford UK, movie actress (“Mirror, Mirror”, “The Blind Side”)/daughter of classic rocker Phil Collins

• “Awkward Moments Day”, a day to celebrate the humor in life’s uncomfortable and embarrassing situations. (Which we normally fail to see until years later.)

• “Biodiesel Day”, in honor of the clean-burning fuel that can be used in any diesel engine with no conversion whatsoever. It is derived from 100% renewable resources like soybeans, canola, mustard seed, even recycled cooking oil. The day is celebrated on the anniversary of the 1858 birth of Rudolph Diesel, the German inventor of the diesel engine.

• “Forgive Mom & Dad Day”. No matter how lousy they were as parents, it’s time to let it go and get on with your life.

2009 [05] 45-year-old English actress Natasha Richardson (Mrs Liam Neeson) dies in NYC following a head injury suffered 2 days earlier during a ski lesson at Mont Tremblant, Québec

1998 [16] Michael Jackson goes shopping at a toy store in Munich, Germany … dressed as an Arab woman

1961 [53] Poppin’ Fresh, the Pillsbury Dough Boy, is 1st introduced (would it be cannibalism if eats his birthday cake?)

1981 [33] Buffalo Sabres set an NHL record of 9 goals in 1 period (vs Toronto Maple Leafs)

[Wed] Kick Butts Day
[Thurs] Spring arrives (Northern Hemisphere)
[Thurs] Alien Abduction Day
[Thurs] Proposal Day
This Week Is … Act Happy Week
This Month Is … Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month


You’ve heard of Newton’s Law of Gravity, but do you know these uncommon laws of physics?
✓ A snoozed alarm will always go off again the moment you step into the shower.
✓ A leaky garbage bag will always drip on your sock.
✓ A dustpan will pick up all the dust in your house – except for the perfect line right at its edge.
✓ The Sun will always manage to find the gap between the 2 visors in a car.
✓ A cashier will always place your change on the counter when you hold your hand out for it, and vice versa.
✓ The driver going 5 under the speed limit will always speed up to 5 over the limit as soon as you attempt to pass.
✓ The teeth on a 3-ring binder will never align correctly.
✓ When filling out a form you will only notice a box for ‘last name’ after you’ve already mistakenly put your full name in the box for ‘first name’.
✓ Your seatbelt will always lock when least convenient.
✓ A dropped toilet seat is loudest at 3 am.
– Adapted from BuzzFeed.com

So I say to my wife, “You know, I was an idiot when I married you.” And she says, “Yeah I know, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

What travels an average of 8 miles (13 km) per year?
a. A common snail.
b. An office chair. [CORRECT]
c. Rush hour traffic.

☎ Should slow drivers get ticketed? This month the Georgia state legislature approved a ‘slow poke’ bill that requires any driver on a divided highway to move to the right – even if they’re driving at the speed limit – when a vehicle going faster comes up from behind. The penalty for the misdemeanor is a fine up to $1,000 and/or up to a year of jail time.

Question: If your are average, you do THIS 98 mornings per year.
Answer: Eat cereal for breakfast.

You are not stuck in traffic, you ARE the traffic.

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